Chapter 30 Wyatt
WYATT
Wyatt had never felt so furious with himself.
Seeing how upset Edith was made him feel utterly worthless, yet he couldn’t find the words to make it right.
He didn’t even know where to begin explaining himself.
The pain in his chest was suffocating, as though a boa constrictor had coiled around his throat, squeezing tighter with every breath.
If this carried on, it would crush the life out of him.
But what kind of life would it be anyway, without Edith?
Now that he’d remembered what it felt like to truly live beside her, anything else would be a pale shadow of an existence, drained of colour and light.
It’s for her sake, he reminded himself as they walked. To spare her from the awful things she’d have to face if she was with you.
But even as he reminded himself of this, another voice whispered to him, asking if he was being honest with himself.
Or was he just afraid of feeling the way he did when he was with Edith?
Was she simply too good for him, a man who deserved so much less?
Why should he allow himself to be happy after what he’d allowed to happen?
A life had been cut short because of him, and that life would never be bright and happy, never reach the stage of joy and fulfilment that loving someone could bring. Therefore, he had no right to want those things for himself.
They reached the beach and stepped down onto the sand.
As it crunched beneath their shoes, Wyatt placed a hand on her arm.
She flinched, and that made his skin prickle.
How dreadful it was to make the person he loved more than anyone else in the world flinch when he touched her.
It couldn’t be further removed from the way he wanted to make her feel.
Given time, she would heal and move on from how she felt now, and she would live the life she deserved.
Edith deserved all the good things the world could offer her.
‘Everything will be OK, Edith,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry for being selfish and… and bringing the past back to you, but you will be happy. You have a wonderful future ahead of you. I know I keep apologising and the words just don’t convey my meaning properly. They sound empty even to my own ears.’
She blinked and then met his eyes. He braced himself, preparing for anger, resentment or even hatred, but what he saw there made his stomach lurch.
Edith felt sorry for him!
She pitied him, and that was more than he deserved. Her anger would have helped him to stay strong but seeing that she was trying to understand him and to be kind reminded him of what an amazing person she was. And she could have been his partner through life.
‘Everything will be OK,’ she said, placing her hand on top of his where it sat in her arm.
‘I just hope that you’ll find happiness, Wyatt, because I can’t work you out.
I thought I knew you once, and that I understood you, but I was wrong.
And right now… I realise I had no idea what you were thinking or feeling. It’s very sad.’
‘Found it!’ The call came from further along the beach near the rocks, and they both looked over. One team had discovered the treasure, and they were walking towards the marquee carrying what looked like a treasure chest.
‘At least someone has found what they were looking for,’ Edith whispered. ‘I hope one day you will too.’ She gave his hand a small pat and then walked away from him.
Wyatt stayed where he was, watching her go.
He had known all along what a treasure Edith was, and he had let her go. Had pushed her away, in fact, but he had done so because he’d thought it was for the best. Sometimes in life, the hardest thing to do was to let go when all you wanted was to hold on tight.