Chapter Twenty-Three #2
Beatrix nodded. “She did speak to me yesterday. She said it would be ghastly and recommended laudanum.”
Harrelston roared with laughter. “That lady is a menace. It will not be ghastly, I can assure you. But considering what you put yourself through yesterday, I will suggest breakfast, and we can discuss it.”
“Discuss it?” Beatrix said, feeling a bit scandalized. It did not seem the sort of thing one discussed.
“Yes, we will discuss it.” Harrelston rang his bell. To Beatrix’s shock, he then proceeded to take off his clothes and throw on a nightshirt. She'd never seen a naked man and it was...well, it was startling.
“If a footman were to bring in the trays and find me still in my wedding clothes there will be talk.”
“Oh I see,” Beatrix said. “They will know you did not ravish me.”
“That’s right, with my awful paws,” he said, getting under the blankets with her.
This did cause Beatrix to laugh. She felt a bit ridiculous now. Lord Harrelston spent the intervening minutes while they waited for their breakfast trays speaking in low soothing tones.
Miss Sprite had got into the habit of talking about things she knew nothing about. Miss Sprite’s sister was hardly a credible source. Any questions regarding intimate relations could be directed at him for more accurate information.
The breakfast trays came in, Lord Harrelston’s footman pretending he did not notice the earl had a lady in his bed. He set things up and left as fast as humanly possible. Her husband poured her a cup of tea.
Beatrix said, “I do know what is involved. What is done. My father has farm animals, one cannot help but to notice.”
“I doubt you know all of it,” Harrelston said.
“I know the main thing.”
He nodded. “But I do not imagine you will be aware of how two people eventually arrive at the main thing.”
Beatrix wrinkled her brow. “Is there some procedure?” she asked, hardly believing she was having such a conversation.
“Yes, indeed.”
She could not imagine what it was, but she supposed she would find out.
They proceeded to finish their breakfast. The trays were put aside, and then Beatrix Ainsworth, Countess of Harrelston, was introduced to the procedure.
It was entirely marvelous. She had not imagined anything like it. It felt as if her whole body had been asleep and now it was awake. The main thing was a little uncomfortable, though her husband informed her that it would not always be.
In any event, it was worth it to experience the procedure. Miss Sprite’s poor sister must not know anything about the procedure before the main thing.
Caroline would know though. Beatrix planned to tell her everything about it so she did not go into her wedding night out of her mind on champagne, wine, and laudanum, imagining it would be ghastly.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Beatrix and Corbyn would make their wedding trip to his estate, briefly stopping at the main house before relocating to the small house by the sea.
Beatrix discovered there was actually more than one type of procedure and sometimes it was all procedure and no main thing at all.
It was eye-opening, to say the least, and she grew very fond of Harrelston pawing at her.
During that time, Lord Chester and Lord Monroe were having a less delightful interlude.
Lord Chester had fairly lost his mind when he discovered that all they’d stolen was paste.
He had some idea of returning to Portland Place and smoothing things over with his father, but his awful grandmother had been in the viscount’s ear since he’d left.
He was cut off from funds. Lord Monroe did not have funds and could not return to his estate as it was forever being circled by creditors.
They realized their only choice was to return to Lord Chester’s run-down estate and attempt to get it into some sort of order.
At least, Lord Chester convinced Monroe it was the only thing to do as he thought he’d need an extra pair of hands.
After a few months of trying to get something to grow and trying to convince a steward to work for free, Monroe wed the daughter of a tradesman. Sissy Weldon was not perhaps the most polished young lady, but she came with an enormous dowry.
Chester was left on his own and spent many a night at a neighbor’s house for dinner so he could actually have dinner. It would be three years before his father relented and when he arrived back to Town, he was noticeably thinner.
His light o’ love, Annie Wister, made out much better. Corbyn had not forgotten Beatrix’s sympathy for the lady and provided her with funds to start anew in America.
Americans, bless their na?ve souls, could not distinguish between English accents and Annie was well-acquainted with the manners of lords and ladies, even if she did not care to strictly follow them.
She reinvented herself as a widow and wed a banker from Philadelphia.
Her husband was fond of her, though her consumption of vast quantities of champagne sometimes surprised him, as did her habit of occasionally putting her foot through a painting.
However, Americans were generally admiring of English eccentricity so these misadventures were named charming.
Mr. Feldstaffer was mightily shocked when Lady Beatrix returned from Lady Dudmore’s house party engaged to Lord Harrelston. He was also rather torn. It was the ideal outcome, no doubt. As well, he could comfortably report to The League that he had arranged it all, even though he had not.
On the other hand, he had predicted a disaster. It looked as if he had been wrong. But he was never wrong about predicting a disaster.
In the end, he explained to his colleagues that he’d predicted disaster so that they would not allow their hopes to soar before the right time.
Mr. Harkinson had said, in his usual irritating tone, “Mr. Feldstaffer, this is the first time I have ever heard you have hopes at all. Is this to be a regular occurrence?”
Mr. Feldstaffer had narrowed his eyes by way of answer.
Mr. Penny, always liking to smooth things over, said, “Well now, I think we may congratulate ourselves. We set out on this adventure six years ago and look where we are. We have creditably settled six of our young lords and ladies. Bravo, gentlemen.”
“Cum Virtute!” Mr. Browning said.
Indeed. While the six butlers may have stumbled through six seasons and managed to cause more problems than they solved, they had at least attempted to do it with valor.
Effort must count for something.
Miss Sprite went on to focus all her efforts on Caroline, which was not very comfortable for Caroline.
These things do not go on forever, though.
Once Caroline was out of her clutches, Miss Sprite retired to a cottage in the village.
There, she put all her attention to advertising her wide-ranging thoughts on the inhabitants of the village and informing the vicar of her discoveries.
In short, she generally proved herself to be a menace.
She went on entirely satisfied that she was eliminating moral turpitude wherever she found it.
Beatrix never knew that her butler had a hand in anything, helpful or otherwise.
She settled into married life very happily and her eyes were opened about things by degrees.
The first pregnancy had, naturally, been very startling.
Not at first, but as she grew and grew it seemed impossible that the baby could ever get out.
In the last month, even her husband began to stare at her enormous stomach in horrified fascination. Somehow it was done, though, and a new heir was born.
There would be three more to come, another boy and two girls. At the age of fourteen, each of them received a specially fashioned stone from Lady Dudmore’s infamous house party.
They would employ a governess, but not in the style of Miss Sprite. The library was wide open to all of them, even for a gothic novel.
The End