Chapter 80 Making the Most of the Move
making the most of the move
Cal
“Mr. Cal,” one of the younger kids says, looking up at me with big, brown eyes, “I don’t know how to make the sound you just told us to make.”
“It’s okay, Logan, it’s a hard one. We can work on it again next week.”
Logan nods once and tries again before sighing heavily and putting the guitar on his lap. I give the kids a handout of things to work on during the week, and then we all exchange our tradition of high fives before they’re off to their next activity.
I work on cleaning up the space, hoping to see Billie appear in the doorway as she usually does at the end of my sessions. Except for today. It’s fair to assume she’s ghosting me since I haven’t heard from her since her dad’s party last weekend.
I’m not sure how to deal with the situation or what to do to make things better. I’ve started several texts, but honestly, the whole situation gives me anxiety. I feel like no matter what I say, it’ll be wrong. I don’t want to upset her more than I already have.
Still, I linger longer than normal, hopeful she might come down to see me. Finally, I pack up my guitar and shut off the light as my phone buzzes with a text message. My stomach flips, hoping it might be from Billie, but instead, I see Emily’s name, and hope turns to instant dread.
Emily: When were you going to tell me you were cheating on me?
Cal: What are you talking about?
Em responds instantly with a screenshot, a grainy photo from a Montreal-based tabloid. The headline reads: MAKING THE MOST OF THE MOVE.
I peer at the photo, trying to drag the screen to increase the size. When I realize what I’m looking at, I lean back against the wall, breathless and sick. It’s hard to make out, for sure, but I know that it’s a photo of Billie and me on the beach. I’m behind her, hands on her hips. Fucking her.
My phone rings, and I answer it quickly, looking around to make sure no one is within earshot. Emily’s already yelling into my ear the instant I accept her call.
“There is no excuse you can give me that will make me believe that you weren’t screwing some bimbo on that beach in that picture.”
“I’m not making an excuse.”
“So, you admit you were screwing some bimbo on the beach?”
“We agreed to a break. At your request, Em.”
“Taking a break doesn’t mean you can just go out and have sex with whoever, wherever, Cal.”
I pinch my nose between my thumb and forefinger. “I think it does mean that, actually. We’re not together, remember?”
“We also didn’t discuss seeing other people.”
“So that guy Nick, from your office that you were messaging when you were here to visit? I’m pretty sure you’re seeing him even if you won’t admit it. Can you truthfully tell me you haven’t fucked him?”
To my surprise, Emily is quiet for a long moment. I hear her take a deep breath before she says, “I think I’m in love with him.”
A bitter laugh escapes the back of my throat. It’s not like I didn’t know, down deep in my heart, that this was happening. That we were ending. That you’re in love with someone else yet rang me in anger. It’s completely illogical.
“What’s so damn funny?” she asks sharply.
“Nothing’s funny. It’s pathetic that you would come raging at me like this when you’ve been seeing someone else since, when, like the minute after I left?”
“I didn’t realize what was happening, what I was feeling.”
“Oh, you didn’t realize what you were feeling. Okay, Em. So, when you said you wanted to make this work? What was that?”
“Cal, you said the same, but here we are. Who is she?”
“None of your business. She’s a friend.”
“Well, I don’t do that with my friends.” The sound of her voice is giving me a headache. Why have I never noticed how annoying her voice is before this?
“Don’t you.” It’s not a question.
An awkward, heated silence stretches between us for several moments, and then she starts talking.
“It was exciting, at first…being with you. You’re one of the hottest players in hockey. You make a ton of money so being with you means financial stability. It felt like a dream come true but then…”
“Then what?” I’m gritting my teeth so hard it’s almost painful.
“Well, you’re you.”
The words hang between us. I am me. Whatever that means.
“But you were willing to stay with me because of who I am in hockey? Because of my money? Neither of those things have changed, so why walk away from it?”
“I could ask you the same thing. You talk about wanting to be with me, but you don’t know me. You don’t care about the things I care about. You’re not interested in the things I’m interested in. You just like the stability of your routine. You want things to stay the same.”
She’s not wrong. I can’t argue, so I ask, “But why didn’t you even try?”
Emily huffs at me through the phone. “Why didn’t you? It’s your photo in the newspaper. God, this is so embarrassing.”
“Why are you embarrassed?”
“Because, Calum, you’re my boyfriend. You’re in another city, with another woman.”
“Wait, you just told me you were in love with someone else. Weeks ago, you told me we were on pause. But it’s you who’s embarrassed?”
“People here don’t know we were on pause.”
“Oh, well, that’s convenient. You get to look like a victim when it was, in fact, you, who actually cheated with Nick.”
Emily laughs. “Whatever, Cal. What is she to you?”
“Why does it matter, Em? You just told me you think you’re in love with someone else—who you’ve been seeing, and probably fucking—while we were on a pause. The pause that you demanded. So, I had sex with someone. Why does it even matter to you?”
I look up at the sound of footsteps and find Billie, a look of hurt or shock or something on her face. I wonder how much of this conversation she’s heard. I know she’s not happy as she holds up a hand, shakes her head, and turns away, walking back down the hallway.
“Fuck,” I growl, forgetting for the moment that Emily is still on the other end of the line.
“I know you don’t like talking about emotions, Cal, but there’s no reason to curse at me.”
I can’t take it anymore. Her voice. The tone in it.
The ridiculous, hypocritical nature of this whole conversation.
“Hanging up now.” As I hit the button to end the call, cutting her protests off gives me a small measure of satisfaction.
As opposed to not caring at all. Which is far more typical for me.
I don’t have these kinds of messy conversations.
Ever. I don’t get upset or feel glad because others are.
Except right now because Emily deserves it.
I follow Billie’s retreating form all the way up a set of stairs toward the hallway that leads to her office.
Lingering at the doorway, I watch as she studiously ignores me, logging into her computer. She types furiously, lips pursed. When she finally stops, she looks up at me with an expression of forced ambivalence.
“You never told me you had a girlfriend.”
My jaw clenches. “We were on a break. We haven’t been together—it hasn’t been the same since I came here.”
“That didn’t sound like a conversation between people on a break. It sounded like a conversation between two people who are trying to hurt each other.”
“That’s not it at all,” I say firmly.
“Well, I thought we were friends, Cal.”
“We are.”
“I feel like friends would tell each other important tidbits of their lives, like, say, if they had significant others. Especially if said friends were, you know, kind of intimately involved.”
“It’s just sex, Billie. There are things you don’t tell me, like why you didn’t want your parents to know you’re in a band.”
“That is not the same and you know it.”
“I just don’t get why this is such a big deal to you, when you were the one to ask if we could forget about the sex and put it behind us afterward.”
“It’s not,” she snaps, turning back to her computer and typing again. “It’s fine. I just wouldn’t have slept with someone else’s boyfriend if I’d known.”
“And I wouldn’t have slept with you if Em and I weren’t on a break.” Billie cringes, so I know I must not be saying the right thing, again. I shove my hands in my pockets and add, “I like you a lot. You make it bearable to be here.”
“Wow, Calum.” Billie laughs bitterly. “Such a ringing endorsement of our relationship.”
“Look, things feel mixed up, and I’m not good with mixed up. I don’t really know what to say.”
“Well, I’ll let you off the hook. We were supposed to keep it professional, and we didn’t. You were my fake boyfriend for the span of, like, three hours. You played your part, and we can just forget about it now. Okay?”
Every muscle in my body is tense. I feel so uncomfortable. I hate this. I don’t know what to say or how to feel. All I do know is that this thing with Billie confuses me. It confuses me in a way I never felt with Emily. Is that good or bad?
“I don’t really know what to say to make this right,” I admit. “I like you. I find you attractive. I enjoy spending time with you. And Em and I haven’t been right since I moved here. She says she’s in love with someone else, but she seemed jealous when she saw the picture in the paper.”
“Wait, what picture in the paper?” Billie’s gaze snapping back up to meet mine.
“There was a grainy picture of us on the beach in a sleazy Montreal tabloid. No one would know it was you.”
“Picture of us doing what?” she asks slowly.
“Um…”
“Oh, holy hell, Cal! You didn’t think to tell me?”
“I just found out about it a minute ago. That’s why Em called.”
“My mother will flip her lid,” Billie mutters, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands.
“It’s not a big deal. It’s only me that can really be identified, and I’m not worried about it.”
“Oh, good, well, if you’re not worried about it…” Billie rolls her eyes at me. “Cal, your priorities could be readjusted, you know that?”
I frown, not having any idea what she means.
She waves me off. “I’ve had enough of this. Go call your girlfriend and fix things.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’re obviously just getting your rocks off with me to piss off your girlfriend or make her jealous or whatever. I’m not interested in being your bait, and I’m not interested in getting in the middle of whatever routine thing it is that will make you feel normal.”
“That’s not—I’m not with her just because it makes me feel normal.”
“You’re not with her at all, is what you tried to tell me a minute ago. So, which is it? You either have a girlfriend or you don’t.”
“I don’t. She put us on a break. We were on a break. Are on a break.”
“You don’t seem so sure, Cal. And what do you want? Do you want to be on a break?”
“Yeah…I do now. I didn’t at first, but now I know it was for the best. It’s complicated, Billie. We were together for a couple of years. Em knows me.”
“She knows you.” Billie’s voice is flat.
“She put up with my quirks.”
“Well, that’s the picture of romance, now, isn’t it?”
“It’s not about romance.”
“Of course, it’s not. For you, it’s all about avoiding change. It’s about staying in your comfort zone.” Billie’s feeling hurt and annoyed with me, but she’s also one hundred percent correct. I do avoid change at all costs.
“I don’t see what’s so wrong with that.”
Billie makes a bitter noise and faces back to her computer again. “I have to work, Cal.”
“Okay,” I say with a sigh. “Look, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, for what it’s worth.”
Billie doesn’t answer.