Chapter 24 #2
His smile suggested he did not believe her. “Just making sure. Now…” He released her hand and exhaled as he stood up. “I feel as if the two of you have much to catch up on, and I certainly do not wish to be in the way.” He smiled lovingly at Rosaline. “Find me later?”
“You could not keep me away,” Rosaline said.
They looked upon one another with such unabated loved and adornment that it made Thalia’s chest tighten, and it was all she could do not to burst into tears. They were happy, and she was glad for it… I just wish I could say the same about myself.
Laurent left them then. As soon as he did, the atmosphere in the room shifted.
Rosaline stayed with her arm around Thalia, shuffling closer, her expression still etched with concern and worry.
Clearly, she had not believed a word of what Thalia said.
Nor should she. They were best friends, after all, and she could always tell when Thalia was lying.
What was more, she was the type of friend who would not allow Thalia to lie to her about her feelings. How could she possibly help otherwise?
“So,” Rosaline started gently. “Shall I ask again? Or are you going to tell me on your own accord?”
Despite the situation, Thalia smiled at Rosaline. “Was I that obvious?”
“You forget how well I know you.”
“And Laurent…”
“He suspects. But if you wish for me not to tell him, I will. Whatever you say I will keep between us.”
“There is no need,” Thalia sighed. “I do not want to be the cause of lies between you. I just…” She took in a rattled breath. “I just did not want to burden the two of you with my troubles.”
“You could never burden us.”
She laughed bitterly. “Care to make a bet?”
“Thalia…” Rosaline’s other hand rested on her lap. “Tell me what is wrong. Why are you back? What happened between you and His Grace? I want to help you, but I cannot do that until you tell me everything. Please…” She squeezed her leg. “You know I am always here for you, as you have been for me.”
Thalia’s smile was filled with pain, and she was certain that Rosaline could see that pain in her eyes. “Things are not as I made them seem, between myself and Caspian…” She sniffed back the tears. “In fact, I can’t imagine how they might be worse.”
“Oh, Thalia,” Rosaline said gently. “What happened?”
“As it turns out…” She sniffed again and wiped her nose. “I am with child –”
“Thalia!” Rosaline cried. “That is –” She caught her tongue when she realized that this was not the wonderful news it sounded like. “The Duke… did he not…”
“He does not know,” Thalia admitted. “I meant to tell him, but I could not bring myself to do so.”
“Why not?”
Her chin began to wobble. “I believed that he and I were growing close, Rosaline. Silly me, I even believed that we were starting to… that we were… that he loved me as I do him.”
“You love him?” She sounded shocked by the notion.
She nodded her head, not caring that tears began to well.
“I do, as I have now for some time. But I have also come to realize that he likely does not feel the same about me, and once he learns that I am with child, he will see no need to pretend that he cares for me at all. This child…” Her hand moved to her stomach.
“It is a gift and a curse, as I fear that once he knows of it, our marriage will be over.”
“Oh, Thalia…”
“I love him,” Thalia said again. “I know that now. I just do not know what I will do when he casts me aside…” The tears fell thickly and freely, and she nuzzled her head into her friend’s shoulder. “For that is what he is sure to do. I know it as I know anything.”
“Do you wish to know what I think?” Rosaline stroked Thalia’s head. “If what you say is true, and you do love the Duke with all your heart, then I doubt he thinks nothing of you. Likely, he feels for you as you do for –”
“But he does not,” Thalia cut over her, blubbering as she did. “He had the chance to say it, but all he cares about is what people think of us.”
“Are you certain?” Rosaline questioned. “It might sound silly to say but love is not something that simply appears one day and vanishes the next. Nor is it something that can live on its own. I know you well, Thalia, so I know you would not feel this way was it not for good reason…” She shuffled back and forced Thalia to look at her.
“These feelings came because you know the Duke feels them too. If he did not, they would not be there.”
Thalia shook her head. “It is not as simple as that.”
Rosaline smiled. “Where love is concerned, you might be surprised. If your feelings are true, then I know with all my heart that the Duke feels them as you do.”
“You cannot know that.”
“Maybe not,” Rosaline agreed. “Nor can you. There is just the one way to find out and until you do…” She chuckled softly, her smile growing. “It is not over for you, Thalia. There is still hope.”
Hope… it was a word that did not burn inside of Thalia like it might have once.
She wanted to believe that hope existed.
She wanted to believe that the Duke cared for her.
But whenever she dared to dream it, she would remember how he had acted, his refusal to say anything that suggested feelings for her, and then she would crash once more.
Hope made a fine breakfast but a poor supper, and Thalia was feeling so starved that she knew she would wither and die was she to rely on something as fleeting as hope for much longer.
No… I must accept the truth and live with it. Better that than holding out for hope when I know deep down that it will do me no good.