Chapter 49
Julian
Autumn Forest Ambiance
Nature Alley
My father slammed the car door shut, and Bayla and I flinched at the same time. Mia started giggling like she was twelve and not sixteen, even though she had only turned sixteen a few days ago. She and Bayla blushed at the same time and exchanged glances that I couldn’t interpret.
Sometimes I just didn’t understand girls.
“When was the last time we went mushroom picking, boy?”
My father practically slapped me on the back and I just laughed.
“Don’t remind me that I loved something that boring.”
“Don’t be like that,” Mia, in her dark green raincoat, laughed. Bayla just grinned at me, which automatically made me grin too.
Strangely enough, it hadn’t taken long for her to say Yes ... to this.
If I had invited her instead of my father, I bet she would have laughed at me and gone back to that creepy cemetery to examine the graves of the two students.
It still gave me the creeps that they had died on the same day and that nobody wanted to talk about them.
“Don’t just stand there looking lost. Come on!” Mia called me out. She had already gone ahead, not as far as my father, who was already a hundred meters further along the forest path, adjusting his rifle.
The joke was that it wasn’t even mushroom season, since it was December. The three of us knew that, and we weren’t surprised by dad’s sudden change of plans , since he had probably never picked mushrooms in his entire life.
What made him think that anyone would believe that it was still mushroom season? Diana, who he had tried to fool, had only grinned at Bay and me when Dad had already headed for the car, and I had shaken my head.
I looked at Bayla, who smiled at me, then reached for her completely unnecessary basket and walked past me.
“Well then, let’s see what mushrooms I can find.”
I punched her in the side, and the jokingly meant nudge sent her into the nearest pile of leaves, where she sank in with a crackling sound. She immediately sat up again and glared at me... Then she looked briefly at my father, who was walking away from us into the forest, and then back at me to give me the middle finger.
I shook my head and came to her to help her up, reached for her hand – and at the grin, at the latest, I should have expected it, but it was her strength that I hadn’t reckoned with – and so I ended up in a pile of leaves next to her.
“Karma, Bardot,” she said, and I reached for the leaves to throw them in her face, but she was faster and jumped up, so I too got to my feet.
Bay ran off, her basket in her hand, as if she were Little Red Riding Hood, even though she was wearing a dark blue rain jacket.
She ran and hid behind Mia. Now she was giggling too, like my little sister, and pulled Mia back and forth so I couldn’t get past.
“Hey!” my sister shrieked when I accidentally rubbed the leaves in her face and grinned at her apologetically.
“Julian!” she shouted and ran after me, and I immediately jumped away as if it were a matter of life and death.
“Damn idiot!” she continued shouting, and we passed my father, who moved aside shaking his head.
After a hundred meters, she caught up with me and pulled me to the ground.
“You can do that with your friend, but not with me.”
With yellow glowing eyes, she glared at me and in that moment, I knew.
“You’ve turned.”
I got up just as she let go of me. Her eyes remained in the glowing state.
“You turned and didn’t tell me anything about it.”
Two full moons had passed. At the first one, Emely had told me that Mia would transform soon, and I had asked Alarik to give her wolfsbane. He had refused, so I had offered Mia some of my own reserves. She had accepted, but apparently not used them. After the November full moon, she had seemed unchanged. But now her irises glowed much more intensely, literally glowing, while veins danced around her eyes.
“You’re not interested in our true nature anyway,” she snarled at me, and veins now appeared on her neck as well.
“Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on here?”
My father appeared and stood between us, alarmed.
Mia stamped her feet on the ground in annoyance and groaned in frustration. Then she gave me one last devastating look and finally walked in the opposite direction to Bayla. Her long, full dark blonde hair blew in the wind, was tousled.
I looked at my father, annoyed. “She turned and you knew it.”
“I’m her father. Of course I did.”
“And I’m her brother,” I hissed angrily.
Then I started to move, but my father started to walk with me.
“Julian, you didn’t want anything to do with it. I…”
“Just leave it, okay?”
I glared at the treetops, ninety percent of which were now bare. Since it hadn’t snowed yet, everything seemed so bleak, as if the forest were really dying. Only the dry brown leaves reminded me that I still was in Blairville. And that even though we were in the beautiful part of Blairville. There, where there were still more deciduous trees than conifers, and you didn’t have to fear bloodthirsty Ruisangors.
Dad had been dealing with the missing people cases that had suddenly appeared since Halloween, but he hadn’t made much progress.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but I’m worried about her. You know where she is right now.”
“Safe,” he said, sounding even more exhausted than before.
I looked at him critically. “Do you really think the pack is still a safe place?”
“I’m sure, and I also start to believe that I should never have left it in the first place.”
I glared ahead with anger.
How could he say that? That he had gotten out of there had saved me. We had led a peaceful life away from those people.
“Just seeing how Mia is developing there, how she is...”
“They’re brainwashing her!”
My father just shook his head. “Maybe you would be a well integrated part of the pack now, wouldn’t feel such pain at night and could be yourself.”
“What I am isn’t me. Why doesn’t anyone understand that?”
“Because these are your words, but not reality,” he began calmly. “You’re more Senseque than I’ll ever be.”
I spun around. “What are you talking about?”
“Julian, you are more suited to the harsh outdoors than you realize. You belong there. You could become a high-ranking member. You could even have become Alpha.”
I stared at my father in horror.
“Everyone in the pack knows that you are strong, and I know you better than you think.”
Anger rose in my chest. “You don’t know me at all.”
And besides, I didn’t have the Alpha gene because none of my parents had it.
Dad looked at me as if he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned away from me three seconds later and walked on.
My anger subsided a little and I looked after him helplessly.
He behaved strangely today. But he didn’t smell of alcohol.
He had been thrown out of the house, his family had been split, and yet he managed not to reach for the bottle again.
In that moment, I was ashamed of my behavior. Much more than that, I felt like a child. And this despite the fact that I had wanted to take responsibility for Mia.
She stomped past me without even giving me a glance.
I was sure she would hate me for a while now.
She had just been talking to Bayla, but Bay had now fallen behind.
“Damn it, get lost!” I heard Bayla call behind me and turned around just to see four black ravens following her.
I suppressed a grin and waited until she had caught up, not without throwing leaves at the animals, which shot up into the air or hopped into the forest.
Bayla swore a little, but when Mia was out of earshot, she started talking.
“I don’t know how it is with you and the pack, but Mia is sixteen. In my opinion, that’s old enough to decide for herself what she shares with her big brother.”
“Great. She’s dragged you into it, too.”
Another girl thing I didn’t understand.
Bayla started walking and I followed her. “I’m just saying.”
“Besides, she just turned sixteen,” I added, because that was an important fact.
Bayla rolled her eyes. “If I had an annoying brother like you, I would have fled long ago.”
I skillfully ignored the comment and started to be honest. “I can’t stop her forever, even if I would like to keep her far away from the pack. She is a female Senseque, which means that she has an even stronger urge to be part of the pack and to prove herself.”
Female Senseque were often stronger than males, although I didn’t know why.
“Then you can say goodbye to the idea that she will listen to you for the next two years. She’s young, trying things out, needs feedback from her peers and from people who will encourage and challenge her.”
Bayla sounded so mature.
Thoughtfully, I kicked a rock away. “Sometimes she’s like Ems.”
Bayla didn’t say anything. She stopped moving, so I did the same and looked down at her. Bayla looked at me and once again I felt unable to interpret her gaze. It felt so significant. Like she wanted to tell me something.
Then she looked away.
I must have stared at her for too long.
Finally, she started moving again, not without grilling me. “How did the date go? You haven’t said a word.”
That was true. It had been weeks since the break-in at Alarik’s office, and we had both been so busy with our studies that I had hardly seen her. Besides, I hadn’t driven her to university anymore because Bay had insisted that I no longer burden myself with that.
If only she knew how much I enjoyed driving around with her. She took my mind off things. I needed more of this friendship with her.
The trip to the cemetery had been a pleasant distraction, and afterward, I had asked Bayla about her training with Alarik. He trained her every Monday morning – by the way, that’s how she came to campus – but she made no progress, nor did she turn, despite the fact that she did not take wolfsbane any longer.
Bay gave me a scrutinizing look and I realized that my mind had wandered.
I cleared my throat and tried to remember her question.
“There’s not much to tell,” I said quickly, annoyed that I had mentioned Emely at all. It felt stranger than ever to talk to Bayla about her.
Bayla apparently felt differently. “Oh no, don’t tell me you ruined it?”
“No. She ruined it.”
“How charming of you,” she replied critically.
“What?”
“ You obviously screwed up.” She shook her head as if she were a dating expert. “What did you do? Did you get her a chew bone?”
“What the…”
She started laughing and I pushed her away. “No, and why would I tell you at all ?” I said, shaking my head.
She looked at me with narrowed eyes as if she wanted to show me she was angry, but she just looked cute. “Because we’re best friends now?”
It gave me an unintentionally warm rush of emotions to hear that. I’d never really had friends except for Emely and Nash... But we used to be kids back then.
With Bayla it was different. It felt good to be around her, so natural to spend time with her and somehow pleasant when she communicated with me. With her, I could forget what everyone saw in me and be who she saw in me. Whatever it was, it was the Julian I wanted to be.
I decided not to make a secret of the failed date. There was no point.
“Okay, okay. I should have told you long ago, but I was embarrassed. It went badly. We talked at first, but then she brought up the pack and my mood took a turn for the worse.”
“What exactly was it about?”
I waved it off. “Oh, never mind, the pack is just too important to her, and she talks about it nonstop. One might think that she would become the next Alpha.”
“Maybe she will,” Bayla said with conviction, and I wrinkled my forehead.
“Females don’t become Alpha.”
“Ouch,” she said, and her forehead wrinkled too.
“I can’t help it if there’s a stupid rule and I don’t really care. She’ll go to Russia with her pretty Alpha anyway.”
Just the thought of this clown made me seethe. He wasn’t what Emely deserved. But was I better?
“And you just accept that?”
“No, but...”
Bayla stopped and grabbed me by the upper arms. “Julian. No. Stop. I hear but too often. If you really want to win a woman’s heart, you have to touch it first.”
Touch it. How should I do that? Flatter her? Should I be false to Emely, say yes and amen to everything, and keep my opinion to myself?
I couldn’t help but stare at Bayla’s freckles. They had something lively about them, and yet they managed to calm me down.
“And the only way to do that is to see her, on all levels, to accept her for the woman she is.”
Easy to talk like that. How could I accept someone who wanted to damn missionize me? And anyway, where would these dates lead? Emely lived for the pack, and I hated it.
“Just look at it, the fact that she’s telling you about the pack... That shows that she feels comfortable with you and can open up. Don’t ruin it, work with it.”
Was Bayla right? What if I had approached it the wrong way?
Emely was special. An unbreakable diamond lock. I just needed the key.
I looked at Bay, who was looking at me expectantly.
“Maybe it’s just the beard.”
“What?”
Bayla grinned at me and her hand shot up as she touched my chin, and lots of little sparks flashed across my skin and finally my stomach.
I froze... stared at her... and she jerked her hand back.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to say that this three-day beard doesn’t really suit you.”
As quickly as she had taken me by surprise, she had already made her way to the other two.
“Wait, so I should shave?” I called after her, embarrassed, feeling like an idiot. Maybe that’s exactly what I was. A damn idiot. Because at that very moment, I felt blind. As if there was something in front of me, an answer to all my questions, but I couldn’t access it.
“Wait. Your turn.”
Bayla turned around, her cheeks so red that it took my breath away for a moment.
“Are you okay? Are you cold? Is something wrong?” I asked, worried, and Bayla hastily shook her head.
“I’m fine.”
“You still have something to tell me.”
“What do you mean?”
I looked her straight in the eye. This time she wouldn’t run away.
“Yesterday at the cemetery, when you were talking to Julie. You wanted to tell her something that you hadn’t told anyone else yet.”
“Did I?”
Everything about her expression screamed out that she had.
“Your blush gives you away.”
“It does?” Bayla looked down and began to paw the ground. “I’d love to tell you, but I don’t know…”
“Come on, no secrets.”
I reached for her hand, and she immediately looked up at me, still red in the face.
Maybe I had asked too much of her. Was I intruding on her privacy a little too much?
“Best friends, remember?” I whispered, and a slight smile appeared on her lips.
“All right,” she sighed, but then looked at my father and Mia.
They were far enough away, engrossed in a conversation that Mia and I were miles away from having.
“When I was alone in the bathroom the other day and got out of the shower, I discovered something on my body.”
“What exactly? Show me,” I urged her, and she still looked at me with red cheeks.
“It’s between my breasts,” she finally said, and I felt my cheeks getting warmer, too.
Still, I couldn’t help but comment on it.
“Okay... so? Blueberry?”
Bayla’s eyes widened. “Julian!”
I raised my hands defensively. “I’m kidding, okay?”
“ No. I’ve been worried about it ever since. It’s a small black dot, almost a circle, much too big and dark for a mole...” She used her fingers to show me how big it should be, which made me wonder. “It looks like a tattoo, stands out slightly...”
“What if it really is just a mole?” I suggested.
But why so big? Or was she just letting her imagination run wild?
“There was something else,” Bayla continued. And then she told me about her eyes, that they had turned purple and that she had suddenly started shaking violently.
The concern that grew inside of me was indescribable. Part of me tried to explain to her that this might be a Quatura thing, but she shook her head desperately.
“No, believe me, they don’t have that.”
Another part of me tried to consider other possibilities.
“Julian, I already know why I want to talk to Julie about this. Maybe it’s just some weird side effect because I haven’t yet survived the rite of passage.”
I didn’t know what to say, and so I walked on slowly, towards my father and Mia, with Bay beside me.
“Everyone thinks I’m weird. I just want to get out of here,” she said quietly next to me.
I looked at her, feeling understood. “I don’t think you’re weird, okay?”
“ Wow, that’s progress for me,” she laughed.
“ Hey. Doesn’t my opinion count?”
“Yes, it does, but somehow you don’t belong either.”
Whew. That had hit home, even if I didn’t tell her.
“So, outsiders don’t count for you?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“ Wow,” I blurted out after all, and I looked up at the treetops again.
“No, don’t you dare take it personally... But I’d just like to be either human or what my mother is. A Quatura, plain and simple, you know?”
It sounded really simple. Maybe life as a Quatura was also easier, which I couldn’t imagine with all the duties and rituals, but the memories of the pack’s Code were even more tiresome. I hated rules and rigid structures... and what I was capable of.
“We both can forget about being human,” I said, amused by the idea.
If there was a way to become human, I would take it. But not even Quatura were capable of something like that.
“We won’t even find a rabbit with all the noise you’re making,” Mia shouted angrily from where my father was standing, and both of them stopped. I saw him motion for her to calm down and how she rolled her eyes. She really reminded me of Ems.