TRISTAN
THIRTEEN
Yes, I fucking did it.
Eavesdropping on Myles's phone call with what's-his-name was wrong, so I’m going to apologize for doing it. It’s certainly nothing to be proud of.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out they were talking about Myles's love life.
I wonder if it's my fault Myles hasn't started dating again.
It's been over a year since Cara passed, and Myles had said he'd put himself out there.
I love having Myles all to myself—and Nix is an adorable bonus—but I haven't been a good friend to him.
I told Myles I'd help him ease back into the dating scene, but I haven't done a damn thing so far…
except kissing the hell out of him and making him come a couple of times.
I know I'm shooting myself in the foot by helping him find someone else when I want him for myself, but I made a promise. It's time to follow through.
We were sitting in Myles's living room after spending hours over at my place baking cupcakes. Poor Nix was absolutely exhausted once the cupcake high wore off, even though he repeatedly insisted he wasn’t tired.
In the end, he barely had the energy to brush his teeth, put on his pajamas, and head for bed.
"So, about dating..." I cleared my throat. Myles scowled at me, probably already guessing where this was headed.
"Don't start, Tristan."
"You said you'd try." I hold up my hands in surrender. "I'm just calling in that promise."
Myles sighs, raking a hand through his messy hair. "I don't know. It's too soon."
"It's been over a year, Myles." I place a hand on his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his skin through his shirt. "I didn’t know Cara, but I’m sure she would want you to be happy.
She'd want you to find love again. And going out with someone doesn't necessarily have to lead to something long term.
It's about getting the opportunity to meet new people, and to feel comfortable with them while being your authentic self.
Who says that every woman you meet has to become your girlfriend?
There's no need to rush, because it's not a race. "
Myles looks away, but he doesn't pull away from my touch. "Guess someone was listening in on my conversation with Sterling."
"And what if I was?"
"Never mind. Maybe you're right."
"I know I'm right." I give his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "And I’m sorry for listening in on your conversation. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“Good.” This time Myles is looking me right in the eye.
“Why don't we make you a dating profile?" Feeling like a traitor to my own heart for what I was about to do, I pressed on. "We can look through matches together. If you don't feel a connection with anyone, we'll delete the whole thing. No harm done."
Myles worries his bottom lip, considering. "Alright," he says at last. "But don't go signing me up for any weird sites."
I laugh. "Scout's honor."
We settle in on the couch with Myles's laptop and get to work. Helping Myles set up a dating profile feels like attempting to defuse a ticking bomb while wearing a blindfold. I can’t escape the swirling turmoil in my gut as I scroll through the dating site's registration form.
The promise I'd made to Myles to help him navigate the treacherous waters of dating once again looms over me like a dark cloud.
His expression is a mix of anticipation and apprehension. I can sense his vulnerability, his need for companionship after losing Cara. And even though a selfish part of me wants to keep Myles all to myself, a larger part knows that I have to honor my word.
"Okay, Myles. Let’s get this show on the road," I say, trying to inject some enthusiasm into my voice. "First, we need some good photos."
Myles sighs, his phone clutched tightly in his hand. "I don't have many recent photos."
I grinned, reaching for the phone. "No worries, I'll be your personal photographer." I snapped a few candid shots of him, talking shit to coax a smile out of him. Capturing his genuine smile and the twinkle in his eyes has become one of my favorite things to do. "There we go. Looking good!"
Myles chuckles, looking at the photos I'd taken. He’s genuinely surprised at how good he looks in them. "Thanks, man."
With photos in hand, we delve into the online form. As we fill out Myles's profile, I can’t help but notice the irony. Here I am, helping him look for love, even though a part of me still hopes he’ll find it with me.
I’m getting the opportunity to learn even more about him.
It turns out we’re both Leos; our birthdays are only a day apart.
We're both non-smokers but drink alcohol occasionally.
And we both enjoy playing board games. But we're also different in some ways.
For instance, he enjoys sports and even played high school and college football.
Me? I only watch sports because of the scenery.
Helloooo! Haven't you noticed how sexy baseball players’ asses look, or all the lovely skin on display when swimmers wear those tiny bathing suits, or how thick soccer players' thighs are? And don’t get me started on all those tight ends on the football field.
Under marital status, Myles initially selects married, and then freezes. He draws in a deep breath and then expels it slowly before selecting widowed. At that moment, I really wish I could bring Cara back for him.
When he gets to the part where he has to specify his preferences, I watch as he hesitates for a fraction of a second before clicking on both "men" and "women." My stomach churns, and I have to remind myself to breathe.
"So, you're open to dating both men and women?" I ask casually, masking my inner turmoil.
Myles nods, his gaze fixed on the screen. "Yeah, I figure I shouldn't limit myself."
My stomach flips, but I have to respect his choices. If he finds happiness with someone else, then I have to be happy for him. I can’t be selfish.
Under different circumstances, he might not have even been attracted to men. Plus, I'm right here, after all. But I guess he's not interested in me romantically.
Even though the thought of Myles dating makes me queasy, I know he’s a damn good catch, and men and women will be lining up to meet him. But ultimately, I want Myles to find happiness again. If that means setting aside my own feelings, so be it.
Myles thanks me when we finish. I tell him not to thank me yet; we have a lot of weeding out to do. But I already know I've made the right decision in helping him take this first step. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll even find a date of my own along the way.
Stranger things have happened.
As soon as Myles's profile goes live, the floodgates open. Messages from potential dates pour in faster than we can process them. I can't deny that Myles is a great guy—kind, handsome, charming. He’s the total package. Who wouldn’t want to date him?
We sift through messages, weeding out the fakes, the creeps, the overly aggressive, and the people with whom he has absolutely nothing in common.
I try my best to give Myles space to communicate with potential matches, but it isn't easy.
Jealousy gnaws at me, and I can't help but wonder if I've made a colossal mistake.
"How about this one?" I ask, showing him a message from a guy named Marco. His profile picture shows a friendly smile and kind eyes. "He's a teacher and likes hiking and reading. Seems normal enough."
Myles peers at the screen. "He's a good-looking guy. What's the catch?"
I laugh. "Hopefully there isn’t one. I can't promise you won't get someone trying to catfish you, but it doesn't hurt to try."
"All right, so Marco passes the Tristan test. I'll send him a message." Myles types up a quick introduction, asking Marco about his favorite books and hiking trails.
A knot forms in my stomach, but I ignore it. This is progress, I remind myself.
We spend the next couple of hours sorting through more messages and making small talk with some of the more promising matches. By the time Myles logs off for the night, he has a date set up for this weekend.
I give him a smile, but I have to put extra effort into it so it looks real. It certainly doesn't reflect how I really feel.
"See? This isn't so bad."
"Not at all." Myles claps me on the shoulder. "Thanks for pushing me, man. I needed it."
"Anytime." I stand, ready to head home. "Let me know how it goes with Marco."
"I will." Myles walks me to the door. "Really, thank you. For everything."
The knot in my stomach tightens. I know when Myles starts dating again in earnest, it's going to hurt like hell. But tonight, seeing the hope in his eyes, I know I've done the right thing.
"You're welcome," I say, and head out.