Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
The next morning, Marina knocked softly on Lilly’s door. “Lilly? It is Marina. Can I come in?”
“Yes,” said a small voice.
Marina opened the door to see Lilly awake and sitting up in bed. Her eyes were rimmed red, and she wondered if Lilly got any sleep at all. “Good morning,” Marina said, taking a seat at Lilly’s bedside. “How are you feeling?” She kept her voice gentle.
“Tired.” Her voice was hoarse. The girl has definitely been sobbing throughout the night. Poor thing. “I am sorry, Marina. I should not have thrown carrots at you. I should not have yelled. I hope you forgive me.” She said each word carefully, as if she had rehearsed it.
Marina wondered if Evan had told her what to say the night before, when he checked in on her and her nightmare.
If not him, then maybe she had talked about it with her nanny.
I hope so. At least she would be talking with someone then.
“It is all right,” she said. “I appreciate your apology, and I forgive you.”
“Thank you.” Lilly hugged her knees to her chest.
Marina glanced at the girl’s shelf, on the other side of the room.
Books and figurines decorated most of the shelf, but Lilly’s teddy bear was also there, as if it was masquerading as a decoration.
“Do you want Mr. Bear today?” she asked.
“You can hug him while I read to you for a while. We can start our day slowly.”
She shook her head. “I want my mommy.”
A lump formed in Marina’s throat. “I know,” she said softly. She wished she knew exactly what to do to take away this little girl’s pain, but she also knew that was impossible. “Why don’t you tell me about her?”
Lilly looked almost surprised before she smiled softly.
“She was beautiful. She could sing a bajillion different songs. She danced with princes and kings, and everyone loved her. I’m gonna be just like her one day.
She hugged her knees tighter. “She told me that she would come back for me one day. Had to go away. He made her go.”
“Who made her go?”
“Papa.”
Marina did not know how much of Lilly’s recounting was true and how much of it was fantasy.
But she knew that it didn’t matter. As far as Lilly was concerned, her mother was a fairytale princess who was so lovely that she charmed everyone she had ever met.
Best not to dispel her of that notion. Despite what Evan thinks, having an imagination is not necessarily a bad thing. “She sounds wonderful, Lilly.”
A tear ran down Lilly’s cheek. “He made her go away,” she muttered.
Marina stayed quiet for a moment or two, trying to think about what to say to the little girl. “I do not know what happened between your father and the late duchess,” she finally said. “But I know he loves you very much. He just wants you to be happy.”
Lilly turned away from her but didn’t say anything.
Marina stood up and quietly walked over to the bookshelf. She grabbed Mr. Bear and set him on the bed, next to Lilly. “It is all right to be angry and sad,” she said. “I understand. I feel those feelings all the time.”
Lilly picked up Mr. Bear and hugged him to her chest. “Don’t like them,” she mumbled.
“Neither do I,” Marina said. “But sometimes we have to let the bad feelings out, or they will spoil the good times.”
Lilly sighed dramatically and flopped down against the pillows again and pulled the blankets over her head. “Tired,” she mumbled.
“I am not surprised.” Marina looked at the clock on the wall. “Breakfast will not be served for another hour. Why don’t you close your eyes while I sit by your bedside? Maybe you’ll fall back asleep.”
The girl was quiet, and for a moment Marina thought she was already asleep. Then she heard a tiny voice say: “Will you read to me?”
Marina smiled. “Happily.” She grabbed one of the fishing books off the nightstand and opened it up to a random page. “Even though one does not think of sharks as fish, they are considered …”
The rest of the day went peacefully enough. The extra rest time did Lilly some good, and she had perked up a little more for her lessons. When they went outside for their evening walk with Prince William, Evan did not join them. Marina was sad about that but not surprised.
However, she was surprised when she went downstairs for dinner that night to find out that Evan was dining alone in his room. So, he is avoiding me, not his daughter. She felt a flash of irritation. Fine. I will just avoid him as well.
After that night, she had her meals inside her room instead of seeing him for dinner, even when the servants reported the duke was planning to eat in the dining room. If I keep eating meals in my room, will I ever see him at any other time of the day?
One evening, she was making her way to her room when she almost bumped into Evan in the hallway. “Sorry,” she said awkwardly, taking a step back before she ran headfirst into his chest.
“You’re not to blame. I should have been looking where I was going.” He stared at her intently as strained silence descended on them.
She cleared her throat. “Have a good night,” she said before trying to move past him.
He quickly blocked her way. “Are you not joining me for dinner downstairs?” he asked.
“Not tonight.”
Frustration flashed across his face. “Why not?”
She lifted her chin defiantly. “Because I want to eat in my room for a change. You certainly have done so.”
He looked sheepish for a moment before his expression fell back to neutral. “But tonight I’m eating downstairs. We should stick to the routine we have chosen.”
“No,” she said. “Sometimes it is best to change routines to better suit our needs. Just like how it would have been beneficial for everyone if Lilly had eaten dinner with us.”
“That night was a disaster.”
“You should have given it more time,” she said.
He sighed, looking frustrated. “I am trying, Marina.”
She knew he was. He was trying to make peace with her by having dinner in the dining room. And he was always trying to be a better father to Lilly, even if they disagreed on parenting methods. But she was not in the mood to say so. “You shouldn’t have given up after one bad night.”
He glared at her. “How many bad nights does it take for you to realize it wasn’t a good idea?”
She scoffed and shook her head. Part of her wanted to start shouting at him, but an image of her mother flashed through her mind, and she decided against it. I’m tired, and this is going nowhere. “Goodnight, Evan,” she said stiffly before pushing past him and walking down the hall.
She happily took dinner in her rooms after that encounter.
She attended breakfast with Lilly, but Lilly preferred having tea by herself and her stuffed animals while her nanny silently supervised.
Marina had a feeling it was because Evan took tea alone in his room, and she was mirroring his actions.
She remembered going through a phase of pretending to read the paper while she drank tea, just like her father did, after all.
A few days passed just like this, with the two of them ignoring each other. With every passing day, Marina grew more irritated. “This is ridiculous,” she muttered to herself as she ate dinner by herself in her own rooms. “We are acting like children instead of reasonable adults.”
At the same time, she remembered how she had pushed him to spend time with Lilly and her, even to the point of marching into his study and making him go fishing with them. She was tired of being the one constantly reaching out and making the effort.
It is his turn to reach out now. If he does not wish for such a thing, then we will simply have to be strangers forever.
Evan could not concentrate on his work. He needed to look over tenant reports and other estate matters, but it was difficult for him to focus when his thoughts constantly turned to his wife and daughter. He looked at the time. The two of them were on their walk with Prince William now.
“I’m not the one avoiding her,” he muttered.
“Not anymore at least.” He hated to admit it to himself.
Yes, that first night or two, he had taken dinner in his rooms, too upset from the fight to have any desire to face his wife.
But after that, he started eating downstairs, only to find out she was avoiding him! That irked him to no end.
“I suppose I could find her during the day,” he said to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But then I would be disrupting her day with Lilly, along with my own …” He could practically see Marina rolling her eyes at such an excuse. Maybe I’m still avoiding her after all.
As he was moping, there was a knock on his door. “Enter,” he said.
Carlson came in with a tray of tea. “I thought you could use something to cheer you up, Your Grace,” he said. “Considering the time of day, I thought a spot of tea would be a better decision than a glass of brandy.”
“Thank you, Carlson,” Evan said. “I do not know why my mind has been so scattered lately.”
“Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Her Grace is taking her meals in her rooms now,” the butler said, raising an eyebrow. “And you’ve been taking your meals on your own.”
“Why should that matter?” the duke asked. “There have been plenty of times over the years where I have eaten dinner in my room, and it did not affect my ability to do work.”
“That was before you were married, Your Grace,” Carlson said.
“It never mattered in my first marriage,” Evan grumbled.
“I believe we both know that the current duchess is a much different kind of woman than the late duchess, Your Grace.”
Evan did not reply, knowing his butler was correct.
Lilly’s mother could not wait to leave his manor fast enough.
Meanwhile, Marina seemed perfectly content to spend her days here, taking care of Lilly.
She cared a lot for the little girl. Anyone could see that, even if they had different thoughts about how to raise her.