Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
The following two weeks were rife with tension… but not the type that Thalia might have expected.
This tension was brought about by a shared awareness from herself and Caspian that the ‘one month’ date they had both agreed upon was fast approaching. Rather than this tension being awkward, however, it carried with it something that Thalia had not expected but was quickly coming accustomed to.
That ‘something’ was excitement.
At least that is how I am choosing to interpret it. We might not be where I want. We might still have so far to go. But we are getting there, day by day, and with each step taken, I can feel Caspian slowly changing.
Or perhaps it was Thalia who was changing?
Now that she understood her husband better, she was no longer trying to change him so that he would fit her idea of what she wanted in a husband.
Instead, she was happy to exist with him, able to read his moods and changes in temperament in ways that she never thought possible.
What was more, Caspian not only seemed aware of this, but open to it. Again… that was how she chose to interpret it, anyhow.
Did he also want them to grow closer? Did he want more from this marriage than he had originally?
Thalia could not say for sure, nor would she ask him.
What she could say was that the two weeks leading up to the one month anniversary were as close to companionable and even happy as she had ever experienced before.
“What are your plans today?” Thalia asked Caspian as they broke their fast together.
It was common now for them to break their fast of a morning together. Not something that they agreed upon, but a natural consequence of how their marriage was progressing.
“Working,” Caspian said simply.
“Oh?” She looked up from her plate. “Anything interesting?”
“Not particularly.”
“If you need any help, I am here for you,” she said with a soft smirk.
Caspian looked at her with a frown, no doubt confused as to why she would think it was appropriate for her to offer him help. But he saw the smirk she wore, and his face dropped. “A joke?”
“That depends, did you find it funny?”
He rolled his eyes and went back to his plate. She watched him, still grinning to herself, having no doubt that he did find her joke amusing, but he was just too stubborn to say.
“And what will you be doing?” he asked her.
She smiled, because she was expecting the question. He always asked her about her day now, almost as if he cared… “Nothing exciting. I won’t bore you with the details.”
His head was bent over his plate, but she could have sworn that she saw him smile. “Have you heard from Lady Rosaline yet?”
“Not yet,” she said.
“You will,” he assured her. “Once she and Laurent are settled.”
He asked her every day if she had heard from them. In truth, Thalia did not think that he cared either way, but she did not expect him to. What mattered was that he understood how much she cared, and he knew that it was important for him to ask.
One month ago, had he shown any indication that he cared about me, I might have fallen out of my chair in shock. Now, it is as natural a thing as breathing.
They went about their days separately, which did not bother Thalia as it might have done once. She no longer got the sense that he was avoiding her on purpose, just that he was busy. She even liked to think that if he had the time, he would have happily spent it with her.
Maybe not happily… but he would not abhor the idea either. And that is what matters.
But that did not mean they never spent time together. More than once, as Thalia was reading or sewing or simply sitting in the sunshine in the back garden, Caspian would appear suddenly. And when he did, he always asked after her.
“Are you well?” he would say.
“I am, thank you,” she would respond simply. “And you?”
“Very,” would often be his response. He was not one to elaborate, nor was he one to belabor a point. But when he spoke, he was sure to look at her, those cool eyes of his studying and assessing as if he was trying to figure her out.
“Would you care to join me?” Thalia asked the third time he appeared randomly, a morning when she was sitting under a tree and reading. “There is room for one more.”
Caspian hesitated, half-turning as if he meant to walk away, but unable to convince his feet to commit to the action. “I… I am rather busy.”
“There is no pressure.”
“Perhaps another time?”
His smile was unsure, but it also looked grateful. That she was not pressuring him or trying to manipulate him seemed appreciated. Once, she might have done, but Thalia was starting to understand her husband as well as she ever had.
He wanted to get to know her better, she was sure. And slowly, ever so surely, he was growing more used to the idea of her always being around. All it would take was time.
It was piecemeal. The way they slowly collected those days and moments together until it felt natural.
Breakfast every day. The occasional moment of speaking through the day.
On one instance, they even rode to London together because Thalia wished to go shopping and Caspian needed to head into the city for business.
The only time that they never saw one another was at supper.
For a short while, this confused Thalia more than anything. She felt as if supper might be the perfect chance for them to really get to know each other. The day being over with, a few glasses of wine shared, and who knew where their night would lead?
Eventually, she came to realize the true reason that Caspian did not join her: he was scared. At least that was how she liked to see it. It was as if supper together might signal the final step taken in this marriage, after which there would be nowhere to go but the obvious place.
In this way, Thalia was grateful that he never joined her.
And as the days wore on, as things slowly became more comfortable, Thalia’s awareness of the approaching day started to peak.
Two weeks became one week. One week became three days.
Three days became the morning of their anniversary.
And before she knew it, the day that she had promised one month ago finally arrived.
Strangely, Caspian did not join her for breakfast that morning.
Stranger still, she did not see him all day.
Thalia was nervous in a way she did not know was possible.
She spent the day pacing, walking from room to room, unable to sit and be still because she could not stop thinking about what was expected to happen.
She and Caspian had not spoken about it once.
They had not dared to broach it. And now that it was here…
What if he has forgotten? Or changed his mind? Should I remind him? Do I even want to?
That was what confused her the most. Thalia would have liked to tell herself that not seeing Caspian all day was a good sign, because it meant that he had forgotten about their agreement. And if he had, she wasn’t going to remind him. Why would she?
Deep down, there was a part of her that was just a little upset.
While she might not have been counting the days because she was that eager, she was certainly curious.
Only too aware of the changes happening between her and Caspian, she knew that this time, if he came to her and demanded that they go to bed, that she would not deny him.
Needless to say, when Thalia sat down to sup alone that night, she was more confused than ever. And this confusion spiked through the roof when Caspian walked into the dining room to join her. The first time he had ever done so.
“Caspian!” she cried in surprise.
He paused at the door. “Thalia, I…” His face tightened. “I am sorry for having not been here today.”
“Oh.” She blinked and tried to settle her nerves, which had just now started wreaking havoc. “That is quite fine. I assumed you were busy.”
“I was,” he said. “Now that I am not, I was thinking that I might join you. If it pleases you?”
That he was even asking her was huge.
Caspian was dressed in a fine suit. His hair was combed.
His face was clean shaven. She could smell his musk even from across the room.
He always dressed well, but Thalia had the distinct feeling that on this evening he had put in a little more effort than what was usual. And that could only be for one reason…
“Please.” She gestured to the table. “I would love for you to join me.”
Caspian nodded once and took his seat. Then he settled in, indicating to the valet for his glass to be filled, asking what the kitchen was making, and simply getting himself comfortable as Thalia sat there and watched.
Then, silence.
Thalia looked expectantly at her husband, thinking that he would start the conversation. After all, he was the one who asked to join her. But he did no such thing, and Thalia sighed loudly, realizing that it would be up to her.
“So,” she began awkwardly. “This is a rather pleasant surprise.”
“Is it?”
“You joining me for supper,” she said. “I can’t remember the last time that you did.”
“This is the first,” he said simply. “I felt that it was appropriate.”
“Oh?”
“It is our one-month anniversary.” He was looking right at her as he spoke, but it wasn’t with his usual sense of coolness and detachment. His expression was slightly harder than usual, his brow tight, his hands folded on the table before him.
Thalia felt a spike of energy bursting inside of her. Was that excitement? Was it nerves? She could not tell. What she suspected, however, was that as nervous as she was feeling, Caspian was the same.
She tried to look at him, while trying also not to let her thoughts show on her face. “So… tonight.” Her tongue grew thick in her mouth. “I take it that… you wish to…” She started to sweat as the nerves increased. “We have not spoken about it and I –”
“Nor do we need to,” he cut her off.
“We… we don’t?”
A half-smile took his lips. “I am aware of what tonight means, as you clearly are. But there is no need to ponder on it, because I fear that will only make things worse.”
“Worse?”
“More awkward,” he confirmed. “For now, it is enough to know what is expected of tonight, and to possibly…” His half-smile grew. “… enjoy one another’s company. If such a thing is possible?”
She laughed, but it was more to dispel the nerves than anything else. “It is for me. You, however…” She raised a questioning eyebrow at him. “I am not so sure.”
“I will do my best,” he said with humor.
It was the best that Thalia could hope for. She had never truly expected the Duke to forget about this evening, or to not want it anymore. And strangely, she did not want him to. They had grown closer this last month, he was fulfilling his side of the promise, and she owed it to him to do the same.
So, they ate supper together as any married couple would do.
The conversation was minimal, but that was expected.
Importantly, it was not awkward or tense.
Thalia spoke of her childhood, Caspian did not shy away from the odd personal question she proposed, and all the while the finality of what would happen when they finished supper hung over their heads.
Neither of them shunned the wine. It flowed and loosened lips and lowered inhibitions.
Enough that by the time their last course was eaten, Thalia was glowing, her body was flushed warm, and she could not stop her eyes from searching her husband, looking at him in ways she rarely did but knew that she must.
He was tall and strong. He was powerful and dominant. There was a darkness in the way he held himself, but she knew it did not represent who he was. In her mind, he was kinder than he let on, more caring, and he certainly did not hate her.
I might even go so far as to say that he likes me… that he is pleased that I am who he married, and not Rosaline.
That thought alone brought a smile to her lips.
“Dessert?” Caspian asked once their plates were cleared. “I did not ask the kitchen if they had made any.”
“Oh, I don’t think I could take another bite of anything…” She leaned back in her chair and rested her hand on her belly. “I might explode if I try.”
“And we wouldn’t want that,” he said with soft laughter.
Silence again. It came as his laughter faded, which left them both stewing in silence as they looked at one another, then away, and then back on each other again. The tension started to build. The air became thick and heavy. And Thalia’s heart pounded in her chest as the moment dawned on them both.
“Shall we?” Caspian pushed back his chair and rose.
“Yes,” she said. “I think we shall.” She stood and Caspian took her hand, leading her around the table.
Caspian’s hand was warm to the touch, and when it wrapped around her own, Thalia felt comfort like she had never before known with him.
When she looked at him, he offered her a smile, and she felt it in her chest. Her knees wobbled.
Her breathing was heavy. And excitement started to filter through it all.
This was happening. One month ago, Thalia had been repulsed by the idea, but now she was excited. Curious. Eager to see if she was right about her husband and their relationship and what the future might hold for them.
That was where her mind went, to the future.
Once they lay together. Once she was with child.
And once they both accepted how they felt about one another…
then what? This marriage was still in its infancy but after tonight, so much was going to change.
Thalia would change, her husband would change, their lives would change.
And Thalia could not wait for it.