Chapter 34
Chapter
Thirty-Four
THEA
I’ve done everything I can to prepare. I’ve trained until my fingers bled and I nearly passed out from exhaustion; I’ve practiced for hours upon hours, pushing my Gift as hard as I dare, finding every facet within it that might be of use; I’ve studied battle healing and strategy; I’ve learned to fight in tandem with Soren and the others should I find myself in the heart of the battle this time.
No, not should. When.
I will not remain on some safe island behind the real fighting this time, watching and using my power from afar.
I will be there with my people. I will bleed beside them.
I will send up the final goodbye and prayer to Noxum should they fall beside me.
I will battle back against the evil of this empire next to the man that I love. My king. My heart. My soul.
And he isn’t trying to stop me. I know that he worries, of course, and the thought of me in the fray terrifies him, but Killian understands the warrior spirit inside of me, the one that calls to his own.
He knows how important this fight is, not just for Hypathia, but for me.
It’s my sister on the other side of those battle lines, my former home.
I know deep in my heart that I’m meant to be in this fight, that I’m meant to face my sister.
And I’m ready.
The journey has taken us two weeks since I refused to make it atop the damned dragon’s back.
Just the thought of soaring through the air, with nothing between us and the ground so far, far, far below, makes my stomach turn flips and sweat break out across the back of my neck.
So, we rode with the rest of the army as we’d done all those months before—though this time the numbers in our party are staggering.
They go on for miles and miles, horses and carriages and soldiers.
So many soldiers. I pray to Brienne for their safety, for our victory so that most of these men and women will return to their homes and loved ones.
I know not all will, and I pray to Noxum to care for their souls.
I made the trip quicker than it would normally have been, keeping the worst of the storms away from our path and clearing the snow as much as possible, so I’d call that a good compromise.
Now, the time has come. There’s a strange energy within the camp as we ready ourselves for battle. Tense. Excited. Calm. Afraid. A mixture that sends a soft fire through my veins. Yes, there is fear, but there is also an overwhelming sense of purpose.
I watch as Killian dons his armor, the black shining like Isolde’s scales, the emblazoned dragon head proud and watchful on his chest. He is war personified, that quiet, steel-hard determination, calculation, and, when necessary, brutality all simmering in those stormy eyes.
He doesn’t turn as he straps weapons to his thighs and chest, but addresses me anyway, knowing damned well I was admiring the view.
“Like what you see, Red?”
“Always,” I breathe as I start to strap on my own armor.
“Always, huh?” he asks, turning finally and striding over to help me strap on my chest plate, as he did the last time we rode into a fight together.
I turn my back to him and he shifts my braids over one shoulder.
He runs a finger down the back of my neck, over the newly-inked tattoo there, making me shiver.
He’s taken every opportunity to touch me over these last two weeks, even the tiniest whispers of fingertips as he passes by.
I know why. The same reason I’ve been doing the same to him.
In case we fall today. If that is what the Makers have planned, then we’ve both wanted to take advantage of every single minute that we’ve had left.
“Just because you were a pretentious, overbearing prick who was delivering me to my doom—or so I thought—when I first met you, doesn’t mean my eyesight was hindered.”
“Pretentious, overbearing prick? How you wound me, my love.”
I laugh and he chuckles low in return, buckling my armor tightly.
He places a kiss at my nape and then I turn, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his.
It isn’t frenzied or desperate. It’s deep and unyielding, a kiss that conveys all that I am, all that I’ve ever been and ever will be: his. I am his and he is mine.
“I love you, Killian Blackheart.”
“And I you, Thea Blackheart.”
“If...if things don’t go...” He silences me with a kiss.
“No,” he says simply as he pulls away and I know what he’s saying: no goodbyes.
No final declarations, just in case. He smiles softly, running the backs of his knuckles gently over my cheek, and I smile back and nod.
No goodbyes. There are no goodbyes for us, no matter what happens on that field.
There are no goodbyes when you are one soul split into two bodies.
He leans his forehead against mine, eyes sliding closed. He stays that way for five long heartbeats and then sighs, pulling back to kiss the place his brow just was, and finally stepping away. He slides his sword into the scabbard at his back and we leave our tent.
The army is ready, all gathered at the east side of the camp to make our final march on Lyanna. We’re facing them at the castle itself, away from the city, which I see as a good thing—at least it keeps the citizens far away from the fighting—but Killian isn’t so sure.
Dessa joins us, Mia hugging her side as they walk together.
Cece and Math arrive next and I have to fight to swallow past the lump in my throat at the sight of Math in armor.
He’d insisted back at Duskthorne, saying that this was his fight too and he couldn’t stand by and watch.
I’d gasped, tears immediately filling my eyes when Cece, tears in her own, had taken his hands and placed them on her belly.
“You fight for what’s right and make your son or daughter proud.
” Math’s eyes had gone wide and though anyone wouldn’t blame him for changing his mind in that instant, it only hardened his resolve.
He trained harder than anyone in those few weeks, becoming one hells of a soldier in my humble opinion.
“Look at you,” I say now, watching him stroll over in his armor, a war hammer resting on his hip and a short sword strapped to his back.
“I look fucking fantastic, I know,” he says, preening. “This one couldn’t keep her hands off of me.” He jerks a thumb at Cece. “This is the third time I’ve dressed, she kept—ow!” Cece grabs his ear and tugs, but brings his face to hers for a kiss.
“You’re a damned fool,” she tells him, but smiles fondly and winks at me when she turns away. All around me, soldiers ready themselves. Some quiet and contemplative, others loud and boisterous; some praying, some drinking, some stoic.
Cece comes forward and wraps her arms around me.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” she whispers as she hugs me tightly. I know she doesn’t mean for battle. Am I ready to face my sister, to do what needs to be done.
“I am.”
She looks saddened but she knows now what my twin is truly capable of, the darkness inside of her that’s destroyed all that I used to love.
I would not have been ready to kill Tess, the other part of me, the girl who protected me and laughed with me and made up silly stories about the stars to make me smile.
But I am ready to kill Tesni, the girl who betrayed me, the woman who did it yet again; the woman who has done unspeakable things and let unspeakable things be done without lifting a finger to stop them.
Cece pulls away and cradles my cheek with one hand, the other going to her belly.
“He or she will want their aunt back in one piece.” I smile, kiss her cheek, give Mia a big hug, and then turn and walk away without another word.
If I don’t, if I try to find the words to say goodbye, I’ll never leave.
Dessa, Tristan, Math, and Killian follow a moment later, and they all know me well enough not to ask if I’m alright, not to try to hug me or make this better.
My heart just needs a moment to allow the breaking.
The breaking that will hopefully mend itself once we all come out of this safely, but it breaks all the same as I walk away from my true sister, the one I chose for myself and the one that has loved me unconditionally since the moment I met her; as I walk away from the girl who stole my heart and made me find light in those first awful weeks of terror and darkness after I’d been taken; as I walk away from my family.
I’m leaving part of my family behind.
But the rest is with me, walking into battle beside me—or flying overhead.
I look up and, squinting, I can make out the faint rippling in the air as Isolde flies above us.
She’s camouflaged herself, as the warrior caste of dragons is able to do, though only for short amounts of time.
To our knowledge, the Alliance knows nothing of her existence, let alone that she’s bonded with the Commander of the whole fucking army.
My lips curl, imagining Tesni and Barony’s reactions to that little surprise we have waiting for them.
-I’d very much like to rip Barony’s throat out myself,- Soren purrs inside my mind, bounding out from the tree line as we mount our horses.
-I’ll fight you for him, cat,- Killian replies, fury blazing in his eyes. He will hate Barony forever for what he’d done to me all those years ago, forcing us to choose. Forcing Tesni to show her true colors and break my heart in two.
Soren bares his fangs at Killian astride his giant Northland, and Killian bares his teeth right back, making all of us laugh.
-Ready, love?- my husband asks.
I take one more big breath in and hold it for a long moment before letting it out slowly.
-I’m ready.-
With that, we ride.
“Great,” I say.
“Fucking,” Math adds.
“Makers,” Dessa and Tristan finish as one.