Chapter 19 - Edith
EDITH
The next day, Edith went for a dawn walk along the beach.
The air was cool and still, carrying the faint scent of sea spray and damp sand.
A soft haze hung over the water, blurring the line between sea and sky.
The only sounds were the quiet rush of the tide and the cry of distant gulls.
It was a beautiful June morning, and it promised a bright day ahead.
She sat on a rock, removed her trainers and gazed out at the sea, watching as the light spread through the sky, painting it lavender and peach. The waves rolled in, their repetitive movement nature’s heartbeat.
Alone on the beach, it felt otherworldly, and she was struck by how fragile life was, how fleeting a human life was in the grander scheme of things. Digging her bare toes into the cold sand, she grounded herself in the moment, breathing deep as the sense of loss and longing expanded.
Edith had been here so many times before, had thought about her life and what she’d lost as well as what she’d gained.
But that sense that something was missing was there, a piece of broken shell at the edge of her consciousness, a fragment washed smooth by time but never whole, never fitting back with the rest.
It didn’t matter how much she focused on her business, her friendships, her life…
there would always be a hollow place that Wyatt had once filled.
Before him, she hadn’t been aware of the emptiness.
Afterwards, it had been obvious that she’d created a space in her heart for him, and try as she might, she couldn’t fill it with anything else.
She had come to accept that because she was powerless to change it.
And didn’t everyone who passed through a person’s life shape them in some way, just as the sea shaped the land?
Yesterday, the coasteering with Wyatt and the group had been wonderful.
Edith had felt something inside her shifting, as if doing something so daring had helped to heal a part of her.
But on waking this morning, she’d tossed and turned as she’d tried to go back to sleep because the ache was back and it had returned with a vengeance.
It was grief, she knew that much, and she missed what they’d had, missed how warm it had made her feel and how safe and secure.
She pulled her knees up and hugged them as a swell of emotion flooded through her.
Time was slipping away like sand in an hourglass, and she didn’t want to waste a second of it.
The worst thing that could happen was to look back at life and regret something, and Edith didn’t want to regret a thing.
She wanted to feel the way she did when Wyatt was around, but she didn’t know if they could ever turn back the clock.
Movement in the water caught her attention.
She frowned, narrowing her eyes against the pale light as she tried to see more clearly.
Something was gliding through the sea — a sleek shape cutting across the surface.
A dolphin, perhaps, or a porpoise. Maybe even a seal.
But then she realised it was human. The figure turned, swimming purposefully towards the shore, arms lifting and slicing cleanly through the water in a steady front crawl.
A moment later, they were wading through the shallows, droplets streaming from their body, before stepping onto the sand. The swimmer bent to pick up a towel and wrapped it around herself, movements brisk and unselfconscious.
It was Rosie; she was sure of it. She raised a hand in greeting so the girl wouldn’t be startled by her presence in the dawn light.
Rosie spotted her and waved back and then she walked towards her, the towel still around her shoulders.
‘Hello,’ Edith said. ‘You’re up early.’
Rosie nodded as she sat on a rock next to Edith. ‘I couldn’t sleep.’
‘School pressures?’ Edith asked, aware that Rosie had exams this year.
‘Yeah.’ Rosie pushed a hand through her wet hair and stared out at the water.
‘Anything I can help with?’
Rosie shook her head then rubbed her eyes. ‘It will be fine. I’ve just been busy, and the only thing that helps is swimming.’
Edith wondered if Rosie’s parents knew she was swimming alone this early in the day but refrained from asking. Rosie was a friendly and polite girl, but Edith knew teenagers hated to be treated like children.
‘They say exercise is good for beating stress,’ she said. ‘It’s why I walk so much.’
Edith noticed the dark shadows under the girl’s eyes, the fine line between her brows. ‘Are you sure I can’t help? Do you need to talk about anything? I’m a great listener.’
Rosie shifted on the rock and sighed. ‘I… I can’t. You’re my dad’s friend and wedding planner. I can’t talk to you about it.’
‘If you need to talk to someone, I can listen. It’s possible that I might even be able to help.’ Edith watched Rosie carefully, seeing her parents in her features. Finn was evident more than Thora in her looks, but she could see Thora in Rosie’s mannerisms.
‘Really?’ Rosie asked.
Edith gave a small nod. ‘You might be surprised.’
‘It’s… It’s not school. I mean, that’s all been hard and there’s more to come, but I can cope with that. It’s just life. There’s so much change all the time.’
‘And that can be overwhelming, right?’ Edith said.
‘Completely.’ Rosie worried at her bottom lip. ‘I’m really happy for my mum and my dad both having relationships, but sometimes I wish everything would just slow down and stay the same.’
‘I was having a very similar thought when you appeared,’ Edith said.
‘Were you?’ Rosie asked. ‘But you seem so happy and confident. You’re strong and successful and you know what you want out of life.’
‘Do I?’ Edith laughed. ‘I’m glad to hear that I look that way, but believe me, I do not have my act together.’
‘You don’t?’
‘Not at all. I mean, I love my job and my friends and living here in Porthpenny, but there are things that… haven’t worked out the way I once thought they would.’
‘With Wyatt?’ Rosie asked, making Edith suck in a breath. ‘I overheard Dad and Titus talking about it. I wasn’t trying to listen, but sometimes they’re louder than they think, and Titus said that he was worried about Wyatt. He thinks he still has feelings for you.’
‘Oh…’ Edith’s heart fluttered, and she hugged her knees tighter.
‘Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear.’
‘No, don’t be sorry. I’m just surprised.’ Edith scratched at her cheek.
‘Titus said that whenever you and Wyatt are together, there’s so much chemistry, he thinks he can see stars twinkling around you.’
‘Wow.’ Edith swallowed hard. This was a lot to take in. But she was also concerned about Rosie and so she’d tuck this information away for now and find out what was bothering the girl. ‘Uhm… Coming back to your point about life… Are you feeling confused?’
Rosie nodded. ‘Very. I love my parents so much, and I want them to be happy, but it’s a lot right now. The wedding… Mum’s new boyfriend… Sometimes I wish Reggie and I were little again so we could all just have a simple life.’
‘It can be hard. Change isn’t easy to navigate, especially when you’ve so much going on with school.’
Rosie wrapped her towel tighter around her shoulders. ‘I really like Titus, but I don’t feel excited for the wedding. I know he’s not taking my dad away from me, but sometimes it feels like it. Does that make sense?’
‘Absolutely. It’s OK to have conflicting feelings about things, you know?’
‘But I feel so guilty for even admitting that. If Dad lost Titus now, he’d be devastated. He loves him so much.’
‘He does, and Titus loves him too.’
‘I know.’ Rosie nodded and then hugged her knees to her chest in a gesture that mirrored Edith.
They sat there like that in thoughtful silence, gazing at the horizon as the sun rose in the sky.
The lavender faded as the peach spread and then that yielded to the bright blue of a perfect Cornish morning.
‘I think,’ Rosie said finally, ‘that I just feel a bit overwhelmed.’
‘And that’s OK too.’ Edith reached out and rubbed Rosie’s arm. ‘There’s a lot happening right now. How do you feel about being a bridesmaid?’
Rosie stretched out her legs and placed her hands on her knees. ‘Some days I’m OK with it and others I feel a bit strange. I want Dad to be happy. It’s just that everything changes so quickly.’
Edith nodded slowly. Rosie was right; life changed at an alarming speed. One day you were in your teens with your whole life ahead of you and next thing you were already in your thirties and not at all where you thought you’d be at this point in time.
‘It gets easier,’ Edith said, wanting to reassure Rosie but not sure she believed what she’d said.
Did life ever get easier? Sometimes it felt like after she’d dealt with one obstacle, another came along.
But didn’t that make the good times even more precious?
‘Well… Perhaps that’s not wholly true. But we have many good times in our lives, and so we have to make the most of those and then, when we encounter difficult times, I think we have to breathe deep and hold on tight. ’
Rosie turned to look at Edith, her green eyes filled with a wisdom beyond her years.
‘Thank you for being honest. Lots of adults just say what I want to hear like your exams will be fine because you’ve done all the revision, that boy you like does like you and that’s why he teases you and your friends don’t talk behind your back because you’re considered to be an ‘all-rounder’ by the teachers.
’ She gave a wry laugh. ‘I know when people are lying, and I also know they do it to protect me, but I’d much prefer the truth.
That way I can brace myself for what comes next. ’
‘You’re very mature, Rosie. In fact, I think you have it more together than I do, and I’m twice your age.’ Edith laughed.
‘I doubt that very much, Edith. You’re an independent career woman, and I admire you a lot.’
Edith’s heart squeezed. ‘That’s so kind of you.
I’ll share a secret with you though. Underneath the surface, I’m the proverbial swan.
My legs are paddling frantically while I try to stay on top of everything.
Successful is a funny concept, really. I see my life as a kind of jigsaw.
Some pieces fit where they should, but others are swollen with water damage, so they don’t fit.
And some have faded, so I can’t see where they should have gone in the first place. ’
Rosie considered this for a moment, picking at a rough cuticle.
The breeze toyed with her blonde hair, lifting strands that had escaped her wet ponytail.
‘I guess then… that it’s easy to think adults have it all figured out because it looks that way but maybe it’s just because you’ve had more time to get better at pretending. ’
Edith laughed. ‘It could well be that. Of course, I can’t speak for others, only for myself and my experiences.
Sometimes it’s harder than others. But on mornings like this, I realise that not having all the answers is OK.
It’s simply part of life.’ She gave a small shrug.
‘Just try to remember that it’s OK to feel more than one emotion about a situation.
Like, you can feel conflicted and not judge yourself for that.
And if you feel you don’t fit in sometimes, then that’s OK too.
When I was about your age, possibly younger, I was a bridesmaid for a family friend, and I was so excited.
I’d never been a bridesmaid before, and I was looking forward to wearing a pretty dress.
But when I went for the fitting, I was horrified.
The dress was awful. It was pink satin, had a scratchy petticoat and was enormous. I felt like a pink meringue in it.’
Rosie giggled. ‘What did you do?’
‘What could I do? It was kind of them to ask me, and while I hated the dress, I wanted to be a good bridesmaid. Besides which, they had eight other women and girls as bridesmaids and their dresses were the same, so at least we looked like meringues together.’
Rosie’s wide smile made her look like a little girl and reminded Edith of the conflict a teenager faced between childhood and adulthood. ‘I love that story.’
‘Even if we feel we don’t fit in, we will find our tribe at some point. There was a kind of comfort in knowing I wasn’t the only one who looked silly.’
The sun climbed higher, catching on the shells scattered across the sand and turning the water’s surface into a bright ribbon of light.
If Edith had been a spiritual person, she might have thought the heavens were showing her the way.
A quiet thought formed in her mind as she gazed at the beauty of nature.
Perhaps, at last, she was on the right path.
Perhaps she had finally found her direction.
Edith stood up and brushed the sand off her hands then her trousers. ‘Do you have to rush to get to school?’
‘We have teacher training today, so I was going to spend the time revising,’ Rosie said.
‘Well how about I treat you to breakfast at the café first? Set you up for the day?’ Edith slid her feet into her trainers, sand still clinging to her damp toes.
Rosie smiled. ‘That would be awesome, thank you. I can change in the café toilets.’
‘Come on, then.’ Edith held out a hand and helped Rosie up then Rosie pulled her dry robe on over her wetsuit, and they headed up to the path.
‘You know, thinking about what you said…’ Edith pushed a hand through her hair. ‘Everything will fall into place. Your family isn’t shrinking; it’s growing, and that can only ever be a positive thing.’
‘I like that thought,’ Rosie said. ‘And we can never have too many people to love us, can we?’
‘Never.’ Edith smiled.
And while the sun made the sea glitter as if it were filled with stars and the sweet scent of wildflowers filled the morning air, they strolled side by side to The Garden Café.