FIVE TRISTAN #2
I lean in, lowering my voice conspiratorially. "Handsome, charming, and humble, of course."
Myles laughs again, a warm sound that fills the air between us. "I can see the charm, but I'll have to take your word on the handsome part."
My heart skips a beat, and suddenly, the pub seems a little cozier, a little more rife with possibility. I take a sip of my drink, trying to hide the warmth in my cheeks.
The food arrives and we dig in, conversation flowing as easily as the beer. I lose track of how many we've had, the buzz smoothing over my frayed nerves.
By the time our plates are cleared, Myles's knee has stopped bouncing.
We talk easily the rest of the night. I can't remember the last time I felt like this around someone I'd just met. It’s nice.
It almost makes me feel like I've been missing out on someone, but I push that thought away.
The night goes by quickly, and before I know it, it's time to leave.
He leans back in the booth, arm slung over the back of it.
My skin erupts in goosebumps and heat races up the back of my neck. "Thanks for dragging me out tonight. I needed this."
"You're welcome." Myles’s laugh is soft, intimate. "What are friends for?"
"Yeah. Friends." I glance away, my pulse skittering. He was obviously joking, considering we’re mere acquaintances at best, but his words stir something within me. After I’ve composed myself as discreetly as I can, my eyes clash with Myles’s, his expression unreadable. “You okay?” I ask.
Rising to his feet, he simply says, “Yes.”
“Well, let’s go then.”
We go back to Myles's apartment, since Phoenix is spending the weekend with his grandparents.
I only had a couple of beers, but I feel weirdly buzzed on what a chill evening Myles and I have had.
I guess the few ounces of alcohol in my system gave me the testicular fortitude to ask, "What weirded you out tonight?
" I lean on his kitchen counter, bracing my weight on my forearms.
He huffs out a breath. Reaching for the kitchen cabinet, he turns to me and says, "You want something to drink? Water? Soda? Beer?"
"Water." I watch as he pours water into two glasses. He slides one over to me while he takes a sip from the other. Then he leans back against the counter next to me.
And just when I think he didn't hear my question—or he’s pretended he didn't—Myles answers me. "My head and heart still don't know why I lost her… my wife, I mean. On a night like tonight, I would have been with her, you know?"
Shit! I didn't mean to open a can of worms. Nodding my head, I mumble a barely audible "Mmhm."
"Since Cara died, it's mostly Nix and me.
His grandparents chip in occasionally because Nix is their last remaining connection to their daughter.
And they love him, you know?" Myles guzzles the water from his glass and then goes for a refill.
"But even before losing her, it was just work and family. It was my life, and I didn't have any regrets about it. We got married young, straight out of college. Cara’s the only woman I’ve known…
biblically." His tentative smile makes my heart stutter in my chest. "And now, all of a sudden, I'm in this scary new world without a clue as to how to maneuver in it. "
What can I do with Myles's confession? His heart is bleeding. Should I give him a hug? Pat him on the shoulder? Get the hell out of here? I choose the second option; it seems the easiest… and the safest.
Extending my arm, I give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I hope the gesture communicates what I’m feeling: I'm here, I hear you, I'll be your friend through this, and you'll come out on the other side stronger.
"Cara and I talked about what we would do if one of us died before the other.
" He chuckles. "She used to tell me that on the day of her funeral, I’d better just get right into her casket with her, because I could never be happy without her.
She was only kidding, though." He huffs out a breath.
"In all seriousness, we both would have wanted the other to be happy, to move on, to find love again.
Never thought she would be the one to go first. Never expected to be the one left behind to pick up the pieces. "
Myles glances at me, his eyes brimming with tears, and then he drops his chin to his chest. "I thought Fate was logical, you know?
Why leave me behind to take care of our boy, when Cara was the better parent?
I know my son loves me, but he adored his mom.
She was his everything. It would have been easier on Nix if I had been the one behind the wheel. "
I squeeze his shoulder again before lowering my arm to my side. "Myles, you are good enough. You're capable. You're strong. Yes, Phoenix loves and misses his mother, but he's damn happy that you're living and breathing, that you're fucking here."
Myles releases a heavy breath. "I’d told myself that at the one-year mark after Cara’s death, I'd try to get back into the world, so I didn’t end up becoming some weird, hermit helicopter parent.
I promised myself I’d make friends, and even try to date.
And now I'm freaked out that the one-year anniversary is hurtling towards me.
My wife is the only person I've ever kissed, and the whole concept of dating is freaking me out. "
With every confession Myles makes, I want to put every one of his burdens on my back and bear it.
I know about loss and pain. I lost both parents in a fire that I was lucky enough to escape, and in my job, not every call leads to a favorable outcome.
As a first responder, I see loss almost daily.
But if there was one person in this world I could have shielded from experiencing the loss of a loved one, it would have been Myles.
Sending up a silent prayer to whoever might be up there listening, I cover the short distance between us, wrapping my arms around Myles and holding him.
He nestles his head into the crook of my neck, and the feelings that wash over me are indescribable.
“You’ve made progress already, because I think we’re becoming friends, and we can continue that way.
And please, please don’t get hung up on dating.
Don’t force things; everything will happen naturally, in its own time.
Don’t make a big deal about it and psyche yourself out, okay?
” I give him a quick, tight squeeze. “Okay, Myles? I need you to answer me.”
With a shuddering breath, he says, “I won’t make a big deal about dating.” And for good measure he adds, “I promise.”
“And besides, if you want me to stop you from obsessing about it, I can always kiss you… as a favor to a friend?”
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
Why the hell did I say that? This is the definition of word vomit. And I’m not surprised that Myles’s head jolts up and his mouth falls open.
“Wha—what did you say?” His eyes ping from my eyes to my lips and then back again.
Good lord, how can I cure myself of this foot-in-mouth disease I’ve apparently just contracted?
“I mean, I can help ease you back into the dating scene, and we can start with me kissing you. Strictly platonic. Casual and uncomplicated. Just think of me as the guy who’s here to assist you in your dating journey.”
In my mind’s eye, I fling my hands in the air with an exasperated sigh at my own damn self.
“The guy who’s here to do what?”
“The guy who’ll coach you in the fine art of kissing, among other things. On a need-to-know basis.”
“But why?”
“Don’t think I can kiss you good enough for you to like it?”
“Wh-wha—” The man’s mouth is gaping so much, he looks like an actual fucking fish.
“What? Who? Why? What are you? A fucking lawyer? I grin. “You questioning my kissing ability, dude?” A flustered Myles is so fucking adorable.
I wonder if he realizes he’s still in my arms.
“I—I—I’ve never kissed a guy before.”
“And that’s why it’s a good fucking idea, because you have nothing to lose.”
“Are you fugging with me?” He laughs, an uninhibited laugh. A laugh that causes the corner of his eyes to crinkle. A laugh that makes the dimple in his left cheek pop, revealing itself to me for the first time. And I’m fucking here for it.
“Maybe, I am. Maybe, I’m not.” I shrug. “Who knows, huh? One thing I know for sure is that it’s the lowest possible stakes.
” I think I love teasing my new friend, because although he’s older than I am—though not obviously so, by any means—there’s a certain innocence about him that’s endearing to me.
I’m so game to tease him some more. “If I kiss y—”
With no fucking warning, Myles crashes his lips to mine. And my entire world goes upside down.