Chapter 5
Charlie
Without saying a word, I grabbed Reagan’s hand and pulled her up the stairs. I didn’t stop until we were in our bedroom with the door shut safely behind us.
I dropped her hand and ran my own through my hair as I paced back and forth across our room. My mom had just eaten a pot brownie. My mom… super conservative… permanent stick up her ass… in less than an hour she would most likely be as high as a kite. And now I had to explain to her why she was high. I had to tell her that her daughter, who she was too conservative to even fully accept for being gay, had brought weed along on their family vacation. Sure, I understood that weed wasn’t some hard drug, but I was pretty positive my mother wouldn’t understand that.
I didn’t even know if Reagan’s parents would understand that. Oh god. What if they hate me? What if we lost the one set of parents that actually supported us? I knew I was spiraling and my thoughts were going out of control, but I couldn’t stop them.
I stopped pacing and turned to face Reagan. “What the hell are we supposed to do?”
“So, I’ve been considering that. And I think we need to tell everyone what happened right now. Well, everyone except your mom.”
“You want to tell everyone here except the person who is actually getting high?”
“I also don’t want to tell our children.”
I didn’t try to hide my eye roll from Reagan. This was no time to be joking around. “Obviously. I just don’t understand why we would tell everyone but my mom.”
“I figure there’s no sense in hiding it from anyone else since I’m sure it will become pretty obvious once it hits. My parents are pretty liberal about things, so I highly doubt they’ll care that much. I’m sure your dad is a different story, but whatever. He needs to know.”
My patience was wearing thin because Reagan wasn’t addressing the most important point. I waved my hand at her as I wiggled around in anticipation. “Okay. Fine. But what about my mom?”
“If we tell your mom now, she is going to get all up in her head about it and as soon as that high hits, I guarantee she will be super paranoid. Remember that time you took more than you meant to and you spent the whole time you were high convinced you were going to die?”
“Of course.” Lord, that was a terrible three hours. Thank god Reagan had finally convinced me to go to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was, to no one’s surprise, still alive.
“I feel like the same thing will happen to your mom. Honestly, it could happen either way, but I think if we wait until it hits, we’ll have a better chance of a giddy high than an impending doom high.”
“Okay, that makes sense.” Surprisingly, it really did. Plus, at least that gave me more time until I had to feel my mother’s wrath.
We spent the next few minutes taking family members aside to explain what had happened. Jamie and Ethan had obviously already figured it out. Reagan’s parents scolded us about being more careful, and expressed concern for my mom, but I was also fairly certain they were trying to hold back smiles. My dad of course freaked out to the point that he almost gave away what was happening, but, luckily, we were able to calm him down enough to keep him quiet.
My mom’s high hit as soon as we walked into Magic Kingdom. I could tell by the face she made that closely resembled Raven Simone when she had a vision in episodes of the old Disney show, That’s So Raven .
“Whoa, I feel funny,” she said as she grabbed my arm, most likely since I was the person standing closest to her. “I’m kind of dizzy, but,” she brought her hand up to her mouth and giggled. An honest to god giggle. Definitely a sound I never expected to hear from my mom. “It also feels kind of nice. It’s like I’m fl—” Her words cut off as her eyes squinted at something in the distance. “Are the lights different tonight? They look so pretty.”
My dad glared at me as Reagan and I pulled my mom off to the side to finally tell her the truth. “So, here’s the thing.” I cleared my throat as I thought about what to say. “It turns out those brownies had a certain ingredient in them. Hence, why we weren’t sharing them with anyone else.”
“Ingredient? What kind of ingredient?” My mother giggled once again. “Paprika? What a funny word. Puh-pree-kuh.”
“No, Mom, it wasn’t paprika.”
“Well, then what was it?” my mom asked, her face crinkled in total confusion, as if paprika was the only option of what could have been in those brownies.
“It was, um…” I trailed off as my breathing picked up. How was I going to tell my mom that I had accidentally gotten her high?
“Pot,” Reagan finished for me. When my mom just stared at her dumbfounded, Reagan cleared her throat like I had done just a moment before. “You know. Um. Weed. Marijuana. It was baked into the brownies.”
My mom stared at both of us, unblinking, for a very long time. With every second that passed, my heart beat faster and more sweat accumulated all over my body. Then, much to my surprise, my mom started to laugh. This wasn’t the same as the giggles from before. This was a full belly laugh, as if being told she was high was the funniest thing in the world.
“Wow. I’m surprised I didn’t recognize this feeling. I guess after all of these years, who could blame me?”
“Wait, Mom. You’ve…” I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. There was no way she was saying what I thought she was. “Are you saying…? Have you had pot before?”
My mom laughed even harder now. She bent over and put her hands on her knees as if she couldn’t handle how funny this was. “I lived through the seventies, Charlotte. Of course I’ve had marijuana.”
I looked at Reagan in disbelief, and she broke into laughter as well. When I leaned in closer to her to ask what we should do now, she thrusted a fisted hand at me. When she opened it, she was holding one of our gummy edibles. She nodded toward it. “Take it. I guarantee this is the only time you’ll be able to say you got high with your mom.”
“Is that something I want to be able to say?” I asked with a laugh.
Reagan shrugged. “It’ll make for a great story some day.”
“What about the kids?”
“They’ll have six fully functioning adults to take care of them. That’s still two per child. We’ll be fine.”
She wiggled the gummy in front of me. “After everything you’ve put up with throughout your life, you deserve this one night.”
“You know what? You’re right.” I popped the gummy into my mouth without giving it another thought. Tomorrow was most likely going to suck and I had no question both of my parents were going to lecture me as if I was back in high school. I might as well enjoy myself now.
Of course my high hit forty-five minutes later when we were right in the middle of the haunted mansion. “Did my high just hit or is that piano playing itself?” I asked as I blinked my eyes to try to focus on it. My eyes quickly shifted when I saw candles floating in the air. Oh yeah. I’m definitely high. “Holy shit.”
Before Reagan could respond my mom yelled to us from the car ahead of ours. “How cool is this?”
“The coolest!” I yelled back.
Reagan laughed beside me as my mouth dropped in awe of the ghosts. When the ride ended, my mom waited for me to walk up to her and gave me a high five that was so big, it made my hand tingle.
My mom kept a hold of my hand after the high five and pulled me behind her. “It’s a small world next!” she yelled while pointing in the direction of the ride (or what I assumed must be the direction).
We somehow found our way to the ride, even with my mom leading the pack. When I was assured that the three grandparents that weren’t high were taking care of my kids, I jumped in the small world boat right after my mom.
My mom and I were both silent as the familiar music started. After a few minutes, my mom leaned closer to me. “Do you think they have souls?”
“The animatronics?” I asked as I watched their stilted movements. I could see my mom nodding out of the corner of my eye. “Probably.” The more I thought about it, the more it freaked me out. “What if they steal our souls?”
“They could,” my mom answered nonchalantly as if it was the most normal conversation in the world.
Clearly, neither of us were overly concerned about it, because by the end of the ride, we were singing along with the song and trying to mimic the characters’ stilted dance moves.
When the ride came to a stop, Reagan held her hand out to me and helped me off the boat. “How are you doing?”
“I feel like my soul has been sucked from my body.”
Reagan laughed as she continued to hold my hand tightly. “I'm not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”
“Honestly, me either.”
“It’s fireworks time,” my mom practically shouted into my ear as my dad guided her in the same way Reagan was guiding me.
I pointed my thumb between Reagan and my dad. “We’ve got some good ones here, don’t we?”
“We sure do,” my mom said with a wink.
I smiled in satisfaction until it hit me what she had just said, then my jaw fell to the ground. “Wait. Do you really mean it?”
“Of course I do.” My mom pulled away from my dad to put her arm around Reagan. “Reagan is my girl.”
Reagan put her arm around my mom as well. “Yeah, Charlie. We’re girls.”
I watched as my mom and wife walked together with their arms still draped over each other’s shoulders. Reagan leaned in and whispered something to my mom that she threw her head back in laughter in response to. It was like watching what my life could be like if my mom actually acted like a normal human, and I loved it. There was a pull in my chest as I longed for this to be my reality. Who knows? Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be. I immediately laughed at myself. Even high, I wasn’t naive enough to believe that would be the case.
Reagan looked over her shoulder and smiled at me. “Everything okay back there?”
“Everything is great.”
“Get up here.” My mom waved her hand at me. “I want to watch the fireworks with my two daughters.”
I did as I was told, a smile forming that was so big, it made my face hurt, as I skipped to catch up to Reagan and my mom. While I would never encourage anyone to purposely drug their mom, I couldn’t help but be thankful for this night. It was, by far, one of the best nights of my life.
***
“Charlotte, please come out here.”
At first I had no idea why my mom was lightly tapping on my door and insisting on seeing me before the sun even came up. I was certain I would have heard if my kids were awake, which meant it was even too early for them. What the hell?
All at once, it hit me. The memories from the night before flooded my mind and played out in front of me as if I was watching a movie. It honestly would have been a pretty funny movie if I didn’t have the impending conversation with my mom.
“Coming,” I said as calmly as possible, even though, in reality, my heart was beating out of my chest.
I am a thirty-four-year-old woman with a doctorate, a wife, and three children. Why am I still terrified of my mother?
When I opened the bedroom door, my mom was standing outside of it tapping her foot on the ground. Gone was the carefree woman from the night before. Back was the uptight mom I was all too familiar with.
“About last night…” I started. Might as well get this over with.
“Yes. That’s why I’m here. To tell you that we will not be speaking of last night.” She paused for a moment then cleared her throat. “Ever.”
I could feel my body relax. This really was the best case scenario. I was expecting much worse from her. “That works for me.”
“Good.” My mother nodded toward the doorway, her body rigid and mouth in a straight line. “You may go back to sleep now.”
As I began to walk back into the bedroom, I could feel my relief mixing with something else—disappointment. Even though I knew it was for the best that we didn’t talk about it since I was sure it wouldn’t be a positive conversation, there was part of me that didn’t want to forget last night. I wanted to grab onto that side of my mother and never let her go. I wanted to know if she really meant everything she said last night. Maybe underneath all of her deep-seated homophobia, she was actually a human who wanted a real relationship with me and my wife, not just the surface-level bullshit from the past few years.
I guess I would never find out. Still, I couldn’t stop myself from turning around to look at my mom once more. Even though I knew all of our problems couldn’t be solved by one night of debauchery together, the woman standing in front of me still appeared different somehow. I didn’t know if I would ever see my mom the same again, and in this case, that was a good thing.
“I know you’ll probably get mad at me for saying this, but for what it’s worth, I had a really great time with you last night.”
My mom’s face remained serious as she pointed a finger at me. Great. Here comes the lecture.
“I will deny ever saying this, but,” her face softened and a smile parted her lips, “I had a really good time, too.” She winked at me then turned around without another word, leaving me to wonder if the past fourteen hours had been one prolonged dream.
When I crawled back into bed, Reagan was sitting up with her iPad resting on her knees. Her eyes were laser-focused and her eyebrows furrowed, but there was the slightest smile on her face.
I rested my head on her shoulder and looked down at the drawing of two women walking hand in hand through the woods. “That’s beautiful.”
Reagan’s smile grew as she moved her eyes to meet mine. “You really think so?”
“Of course.” How could she even question that? The sky was filled with hues of orange and yellow. One of the women was looking out in front of her while the other was looking over at her. I could actually see the love in the character’s eyes. I didn’t know that was possible, but Reagan had somehow done it. “Is this for another one of Kinsley’s books?”
“No. This is for a different author.” Reagan’s face lit up and her eyes practically bulged out of her head. “Speaking of Kinsley, though, apparently my copy of her book got delivered yesterday. I’m so excited to see it. My artwork on a real book. A real book by my favorite author. It’s like a dream come true.”
I loved seeing the passion in her eyes as she spoke. I didn’t realize how much that was missing until she got it back. “That’s so exciting, babe. We definitely need to celebrate when we get home.” I grabbed her hand and placed kisses across her knuckles. “I love seeing you so happy.”
“I feel like I finally found my passion. This is what I was looking for all this time. I truly can’t thank you enough for being patient with me as I figured it out, and honestly, for continuing to be patient. I know the money I’m making isn’t significant right now, but it’s definitely picking up. I have no doubt I’ll be able to make a living from this and provide for our family the way I need to.”
“I just want you to be happy. I wasn’t actually as patient as I should have been with you, and I’m happy my mood didn’t discourage you from pursuing this. You deserve the world.”
“So do you, Charlie.” Reagan’s face became more serious as her eyes looked deep into mine. “Which is why we need to start seriously talking about buying a new practice for you. I know we’ve been doing more than okay with your fill-in work, but I also know that’s not what you’re passionate about. We need to get you back into working with kids again. The times you filled in at that pediatric clinic over the past few months, I could see the difference when you came home. You pretty much floated through the house. I want that for you all the time.”
Her words reminded me of something I hadn’t discussed with her yet, because it didn’t seem like a possibility, but now that she had brought it up, there was no use keeping it in. “Speaking of which, the doctor who owns that practice is retiring soon and looking for someone to buy it. He said if I want it, he’ll stop looking and we’ll figure out a price together.” I shook my head and looked down at the comforter. “He wants to retire sooner than later though, so it’s probably not meant to be. I don’t think we’re at a place where I should be doing this. It’s too much.”
“Bullshit.”
My head shot up at the sound of Reagan’s voice.
“If you wait for everything to be perfect, it’s never going to happen. Jump now. Think later. Do I have to remind you once again how well that has worked out for us in the past? What if we had decided with all of the other shit going on that it wasn’t the right time for us to be together?”
“I believe you tried to decide that for us,” I reminded Reagan, laughing as I thought back on the memories of the two of us getting together.
“And you told me I was being an idiot, thank god, so I’m going to do the same for you now. You’re going to buy that practice. We still have money in savings from selling the other one, plus we can take out a business loan. We’ll figure it out. Even if I have to sell my soul to Nana to get the money, we’re going to make this happen.”
“Wow. I’m just…” Honestly, I was speechless. “Wow.”
Reagan playfully nudged me in the side. “Is that a yes?”
“Yeah. Yes! Let’s do it.”
Before we could celebrate more, my phone rang. “Who would be calling us this early?” I asked as I fumbled around in the bed trying to follow the sound to find my phone. I held it up to Reagan when I saw the name. Mary Beth. “Do you think this is it?” I asked, my body instinctively bouncing up and down from the giddiness I was feeling.
“It has to be, right?”
Ever since Mary Beth told us that Jackie had planned a trip to London for the two of them, Reagan and I figured that meant she was finally proposing. I couldn’t think of any other reason she would call us so early, so I quickly picked up the phone.
“Hey! What’s up?” I tried to keep my voice level in case this was somehow bad news instead of the good news we were expecting.
“We’re engaged!” Mary Beth and Jackie yelled in unison.
Called it.
“That’s amazing!” I said at the same time Reagan said, “Congrats, you two.”
They apologized for calling us so early then told us about how Jackie woke Mary Beth up with a huge breakfast and proposed while they ate it out on the balcony of their hotel.
The story was so sweet, I thought I might actually start to cry. “Aw. I love it so much.”
“Yeah, we’re super happy for you two,” Reagan added.
“The wedding probably won’t be for a few years since our priority right now is taking over my family’s farm and building a new house on the property, but obviously when we set a date you two will be the first to know.”
Obviously. The word made me giggle. Mary Beth and I had come a long way since the time she confessed she was in love with me in front of my whole family right after I was caught with my hand down Reagan’s pants. Good times.
We talked for a few more minutes before saying our goodbyes so they could call the rest of their friends and family.
“What an exciting day already,” Reagan said as soon as I hung up the phone.
“Yeah, really.” I laid my head against her shoulder and let out a long sigh. I was so content. This, right here, was my happy place. “Does life get any better than this?”
“I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
I smiled even wider now. I couldn’t wait to see what was to come.