Chapter 5 Cillian
CILLIAN
Ipull the blankets up around Ellie’s shoulders, making sure every inch of her is warm before I let myself breathe. She seems to melt into the pillow with that little sigh she makes when she feels safe, and it punches something sharp straight through my chest.
I mean, fucking look at her. She’s all soft and relaxed and trusting in a way I don’t deserve. I sit on the edge of the bed for a moment, unable to make myself stand yet. She’s too perfect for a man like me.
Guilt tugs at something deep inside my ribs. It’s a sharp feeling, unfamiliar, and unwelcome. I’ve spent a lifetime alone, uniformed, hardened, carving out survival because it was the only thing I knew. I wasn’t built for softness. I wasn’t made to hold something this pure.
But she’s lying in my bed anyway.
She’s fucking mine because she wants to be.
I reach out and trace a slow line down the side of her face, the back of my knuckle brushing her cheek. She moves in her sleep, just a small stretch, her arm shifting, her lips parting just slightly, and the sight knocks the breath out of me.
Her beautiful body, relaxed from pleasure, trusting me enough to fall asleep in my arms…it amazes me. Every damn part of her is a fucking gift.
I stroke her hair once more, letting my fingers linger.
“I don’t deserve you,” I whisper, voice barely audible even to myself. “But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to. I can promise you that, baby.”
I stand only when I’m sure she won’t stir, pulling the blanket snug around her once again before I turn quietly toward the door. There’s a few things I have to take care of before I come back to her.
The second I step outside of the cabin, the cold hits me like a punch. Snow’s coming down hard now, thick, fast, unforgiving, and part of me hates that I even left the bed at all. I pull my coat tighter, drag the hood up, and move quickly, because every second out here is a second I’m not with her.
Ellie’s clothes are the first thing I see.
Scattered across the driveway exactly where she dropped them earlier, half-covered in fresh snow like the storm is trying to hide the evidence of how she teased me. I stop, staring down at the mess of fabric, and my chest tightens in that stupid, aching way it only does with her.
I crouch and gather it, shaking off the snow, brushing it away with my gloved hands, and I can’t fucking help it. I smile like a damn idiot.
Because I can still hear her laugh from earlier, soft and breathless as she ran ahead of me. I can still see the way she looked over her shoulder. So mischievous, so fucking pretty, and all mine.
Fuck, I need to get back inside.
I tuck her clothes under my arm and make my way to my motorcycle.
The snow’s blanketing it, piling on fast, and the sight makes irritation flare hot in my chest. I only left it out because I chased her like a man who’d never seen something so beautiful in his life, and honestly, that’s exactly what happened, so I can’t complain.
I was exactly where I wanted to be while my bike was out here getting snowed on.
I’d do the same thing if given the chance.
I straddle the bike, turn the key, and the engine rumbles awake under me. I back it toward the shed, jaw tight, the snow thick enough now that I can barely see the outlines of the trees around the property.
As soon as I get it inside and shut the shed door, I take a breath.
I need to get back to her. And I’m wasting time out here while she’s inside, wrapped in my blankets, smelling like me, dreaming on my pillow.
I lock up and head toward the cabin, Ellie’s clothes tucked tight against my side, my boots crunching through the snow.
I hope she’s ready for what I need from her tonight.
I’ve waited too long to wait any longer, and now that I’ve had a taste of her, there’s no way I’ll be able to hold back.
Then, when she’s come on my cock enough to tire herself out, I’m going to spend the rest of the night holding her.
Loving on her. Memorizing every soft sound she makes in her sleep.
I’m halfway to the house before I realize I’m practically jogging. I don’t care. She’s not with me, and I need her like air.
I drop her clothes in the laundry room and head for the firewood pile, grabbing an armful before the cold can settle into my bones. Snow’s coming in harder now, hammering the roof and windows like the world’s trying to trap us here forever.
I honestly wouldn’t fucking mind that.
I load the woodstove first, stacking the new logs with practiced hands until the fire catches and flares. Then, I move to the fireplace in the living room, adding more wood there too. The flames snap, and I’m content that she’ll stay warm through the night.
I stop by the kitchen to scrub my hands and then I head upstairs, and the second I enter the bedroom, I stop in my tracks.
My Ellie girl has shifted in her sleep. The blankets have slipped, exposing the soft skin of her breasts and stomach, the delicate lines of her waist and hips.
Her hair is fanned across my pillow, her lips parted, her breathing slow and even.
The room is dim, lit only by the low light from the hallway, but she glows in it like something fucking holy.
My chest pulls tight because she’s gorgeous. The sight hits me so hard I forget to breathe for a second. I shake myself out of my stupor because the ache I feel from not being close to her outweighs everything else right now.
I pull off my coat, my shirt, my jeans. I want it all gone so I can feel her pressed against my bare skin.
My eyes never leave hers because I don’t want to miss a single heartbeat of watching her like this.
Vulnerable. Peaceful. In my bed. Wearing nothing but the marks of sleep and softness and the faintest hint of pink across her cheeks.
I move closer, and her stomach rises and falls with each gentle breath. She wiggles in her sleep, a tiny sound slipping from her lips that sounds a lot like my name, and the blankets shift just a little more.
My hands curl at my sides. I can’t wait any longer.
I have to have her fully, completely. I need to be between her thighs and have her warm body pressed to mine.
Every fucking inch of her. I need to feel her, soft and trusting, in my arms where she belongs.
I move toward the bed slowly, careful to be quiet with every step like I’m approaching something delicate and sacred. Because I am. Because she is.
I want time to admire her before she wakes up, and the way she was talking before she drifted off to sleep, I think she wants that too.
I ease onto the mattress, bracing my weight on my forearm so it barely dips.
She doesn’t stir. Not yet, but she will.
Her lashes rest against her cheeks, her lips parted just slightly, her hair spread around her like a halo.
She wants me to wake her up like this with kisses. I want to be soft, slow, and so gentle for her, but I don’t know how possible that’s going to be. The need to claim her is tearing through me right now, and the restraint I’m showing should be studied as a fucking superpower.
I lean in, letting my breath fan across her bare shoulder before I even touch her. Her skin is warm, smooth beneath my lips when I finally press the first kiss there, so light I almost don’t feel it.
But she does because she sighs my name sleepily, and my chest tightens.
I kiss her again, just below her shoulder, letting my mouth linger a little longer this time. Then I trail my lips up toward her collarbone, slow and unhurried, tasting the warmth of her skin, breathing her in like she’s the first real breath I’ve taken in years.
She shifts beneath me, her body instinctively moving closer, as if even in her sleep she reaches for me.
I smile against her skin. She has no idea what she does to me, but after tonight she will. I’ll be embedded inside of her in ways she’ll never be able to shake.
I brush my mouth along the ridge of her collarbone, then up the delicate curve of her neck. She tilts her head slightly without waking, giving me more of her, trusting me even in her dreams.
“Ellie girl…” I whisper against her throat, my voice rough with need.
My big hand spreads her thighs as gently as I can manage.
She’s still so wet for me, and I know that I’m not going to be able to keep this up.
I need to fuck her, but I will spend the rest of the night kissing and touching her while she sleeps.
I kiss the spot just below her ear as my fingers sink inside of her sweet, pink pussy. I stroke her soft, slow, worshipful, and her breath catches.
Her eyes flutter open then, startled and searching for me in the dark room. She moans and instantly relaxes when she sees that it’s me, I’m here with her and she’s not dreaming. Ellie whispers my name.
And I know now without question, without a single doubt that I’ll spend every night of my life kissing her awake just like this.
I lay my thick cock along her pussy, seeing how far the tip protrudes onto her belly has me fucking feral to be inside her.
I pin her wrists above her head and knock her leg further out so she’s open for me.
I rock against her, and the way she moans, arching up like she needs more.
I can see the vulnerability in her eyes, like she wants something she doesn’t know how to ask for.
I’m going to give her everything she could possibly dream of.