Chapter 5
How Not to Give Your Computer an STI
JAMES
The kitchen goes quiet and awkward as we look at each other. Caleb stands by the microwave with his plate of reheated pizza, while I hang back in the doorway like I don't belong in my own house.
The new haircut makes him look different, sharper, somehow, his features no longer hidden behind that curtain of dark hair. His eyes stand out more now, big and full of feeling, even though he's trying to keep a blank face.
The silence needs breaking. "Late night?" My feet move forward, into the kitchen proper instead of lurking in doorways.
"Design project," he says curtly. "Due tomorrow."
"At three in the morning?"
He shrugs, taking a bite of pizza. "Best time to work. House is quiet."
That I understand, the precious hours between midnight and dawn are when I get most of my coding done, free from the constant interruptions of the loud guys that live in the frat house.
Walking to the refrigerator, I'm acutely aware of Caleb watching me as I grab a Red Bull. When I turn back, he quickly looks away, as if caught doing something he shouldn't.
"What?"
"Nothing." He shifts, uncomfortable. "Just wondering why you are prowling around at three AM."
"Same reason as you. Peace and quiet." Cracking open the can, I take a large swallow. "Server maintenance is easier when nobody's trying to stream movies or download porn."
The corner of his mouth twitches, almost a smile, before he suppresses it. "Speaking of which, your Wi-Fi security is surprisingly decent. Most frat houses are digital cesspools."
"That's because most frats don't have someone dedicated to maintaining their networks," I'm somewhat mollified by the technical compliment.
"Though it doesn't stop these idiots from infecting their devices.
Speaking of viruses, I spent half my day removing malware from Rex's laptop. Third time this month."
Caleb snorts. "Let me guess, sketchy porn sites?"
"According to him, he was 'just' trying to stream the new Marvel movie." My voice is dry. "On a site that conveniently required his credit card information for 'verification.'"
"Amateurs," Caleb mutters, and I can hear real annoyance in his voice. I kinda like that about him.
"The worst part is teaching them the same lesson over and over. I've made informational posters, sent emails, and even set up individual lessons. Nothing helps."
Caleb takes another bite of pizza, considering. "You know what Drew would do."
Looking up, I catch Caleb's eyes. There's this gleam there, mischief, maybe? Or just the shared misery of dealing with people who think computers run on magic and good intentions.
"Make it mandatory."
We say it together, perfectly timed, like we've both had the exact same evil thought.
And just like that, we're both cracking up, real, honest laughter that feels weird inside. I can't remember the last time I laughed like this with anyone in the fraternity, let alone Caleb Huntington the third.
"A required course on 'How Not to Give Your Computer an STI,'" Caleb suggests between chuckles.
"Complete with graphic photos of infected hard drives."
This sets him off again. "Lesson one: If the site asks for your credit card to watch a movie that's still in theatres, it's not legitimate streaming!"
"Lesson two: Those hot singles in your area? They're actually hot malware packets ready to destroy your system."
We're both laughing harder now, the kind that actually hurts your ribs, and the tension between us dissolves like it was never there.
When Caleb laughs, his whole face transforms. The perpetual scowl smooths out, eyes crinkling, and he looks…
Gorgeous. The word surfaces before I can stop it. Unhelpful. Very unhelpful observation, brain.
"What if we actually locked down the network?" he asks, sobering slightly but still smiling. "Block certain keywords and suspicious domains. Set up a proper firewall that even these tech disasters can't penetrate."
"I've considered it. But Drew is big on treating everyone like adults capable of making their own decisions."
"Even when those decisions cost you hours of cleanup work?"
"Even then." Drew's got this whole philosophy about treating people like adults. Hasn't quite figured out that some adults are just tall children with credit cards. "Though lately he's been all about mandatory brotherhood activities, so maybe he'd make an exception."
"What's with that, anyway?" Caleb asks, leaning against the counter. "It's like he's suddenly decided we're not spending enough time together."
"I think it's the holiday season. He gets extra sentimental around Christmas… no one knows why. Starts worrying about everyone being included and supported."
Caleb rolls his eyes, but the move has less heat than I would have expected. "Great. More forced bonding."
"Like ice skating tomorrow night. "The groan is involuntary. "Because nothing says brotherhood like watching twenty university guys flail around on ice."
"Wait, ice skating is mandatory?" Caleb looks genuinely dismayed. "I thought it was optional."
"Nothing is optional anymore," I say, my voice grim. "Drew's on a mission to ensure no brother is left behind."
"Fantastic," he mutters. "I do know how to skate, but I was hoping to avoid the group bonding aspect."
"You know how to skate?" Well. That's one more thing that doesn't fit the grumpy rich kid image.
He shrugs, and a hint of defensiveness creeps into his voice. "My mother insisted. Said every cultured person should be able to skate with grace. Six years of lessons."
"Well, you'll be one of the few. Most of the guys can barely stand up on the ice. Myself included."
Caleb raises an eyebrow. "The Webmaster has a weakness after all?"
"I have many weaknesses.” I shrug and lean against the counter. This guy may not be as bad as I thought, but no way am I giving him any ammunition. "Lack of coordination on slippery surfaces is just going to be the most obvious tomorrow night."
"Maybe you need lessons," he suggests, and for a moment I think he might be offering to help before he quickly adds, "though I doubt even six years would help some people."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." There's less heat in my grouch than there would have been a few hours ago.
A thought occurs, half-formed and probably stupid, but the words come out anyway. "You know, if we acted like we got along, Drew would probably back off."
Caleb's eyebrow arches. "What?"
"He's on this whole brotherhood mission, right? Making sure everyone's connected and included." I wave vaguely between us. "If we pretended to be mates when he's around, he'd be so happy he might actually leave us alone about the rest of it."
"Fake friendship to avoid forced bonding activities." Caleb considers this, head tilting slightly. "That's... actually not terrible."
"We've already proven we can collaborate without killing each other. How hard could it be to act civil in public occasionally?"
"Fair point." His smirk returns. "And it would save us both from Drew's sad, disappointed face when we avoid each other."
We're interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Drew appears in the doorway, hair mussed from sleep, with Gavin looming behind him like an oversized shadow.
"What's going on?" Drew asks, eyes widening at the sight of Caleb and me standing in the kitchen together. "I heard laughing."
"At three in the morning," Gavin adds, yawning expansively. "Loud laughing."
Caleb and I exchange a glance, mutual annoyance at the interruption creating another moment of unexpected solidarity.
"James was telling me about the virus problems on the frat computers," Caleb explains.
"Again?" Drew sighs. "Who was it this time?"
"Rex. But it's a bigger problem than just him. We were talking about setting up some safety stuff for the whole network."
"Blocking certain domains and keywords," Caleb adds. "Setting up a more extreme firewall."
Drew's expression shifts from sleepy confusion to concern, though he hesitates. "James, be honest, how much time are you spending fixing these problems? As webmaster, I mean."
“Ummm, maybe ten hours per week. Minimum. Rex alone has needed three cleanups this month."
Drew's jaw tightens slightly. He exchanges a look with Gavin, then sighs.
"That's not sustainable. Okay, that changes things.
I want to treat everyone like adults, but not at the expense of your time and sanity.
If you two can set up protections that don't interfere with legitimate use. .. yeah. Do it."
Again, Caleb and I exchange glances. "Sure," I'm reluctant to admit I want to work with Caleb, but he had some good ideas. "We can put something together."
"Great!" Drew sounds way too excited for 3:00 AM "This is exactly the kind of teamwork I've been hoping for. Brothers using what they're good at to help each other out."
Gavin, now fully awake, grins at us. "Wait, are you two getting along? This is historic."
"We're not—" Caleb starts.
"Just finding common ground in our mutual frustration." Thinking the same things now, apparently. Like boyfriends or something equally ridiculous. Bloody hell, where did that come from?
Caleb's startled blink is almost worth the weird brain tangent. Almost.
"Well, whatever it is, keep it up," Drew says approvingly. "And don't forget about ice skating tomorrow night. 6 PM at the arena, everyone's expected to attend."
"We remember."
Perfect unison. My glance darts sideways, meeting Caleb's eyes, and we share matching "oh bloody hell" expressions.
Gavin laughs, breaking the moment. "Jinx! You guys owe each other a beer."
Drew's confusion is visible but brief, a head shake dismissing whatever just happened. "Great. Then we'll let you get back to your... network security discussion."
He turns to leave, then pauses. "And maybe keep the laughter down? Some of us are trying to sleep."
"Sorry," Caleb mumbles, looking embarrassed.