Chapter 13 #2
I took a step forward, and she stepped back.
It wasn’t supposed to be threatening, but I couldn’t help it; my body and mind were in two different queues of confusion.
Her expression told me everything I needed to know.
The woman didn’t want to know me. She just wanted to cleanse her guilt for leaving me. Get my understanding. Well, screw that.
Taking a deep breath, I realized I now needed to know who he was, the man who had fathered me.
Before that day, I hadn’t cared that much, as I thought she may not have known who he was.
But now I would do everything I could to find him.
The man had wanted me dead. “I’ll stay if you tell me where I can find him, my father. ”
Her backbone kicked in as she planted a hand on my chest. “No, Phoenix.”
“Surely I should be given the chance to meet the man who wanted to end my life before I was even born?”
“It wasn’t like that, Phoenix, as I said, there were complications.”
“I don’t give a shit.”
“It will only cause trouble.”
My muscles flexed, and she dropped her hand. We were now at a standoff.
I slowly nodded, glaring down at her. I had my answer as to why she left me, and so why didn’t I feel any different? Because you want her to admit she fucked up.
“You aren’t supposed to exist, remember?”
Fucking bitch. “Yeah, I remember that only too well.”
As the silence fell between us, I could hear what sounded like someone coming down the stairs.
“For what it’s worth, Phoenix, I am sorry.”
“I don’t want your apology. I want you to admit what you did was wrong.”
“I can’t do that. I wasn’t meant to be a mother, not back then.”
My frustration doubled. “But you are now?” I snarled.
Her face softened, and it felt like a knife to the chest. “Yes.”
It was now brutally obvious that nothing good would come out of staying any longer. I heard another noise behind me, and thinking it to be Harper, I spun away. “Goodbye, mother. You won’t see me again.”
The woman I was loath to call mom made a pained sound as my eyes fell onto the person who had entered the room. “I heard shouting, is everything OK?”
My half-brother, Alex. If he heard me call his mom—mother, he didn’t show it. At least, not at first.
Alex was skinny with zits, blue eyes, and dark hair. He wasn’t very tall, and we looked nothing alike. He was holding a tablet, dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt with a character from the video game Fortnite on the front.
“Who are you?”
“It’s fine, sweety, this is the son of an old friend of mine.”
I knew it shouldn’t, but that hurt.
“OK, hi,” Alex puffed out in greeting with a strained smile. I could see he didn’t believe her. “I’m Alex.”
I felt that sound in my bones. His voice was at that in-between stage when it broke from a boy's tone into a man’s. Alex’s expression was mesmerized, and I knew he had never met anyone like me before. I could guarantee it.
I stepped forward. “Hey, yourself, kid.” He looked around twelve. That meant my mother would have gotten herself pregnant again around two years after ditching me at five.
His unsure smile gave him dimples. Seeing the boy in the flesh started to eat my sanity from the inside out.
“Alex, Mr. Carter was just leaving. He just came to give me some news,” So, I was Mr. Carter now? I noticed she didn’t give me a chance to introduce myself.
“What type of news?” I saw how his eyes glanced at the way his mother was wringing her hands. “Why are you being weird?” Alex directed this question at his mother, lowering the iPad he held.
I must have been a glutton for punishment, as part of me wanted to know more about the boy. We shared the same blood at the end of the day.
“Who are you really?” he asked, now looking right at me.
“He’s nobody,” our mother muttered in a strained voice, and I knew I needed to leave.
“Don’t worry about it, kid, as your mom said, I’m nobody.” A ball of frustration twisted tighter in my throat.
Alex blew out a breath and moved towards me. “Nobody? Everyone is somebody.” The way he looked up at me without fear told me he was strong. I liked that.
“Let's just say, I’m nobody you need to worry about. I just dropped by with a message. Nice T-shirt by the way,” I replied, moving around him.
He glanced down and then smiled at me. “Thanks. I just ranked Elite, do you play?”
The whole situation suddenly felt like I was part of a dodgy Netflix drama. “Sometimes.” I then glanced across at my mother, her expression tugging at heartstrings I never knew I had. Without thinking, I added. “Look after your mom.”
I hoped my voice held zero emotion as my words echoed off the bare, bland walls. And I walked away and didn’t look back. I left my blood relatives behind: a woman who had turned her back on my existence and a boy who didn’t know I existed.
But I did it. And I’d faced my demons. So why did I still feel so bad?
Because I needed to find out who my old man was. He was the one I would settle the score with.
HARPER
When I heard footsteps coming from the hallway outside, I felt a cocktail of relief and guilt. The relief kicked in at the thought of us leaving that house, and the guilt—that was due to the small picture frame I had crammed into my purse.
After around ten minutes of sitting in that room, it started to remind me of our living room back home, the one at Radcliffe Manor before the fire.
Now there was only half of it standing. Phoenix’s mother's house even had a grandfather clock in the corner, which looked exactly like the one my father had brought home from an auction one day.
Grief had started to peck its way to the surface as I was reminded of my once-perfect life, a life that had all been a lie.
My father had been a crook.
Beneath that facade of an honest and successful businessman, he was ugly and tainted. And unless I got help, I could end up following in his footsteps. Albeit only half the way, I was a thief, but that didn’t and would never make me a murderer.
In my defense, after stewing in that room, haunted by those memories for over twenty minutes, I had needed to do something with my hands.
So, I took the framed picture on a whim, promising myself that this would be the last time.
I still rode that wave of exhilaration I usually felt by taking it, like a drug addict getting his fix.
It was only a portrait shot of Nix’s mother and her son, Nix’s half-brother, Alex.
It wasn’t like I had stolen the family silver or anything.
The mantel was crammed with images of him at all ages, and they had annoyed me.
That happy family had taunted me in my painful silence as I stewed, wondering how Nix was coping.
My eyes scanned the other pictures of that family. How could his mom look so wholesome, staring down at her second child like a devoted mother, and yet turn her back on her firstborn? I screwed my nose up.
The image I had stolen looked like one of those you got with the frame. It could have been anyone. I found it interesting that neither his mother nor half-brother looked anything like my beautiful Phoenix.
I knew it was fucked up, but the need to take something had been too strong, and my grip on morality had slipped once again. I wondered what Nix would think when I revealed that shadow on my soul. When he learned I was a thief, fucked up, and a criminal.
As Phoenix appeared in the open doorway, I shot up off the couch and placed my half-full glass of lemonade on the table in front of me with a shaky hand. The fear that what I had done was written on my face clogged the back of my throat.
Nix must have seen something was wrong as he asked, “What’s up?”
I just smiled and shook my head like a lunatic. “Sorry, I was miles away.”
“You look as uncomfortable as I feel. Let’s get out of here,” Nix said before disappearing.
A smoldering silence filled the air. From his expression and tone, I could tell he was upset, and a pang of something sharp stabbed into my chest. I hated seeing him hurt, even though I had expected it.
A forced meeting with the mother who abandoned you almost fourteen years earlier wasn’t likely to go smoothly.
Grabbing my purse, I glanced briefly toward the gap on the mantel where the picture I had stolen used to be. Another twinge of regret shot through me, but I pushed it away and went to follow Nix.
He stood alone in the hallway, gazing at one of the paintings by the door. I took in his stiff shoulders, noticing how tense they were instantly. Moving over, I placed my hand on his arm; my mouth suddenly struggling to obey my instruction to say something.
Clearing my throat, I managed to squawk, “How did it go?”
My touch seemed to knock Phoenix out of his trance as he glanced at my fingers against his sleeve. “As I expected, the woman doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Did she say that?”
“She didn’t need to.”
I dropped my hand as Nix glanced down the corridor, almost as if he was checking to see if she had followed him. Did I imagine that slight glimmer of hope?
“Isn’t that what you wanted anyway?” I suggested softly, nudging his foot with mine.
Nix shrugged and dashed a hand down his face. “I honestly don’t know now.”
Taking a deep swallow, I stared down the empty corridor. Was he stalling to see if she’d come after him? Beg him not to leave.
I watched as he paced back and forth, his eyes glued on that space that led to the back of the house. “What do you want to do?”
The silence in that hallway was suddenly deafening, and I chewed the inside of my cheek, not knowing what else to say.
“Fuck her. Come on,” Nix eventually snarled, spinning away.