Chapter 60
Emely
Elastic Heart – Cover
Bryson Andres
Whoever had been playing a joke on Harlow, my uncle had been the only one with a grin on his lips when the hacker had made the announcement.
Father hadn’t liked it at all because someone had obviously gained access to the IT security rooms, or worse, managed to breach the Vanderwood security network.
But Alarik had thought that it was only a prank, and Father had left it at that because a much bigger problem had entered the ballroom: The DeLoughrey clan.
Father had wanted to send Nash, me and the Rolanows home, but no one had left yet.
They were all staring at the man with the scarred face, who was standing at the other end of the ballroom with his clan members, also staring at us, as if we were their goddamn prey.
And me? I tried to ignore this unpleasant situation, distracted by even more unpleasant, even more painful things.
I stood there like an idiot. Maybe that’s what I had been the whole time. But now it was official.
The one person I had hoped wouldn’t leave me alone tonight was dancing with someone else.
Julian had given me a single glance and then disappeared for a moment. He had then come alone towards us, where he had spoken to his father for a moment. Afterward, my father had spoken to him and my heart had stopped. The color had drained from Julian’s face, but then my father had gone back to the Rolanows, and I had finally been able to concentrate on Tania again, who had already lent me the second dress. I was hopeful that this one would survive the evening. I had also been grateful that she was here. But now she was engrossed in a conversation with Mica, who, by the way, hated dancing.
And so, I stood here alone, like an idiot, staring at Julian, who looked like he had just found out the day he died. I had wanted to go to him because I was tired of waiting for an apology. I had wanted to clear the air, to forgive him, but then she had shown up.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like Bayla, but she was always with him and took away my chance to be alone with him. I felt bad that I wished she hadn’t been there, or had never come to Blairville in the first place, because I had seen her look at me, and then she had said. “You should dance with her.”
Hope had spread through me. But then he had turned away from me and pulled Bayla onto the dance floor.
He was still angry, and he knew how to get revenge for things. He avoided me. And now he was dancing with Bayla Adams, a Quatura who obviously held nothing against me.
I didn’t understand it. Nothing about their behavior made sense to me.
The lump in my throat seemed to get bigger, and I stared at Julian, who was looking in a different direction on purpose.
It would have only taken a second longer, and I would have been on the verge of tears, but something snapped me out of my misery.
Someone gently grabbed my waist and pulled me to the side, which threw me off my feet.
I immediately turned around, expecting to see Mica, who had perhaps changed his mind after all, but it wasn’t Mica.
Diamonds
Hannah V, Joe Rodwell
My heart skipped a beat.
Startled, I stared at Miles, who pulled me further onto the dance floor so fast that I didn’t have time to react.
Stunned, I stared at him, but there was no emotion on his face. Neither the usual scorn nor mockery. There were only his brown tourmaline eyes, which made me stare.
I was annoyed that I couldn’t read his feelings and thoughts, as I could with the members of the pack, if they would let me. In that moment, he was more Ruisangor than usual. He was unreadable.
He pulled me further and further into the hall, past Julian, who was now – after all – looking at me and Miles.
I didn’t have time to protest or tear myself away. I was unable to move.
“What are you doing?” I asked Miles, overwhelmed, who placed me in front of him and waited for the orchestra to start the next piece.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” he replied with a typical Miles grin.
“You’re harassing me,” I replied angrily, although the anger disappeared within a few seconds.
“I’m saving your life,” he said and pointed his gaze at Julian, which made my jaw drop. I quickly collected myself and took a deep breath.
“I’m fine on my own...”
I tried not to let on that Miles had actually just rescued me from a very awkward situation.
“You looked like an offended sheep that didn’t get any of the hay.”
My eyes widened. “Pardon?!”
“One can smell at a hundred meters that you like him,” Miles said with amusement as he began to lead me to the right and left to the rhythm of the music.
Of course, I didn’t want to accept this and opened my mouth, but Miles was quicker.
“Don’t even try to deny it.”
I could feel the blush literally spreading across my face.
Miles , of all people, had felt it.
“I don’t see how that is any of your business,” I said quickly, wanting to end the conversation without starting a new one.
“But I’m right, which brings me to the conclusion that I rescued you from a predicament.”
Damn. The truth was, he had saved me from a predicament. God only knew that wasn’t the whole story.
“I’m afraid you’ve gotten us both into another one,” I sighed, memories of our last encounter in the kitchen of the student accommodation house flashing through my mind, making my face even hotter.
He raised his elegantly arched brow as if he hadn’t understood me.
“My father is here,” I began, looking at my family.
And of course, everyone was staring at us.
First, there was Mica, who was glaring in our direction with a shocked look as if he wanted to kill Miles; then his father, who was gesticulating wildly in my direction while talking to my father, making my heartbeat quicken with evil foreboding.
And then I saw my father looking at me in confusion. His expression darkened, and I guessed how much he would love to come here and tear Miles away from me. But he wasn’t allowed to do that in front of all these humans... and Ruisangors. He knew that if he or one of the Rolanows approached Miles, the head of the Ruisangor clan would approach too. And he feared that man more than anything else.
Hopefully, Father knew that I could defend myself against Miles if he ever showed his true nature.
“He’s known for not letting anyone or anything get close to his children. Especially not a Ruisangor,” I said, realizing too late that this statement was more of a wish than a fact.
What was I thinking? Of course, my father would put his hand in the fire for me. I was his daughter.
The lump in my throat threatened to get heavier.
“Your father is the last of these people whose death list I’m on. Believe me, right now, I see other people who would like to see me dead,” Miles whispered, and I looked to the rest of the pack. All the guys were staring at us, each of them seemed tense.
I could hear them all trying to communicate with me through the bond. Cody, Hunter, Nash... But I reassured them all through our connection that I had everything under control and that Miles couldn’t hurt me here, that he was just trying to unsettle me and provoke them all. And it seemed like Harry was going to tell his father Maverick, and he was going to tell my father.
I couldn’t stand Father’s look of confusion and turned back to Miles.
I said in a shaky voice, “You didn’t have to save me. Enough other male dancers in this room are interested in me.”
The last part slipped from my lips more confidently than I’d expected. But I knew a lot of guys in the pack would love to dance with me.
“And yet I’m the one who asked you to dance first in front of everyone.”
I stared at him.
“Don’t think I really wanted to help you,” he added quickly, and I managed to pull my face from its stare.
What else had I expected? Of course, this was one of his stupid games.
“Why would I think that?” I laughed, trying to block out my family.
Maybe I could get rid of Miles in time and save us both a lot of drama.
Miles’ gaze was steadfast. “I just want to make sure.”
“Make sure your karma account stays low enough in the red?”
My words made him grin. I had given up trying to insult him, because either he found it funny, as he did now, or he always found a counterattack.
“Believe me, it’s one of the most satisfying feelings when Emely Copeland owes you something.”
My mouth opened slightly in disbelief and I saw his eyes move down to my lips. Then I remembered his warning... and pressed them together immediately.
But he noticed immediately and looked at me with a shadow crossing his face. A shadow I hadn’t seen from him before.
“Every time I try to force myself to think well of you, you manage to convince me otherwise,” I laughed, and the shadow disappeared from his face.
“Oh. You’re trying to think well of me? What have I done to deserve this honor?”
Shit. He was right.
I raised my eyebrows. “You don’t deserve it at all.”
“I don’t advise it either,” he added. It wasn’t a warning, sounded almost bitter and... honest.
“Don’t worry,” I just laughed, feeling Miles’s fingers move over my upper back to my lower. It should feel weird, strange, uncomfortable, especially with the cold of his hand. But my body was so overheated that it felt forbiddenly good.
Arcade – Violin Version
ItsAMoney
I quickly smoothed my face and tried to erase the feeling from my body, to bury it...
Miles seemed to be watching me closely, and I noticed how my lips had unconsciously opened a crack again.
It was fun to know that this upset him. Especially when his hand slipped a little lower.
I could well imagine that Miles had to run for his life after that evening, because I could feel the pack’s eyes so intensely on my back, which, by the way, was completely exposed thanks to the dress.
“Do you think anything would be different if our families weren’t enemies?” I asked quietly, and Miles maintained eye contact.
“Everything would be different.”
His words sounded tense, as if they hurt. And then I realized that they actually did. I tried to block out the feeling and face reality.
“I don’t think so. Because you’d still be the Miles I know.”
Miles said nothing and instead continued to guide me across the dance floor.
“Don’t think you know me. Because you don’t,” he said under his breath.
His voice was so raspy, so different. It was as if he was just another Miles, and all sorts of questions popped into my head.
What if he was really only like that with me ? What was he like to Larissa when they were alone? Why was he like that at all? Was there a Miles I could like if he weren’t a Ruisangor?
Suddenly his hand came away from my back and he spun me around, holding just my hand so I moved a little away from him. My dress lifted slightly and spun with me until he pulled me back to him. An involuntary sigh escaped my mouth.
I would never admit it out loud to him, or to anyone else, but if there was one thing he could do better than drive me insane, it was dancing.
He led me past him and back, we spun together, and then he spun me away from him so that I held his hand – which was a little warmer than usual – in mine until he spun me again, pulling me back to him. He brought his hand back down to my waist and led me across the hall, almost elegantly.
I looked to the side and saw all the looks from the students, who were obviously admiring Miles’ dancing style.
After Julie’s entrance, I hadn’t expected to be the center of attention this evening. But Miles made me feel like a goddamn dancer. He pulled me to him again, slid his hands down my body and led me further and further so that I sank into our steps.
I looked around again. This time I met the eyes of the Ruisangors.
They all looked as if Miles had made a mistake or seemed shocked. Only the head of the clan stared at me as if this man wanted me dead.
“Don’t look at them.” Miles turned me slightly, turning my attention back to our footsteps. “Focus on me.”
He said it so softly, with a tenderness in his voice I’d never heard before, that I had to look up at him. Goosebumps spread all over my back.
“Let them talk,” he continued, applying gentle pressure to my back so that I moved closer to him.
There it was again. That scent that fogged my senses in a different way.
Miles DeLoughrey smelled damn good, and I was dancing with him.
There was something about this situation that I didn’t like at all, but his proximity made my body’s voice louder than my head’s.
“Why...” I began in a shaky voice, but the sentence just wouldn’t come out. I was so confused, so speechless, held by him far too close to his body, a body that was warmer than it should be and that made more heat rise inside me than it was allowed to.
“A little drama raises your market value,” he said with that smirk.
God, his fucking smirk . And that inappropriate comment.
What did he think he was going to accomplish with that move? What was really in it for him? He couldn’t actually think I would come to his door with a gift basket and thank him for it.
“You’re only doing all this so that my family has one more reason to marry me off to Mikhail.”
I didn’t wait for an answer to come from his lips, but rather watched for the one in his eyes, as if I could find something in the bronze fibers without losing my mind.
Miles seemed to hesitate while he kept looking at me before he finally continued.
“Isn’t that what you want?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. After the first few weeks with the Rolanows, with Mica, after all those years of duty to the pack...
Pure anger welled up inside me. I hadn’t expected that one person could make me question such important things. And him of all people.
“To make your family proud?”
Why did the words coming out of his mouth sound so wrong? Almost venomous?
I felt like I had just committed a sin. Only I couldn’t tell if, in this version of reality, Miles represented the priest to whom I was confessing my betrayal just by making eye contact, or the devil who was feeding me all these thoughts and emotions so he could get what he wanted.
The thought sharpened my awareness of reality, but only a little, because Miles wasn’t done yet.
“To be the perfect daughter.”
His expression had become more serious. So serious, as if he was trying to warn me about something. And I couldn’t tear myself away from his gaze.
This time, Miles had me in the palm of his hand. Whatever he was up to, my attention was his. I was his, for the moment. But he would never know that.
Arcade (feat. FLETCHER)
Duncan Laurence, FLETCHER
The slow music forced us to dance closer. Or was it him? Was he forcing me to come closer, pressing his hand even harder against my body as if he wanted me?
My heart leapt, sending a wave of unfamiliar tingling through my entire body, followed by pulsing warmth.
I felt his hand slide down further, so slowly that the goosebumps that spread over my entire body caused a renewed rush of heat in my chest. I had given up trying to fight the fluttering in my stomach. Unfortunately, he was a handsome man who touched my body like no one else had done before.
He probably didn’t even realize what he was doing to me, especially when he pulled me even closer to him, sealing the tiny gap between us.
“Your life would be a lot easier if you didn’t always listen to your father.”
Fogged by his words and the unfamiliar body language, by the whole dance, the words hit me with unexpected intensity and like a sharp sword.
“Our fathers seem to have one thing in common.” He laughed softly, and it really looked good on him. “They both have an image of us in their heads that they would like to turn into reality.” He slid his other arm down to my waist as well, forcing me to rest both my arms on his shoulders as he swayed me back and forth to the softening violin melody, slowly spinning us across the hall.
He seemed focused on me, as if the others really weren’t there. And everything else slipped into the background for me too.
“My father is still trying,” he finally said in an even quieter voice.
It sounded like he didn’t want to talk about it. And yet he did. With me. With his rival.
“Do you know what he is missing?”
He laughed again, but this time it was different. It seemed dismissive.
I shook my head, curious to hear what he would say. I hung on his lips, hungry for answers and information about him, his past. A dark strand of hair slipped into his face, reminding me how close I was to him.
“My will.”
He said it almost silently, so I had to focus on his lips to make sure what he just said really came out of his mouth.
I was shocked.
He was obviously comparing himself to me. And whatever was going on between him and his father... he was relating it to me, comparing me to him, my father to his.
I still didn’t know what to say. He had just opened a tiny little crack of an unknown door for me and I couldn’t handle it. I hadn’t even expected it. How was I supposed to react? All he had just accused me of was wanting to please my father and submitting to him.
Except that was how I had grown up and as a member of the pack, that was my goddamn duty. Obviously, Miles had forgotten that my father was also my Alpha.
When I realized my eyes were still glued to his lips, I looked up at him with hot cheeks and caught his eyes glued to my slightly open mouth.
We weren’t dancing anymore. Miles had stopped dancing.
“We decide how far we allow them to break us, if we let them turn us into what we are not supposed to be. And sometimes it takes us longer to realize that they’re playing with us, that we’re not as important to them as we thought we were. And then we disappoint them. Again, and again. Until the disappointment becomes a routine for them, and they only use you to tell you what you could have been...”
He stopped talking abruptly. The serious look had given way to a confused, almost hurt expression. Then he broke eye contact.
I had fallen silent inside.
At first, he stared into nothingness between us, then he looked around, smiled nervously and said something that gave me the final kick into reality.
“If he hasn’t realized by now how attractive you are this evening, then he’s an idiot.”
I don’t know where they came from, but they were just there. Tears. Hot tears.
I had to get out of here.
Can’t Help Falling In Love- DARK
Tommee Profitt, brooke
Overwhelmed by all the emotions, I rushed away, hurrying past people who moved aside, ran away, out of sight of the pack, so they couldn’t see the disaster I was turning into at that very moment. And before any of my friends could follow me, I hurried through one of the corridors and finally out through an open side door, where the cool night air greeted me.
I had landed in one of the courtyards, where the fountains were still running.
“Emely...”
I wheeled around.
Miles had followed me. He was standing in the doorway and his look was... full of worry?
Why on earth worry? Couldn’t he just go away, leave me alone? Didn’t he see that he was confusing me? And that he had just turned me into a distracted mess in front of all those people?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”
But I interrupted his pathetic attempt to justify himself.
“What? Ruin my reputation? Provoke my family? Play one of your ridiculous games with me and win so that I’ll eventually give up? I think that’s exactly what you wanted!”
“I don't know what has gotten into me,” he said, looking at me in confusion.
What on earth was wrong with him? What was he doing to me right now? Couldn’t he just give me a devilish grin and confirm what I had just stated with a simple Yes?
“You wanted revenge? Fine. Go in and see what you’ve done. Happy?” I just snapped and gestured toward the hall. “You better go back inside and leave me alone. You’ve won.”
My family would lynch him if he went back…
“I can’t,” he whispered.
Was he afraid? Was he a coward? Or was he continuing to play with me?
I narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean, you can’t? What’s so hard, just...”
“I can’t, damn it! Can’t you see what you’re doing to me?” he suddenly shouted, a few strands of hair sliding into his desperate face.
“What am I doing, Miles? Tell me!” I yelled back.
He looked at me. He stared at me. And it was his eyes that spoke the loudest. Dark brown and captivatingly glistening. It had always been his eyes that had spoken to me. Even when he had tried in all sorts of ways to get my attention, to drive me crazy, to mess with my head... It was his eyes that I kept getting stuck on in the end.
And now this idiot was standing in front of me, after we had danced as if we were more than what we really were.
I was annoyed in a way I hadn’t been for a long time. Everyone had been able to see us. And he had known that.
“Damn it, Miles! Tell me what it is! What is it you want?!”
I was boiling with rage. How had I let him get so close to me? Dance with him... God! Dance with him!
Miles opened his mouth just a little, so that he drew my attention to his lips, from which I tried to tear my gaze away, overwhelmed.
He wanted to say something. I wanted him to say something. But I was afraid of his answer, and what it would do to me.
“What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?” I asked in a shaky voice, trying to fight back the tears. The rest of my body against my brain.
I had to get rid of Miles DeLoughrey before he got what he wanted.
The delicate gap between his lips disappeared again, and he closed his eyes for a tiny moment, as if he was feeling... pain?
What was happening here right now?
He had wanted to say something and I had interrupted him. Now I would never know. And that was just right, wasn’t it?
Overwhelm mixed with anxiety in my chest. I knew that something had just gone wrong, that I had made a mistake, but I couldn’t put my thoughts in order.
I felt a tear break free from my eye and roll down my cheek. It was as hot as his breath on my neck when we had danced.
Goosebumps automatically spread all over my body.
He had breathed. We had danced.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, and it sounded as desperate as I felt.
He took a step towards me. Reluctantly, I backed away.
“I’m not crying.” My voice remained shaky.
“You’re crying... and I want to know why.”
Another step toward me.
“Because you’re confusing me!”
I looked at him pleadingly.
Couldn’t he settle for this, turn around and just leave! What was he doing here? To me?
“I’m confusing you?”
Yes! He was confusing me, damn it! And it got worse and worse with each passing day. Miles was everything I couldn’t be. Every time, he showed me anew what I didn’t have, couldn’t have.
Freedom.
“Yes,” I sobbed, desperate by now.
“No, Emely! You’re lying! I’m not confusing you! The only thing that’s confusing you is your feelings!” My breath hitched. My heart jumped and I froze. “Just because you can’t cope with your life, and someone shows you what kind of life you could have, doesn’t mean you have to blame that person just because you can’t handle it. You’re depending on your family, selling your soul for a bunch of people who don’t value you for the person you are.”
And, finally, my heart froze to ice.
That had hit the mark. He had hit the bull’s eye.
My composure slipped away, and I didn’t care what I looked like. Anger, disappointment, confusion, and more confusion filled my body. And then I drew a line.
“You managed to make me cry…” My voice shook badly. I narrowed my eyes, gazing into his, which looked at me expectantly. “That’s the only triumph I’ll ever let you have.” By now, my voice was so broken that it no longer sounded like mine, but that of a stranger. I was a stranger to myself. “If you won’t tell me what you want, I’ll tell you what I want you to do.” The attempt to regulate my breathing failed, and I had to gasp for air. “I want you to stay the hell away from me!”
I watched the exact moment he froze into a pillar of salt, as if he’d forgotten that I’d never wanted anything else. When had I let him do all this to me? Let him get that close to me? I had been so stupid not to see...
Only Love Can Hurt Like This – Slowed Down Version
Paloma Faith, sped up + slowed
My breath hitched the moment I realized the truth.
I could do nothing but stare at him. And suddenly, chaotic fragments of memories flashed past me in my head. Those memories in which Miles appeared rose up like a gigantic wave and smashed down on me with a crash. It was like a movie that suddenly made you cry, even though you didn’t know why. Or one that you couldn’t stop thinking about, but you had forgotten the title, and now you were looking for it everywhere with this ever-increasing feeling of longing. As if the movie could fill a gap that you wished wasn’t there. A movie that was better forgotten.
I wished I could erase all those memories. I wanted someone to take them away from me. Right now. Because they were taking over...
Shock settled over my entire existence.
“Miles! Are you out here?” a voice called out, and we both flinched at the same time.
Larissa.
I immediately slid backward, further behind the wall, and Miles finally managed to take his desperate gaze off me, turn and look in the direction of the source of the voice.
“Yeah. Is something wrong?” he asked in a calm and determined tone, and I knew immediately that it was just his facade.
His hands rested behind his back, one clutching his wrist as if he was hurting himself. Because of me.
We had both become confused…
“We want to start.”
Miles seemed alarmed, distracted, for a moment, which I used to slip through the nearest side entrance and press my back against the cold stone wall.
I held my breath, pressed my hand over my mouth.
“Just a moment. I’ll be right there,” Miles said, and I heard Larissa sigh before her footsteps moved away.
I heard nothing for a while, then footsteps coming my way.
My shock intensified and more tears began to fall down my cheeks.
“Emely.” It sounded so soft and pleading. I had never heard him say my name like that before.
When I didn’t answer and hoped he wasn’t coming any closer, I heard a scrape on the ground. A stone was kicked away and hit the wall near me.
I flinched.
“Damn it!” were his last words.
Then hasty footsteps.
And when I knew he was gone, I collapsed on the inside. I slumped down the wall, onto the even colder stone floor, and let out all the tears I had gathered over the last few weeks. And there were a lot of them.
A tear for Julian and for the fact that I hadn’t foreseen that we weren’t meant for each other, that I had first had to see that he simply reminded me of better times that I still seemed attached to.
A tear for Mica, and for all he had done for me without me realizing or appreciating it.
A tear for my pack, for whom I would never be perfect enough.
And another tear for this naive little girl who wanted to show everyone how well she could cope, how strong she was, and what she could endure.
I cried so hard that I had to press my hand over my mouth again to not be heard.
I was the idiot. The na?ve girl inside me that I finally had to break away from. The one who cried and shed her tears mainly because of one person.
Miles DeLoughrey, a Ruisangor. But he wasn’t my worst enemy. It was my heart. Miles DeLoughrey had gotten what he wanted. Access to my miserably cursed, traitorous heart.
It hammered violently in my chest. Because of him.
But I would take this secret to my grave.