Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“ O h my god…” my sister’s squeaky voice penetrates my deep sleep.
I slowly stir, rubbing my tired face on the pillow. But it’s not a pillow—it’s a hard chest. Confused, I lift my head.
Arkin is waking up too, blinking his eyes open and rubbing sleep from the corners. We lock eyes and then I glance over my shoulder to see my sister standing there, shock written all over her face.
For a brief second, my heart stops beating. I jolt upright. “It’s not what it looks like.”
That’s the first thing out of my mouth? What the hell is wrong with me?
When my sister clamps a hand over her lips, I realize the quilt has fallen.
I’m naked.
“Shit.” I quickly pull the blanket up to my waist. “Look, I can explain…” I glance at Arkin, who sits back against the headboard.
Even now, I want to ensure he’s okay.
“Explain?” Neriah scoffs a weak laugh. “I think I get the picture.”
Dropping my chin to my chest for a moment, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Fuck…”
She wasn’t supposed to find out like this. I wanted to talk to her first but didn’t know how or if I was ready to have this conversation.
After retrieving my briefs from the floor, I sit on the edge of the bed to dress. Neriah waits while I slide them on beneath the blanket.
When I’m decent, I stand up and pull my T-shirt back on. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“How long?” she asks, her face carefully blank. “How long has it gone on for?”
“A couple of months now.” I wince.
As silence settles over the room, she bounces her gaze between us uncertainly. “Why didn’t you tell me, Zach?”
My shoulders slump. “I wanted to… Trust me, you have no idea how much I wanted to tell you, but I wasn’t ready yet. This is still so new to me,” I explain, motioning between Arkin and I. “I didn’t know where to begin. Dad-he…”
Eyes glassy with unshed tears, she nods slowly, then smiles and throws her arms around my waist. “I’m sorry I had to find out like this before you were ready. I’m sorry I took that from you.”
Arkin dresses in silence and leaves to give us a moment of privacy.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, hugging her close. “What do I do? No one knows about this, and now they’re sending him away.”
She hugs me closer. “Urgh! I hate our parents.”
The way she says it makes her sound so much like a defiant, bratty teenager that I can’t help but smile.
Resting her chin on my chest, she says, “I’m happy for you.”
“Yeah?”
Her smile grows. “Yeah.”
“Dad can’t find out about this.”
“I would never grass on you.” She untangles herself, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “But Zach… You need to tell him sometime.”
“I will.” I take a seat on the bed. “I just don’t fucking know how. He won’t take it well, you know?”
For a moment, she chews on her lip, then sits down next to me with a sigh. “Does Arkin make you happy?”
Warmth spreads through my chest. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”
“You hated him in the beginning.”
“So much,” I reply with a chuckle. “I don’t even know why.”
“Maybe this is why.” She nudges me playfully with her elbow. “Instant sexual attraction. Perhaps you didn’t know how to handle it.”
Snorting, I throw my arm around her shoulder. “You and I… We good?”
“You don’t even have to worry about that.”
I kiss the side of her head, and she leans into me.
“I feel sorry for Arkin,” she says after a moment. “All this moving around and never settling, and now they’re sending him to live with some distant relatives.”
Resentment toward my father is brewing in my gut like the main ingredient in some potent witch’s potion, and I gnash my teeth.
Neriah straightens. “It’s not right. He’ll live even farther away from his siblings.”
“Tell me about it. I’m going to beat the shit out of our dad,” I grumble, and she laughs quietly.
“You should go find Arkin. He’s probably worried about you.” She stands up and puts her small hand on my shoulder. “Everything will work out in the end. Don’t ask me how, but it will.” Then she leaves, but not before I call out, “Thanks,” when she’s about to shut the door.
When I’m alone, I run my hands through my hair, restless as hell as I pull the strands tight. Today was a close call. It could have been my parents who entered the room. What then? Though what does it matter now when they’re sending him away?
The deep-seated ache in my chest is back, and no matter how much I rub, it won’t go away. The thought of losing him has me shooting to my feet, pacing the small space and chewing on my thumbnail. I can’t let my father do this. Fuck to the no! He’s not sending him away to stay with some distant relatives in Scotland of all places.
His home is here with me. Now more than ever, I need to tell my father the truth. Sure, I’d hoped to wait, but we’ve run out of time and now there’s no other choice if I hope to change his mind. Who am I kidding? I know my dad: he won’t take the news of my sexuality well, thinking it’s somehow his fault for inviting Arkin into our home, and into my bedroom.
After lunch, Arkin has a therapy appointment, so I decide to pop over to Harrison’s and Ryan’s for something to do. As I knock on their door, my heart rattles around behind my ribcage. It takes a couple of seconds, during which sweat beads on my brow, before the door swings open to reveal Ryan and his beaming smile.
“It’s about time. We’re loading up the Xbox,” he says, not noticing how nervous I am as I step inside.
Ryan retakes his seat on the couch, ankles crossed on the coffee table. Harrison spots me and grunts a greeting with a tip of his chin as he picks his character. I sit beside Ryan, jiggling my knee.
The game starts up, but I can barely focus on the screen. Harrison and Ryan take out half of their opponents, and Ryan ends up getting shot and taking significant damage.
How do you tell your friends you’re into guys?
The way I figure, they don’t have an inkling about what’s going on between Arkin and me because I’ve never felt attracted to a guy before now and never so much as looked at one.
All this time, I’ve only ever hooked up with girls.
Suddenly sick with anxiety, I blurt the words, “I’m bisexual.”
Ryan freezes beside me, and a few beats later, Harrison swings his head in my direction, the game forgotten.
My knee is jiggling even worse now. My throat feels like sandpaper when I try to swallow. The truth is out there now and it’s too late to take it back. Honestly, I feel relieved.
Amy threatened to expose my secret. At least now, I get to tell my friends the truth before they can hear it from someone else, but that doesn’t make me less nervous though.
“I called it, didn’t I?” Harrison says to Ryan, and I frown.
What does he mean by that? Called it? What did he call?
Harrison reads my confusion and rolls his eyes. “Dude, we’re not blind. You went from hating Arkin to spending every minute with him. For weeks, you were practically inseparable. Not to mention how you looked at him when you thought no one was watching.”
“I didn’t?—”
“You did,” Ryan interrupts.
I look between them.
“He was always watching you too,” Harrison says with a shrug. “We guessed.”
A rough swallow. In hindsight, I should have realized we weren’t as discreet as I first thought. I got carried away and it was too late to apply the brakes.
“We were just waiting for you to tell us,” Harrison continues.
“You’re not upset?” I ask.
“Why would we be upset?”
“I don’t know. I guess I figured you might feel uncomfortable, is all.”
Ryan gently shoves my shoulder. “We don’t care who you fuck.”
As I wince, they both chuckle.
Ryan hands me his controller. “You play this next round. I’m grabbing beers.”
For the next hour, we game and order pizza.
I soon relax and even manage to laugh at Ryan’s bad jokes despite the shit going on back home. Even so, thoughts of Arkin are never far away.
When my character dies again, I spill the beans to my friends.
It feels good to talk about it.
“So, he’s moving away?” Ryan asks. “Just like that?”
“It seems that way,” I reply, peeling the label off my bottle.
“He doesn’t get a say?”
“Apparently he has some distant relatives up there.”
“But he’s an adult.”
Crumpling up the label, I throw it onto the coffee table. “Tell me about it.”
We sit in contemplative silence for a while until Harrison says, “We’d let him lodge with us for a while, but where would he sleep? This little flat isn’t exactly big, and the couch is too small for a tall guy like him. He can’t sleep on the floor.”
I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it. Arkin is not your problem. Besides, you could get into trouble if he stayed here.”
Stupid fucking landlord. It’s not like I want Arkin to sleep on an air mattress on my friends’ floor. He deserves a comfortable bed and safety after everything he’s been through. But I’m desperate.
“Have you talked to your dad?” Ryan asks, slouched beside me, nursing his half-empty beer.
“Not yet. He’ll lose his shit when he finds out.”
“Maybe he’ll surprise you,” Harrison suggests, and I scoff quietly.
“I know my dad. He’s too proud to accept that his son likes dick.”
Ryan chuckles, then takes a long sip before grabbing my shoulder. “Maybe don’t tell him the truth in those exact words, or you’ll give him a coronary.”
I can’t help but smile at that.
Ryan gets up to get us more alcohol. Harrison loads up Halo Infinite, then helps himself to another slice of pizza. As he takes a large bite, I say, “Thanks for being so cool about this.”
Chewing, he looks at me. “Do you remember when we were in primary and went on that school trip to the Science Museum in London?”
A smile tilts my lips. “We played hide-and-seek.”
“You got into so much trouble after you hid in one of the old cockpits in the Flight Gallery. When I couldn’t find you, I panicked and told a teacher.”
Ryan returns with the beers, handing me one as I snigger at the fun memories.
“My dad was pissed,” I admit.
“The kid I was then didn’t care if you liked boys or girls, and I still don’t. We were best friends then, and we always will be.” He accepts a beer from Ryan and tips it back.
“Unless you fuck Arkin, because then I’ll have to kill you.”
Surprised, he sprays his beer everywhere, then laughs good-naturedly. “I can’t make you any promises.”
Ryan and I crack up laughing, and Harrison frowns slightly before throwing his arms out with a wide smile. “What? What’s so funny?”
“Bro…” Ryan sniggers. “You’re straighter than dry spaghetti. You’d run scared if a guy propositioned you.”
Harrison pretends to be offended, but he’s laughing too. “I would not. I’m always down for a good time.”
“Sure,” I say, nodding along. “We believe you.”
“Screw you,” he responds around a chuckle as he reaches for the crumpled-up beer label on the coffee table and throws it at me. “I’m not scared of dicks.”
That does it. Ryan and I descend into ab-crunching laughter.