Chapter 10
TEN
HARPER
As soon as they left my mouth, I knew my words would anger him.
Phoenix drew in a sharp breath and looked up at the ceiling before dropping his jaw and shooting me a scornful look.
“But you’re not waiting anymore, you’re here.
” He gestured around the space with one hand.
“You have a family now. Or aren’t we good enough for you?
We’re your best shot, Harper. The sooner you accept that, and get your head out of your ass, the better,” Phoenix scathed, dragging a hand of frustration through his hair.
Grabbing his arm, I stopped him, his muscles flexing under my touch. “I never wanted a family. I needed my friend,” I said as I pulled his hand down.
Nix shifted his arm and curled his fingers around my shoulders, holding me in place as he leaned in and said, “And I’m here.”
I so wanted to believe that and to bury my nose in his neck and breathe him the fuck in.
We were now almost nose to nose. “Are you really? It feels like you’ve done nothing but shut me out since I got here.”
“Bullshit. You need to look closer to home when it comes to shutting people out,” his fingers tightened. Those words fell between us like an invisible barrier.
“What?”
“You’ve been a hormonal bitch from day one. How can I talk to you when you’re still punishing me for what happened with the Jacksons?”
“You left me there!”
“I had no choice. But I get why you’d be upset. So be mad, shout at me, hit me, and then give me a chance to explain what happened. Cold-shouldering me and being a bitch isn’t going to resolve things, Harper. That shit doesn’t work that way.”
One of the straps on my PJ top had slid down and was now hooked on his thumb.
I carefully lifted my hand and pushed it back in place, conscious that Phoenix was watching the movement. Shit, I was half drunk and half naked, now was not the time for deep and meaningful discussions. “Maybe we should talk about this another time when we’re both less frazzled.”
He didn’t like that, and his eyes narrowed. “Now’s as good a time as any.”
I shook my head. “I’m tired, and I’m going to bed.”
I twisted away and set off towards the door, but his words stopped me.
“No, you’re running away because you’re terrified of hearing my side of the story.”
Spinning back, I held out my hands. “Why would I be terrified of that?”
Stalking towards me, he took my jaw in one hand. “Because then you wouldn’t have someone to blame for your misery. Someone to use as your own personal punching bag.” Releasing me, he added hotly. “Poor little Harper Radcliffe. Well, newsflash sunshine, you’re not the only one with a story to tell.”
“No, I get that, but mine is worse than most. You must admit,” I said in a small side voice. “What happened to us, Nix?”
“We grew up,” he replied softly. Phoenix’s fingers then started to trace my collarbone. “Fuck, I missed you, though.” His smooth tone dragged pleasantly over my skin.
His declaration should have warmed my blood, but it only fed my pain. “You said you’d come back for me,” I whispered.
“And I did, I checked up on you when I could. I knew you saw me there,” he stated, lifting his hand to touch my face.
The gesture was almost my undoing but I thought about what had happened to me when Nix was gone and pushed his hand away.
When his visits had stopped, I had cried myself to sleep most nights.
“Yes, for a few weeks until you slacked off, and then nothing. You have no idea what it was like for me when you left.” That time Dalton came into my room in the middle of the night, cruelly penetrating my thoughts.
He must have read something in my face, and the atmosphere became more charged.
Phoenix moved forward as if to take me in his arms, but I placed both hands on his chest and held him back.
He inclined his head and raised his hands in a defensive gesture.
“Then tell me, help me to understand.” The way he trapped me there was possessive, and a thrill ran through me.
His warm breath started to tease my throat.
It was on the tip of my tongue to spill my guts, but I seriously didn’t know where to start; my head was hazy from the alcohol, and my legs had begun to ache.
“I can’t talk to you, not like this,” I stuttered, motioning between our state of undress.
His body language suggested an unleashed aggression as he struck out with. “But you can talk to Cash, is that it? Your knight in shining armor?” He used a thumb to point towards the window of his room.
“We talked for all of twenty minutes in the pool. I hardly bared my fricking soul.”
That was rich. Did I even have one? Surely my father killed that when he tried to murder me. For a second, that temptation to not feel anything was overwhelming, but after a beat, I was dragged back.
Nix barked out a laugh, one with little humor in it. “He had his hands all over you, and you allowed it.”
My mouth opened as I thought back to Nix’s behavior at the party. He was such a hypocrite. “And, so, you decided to get drunk with Courtney. Was it to make me jealous?”
Nix raked a hand through his hair. “No. She was sad about her ex, and I was trying to cheer her up. Courtney was never in the race, Harper.”
“Yet you care about her enough to want to improve her mood and protect her reputation. I can’t remember the last time you attempted to cheer me up.”
“Because you won’t let me back in.”
Double standards. I was getting more annoyed by the second.
My instincts told me to bring Cash up again.
Fuck with his emotions for once. “Well, maybe there’s no space now, what with Cash and all.
” I knew it was wrong to bait him, but I needed another reaction.
Now that we were alone, I could bask in that feeling of him being a possessive jerk. In front of the others, not so much.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means stop being an asshole, I can’t handle you today.”
“I don’t think you’ll ever be able to handle me, baby girl,” Nix said like a smug fucker, and I wanted to rake my nails down his face.
“Good job, I have a backup then,” I rasped.
A mixture of emotions flickered over his features. He knew what I was doing, but clearly wanted me to spell it out. So, I did.
“Cash asked me out on a date, despite your threats. And I may take him up on that offer. Maybe dating would make me feel more normal.”
“He’s too old for you and too experienced.”
“Good. I’ve finally met someone who isn’t a total pussy when it comes to the big badass Sawyer Brothers.”
“You could do better than Cash, Harper. And what type of name is Cash anyway?”
I smirked again. “What, and Phoenix is the coolest name on the planet, I suppose?”
He almost doubled in size, like that thing peacocks did when they wanted to show off. “Phoenix is a strong name and stands for something. Cash is something you slot between the butt cheeks of a fucking stripper.”
“And you’d know that from experience, I imagine?”
“Who gives a shit?” he growled, banging his hand against the side of his dresser.
I stepped forward, wanting to needle him more about Cash. “Look, I don’t see what your problem is with Cash? Isn’t he your gym bestie?”
His eyes narrowed. “I’m a grown man, Harper. I don’t have a bestie. Ryan doesn’t measure up to me, and I mean that in respect of all departments.”
Here we go, men and their dick measuring.
His cocksure expression grew as I shot him a disgusted eye roll, and his stance became predatory as he said. “He’s not the man who could make you come so hard your kneecaps shatter.”
I felt his dirty comment shudder through my sex, but managed to snort. “Really. How come Courtney’s are still intact then?”
“I’m not fucking her!”
“How dumb do you think I am?” I snapped.
“Considering how you listened to Cash’s smooth bullshit, pretty dumb.”
And that was it, we were getting nowhere, and I needed to go to sleep or burst into tears in front of him. Maybe the writing just wasn’t on the wall for us. There was clearly no quick fix to this fucked up scenario. The atmosphere between us was like a vicious circle that I couldn’t escape from.
“Whatever. Look, I’ve had enough of this. You think you can pick me up and put me down whenever it suits you, but it doesn’t work like that. I can’t be dealing with any more mixed signals. Whatever this was is over.”
Turning on my bare heel, I stomped towards the door. I knew it was make-or-break time; if Phoenix let me leave, I knew that would be it.
“You’re such a little hypocrite.” My heart surged; I could hear he was closing the space between us.
As my hand curled around the door handle, I felt his breath against my neck.
“Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you,” Phoenix husked in a rough voice, grabbing my upper arm and spinning me back towards him.
He was furious; his large body could easily overpower mine.
If I hadn’t been so angry myself, I would have had the sense to be worried.
Not of physical harm, as I knew he’d never hurt me that way.
It was that riot of emotions and the searing level of incensed passion that crackled between us that was scary.
The fact that we were both on the verge of losing control was rife.
That sense of relief that he appeared to be fighting for me underpinned everything.
“You’re not talking, you’re yelling like a madman,” I screamed back, struggling. “And let go of my arm.”
“Make me,” Nix snarled into my face, tugging me firmly up against his body, his forehead touching mine.
We were nose to nose as I wiggled to free myself.
Irrespective of his response, which was just as I had hoped.
I still wanted to slap his face, scratch him with my nails for making things so hard between us.
“I mean it, Nix. You’re hurting me.” He wasn’t, but I knew I needed to calm him down. I had awakened the beast, and I didn’t know what to do about the adult version of that.