Chapter Thirty-Seven
Zennor thought she’d misheard. She wanted to have misheard what Sybil had told her. But she had to be absolutely clear, even if every word was like a knife twisting in her gut. She stood up and covered her face with her hands. Let it all go away, let this not be happening …
‘My dear, I am so sorry.’
She tore her hands away from her face and forced herself to look at the woman who she had worshipped and the man she loved. The man she’d risked her heart for again.
‘Are you,’ she said very slowly and carefully, ‘saying that while Trev was sleeping with his secretary, you were also having an affair with my dad?’
‘I’m afraid so.’
Zennor switched her focus to Matt, who was stony-faced across the table. God knows what he was thinking.
‘And you decided not to tell me?’ she said, returning to Sybil. ‘And you knew, and also decided not to enlighten me as to what a lying bastard I was marrying?’
‘I don’t think “decided” quite covers it.
Trev had also seen me and your father earlier in the bar and put two and two together.
Your father was still inside the room but I got out of the place fast. Trev followed me and threatened me.
He said that if I told you or anyone about his PA then he would have no hesitation in telling you about my affair with your dad. ’ Sybil’s eyes glistened with tears.
Zennor’s heart felt like a rock.
Her beloved dad and Sybil. Two people she loved.
She’d occasionally wondered whether her parents’ marriage had been in trouble – well, no wonder.
Perhaps her mother had always suspected or found out after Zennor had wed Trev.
‘How long had it been going on, this affair between you and Dad?’ she asked.
‘A few months. Your mum and dad were going through a bad patch. We didn’t plan it. It just happened. I don’t think it would have gone on for much longer. He was the love of my life, but I wasn’t his.’
Tears rolled down Sybil’s face.
Zennor was angry, hurt, confused – everyone around her had been keeping secrets and she felt foolish and na?ve.
‘Sybil,’ Matt said, handing her his handkerchief. ‘It’s done now. Zennor, please sit down.’
‘No, I won’t,’ Zennor said, switching her focus to him, loving and hating him at the same time.
‘Did you know about this too? You don’t seem surprised.
I can understand why Sybil hasn’t wanted to say anything, even if it wasn’t right to keep it from me …
’ She swallowed a lump of anger and hurt. ‘But you. What’s your excuse?’
‘I came round here – to the cottage and I found Sybil in a terrible state,’ Matt said.
Sybil cut in. ‘At first, I told him he had to try to stop the wedding because I couldn’t.’
‘Why not?’ Zennor asked.
‘Because I confronted Trev afterwards at his office and warned him I was going to tell you and I realised you might break off the marriage.’ Matt explained. ‘Trev said it had been a one-off and that he’d already ended it and sacked the PA. He swore that it was the last time.’
Zennor swallowed a sob. ‘And you believed him?’
‘Maybe. Not really. But you were in love and if I had told you, I’d have broken up your parents, destroyed your faith in your father, in Trev, and – and forgive me for my cowardice: in me.’ Matt glanced at his hands. ‘I thought about coming to you beforehand so many times …’
Sybil touched Matt’s hand briefly before addressing Zennor. ‘Don’t blame him. I asked him not to in the end, which was wrong of me.’
‘And yet you decided to say something when it was too late? At my wedding reception?’ Zennor asked, forcing Matt to look her in the eye.
‘Yes, the worst of both worlds. I know you can never forgive me for that.’
She couldn’t answer because she was so let down.
‘When he sent the flowers after your faint …’ she said to Sybil. ‘They were a – a warning to you to keep quiet.’
‘Yes, I suppose they were.’
‘He tried to warn me off, too, the other week,’ Matt said. ‘I think he was afraid that all his lies were unravelling. I’ve been debating whether to tell you ever since.’
Zennor could hardly see his face because of the tears in her eyes. ‘You let me believe a lie for all this time.’
‘It’s not Matt’s fault,’ Sybil insisted. ‘It’s mine. I was as bad as Trev in my way, as was your father. I’ve done wrong, I kept secrets, I deceived you.’
Zennor couldn’t bring herself to contradict Sybil.
‘Does Mum know about the affair?’
Sybil sighed. ‘Yes. Some weeks after the wedding, Hayden told me your mother had found a text from me that gave the game away. That’s why she and your father decided to move away from Cornwall. It was a last-ditch attempt to save their marriage.’
Zennor held back the tears with great difficulty.
‘Zennor, he told me that things hadn’t been working for a while. That was before we became involved with each other.’
So her suspicions had been correct: her parents hadn’t been as happy as she’d once believed – not even at the time of her father’s death.
Sybil had tears in her eyes. ‘And I am so sorry that this isn’t what you want to hear. Even though things were difficult between them, your mother was devastated when he died. I was too.’
Matt had been silent through all of this. He now exchanged a glance with Zennor. He swallowed.
‘I only know,’ Sybil continued, ‘that I didn’t want to be the one to risk your hatred by telling you. Until today.’
‘I don’t hate you,’ Zennor said. ‘I never could. I worshipped you.’
‘I know. Which made it even more difficult to tell you.’
‘I could have said something too …’ Matt said. ‘But I didn’t. And it was too late to do anything once you were married.’
‘He cared too much about me and about you to hurt you. He was in an impossible position,’ Sybil added.
‘I – realise that,’ Zennor said, glancing at Matt, who seemed in agony.
She turned back to Sybil. ‘But I wish you had told me a long time ago. I’d have respected your honesty.
I might have been angry and upset at first, but I’d have come round.
I’d have—’ Zennor stopped, unable to bring herself to say the words ‘forgiven you’.
Sybil shook her head sadly. ‘Oh, my lovely, I don’t think you would have.
I love you and I have enjoyed having you as my surrogate niece.
I didn’t want to lose you – you looked up to me and I flattered myself that I nurtured your creativity, that this was a place you could say what you really felt. ’
‘I did. I did.’ The tremor Zennor felt in her heart fed into her voice.
Her words were a cry of anguish, of loss – loss of the person she’d considered to be a perfect model of independent womanhood.
‘Is there anyone around here who isn’t a liar?
Who wouldn’t lie to save themselves?’ She knew her accusations were wild but they came from the tempest of anger, shock and hurt that had been unleashed.
‘It’s not that simple. People aren’t perfect but don’t blame Matt. He’s done nothing but want to protect me – and you!’ Sybil leaned forward, arms outstretched. ‘Oh, lovely. I can’t bear this. I’m sorry. Please, Zennor.’
Zennor flinched away from the embrace. ‘No. I’m sorry too but I can’t do this. I need time.’ She stumbled out of the garden.
‘Please. Wait.’ Matt ran after her. ‘I can’t let Sybil take all the blame for this.
I can’t even let Trev because I did keep everything back.
I could have shared it with you at any time.
I tried – but not in the right way and then I didn’t think it was my place.
I thought – hoped – you might work it out for yourself.
’ He thrust his fingers through his hair.
‘I have made some shit decisions in my life. I keep getting it wrong but I do love you. I know you feel the same. Please can we work this out somehow?’
Zennor got in the car. ‘It’s not your fault that my dad and Sybil had an affair but I can’t handle the fact you kept it a secret from me for so long.’ She gripped the wheel until her knuckles whitened. ‘I’m sorry, Matt. I’m not in any kind of place to work anything out. I just need to be alone.’