Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
“That is a beautiful gown,” Caspian said as he walked into the room. “It suits you well.”
“Thank you,” Thalia returned. She did not turn around to look at her husband, however, keeping her stare fixed on the full-bodied mirror before her. “And what of the person wearing the gown?”
“The same,” he said simply as he came to a stop just behind her. “Will you be ready to leave soon?”
“A few more minutes,” she told him with a gentle smile; caught in the reflection of the mirror. “I will meet you downstairs?”
Caspian stood just two feet back from Thalia.
His cool gaze worked over her body, and she saw in it the desire that he had shown her often these past few weeks.
The only caveat to this desire, the obvious hunger he had for her, was his inability to pair it with any sense of romanticism or, dare she say, love.
He was still guarded around her. He was still not able to give himself over to her fully. When they were in bed together, he transformed into someone else entirely, and in those moments she knew how he felt. But then the deed would be done, and the old Caspian would return.
In many ways, Thalia should have been happy. She knew that this relationship was a step-by-step process and if things continued in this way that soon the love would come. Better, that soon he would want to show it to her, no matter who might be watching.
However, things were no longer that simple, and while time was what this relationship needed to see it blossom fully, time was exactly what they no longer had.
Should I tell him? Should I take that risk? I want to… I am so sure that if I do, he would be thrilled by the news. But what if I am wrong? What if I still can’t read my husband as well as I would like?
“I will see you downstairs,” he said, turning and walking from the room.
This time, Thalia turned to watch as he walked from the room. As she did, her hand moved to her belly…
It was yesterday when Thalia realized what had happened. For days, she had suspected, and for those days she had prayed that she was wrong. Now, there could be no denying the truth: Thalia was pregnant.
What should have been the most wonderful news brought with it agonizing worry.
As far as she and Caspian had come together, she still could not say for certain what their future held.
She knew that he wanted a child, just as she knew that this very child would end their marital obligations.
That was, after all, why he wished to wed in the first place.
One she had this child, and once he no longer needed her, Thalia could not say what the Duke would do.
It was nice to think that they were now in a place where even with a child on the way, the marriage would continue.
And it was beyond nice—it was madly, impossibly alluring— to imagine that it might somehow bring them closer together. But Thalia was no fool.
For all she knew of her husband, there was still so much to learn. And as sure as she was that this child would not end their relationship… she was not nearly as sure as she needed to be.
I will tell him soon. I have no choice. But only when I know for certain what it will mean for the both us. Only when I know truly how Caspian feels about me.
With that in mind, Thalia looked at herself in the mirror a final time. It was too soon for her to be showing, but that would come eventually. Loose dresses. Hiding her bump. Hoping that Caspian paid little attention to it. These were stopgaps and not serious solutions to hide from him the truth.
She thus found herself in a state of limbo.
On the one hand, she loved him, and that was now a truth she could no longer deny.
But did he love her back? Did he feel anything for her beyond his desire for a child?
And what would become of them once the truth was finally revealed?
Thalia had no idea, and this terrified her more than she could bear.
“How long do you think we are expected to be here before we can leave without it being considered rude?” Caspian asked Thalia as they emerged into the back garden of Moorvale Estate.
Thalia snorted. “We have literally just arrived.”
“So, it is too soon?”
They walked hand-in-hand, and Thalia glanced at her husband out the corner of her eye to see if he was being serious. To her delight, she caught hint of the tiniest smirk on his lips—which, for Caspian, was akin to beaming with humor.
“Who are you and what have you done to my husband?” she demanded.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Making jokes,” she pointed out. “Very unlike you.”
He shrugged and indicated across the garden with a flick of his head. “We can’t be too careful now, can we. Someone might be listening. Best to start on the love-filled banter early.”
Her heart sank. “Ah… yes, good point. Best to keep up appearances.”
“Exactly,” he said, squeezing her hand as they walked. “With any luck, we won’t be forced to attend to many more of these trivialities.”
“Let us hope,” she sighed.
Why was it always this way? Just when Thalia thought that she was getting through to her husband, he would say something seemingly designed to slap away her hope as if he could sense that things were becoming too companionable.
In Thalia’s mind, she believed they were attending today’s garden party because they wished it.
A chance to spend time with friends, to enjoy one another’s company, and to bask in the feelings that were clearly developing between husband and wife.
But to Caspian, as he just made clear, they were here for a purpose.
Worse than that, it was a purpose that was not natural for him; one that he had to work to maintain, as if to not do so would see him spurn her without thinking.
He wants to be here. He wants to be here with me. I just wish he would admit it already. I wish he would stop hiding!
Almost on instinct, Thalia’s hand moved to her belly… but she stopped it quickly, not daring to give any indication of what only she knew.
“Come.” She pulled on his hand. “Let us see who we know…” She winked playfully at him. “So that we can get out of here sooner.”
To her relief, Caspian chuckled.
The garden party in question was not a particularly decadant affair.
There were perhaps three score guests attending, many of whom were unimportant in the eyes of someone as renowned as the Duke.
This, as it turned out, forced Thalia and Caspian to the center of attention, as everyone wished for their chance to talk with the happily married couple.
The first hour or so saw them fall into familiar patterns. They stayed together. They made sure to always be holding hands. And every word spoken was done with an eye toward confirming for all and sundry how in love they were.
“I do not know why it took me so long to marry in the first place,” Caspian explained to a small group of lords; men whom Thalia did not know very well.
“You were just waiting for the right one to come along, is why,” Thalia spoke up to much laughter.
Caspian chuckled. “True, true. Patience is often a virtue, and I feel you are proof of concept in that regard.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.
“Will you be going on a honeymoon soon?” someone asked. “Surely, that is on the cards?”
“I hope to, yes,” Caspian said. “Business has kept us here for the time being, but in the next month I would say…” He looked at Thalia. “Won’t that be wonderful?”
“It will be,” she said with a soft smile. “I just hope you do not get tired of me before then.”
“Impossible,” the Duke said to more laughter.
It didn’t feel nearly as false as it had the first time. And while the words were clearly of a specific design, Thalia saw through them well enough.
Or maybe I am seeing what is not there? The smile. The twinkle in his eyes. The laughter on his lips. Is he still faking it? Or is it real?
She was losing her mind. Slowly and surely, her world was crumbling. This secret she held, while still fresh, sat heavy on her consciousness, and more than once she considered pulling Caspian to the side and telling him everything.
The only reason she did not was fear that she was right, that Caspian did not love her.
As typical as the garden party was, it took a turn shortly after noon.
Thalia and Caspian were engaged in pleasant, if not typical, conversation with some of the guests. It was as it had been all day, exaggeration and extrapolation concerning their undying love.
“… it was always Thalia,” Caspian was saying. “She is the light of my life, and I cannot imagine being with anybody else.”
“That is quite the tale, Your Grace!” a voice rang out across the garden; it was so abrupt that glass shattering might have been more subtle. “One worthy of its own novel, and just as true to life.”
Thalia, Caspian, and everyone in the garden turned as one to see Lord Alistair Donmere striding toward them. He wore a most wicked smile and he was practically skipping with elation.
As soon as Thalia saw him, her stomach dropped. Whatever this was, it would not end well.
“Donmere…” Caspian looked at him flatly. “I did not know you would be here today. If I had, it would have been a good reason not to come.”
“Hiding from me, are we?”
“Just avoiding unpleasant company.”
Lord Donmere chuckled merrily as he reached where Thalia and Caspian were standing. There were another six gathered around them, but they spread themselves wide so that Lord Donmere was able to walk between them and put himself right before the two.
“The only thing unpleasant here are your lies, Your Grace,” Lord Donmere announced, pitching his voice high so that all could hear him.
“You lie as freely as you breathe, and while it brings me no pleasure to do so, I am afraid that I must dash all your lies before they take hold and strangle those unfortunate enough to have believed them in the first place.”