Chapter 19
19
ROSE
Rose hitched in another breath when Ben suddenly stopped dancing and his forehead creased, his beautiful brown eyes watching her intently.
‘Chaos?’ He closed the distance between them until they were standing and staring at one another, the tips of their shoes just touching.
‘I can do chaos.’
His beautiful mouth tipped up in one corner and Rose felt her stomach go choppy –as if she’d just dived into the ocean, leaving behind the safety of solid ground.
She sucked in a breath again as her brain – the rational bit anyway – screamed that she should get herself to land again.
Pronto . Before she did something she was going to regret.
But she knew it was already too late.
Ben placed a fingertip at the edge of her jaw, and she flinched in surprise, making him pull away.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, frowning.
She shook her head and took a step closer.
‘No, I’m sorry – you just surprised me.
I’m jumpy.’ She cupped a hand around his cheek and stroked the peppery stubble.
It had been a long time since she’d touched a man, but it felt good.
Ben felt good. And he was so incredible to look at – she hadn’t allowed herself to stare at him before, but to hell with it, she was going to look her fill now.
Ben guided his fingertips back to her jaw and tipped her chin again so he could look into her eyes.
‘I don’t know what you’re asking for, Rose,’ he said softly, his gaze zigzagging across her face.
He did know – she could tell from the rigid set of his shoulders, from the way his eyes had darkened, and his body had angled itself even closer to her.
‘You want me to spell it out?’ she asked, trying to keep the reluctance out of her voice.
‘I don’t want to get this wrong,’ he said, his tone and expression frustrated.
So unlike the man she’d spent the last few days getting to know.
He’d always seemed so confident and sure of himself.
Her stomach knotted – was she wrong about Ben; had she misread him somehow?
‘And now you’re pulling away,’ he said, taking a tiny step closer, sounding disappointed.
Until their chests were brushing together.
‘I’m not,’ she said, even though she was thinking about it.
All her usual doubts were cascading into her brain like a firework display.
A kaleidoscope of her parents’ disastrous relationships was playing at the back of her brain.
She swallowed, pushing the noise away.
‘Is it enough to say I want this?’ Her chest tightened as she took the final plunge.
‘I just want to put my rules back in a folder. Maybe I want to pretend they don’t exist. Live out the fantasy, or at least dip my toe in.
’ For a while anyway.
‘So I’m an experiment?
’ The hurt that flashed across Ben’s face made her knees go wobbly.
‘Of course not!’ She muttered.
‘You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to ignore my rules for.
’ She squashed her hands in frustration.
She was doing this wrong.
Without her rules, she was in untested waters.
Clearly drowning.
Ben must have liked what she said because he nodded.
‘So we dance and take this slowly.’ He took her hand again.
The track changed once more, and the music grew sultry.
Rose didn’t recognise the song, but she could hear heartache and longing, could almost feel the same emotions reflected inside herself.
Ben pulled her closer until their hips were pressed against each other.
He was taller, but somehow, they seemed to fit.
She let him guide her – so tired of always being in control, of making the rules and giving advice.
Especially when it felt like it made no difference.
The only advice she was going to give now was to herself.
To embrace chaos, to forget the rules, to chase whatever made her happy and to forget everything else.
‘Are you sure this is what you want?’ Ben whispered, nudging her hair aside and pressing his mouth to her ear so he could stroke his lips against the skin underneath.
Rose shivered, only this time it had nothing to do with the cold.
‘We could have died earlier. I know I’m being dramatic,’ she muttered.
‘You?’ he teased, pulling her closer still and swinging them both in a small circle in time to the music.
Rose saw Coco look up from where she was lying by the door, her doggy expression content but a little confused.
‘I’d never call you dramatic, Rose.
’
‘What would you call me?’ she asked, returning his nuzzle by stroking the top of her nose along his sharp jawline.
He smelled incredible, of olive groves and sunshine – with some kind of aftershave mixed in there too.
It reminded her of sex and bad decisions – things she usually avoided, but now she couldn’t stay away.
He whisked her round again, then dipped her, making her feel like a contestant on Strictly Come Dancing .
This man had all the moves, and she was seriously out of her depth.
But that wasn’t going to stop her.
He righted her again and smiled, his grin setting her insides alight.
‘You’re loyal and hard-working.
You care about other people and put them first. Sometimes, to your own detriment.
’
The answering smile that had been hovering on her lips disappeared.
That was all true, but it made her sound so…
‘Boring,’ she muttered.
‘A lot like a dog – biddable and well trained.’ Her eyes flashed to Coco who looked up at her.
‘Present company excepted of course; no one would ever accuse you either of those.’
Ben chuckled.
‘It’s quite unnerving how you can take something that’s meant as a compliment and turn it into an insult.
Is that a psychiatrist thing?
’
‘It’s a listening thing,’ she said sourly as Ben dipped her down before whirling them both around as the song on Ben’s mobile changed again.
‘Then it’s time we stopped talking and try to communicate some other way,’ he said, bringing them both to a slow stop, then circling his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him.
Now this was more like it.
This is what she’d been dreaming about.
‘I can get behind that.’ She pressed her body against his, relishing the feel of him.
He was muscular, she’d expected that, she just hadn’t anticipated the way he’d set her skin alight until she felt like every inch of her was ablaze.
She wound her arms around his neck, fighting an almost impossible urge to rip off his shirt so she could explore all that perfect landscape of hard muscle.
She’d touched him when they’d been in the sea, but that had been an accident, or the lingering effects of the fertility statue; her plans tonight were deliberate.
She’d spent years drilling the difference between lust and love into her clients, but tonight, she wanted to give herself over to uncomplicated pleasure and desire.
But it was a lot more powerful than she’d anticipated.
Ben made the first move and caught her mouth in a slow, deliberate kiss.
Rose had been intending to kiss him first, but as usual her head had got in the way.
Thinking versus doing, rules versus going with the flow.
It was the story of her life.
At least her life until now.
That was about to change.
The kiss started out slow – Ben had clearly decided to take his time.
Perhaps he didn’t want to overwhelm her?
But that’s exactly what Rose wanted.
She wanted to be claimed, to lose herself and let go.
If there was a rule tonight, it was that there were no rules.
She reached up and pushed her hand into his hair, pulled him closer and deepened the kiss.
What had begun as restrained soon turned fiery.
To Ben’s credit, he didn’t try to pull away or make them slow down; he followed her agenda, letting his hand stray lower until it was cupping her bottom.
She dropped her own and did the same, tracing the firm globe of his buttock.
God he was so gorgeous.
The blueprint for the perfect man, physically anyway.
And now she was objectifying him and that was wrong.
She frowned without breaking off their kiss.
‘Is this okay?’ Ben pulled away so he could speak.
‘It’s not enough,’ she whispered.
Beside the door she heard Coco make a low grunting sound.
‘Someone’s going to find us soon.
’ It was only a matter of time.
That, or the demon was going to get antsy.
It was a miracle that she hadn’t already.
‘I want…’ She swallowed – the next words were going to take all of her bravery to share.
Ben didn’t interrupt or ask, he simply waited for her to finish.
But his eyes were fixed on her mouth – his expression ravenous.
It was enough to make her insides melt like a handful of marshmallows on a bonfire.
‘I want more…’ she rasped.
For a moment, she wondered if he was going to ask how much more.
Instead, he nodded and captured her mouth in a kiss again.
This time, he didn’t hold back.
This time, he dived straight in, using all his kissing miles to destroy her.
He began to guide her backwards towards the table and chairs, as his lips travelled to her neck, tracing every curve and dip, exploring every inch of her skin.
She was trembling by the time her legs hit the first piece of furniture.
Then Ben growled and shoved the chair aside, easing her further back until she was perched on the edge of the table.
‘This much more?’ he whispered.
‘No, way more than this,’ she rasped as he hitched her up until she was sitting on the edge of the table.
Then he slowly eased her legs open and situated himself in between.
Her heart was hammering so hard that she could hear it, or maybe it was all that blood rushing through her ears?
It was so loud it almost drowned out the next slow song as it played from Ben’s mobile.
He stopped and placed a hand on either side of her hips, penning her in, as he leaned closer and looked into her eyes.
‘How much more, Rose?’ he asked again.
‘I’m serious.’ He looked it, and that only made him more appealing – if that were possible.
‘I want everything.’ Her heart, which had been hammering until now, began to pummel and pound, leaving her breathless.
As if to punctuate her point – and to make sure Ben understood – she began to undo the buttons on his shorts before leaning forward and stroking her hands over his smooth skin.
He was beautiful, hard but soft at the same time.
Like he’d been carved out of clouds, a miracle of physical engineering.
For a moment, Rose wondered if she was imagining him.
Where were his flaws?
Everyone had some – physically and emotionally.
She had plenty. Or perhaps Ben’s were simply that he was unable to commit?
Or just too damaged to want to.
Ben tugged at the thin straps of her dress pushing them downwards, making her insides go haywire.
Then he pushed the rest of the dress to her waist before setting to work on her bra.
Rose felt it fall away, and the knot in her chest tightened as he gazed down.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he said huskily.
‘You always know the exact right thing to say.’ She tried to keep her voice light.
She didn’t want to engage, wasn’t looking to fall for this man.
He was too far out of her league, and he’d never take her – or the idea of them – seriously.
This was just an exercise in breaking the rules – perhaps because she needed to know she could?
‘I get it wrong more often than you’d think,’ Ben rasped as he stepped closer and pushed her skirt over her knees and up her thighs, making everything inside her effervesce.
She was shivering again; goosebumps were obviously her language of need.
‘This isn’t very romantic for our first time,’ he said, frowning.
Did that matter to him?
Rose looked around at the dim room.
The light from his phone gave it a rosy glow – almost as if someone were burning candles.
‘It’s not bad. The lighting is perfect,’ she said.
‘I don’t think the other guest is going to disturb us either.
’ She nodded towards the door where Coco was now resting, her eyes closed, her tail flicking from side to side.
‘I mean, the bed’s a bit hard, but I don’t think it’s going to matter.
’ She wriggled, grinning up at him.
‘At least I’m hoping you’re going to take my mind off that – and soon.
’
He beamed down at her, making something in her chest crack open just a little, letting in a flood of unexpected warmth.
‘I’ll do my best,’ he murmured, stepping closer.
Then he caught her mouth in another slow kiss, allowing her to explore his body with her hands.
He was firm and hard in all the right places – a testament to his exceptional DNA.
She paused so she could undo the buttons on his shirt before pushing it off and letting it drop to the floor.
She thought she heard the patter of paws but was too busy mapping Ben’s chest with her lips to look up and see what the demon was up to.
She knew if the shih tzu wasn’t whining or barking, she was okay.
Ben pushed the skirt of her dress up higher, exposing the tops of her thighs and the tiniest hint of underwear before dropping to his knees.
Rose placed both of her hands on the table and leaned back so she could watch him dab tiny kisses from her knee upwards making her skin explode in more goosebumps.
‘May I?’ he asked, looking up suddenly and pinning her with his brown eyes before pointing to her red thong.
The one he’d helped Francesca pick out.
‘Of course,’ she croaked, starting to ease herself forward in an attempt to help.
But Ben suddenly moved her closer to the edge of the table and whipped them off before she could move.
‘You’re quite the expert,’ she observed, trying to keep the dismay out of her tone.
‘I think it has more to do with eagerness than experience,’ he murmured, settling her on the edge of the table before kneeling down and getting to work.
After that Rose had no words – her brain was filled with too much sensation for her to form a coherent thought, let alone a sentence.
Her whole body was rocking and heating, flexing and climbing, pulsing and tingling until she thought she wouldn’t be able to stand it anymore.
She pushed her hands into Ben’s hair, holding on tight as her pleasure reached its peak sending her over the edge of some imaginary rollercoaster that seemed to last hours.
When she finally returned to solid ground, the need inside her was only partly quenched.
So when Ben made his way to his feet again, she grabbed him and pulled him down, settling him over her on the table.
‘More,’ she demanded, still a long way from satisfied.
If she was going to break the rules, she was going to do it properly.
Go all the way. Squash all her doubts and insecurities.
Finally experience everything she’d been hiding from.
So she knew what she’d been missing.
Perhaps it would help to educate her on all the things she clearly didn’t understand?
‘Now…’ Ben pulled back a little so he could gaze down her.
He didn’t say anything this time.
Rose had been expecting empty words, had braced herself to ignore them.
Instead, he kissed her softly on the mouth before stroking a slow hand up her leg.
Then he stopped suddenly and pulled back, as his forehead creased.
‘Protection,’ he murmured.
‘I haven’t got any.’
Rose winced.
She was about to ask him why.
Surely, a man who looked like that would always be prepared?
Only, that wasn’t fair.
‘I’m…’ She felt her cheeks heat.
‘I have a coil and I haven’t—’ Did she really want to tell him how long it had been?
‘It’s been a while.’ She frowned, suddenly uncomfortable, because she didn’t really want to hear a potted history of Ben’s sex life.
He gazed down at her, looking surprised and a little unsure.
How many women had Ben slept with recently?
‘Is it that many?’ she blurted, ignoring the spear of jealousy as it lodged itself in her throat.
Ben laughed – but it didn’t sound like a laugh.
It was more of a choke and was there a hint of hurt in this expression too?
No. She’d imagined that, surely.
‘Actually, it’s been two years for me.
’ There was something about the pitch of his voice that told her he was telling the truth.
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ he murmured.
Rose nodded. She wanted to explore that further – how could he possibly have abstained for that long?
But she wasn’t here to talk either – she was here to do.
‘Then we’re okay,’ she said, tugging him back down on top of her, capturing his mouth this time leaving him no doubt as to what she wanted from him.
Or that she wanted it now.
Ben must have agreed because a few seconds later he was inside her and they were moving together.
He had a forearm pressed on the table making sure he didn’t lean on her too much, and she appreciated his thoughtfulness, even though it still surprised her.
She shut her eyes trying not to overthink, trying to just enjoy this moment.
There was a lot to enjoy.
She reached up and hugged Ben tightly, wrapped her legs around him moving in sync.
It didn’t take long before she was on the rollercoaster again, then she was diving and swooping, kissing him so fiercely she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stop.
And then he joined her on the ride, groaning into her mouth.
Until they both seem to land, breathing heavily, their hearts seemingly hammering in sync.
But as the world stilled and their breath calmed, Rose thought she could hear voices coming from somewhere.
‘Oh damn!’ she yelped, trying to sit up.
Then Coco began to bark and Ben shot up, pulling away from her and immediately trying to help her put her clothes back on.
‘I think someone picked their message up,’ Ben said, urgently helping her fasten her bra before searching the ground.
‘I can’t find your underwear.
’ He sounded annoyed.
‘Don’t worry about it – you need to get dressed,’ she said hastily.
He was still mostly naked and looked glorious – but he managed to pull up his trousers and fasten them just as Marco opened the door.
‘You’re here!’ he said, coming inside, leaving the door wide open.
‘We’ve been looking for you – Aurora’s searching upstairs, she went looking for red-and-white bubble bath.
We thought you might have got locked in the bathroom or something.
Then I saw your message.
Thank goodness you found the dog.
’ He didn’t sound very happy about it and sneezed suddenly, then wiped his eyes as he looked around.
‘What happened to the lights?’ he asked as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.
‘They went off,’ Ben said as Marco studied him.
‘What on earth happened to your shirt?’ Ben moved so he was standing in front of Rose, hiding her from view.
‘Oh…’ Marco coughed looking embarrassed.
Rose had just managed to pull up the straps of her dress when she heard another set of footsteps on the stairs – and then Luna came charging into the cellar and immediately sank to her knees so she could hug Coco.
‘You found her!’ she cooed.
‘I don’t know how I’m ever going to thank you, Rose.
I can’t believe you got stuck down here – Elena mentioned there’s been a problem with the lock.
’
She grabbed something from Coco’s mouth and frowned.
‘What’s this?’ she asked, waving a pair of red lacy pants just as the overhead lights decided to switch themselves back on, illuminating a half-naked Ben as he suddenly zeroed in on his shirt which was tucked under the table.
‘Oh…’ Luna murmured, widening her clear blue eyes which ping-ponged between Ben and Rose.
‘Did you both get too hot?’ she asked, shooting a shocked look at Rose who felt her cheeks flame.
Ben picked up the shirt, quickly pulled it on and did it up.
‘Can I have those please?’ Ben asked patiently, holding out his hand for Rose’s underwear.
Luna handed them to him and watched Ben put them in his pocket.
Marco let out an irritated huff and muttered something under his breath about Luna ogling the best man.
She gave her fiancé a disappointed look.
‘At least he helped find Coco and he wasn’t responsible for terrifying her either.
’
‘I didn’t realise the fireworks would upset her; I know nothing about dogs,’ Marco muttered through gritted teeth, making it clear the argument they’d started in the garden had festered.
‘We need to get back to making the wedding favours,’ he added, pointing towards the stairs.
‘Why bother, since after tonight, I’m not sure there’s going to be a wedding,’ Luna shot back before scooping up Coco and disappearing through the open doorway, offering a quick glance at Rose that told her she’d have to explain herself at some point.
‘ Tesoro !’ Marco shot Ben a crestfallen look, before he sneezed again and followed Luna.
‘Are they going to be okay?’ Ben asked, jerking his head towards the door without taking his eyes off Rose.
She nodded. ‘Luna’s tired and that’s probably just a reaction to what happened tonight.
I’ll speak to her,’ she promised, realising Ben was still staring at her, his eyes dark and filled with meaning.
‘That was…’ He fell silent, his gaze a little unsure.
‘I know…’ She gulped, suddenly hesitant about what to say.
Then Ben reached into his pocket and handed her the red thong.
She scrunched it in her hand like a talisman, a physical reminder of what they’d just done.
It had been more than she’d been expecting.
But the sudden abrupt appearance of their friends seemed to have changed everything.
Especially since it appeared the wedding was still in trouble.
‘It was.’ Ben gazed at her, his mouth tightening as he scoured her face.
‘Yep.’ Rose studied him, wondering what he was thinking.
‘We should probably see if we can talk to Luna and Marco now…’ He turned and signalled that they should leave, letting Rose walk ahead.
She climbed the steps, her mind spinning, all the while aware that Ben was behind her.
What had meant to be a toe in the water, suddenly felt like so much more.
She began to run, faster now, wondering if she’d just made a huge mistake – or if that had just been the beginning…