Chapter 21
CHAPTER 21
Pricked Thumb
D iana told everyone she was ill. It was so much easier that way. Easier than explaining the state she was in now. How was she to justify why she was staring off into nothingness all day, why she couldn’t get but a few bites down, why she only wanted to be under the covers and sleep?
“Diana?” Selina’s voice carried through the door.
Diana closed her eyes and pulled the covers over her head. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, least of all her sister. It was her cruel prank that led her to this state.
“Go away, Selina,” Diana said with a fake cough. “I would hate for you to catch something.”
That was the same lie she told again and again. She heard her sister’s footsteps retreat.
Diana bit her lip for the millionth time to keep from crying. What she was crying about anyway?
“So, we had some fun, a mutually entertaining agreement, and you thought that you had any claim on me?”
His words echoed in her head.
Her stomach churned. She dug her nails into the pillows. She squeezed her eyes shut. But closing them only made it worse. Because then she could see him. All of him all at once. His smirk and the emotionless way he talked to her, the scorching kisses and the cold shoulder he gave her.
“Idiot!” she screamed into her pillows.
How could she have been such a fool? How could she allow herself to fall for a man like him? Because she knew that was what she had done. Slowly, jab to jab, witty comment to warm embraces, she fell for James Bolton.
She turned onto her side, curling in on herself, wrapping her arms tightly around her body as if that could hold her together. But she was breaking at the seams.
She should have stayed in the shadows. She should never have let herself get carried away. She would have her heart intact and her soul unfractured.
Diana knew she should hate him with all her heart. But instead, she missed him. Her throat constricted, and her chest ached. She couldn’t bear his absence, and the idea that she might not ever see him again made her crumble.
Damn you.
“I am happy to see you better,” Elizabeth said, looking at her.
Diana decided that if she didn’t want her brother to bring all of the doctors in England to cure her weird ailment, she had to get out of her room, eventually. And she didn’t want to worry and upset Elizabeth. So, it’d been a couple of days since she emerged, pretending that she had recovered.
“I do feel better, thank you,” Diana said with all the mirth she could summon. “What did I miss? Did you go to the Etherton musicale?”
They made small talk, and Diana was carrying her end of the conversation as well as she could. She admired herself for how well she was keeping it together. She was sure that slowly, she would mend the tear in her heart the way she picked up the embroidery she had abandoned. She even smiled at the sharp remarks Elizabeth had made on all the social events she had missed out on.
Yes, she would be fine, and time will heal all. She was beaten down before, and she would rise up again. And this time, there was no public humiliation, so for sure she would recover in private.
This, too, shall pass.
“Lord Crawford calling on Lady Diana,” the butler announced.
Diana’s heart stopped. Her hands stiffened, and blood ruined her embroidery. This couldn’t be. Her shuttered mind must be playing a cruel trick on her.
“Lord Crawford!” Elizabeth got up.
Diana was rooted to the spot, her eyes refusing to rise from her bloodied handiwork.
“Please come in,” Elizabeth continued.
With her back to the door, Diana didn’t dare turn around. If she didn’t, all this illusion would go away, for sure.
“Lady Diana.” She heard his voice.
Her heart raced with fear, her nostrils flared with fury. A shiver crawled up her spine.
Pull yourself together, Diana!
She wouldn’t do this. Wouldn’t let him see that he still had this effect on her. She took a deep breath and schooled her features into an indifferent expression.
She turned to him. There he was, in her drawing room as if everything was all right between them. Yet…
She frowned. He seemed different. His cravat was somewhat hastily put together, and his coat was slightly askew as if he’d dressed in a hurry or hadn’t slept. And his face was tired.
Do not overthink this .
She decided that he was probably having late, debauched nights while she yearned for him.
“Lord Crawford,” she greeted flatly.
“I heard that you were feeling better, so I came to visit.”
Did he come to gloat? That insufferable ?—
Diana tilted her head in a slow, deliberate motion.
“How thoughtful,” she said lightly. “Though I assure you, my illness was nothing serious.”
James blinked, his jaw tensing. He looked deeply into her eyes, searching.
Nothing here but resentment, My Lord.
Diana made sure to affect her coldest look.
“How fortunate for you. I hope you didn’t suffer much.”
“Not at all,” she said smoothly. “It was fleeting, you see. I imagine you are familiar with such things.”
Her words fell between them like ice shards.
“That is great.” He smiled too broadly. “So, I suppose it would do you good to be out in the fresh air. The weather is splendid.”
He is not proposing to…?
“I think a walk in the Kensington Gardens is warranted. Don’t you think, My Lady?”
Diana shot him a glare. She didn’t even bother to hide how not amusing she was finding this.
“I believe that I am not feeling that well.”
“You just said it was fleeting,” James reminded her.
“That is why I had better avoid any relapse.”
“Come on, Diana,” Elizabeth chimed in. “Fresh air would do you good.”
“After all, it’s our fifth promenade.” James looked at Diana with a strange glint in his blue eyes.
“Ah,” Diana bit out. “I had forgotten about that.”
“I haven’t. Am I not owed one last promenade, My Lady?” James smirked. “I have paid good money for it.”
Oh, I will make you pay for it. I will push you in the Serpentine and keep you under .
Diana was fuming. With such grand plans in mind, she agreed.
At least James would have the pleasure to leave for the afterlife on such a lovely day. The Kensington Gardens were in full bloom—a breathtaking sight.
Manicured lawns extended as far as the eye could see, peppered with ancient oak trees and elms. The air was filled with that satisfying smell of fresh earth mixed with the intoxicating fragrance of roses. The river was flowing softly, giving the space a sense of tranquility.
The two of them were anything but. He had led them to a more secluded part where Ms. Bremford got so easily lost. That meant no witnesses to keep Diana from committing murder.
“The gardens are quite lovely today,” James said nonchalantly.
“Yes. The trees do seem to be where we last left them.”
James bit back a smirk.
Diana wanted to slap him across the face. She had no idea why he would call on her after their last interaction, but this new kind of torture was stretching her patience thin.
“You seem to be tense, My Lady.”
“You truly have an amazing ability to state the obvious, My Lord.”
“I feel I am the cause of your foul mood,” he ventured.
“How rarely insightful of you,” Diana said through gritted teeth.
“Diana…”
Oh no .
She stopped walking so abruptly that James nearly took another step before catching himself. When he turned to face her, she was already glaring up at him, her chest rising and falling with the sheer force of her fury.
“I forbid you to call me that again, My Lord . You lost that right when you called me entertaining. I, for one, stopped having fun.”
James opened his mouth to talk.
“Do not interrupt me!”
His mouth snapped shut.
Diana took a furious step toward him, her voice trembling. “I do not know what cruelty made you call on me today, but I would appreciate it if we ended it soon and pretend we have never met from now on.”
“Diana… My Lady, please allow me.”
Diana raised an eyebrow expectantly.
“I behaved like a brute,” James said earnestly. “The moment I heard what my father has done…” He took a deep breath and swallowed. “I hated him for so many years. When my mother died, he chose to wallow in his grief and abandon me. I felt hurt, insignificant, unworthy. And when he came back and laid a claim on me and my affairs, I lost all control.”
His voice dropped. “You were caught in a war that was never meant to touch you. And for that, Diana… My Lady, I am sorry.”
Diana’s fingers dug into her palms. “And that gave you the right to treat me the way you did?”
“Diana…” James winced.
She raised a hand, stopping him cold.
“No. You had no right.” Her eyes narrowed on him. “I am sure your excuses bring you comfort, but rest assured, I am not placing all the blame on you. I take half the blame.”
“You are not to blame,” James tried.
“But I am.” Diana’s jaw ticked. “I was foolish enough to believe that this was more than just an amusing series of lessons. I am sure that you are having the time of your life seeing me so tense, as you put it. Came to gloat, perhaps. Bask in the knowledge that you have managed to hurt me.”
James drew in deep breaths and attempted to grab her hands. She recoiled.
“Oh, I know I made the unforgivable mistake of seeing too much of the real you.” Diana chuckled coldly. “I let myself care for a man who saw me as nothing but a diversion. A man who left me standing there, humiliated and broken.”
“Please—” James expelled a harsh breath, his chest rising and falling too fast.
Diana shook her head, not wanting to hear anything more from him.
“There, Lord Crawford, the infamous rake of the ton. Have your moment of glory.” She was trembling with rage and sorrow. “You can pride yourself on making the jilted wallflower fall in love with you.”
The moment those words left her lips, she realized with dread what she had said.
The air was heavy with her confession, both of them breathing heavily, locked in a stare.
“You love me.”
Diana shook her head and took a step back.
“You love me,” James repeated, this time a little softer, as if tasting the words.
Diana swallowed and willed her lungs to draw in air.
No, no, no…
“Say it again,” James murmured.
She spun on her heel, but he caught her wrist.
“Let me go!” she hissed.
She blinked and dug her nails into her palms harder.
Do not cry, do not cry, do not cry .
She had already given up so much. She had to get away and make sure they never crossed paths again so that she could forg?—
“I love you, Diana.”
Her heart stopped. Her ears were ringing.
James stepped closer, unshaken, unstoppable. “I love you so much.”
Diana shook her head furiously. She was shaking, her whole body trembling as if dipped in ice-cold water. “You’re lying.”
“I am not.” James took another step forward, and his hands found her waist.
“You can’t be serious right now!”
James stilled as if hit by an invisible wall.
Diana wrenched free and stumbled back, her eyes burning, her breathing shallow. “You don’t get to say that. This game is over. You won.”
James staggered back a step as if she had struck him. She took the opportunity and ran away from him.