Chapter 8
Rowley
Precious. That’s how she feels in my arms, this awkward, anxious girl, a gem hidden away in this house, unknown to all but me.
When she relaxes, her body folding into mine like it was made for me, I almost coo with praise. I hold it back the same way I did the urge to take her on the kitchen linoleum like a savage just now. It takes every ounce of self-control I have, but it’s necessary.
God, the way she trembled when I kissed her. I could tell at once she had no idea what to do, my precious girl who’s never been kissed, and it made me ache deep inside.
“That’s it,” I murmur when she burrows in deeper, because I can’t help myself.
And it’s working. She sighs against me as I stroke her hair, and her body is soft, finally at peace. I will do this every day—just hold her so she can rest. She’s so lonely, so unused to being touched, but I’ll fix it all.
I’ll give her what she needs. Whatever it is.
“Um. Rowley? Can you let go now?”
Her voice sounds small and uncertain. I sigh with regret and step back, watching her for signs of distress.
I told myself I would take it slow and let her get used to me, but it’s impossible to resist the need building in my body.
My hands itch to keep touching her, and now that she’s gone, I feel bereft.
“Are you all right?” I ask, swallowing the “sweetheart” that wants to follow.
Too much affection will probably make her uneasy.
“I guess.” She looks up with a cute, thoughtful frown, and I wait patiently until she speaks again. “You kissed me.”
“I did.”
Silence stretches between us while she fidgets with the edges of her sleeves, her mouth moving as if trying on words to see how they feel in her mouth.
“Why did you do that?” she finally asks.
“Because I wanted to.”
She clicks her tongue impatiently. “But why?”
Well, I cannot lie to her, but I can be gentle about it. “Because I’m attracted to you. Very much.”
She shakes her head in exasperation. “Why?!”
“Do I need a reason?” I ask as I try to come up with words that describe the way my body lights up when she’s near, and how full and hopeful I feel when I look into her eyes.
The perfect girl who knows my worst secret and doesn’t run away.
“No one was ever attracted to me, so yes, you need a reason.”
Oh, sweetheart.
Her hands curl into fists as she watches me with suspicious belligerence, as if I’m hiding something and she’s determined to drag it out.
And yes, I am hiding the fact that I’ve already decided we’ll get married and how many children we’ll have, but that’s for her own good. She’d freak out if I told her.
“Okay. Sit down, please.”
Her lips purse as she considers whether to obey my request. She does, in the end, and I slide her untouched glass of eggnog toward her and pour myself another one.
“This is delicious, by the way,” I say after taking a sip. “All right. Do you believe in soulmates?”
She groans, shaking her head. “Really? Soulmates? That’s your explanation?”
“I understand your reaction. I didn’t believe in soulmates, either, not before tonight. In fact, I was convinced I’d never have an honest, loving relationship in my life.”
She frowns. “Why? You’re good looking, young, and very charming if you want to be. I don’t see why women wouldn’t flock to you.”
My chest glows with pleasure at her words. I smile, and her lips tip up just a little in response.
“I mean, they sometimes do, I’d lie if I said they didn’t.” I sigh with a shrug, because what does it matter? Not one of the women I met before would accept me if she knew what I was. “I’m reasonably attractive, I suppose. As long as I keep my second profession a secret.”
She snorts, making her disdain obvious. “Profession.”
I smile and nod. “See? That’s what I mean. You’re not only not scared, disgusted, or offended by what I do, you’re actually comfortable enough to be sarcastic about it. I’ve never met someone like you before. I thought it was impossible.”
She regards me with a dubious expression. “Really? So you… You like me because you think I don’t care that you’re a killer? I see.”
When she looks away, her jaw thrust out in defiance, I realize I blundered.
“You obviously care,” I hasten to explain.
“That’s not it. What I mean is, I think you’re able to see past it, unlike anyone else I know.
It’s a very attractive quality. To me, it’s the most important one.
But there are other reasons. You’re cute, and beautiful, and quirky, and I like all of that.
You’re lonely, too. You need someone to take care of you, and I badly need someone to take care of. ”
She looks at me, eyes narrowed as if she’s looking for the lie, but she won’t find it. I’ve been nothing but honest. I sigh and plow on, determined to get her to see.
“Look, I get how you feel, and I’d be just as stunned if I weren’t so busy thinking about all the things I want to do to y… Right. That was creepy.”
I bite my tongue but it’s too late. She lights up with curiosity.
“What things? Tell me three examples.”
I wrack my brain for the most innocent of my current desires, because “fuck you senseless without protection so you get knocked up and be mine” sounds insane even in my own head.
“I want to hang that silk mistletoe I found in one box and lure you under it so I can kiss you again. That’s one. Two, I want to make you food and see you eat it. I’m a good cook, and you’ll see the appeal of being with me once you taste my cooking. Right, and three…”
My mind goes blank when she licks her lower lip, and all I can think about is having her under me as she screams my name.
“And three?” she asks, eyebrows raised.
“I want you to scream my name when I’m inside you,” I say when nothing else comes to mind.
My pants are uncomfortably tight. I’m like a hormonal teenager, I swear. The fact I shouldn’t touch her yet just makes me want it more, forbidden fruit and all that.
“Oh.”
She looks away, and her blush is so cute, I want to lick her.
“Are you upset?” I ask when she doesn’t say anything. “I’m doing my best to be honest, you know. Build a good foundation. But I get that hearing things like that might be uncomfortable, especially since you’re a virgin.”
She looks up. “How do you… Oh, right. The bathroom. I told you I hadn’t seen a naked man before.”
I grin as I remember that conversation. At that point, I didn’t know she’d save me from the police, yet I already gravitated toward her as if pulled by an invisible force.
We’re definitely soulmates.
But Prudy doesn’t seem to know what to do with everything I told her. She looks around, her tired eyes snagging on the clock. It’s almost ten p.m.. She yawns, turning her face away.
I’m at war with myself, torn between two urges. I want to spend every second in her company, but my girl is obviously tired, and I need to make sure all her needs are met.
“You should go to bed,” I say after a short internal battle. Her wellbeing comes first.
She shakes her head with a deep sigh. “No, we still need to decorate a bit more just in case. I should probably eat, too. My last meal was around noon.”
I get up, already cataloging in my head the contents of her fridge I briefly glimpsed before. “Drink your eggnog. What sounds better, a savory omelet or sweet French toast with cinnamon?”
She stares at me, blinking, then rubs her eyes with another yawn. “French toast, but you really don’t have to… I have lots of instant ramen, so I’m good.”
I ignore her feeble attempt to discourage me, already bustling around the kitchen. “You wanted tea, right? Where do you keep it?”
I put the kettle on and get busy making our meal. Prudy watches me with a sort of gentle helplessness, as if she knows she should stop me, but doesn’t have enough energy to do so. I congratulate myself with a grin. Cooking for my girl is a sure way to get her addicted to me fast.
I make enough for two and set the table, fishing a bottle of syrup out of her tea drawer. Canned peaches accompany the toast. She has little in terms of fresh produce, so they’ll have to do for now—but I’ll feed her so much better in the future.
When I put a plate of steaming, golden toast in front of her, she leans in and breathes deeply. Her eyes are big with surprise when she regards me.
“This looks amazing.”
I allow myself a smile. “Tuck in, sweetheart. And eat your peaches, too.”
She eats fast, taking dainty bites in between low, appreciative noises. I almost forget to eat myself, staring at her to the point of being creepy. I can’t help it. She’s just so cute.
And sexy. And forbidden.
“You go on to bed,” I say when she’s done. “I’ll finish down here, okay? And I won’t bother you, I swear. You’re completely safe.”
She shakes her head with gentle confusion, her eyelids drooping now that she’s fed. She must be exhausted.
“Is it weird that I believe you?” she asks, stifling a yawn.
I clench my fists, but of course, my raging hormones win this one, because her budding trust is like a potent aphrodisiac. I stride over and gently hold her face in both hands, tilting it up.
She gasps when I lean down and kiss her forehead. And maybe I linger a little too long, but if that’s the only contact I’m allowed, then I’ll make it stretch as long as possible.
“Sweet dreams,” I whisper, looking into her confused eyes as I pull away. “I’ll keep you safe.”