Chapter 51
Chaos runs laps around my head
Harley
I’m surprised the toil of emotions of the last two days still rolling through me hasn’t burst out of my mere mortal flesh. The secret I’ve been so desperately trying to keep, found its way to Kaz’s front door.
That’s what you get for gaslighting yourself into thinking you can outrun your DNA.
Kaz’s heels echoing on the cement floor, pull me out of my rumination.
The distinctive notes of his cologne float in the room as he comes to stand in front of me.
I keep my eyes trained on the wall, but from my peripheral vision, I spot navy-blue pants.
He isn’t wearing his gray sweatpants.
He sits at the edge of the bed.
I chance a glance his way.
He offers a warm smile.
The tense lines around his blue eyes suggest he hasn’t been sleeping much.
It’s all my fault.
I tuck my trembling hands between my legs.
Underneath my ribs, my heart is a knotted mess. Just like my life.
He strokes my hair for a few beats.
I’ll miss how my blood hums when he touches me.
My gaze lowers to his other hand, admiring their manliness, the veins that crisscross under the skin, and his long fingers. The same hands that have brought me so much pleasure. The hands I miss when they aren’t touching me.
The trembling finds its way to my stomach and it’s like my organs are bathing in a pool of acid.
This is my reckoning for being the keeper of a dark secret.
My ribs rattle, all the lies and half-truths threatening to shake loose from where I’ve kept all this ugliness leashed tight.
He offers a warm smile. “I hate having to leave you, but I have to attend an important meeting.”
He’s going out. He’s actually leaving the house.
Kaz has been my care taker since the Universe decided to play a cruel trick on me, never leaving my side other than to get me food and water. No matter how unresponsive I’ve been, he never turned his back on me.
“I tried to postpone it, but for the past two days, one of my competitors has been insisting we meet,” he says.
“This morning, he dropped information in my lap I can’t ignore.
I’ll be out for a bit, but I’ll return the minute I’m done with the meeting.
If you need me, call or text. I’ll call you before getting back on the road. ”
My heart kicks up a notch and a glimmer of hope sparks to life.
“Do you need anything before I leave?”
I shake my head.
“You’re sure you don’t want to try to eat something?”
I shake my head again.
“Harley, you’re wasting away. You’ve barely eaten in two days—”
“You shouldn’t be late for your meeting.” My voice comes out hoarse from crying so hard.
His lips pinch.
A few beats tick away.
He sighs, stands up and saunters out of the bedroom.
I reach for my phone and set the timer to twenty minutes.
As I wait for the countdown, I work through a list of activities in my head.
When the alarm rings, I throw the sheet off and climb out of bed.
I tiptoe to the doorway. “Kaz?”
Nothing.
“Are you still here, Kaz?”
Silence.
He’s gone.
Chaos runs laps around my head as I set things in motion.
There’s no time to waste.
I rush to my room, plug in my phone to charge it.
Then, I sprint to the bathroom in the hallway to wash my face, brush my teeth, and take a five-minute shower.
With the white fluffy towel still wrapped around my body, I race to my bedroom, grab the two large duffle bags I came here with and like a madwoman, I torpedo around the room as I pull my meager belongings from the drawers and the wardrobe and stuff everything in the bags.
I feel like a spinning top.
I hurry back to the bathroom, grab the t-shirt and shorts I’ve been living in for the past two days and drop them in the hamper.
I do a quick inspection, to make sure I haven’t left anything behind.
I bolt to the bedroom, unplug my phone, leaving the office phone that’s sitting next to it on top of the drawer.
I check the screen.
A golf ball-sized knot forms in my throat.
Kaz has already texted me.
Cursing under my breath at the irony that is my life, I stick my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. As my eyes scan the room, they land on the open wardrobe, containing all the beautiful fashion Kaz bought me. My gaze drops to the blue shoes I’ll have to leave behind, once more.
Flashes of the last three weeks hit me like a film reel.
My lower lip trembles and tears well in my eyes.
I don’t want to leave this house.
I don’t want to leave the wonderful, caring man I’ve fallen for. My fearless nightmare slayer.
I don’t want to leave the safety of this sanctuary.
I don’t want to leave this idyllic life that could’ve been.
But you have to.
I straighten my spine.
Staying isn’t an option.
I may not have much to offer a man like Kaz, but I can make sure my presence in his life doesn’t sabotage his business deal and reputation. If not being with him is the price I have to pay to protect him, then that’s what I’ll do. Because when you love someone, you’ll do anything.
A rebel tear slides down my cheek. I wipe it away, as I breathe through the wave of nausea rippling through me.
Guilt at what I’m about to do niggles at me, but I stomp it down.
“Time to go.”
Willing my heart not to crack open, I run out of the bedroom.