37. Tristan
THIRTY-SEVEN
TRISTAN
I jolt awake, heart pounding. Something's wrong. Smoke fills my nostrils and I'm on my feet in an instant, adrenaline surging through my veins. The fire alarm screeches its warning, but it’s not coming from my apartment. It’s coming from... next door? Myles and Nix's apartment?
"Shit," I whisper to myself, panic gripping me like a vice. I can't lose them. I won't survive it.
I dash out of my apartment and down the hall, the alarm's siren splitting the air like a knife. My fist pounds against Myles's door, desperation clawing at my throat. It's not only unlocked... it's ajar. My pulse races like a freight train as I push it open, bracing for the worst.
The apartment isn't as smoky as I feared, only a faint haze lingering in the air.
I stop in my tracks when I notice Myles in the living room, down on one knee.
My brain short-circuits, and all I can manage is a choked, "What the...
?" The fear from earlier dissipates, replaced by confusion, my mind still racing to catch up.
Moving on instinct, I dash into the kitchen. My eyes land on a frying pan sitting on the stove, charred remains of something inside. How could something this small create so much chaos? The smoke isn't overwhelming, but the alarm still screams at us.
"Is that what set off the alarm?" I demand, as I watch Myles enter the kitchen.
He nods sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I... didn't expect it to smoke up so much."
"God, Myles," I breathe, my heart still hammering in my chest. "You scared the hell out of me."
"Sorry, Tristan. I didn't mean to." He looks genuinely apologetic, but that doesn't stop the whirlwind of emotions coursing through me.
My eyes dart around the apartment. “Where’s Nix?”
“With his grandparents.”
"Let's just... get this sorted," I say, trying to steady my voice. "We need to clear the air and shut off that damn alarm."
"Right," he agrees, and we both move into action, opening windows and fanning the remaining smoke away. The alarm finally quiets, leaving a ringing in my ears.
"Sorry," Myles repeats, his eyes filled with remorse. "I didn't think it would be such a mess."
"Explain yourself," I demand, my voice trembling slightly with the remnants of adrenaline. What's going on? Why was he down on one knee when I came in?
"Just hear me out," Myles pleads, his eyes searching mine for understanding. He takes a deep breath, steadying himself before continuing. "I know this looks bad, but I just... I needed you to come over here."
"By setting off the fire alarm?" My anger flares as hotly as the nonexistent flames I thought I'd find here. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"
"I know, I'm sorry." Myles winces, guilt etched into his features. "But I needed to be sure you'd come."
"Dammit, Myles." I fight the urge to storm out right then and there. We both know fires aren't a joke. And yet, something in his eyes keeps me rooted to the spot. A desperation that tugs at my heartstrings, compelling me to stay.
"Sweetheart, please," Myles implores, sincerity lacing his words. "This isn't a joke to me."
The term of endearment sends a thrill through me. It's been so long since I've heard it. "Fine," I sigh, releasing the tension in my shoulders. "Talk."
"Thank you," he exhales, relief washing over him like an ocean wave. "I needed you to know how much you mean to me, and to Nix, and how much we miss having you around. I didn't know how else to get through to you. I was scared you wouldn't listen if I just knocked on your door."
"Is that what all this was about?" I shake my head, a cocktail of emotions swirling within me. Anger, frustration, disbelief… but beneath it all, there’s a flicker of warmth that Myles cared enough to go to these lengths.
"You've changed our lives, and I can't bear the thought of losing you." Myles's voice cracks, vulnerability shining through. "I just... I needed you to know."
My breath catches in my throat as his words hit home. The annoyance that had consumed me recedes like a tide, leaving only the raw truth of our feelings laid bare. And somewhere deep within, I know I can't walk away from him now…not when he's opened up, baring his heart and soul.
"Okay," I whisper, meeting his gaze. "I'll listen."
My head is spinning and my heart thundering in my chest. Myles's eyes hold mine, a mix of vulnerability and intensity swirling within them. He takes a deep breath, his hands trembling slightly.
"Before we met," he starts, his voice wavering with emotion, "I was lost. Drowning in grief over Cara's death. I blamed myself for canceling our date that night. If she hadn't been alone, maybe she'd still be here."
His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I'd known Myles was hurting, and I’d sensed he felt guilty about what happened to Cara but hearing him say it aloud makes it all the more real. Inside, I'm torn – wanting to comfort him, yet knowing this is a pain I can never fully understand.
"Every day, I wondered if things would've been different," he continues, tears welling in his eyes. "I never thought I'd find love again. I didn't think I deserved it."
My chest tightens as I listen, watching the man who brought so much happiness into my life bare his soul. How could someone so incredible not see his own worth?
"But then you came along, sweetheart," he says softly, his gaze never leaving mine. "You brought joy back into my life, into Nix's life. You showed us both that love is possible after loss, that hope can prevail even in the darkest times."
As he speaks, I feel a warmth spreading through me. Not just from his words, but because this connection we share is undeniable—tender and fierce all at once. It's as if we were always meant to find each other, two broken souls seeking solace and healing together.
"On the day Cara died, my life went up in flames, and ashes were all that remained.
You changed everything for me," he says, sincerity shining in his eyes.
"You brought color and light back into my world when I thought it was forever shrouded in darkness.
You helped me to rise from the ashes, sweetheart. You did that."
Myles's gaze burns into me as he begins to speak, his words infused with determination. "I need you to hear me out and understand why I ended things between us," he continues, regret written clearly all over his face. "It wasn’t because I blamed you for Cara’s death. I never blamed you, although I’m sure it must have looked that way to you. It wasn’t about blame; it was about the fact that you were there.
You were an active participant in what turned out to be the worst night of my life.
And I was so scared that I’d never be able to look at you without it reminding me of that night.
And I realize how awful that sounds—I really do—but that’s where my head was at.
At the time, I couldn’t separate the two.
None of it was your fault; you were just doing your job…
trying to save my wife’s life, for god’s sake.
I admit I was hurt, at first, that you didn’t tell me sooner.
But I understand now why you didn’t. I know you were hurting—I knew it then—but I was so caught up in my own pain that I couldn’t—“ His voice breaks then, and he looks like he’s trying to hold back tears.
But he quickly composes himself and continues.
“I’m so sorry about how I handled things that night.
I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made all your worst fears about telling me the truth come true.
I needed time to get my head straight. But then you were injured, and I was so scared.
I felt like I was thrown right back to that night I lost Cara.
And it broke me, sweetheart.” This time, he can’t hold back his tears, but he swipes his eyes and returns his gaze to me.
“The awful truth is I left you because I was scared. Scared of losing you, of hurting Nix. We've already been through so much loss and pain, and I had this desperate need to protect us... him... and me from any more loss or distress. I thought if I pushed you away now, I could shield us from an even bigger loss later. I was such a fool. I know that now. I made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving you... and in the process, I caused even more distress for everyone instead of sheltering us from it like I’d hoped to. It took someone else pointing out to me just how much a part of our family you already were to open my eyes. I wouldn’t give up a minute of the time I spent with Cara.
Even if I’d known what the outcome would be, I wouldn’t have done anything differently.
And it’s the same with you. I cherish every moment I’ve had with you, and I would move heaven and earth for even one more. You’re worth the risk.”
He pauses, taking a shaky breath. "I love so many things about you, sweetheart. Your kindness and compassion, the way you always put others first. The way your eyes light up when you're excited about something, and your laughter—now, that's a sound I’ll never get tired of listening to."
My heart skips a beat as he lists each detail, a warmth blooming in my chest. It's overwhelming knowing that someone sees me in such a vivid, beautiful light.
"Your strength amazes me," he continues, his voice choked with emotion. "You've been through hell and back, and yet you still have the ability to love so fiercely. You make me want to be a better man."
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and I'm lost for words. I don't think I realized how much Myles truly cares for me.
"Please, sweetheart," he pleads, his face etched with pain. "Forgive me for leaving you. Let me be in your life again. As friends, if that's what you want. But I hope... I hope we can be more."
His words hang heavy in the air between us, a question left unanswered. My mind is racing, my emotions a storm of confusion and longing. But deep down, there's a flicker of hope that maybe we've finally found our way back to each other.
I take a shaky breath, my heart pounding in my chest as I try to form the words. "Myles… I…" I pause, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. "I feel the same way."
My confession hangs heavy in the air between us, a delicate thread of hope weaving its way through the cracks in our broken hearts. Myles's eyes widen, his gaze never leaving mine.
"But," I continue, swallowing hard, "when you ended things, it felt like confirmation for me that it really is better to avoid love than to risk losing it.
" My voice trembles, the weight of my emotions pressing down on me.
"But it also put things in perspective for me.
Maybe we both needed that time apart to work on ourselves. "
The light from the table lamp casts a soft glow on Myles's face, highlighting the vulnerability in his eyes. A shiver runs down my spine despite the warmth of the room; it's a strange mix of fear and anticipation.
"Sweetheart," Myles says softly, reaching out to gently cup my face in his hands. "I don't want to lose you again. In the last month, we've both grown individually—let's grow together now."
A tear escapes my eye, trailing down my cheek. Myles' thumb brushes it away, his touch tender and loving. Another sob catches in my throat, choking me with the intensity of my feelings. It's terrifying to be this vulnerable, but something about Myles makes me feel safe enough to bare my soul.
"Okay," I whisper, my heart swelling with a mixture of relief and happiness. "Let's give it another try."
We stand there for a moment, our gazes locked, the steady rhythm of our breathing filling the silence. My mind races, struggling to process the enormity of what's just happened.
And then it hits me—Myles was down on one knee earlier. My brain finally catches up, and I can't help but let out a choked laugh.
"Wait," I say, my voice still shaking from emotion, "were you… proposing just now?"
Myles laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "No, sweetheart. I wasn't proposing."
My disappointment is palpable, though not for long because I know one day I will marry this man. But then Myles reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, shiny key. He holds it out to me, his expression earnest and hopeful.
"This," he says softly, "is me asking for you to be a part of our family again. To come home."
I stare at the key, the weight of Myles's words sinking in. This isn't just a key—it's an invitation, a promise, a new beginning. And despite the lingering fear that grips my heart, I know without a doubt this is where I belong.
"Okay," I whisper, taking the key and squeezing it tightly in my hand. "I accept. Let's be a family again."
As we stand there, surrounded by the warmth of new beginnings and second chances and the promise of a brighter future, I realize that maybe love isn't something to be avoided after all. It's worth the risk, because when it's real, it has the power to heal even the most broken of hearts.