Chapter 37
YOU ARE LOVED
LUELLA
Alone, Luella walked back inside.
Hurt, hurt, hurt—a terrifying sort of pain swelled within her lungs. Would she ever be free of it? This anguish? In innocence, she had trusted, and in truth, it had been broken. She wasn’t shocked.
It hurt so badly she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Air was stolen from her, ripped from her lungs, leaving them hollowed husks.
Gasping for breath, Luella stumbled into the room of the Fallen. They saw her and quickly moved away. Some curious, some angry.
She wanted the anger. Wanted a reaction. Wanted something to distract her from this mass of hurt boiling inside her.
Her vision blurred, and she reached up to touch her cheeks, fingers coming away damp with tears. She cried over him.
And she hated that she gave him that power over her.
In her desperation to flee, she didn’t know where she was going, only that she had to get away from the forest, the cliffside, and the male she had left kneeling beside it.
Trying to stifle her sobs, she pressed the back of her hand over her mouth.
She turned to stare out at the floor of joyously twirling bodies, her watery eyes envious. Her chest bumped into something hard and strong. Arms caught her.
Luella turned back to stare at what she’d bumped into, and when she peered up at curving horns, soft amber eyes, and frowning lips…
She broke.
"Az," Luella sobbed softly.
The downturned tilt to Az’s lips grew more pronounced, as did the furrow between his brows. "What did he do to you, angel?" the demon asked.
Her hands curled in the front of his shirt. "Can you t-take me somewhere? Alone?" she stressed.
Az’s large, warm hands slipped down from her shoulders to her wrists, taking them delicately as he tugged her into his side. He led her through the mass of feathered beings, their stares growing even more overt. Then, came the whispers.
"An angel… and a demon?"
"What is the Queen thinking?"
"Together? That demon holds her hand."
Most of them were about Az, not her—this time.
Her demon showed no sign that the words hurt, but she knew the power a carefully crafted word could hold. Words hurt. They healed. But in her experience, they mostly deepened her insecurities.
She shouldn’t be here. She was nothing and no one. And no one would ever want her.
The barbed words distracted her from her pain. Her fingers twitched against his wrist, smoothing over the inside of it. He stared down at her and smiled, just for the two of them.
He led her outside, and her feet dug into the stone ground. When she saw no trees, just the sea, a sigh of relief fell from her pained lungs.
Giving her a questioning stare, Az stopped near a private spot outside, the sea crashing against the rocks below. It wasn’t a sharp cliffside, but a soft slope downward. Pebbles underfoot, she stepped carefully with her bare feet.
He shielded her with his body, but beyond him, she still saw the celebration inside.
"Is this okay?" Az touched her cheek.
Luella nodded, staring at the bruise beneath his eye—already fading. "My protector," she said, a tremor of concern in her voice.
He gave her a small, reassuring smile. "It’s nothing."
"It is not nothing. I hate that you’re hurt."
His palm spanned out across her cheek. "The only pain that ever truly touches me is yours."
Her brows lifted—her pain didn’t abate. It grew stronger, almost, like it was unraveling in the presence of her demon’s arms, knowing it was safe here.
The wind kicked up, and thunder rumbled. It had been distant, at one point, but grew closer with every breath she breathed.
She didn’t want to do this here.
"Do you want to tell me what happened, Lu?"
She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth, unanswering.
He grumbled, "Did he hurt you?"
"N-no," she replied, "he didn’t hurt me. We spoke… and I got angry."
Az’s thumbs smoothed over her cheekbones. "You did, angel? Good. He deserves it."
Neither of them said his name. Luella couldn’t bear to. "He lied to me. All this time." Her lids fluttered shut. "So did you. You knew, Az." She didn’t look at him as she said it. They’d all known. All of them but her.
His hands stilled on her face. "My angel. I don’t think any words will ever be enough to tell you how sorry I am for keeping it from you. I’m not asking for your forgiveness, but I want you to understand. It wasn’t my secret to tell."
Luella knew that—it still hurt. She blinked up at him. "I don’t need to forgive you, Az. Not for this. It wasn’t your secret." Another sob bubbled up. The wind dried her tears before they truly fell. "Why does it hurt so much?"
The faint relief in Az’s eyes was replaced by anguish at her admission, then concern at the growing wind. Still, no rain.
She wanted it to hold off. She didn’t want to bring her chaos here—didn’t want this palace and these islands to fall victim to what she had wrought at Serpentis.
Was that it, then? Was she controlling it?
Or did it still control her?
"I wish I had an answer for you, angel." Az leaned down and pressed his lips to her brow, but it wasn’t enough for her.
She grabbed his cheek and moved his head until she could press her lips to his, arching up on her tiptoes as he leaned over her.
Her fingers curled in his hair, skimming the base of his horns.
He groaned. Her sigh fell into his mouth as he parted her lips with his.
They pulled away, and something inside her settled at the contact. Then, she was hit with a realization:
"It was easier to care for him when I thought he hated me," Luella whispered. The image of him kneeling before her was burned into her mind. She’d never rid herself of it.
Graves cared. Perhaps that was the most frightening thing of all.
She wanted to ask Az if he minded. Did it hurt him, for her to care for another?
Emarelia is here.
Vale’s words floated through Luella’s mind. A stark reminder of why they were here.
Az held her hand as he took her away.
Instead of walking back into the heart of the celebration, he took her around the outskirts of the palace, rocks digging into her soles. She didn’t say a word.
Each crashing wave against the rocks both scared her and excited her. It was like something within her had begun to equate fear with desire, and that could only be attributed to one male.
Graves had done that to her. When he dangled her over the ocean and kissed her senseless.
They stopped at the stone steps, their two boats tethered to the posts.
The others were there, and she willed herself not to look at Graves.
Bastian shot her a concerned look, a finger drifting down her shoulder as he murmured, "Are you alright, pet?"
She met the vampire’s scarlet eyes, a new sort of trepidation welling in the wake of Vale’s proclamation. "I will be."
With Bastian behind her and Az before her, she sat on the boat, staring into the dark waves. The moon peeked through the clouds, a thin sliver reflected upon the ocean’s surface.
And then, they arrived at the other palace, smaller and much more private. Filled with trees and those swinging bridges.
Her wings shivered at the sight. What would it be like to fly among them?
The walk up the steps was solemn, and, unwilling to break the silence, she couldn’t help but send a thought to Bastian, Why did we leave?
Behind her, fingers danced over the nape of her neck. He spoke into her mind. For answers.
No sooner did he say it than they crested the top of the stairs and entered the open archway of the palace. The vines curling around the stone rippled in the breeze.
There, among the lounges, stood a breathtaking female.
Her hair was black as night, sleek as silk, and cut in a harsh line around her chin. Her slanted eyes were darkened by kohl. She was shorter, nearly the same height as Luella.
And it was Luella that her deep brown eyes found first.
"My gods," said the female. Her voice was firm yet soft. A dichotomy—just as the strength in her movements stood at odds with her deceptively graceful appearance. "You look just like her."
Vale turned to stare at Luella and held out a hand. Luella’s eyes dipped to it, then traveled back up to his face. "Take my hand," the King said lowly.
Her heart raced. She knew who this was. But as she took Vale’s hand and stepped away from Bastian and Az, into the dragon shifter’s side and let him pull her deeper into the room, she asked:
"Who are you?"
"Luella, this is Emarelia," Vale said. He opened his mouth to speak more, but he was cut off.
"I was your mother’s close friend. My gods, forgive me. It’s like looking at her twin." Emarelia shook her head, her thin, rouged lips parting with shock. Pointed ears poked free from her black, straight hair. "Your wings."
In answer, Luella’s wings fluttered behind her.
Something shifted at her back, and Emarelia’s eyes jerked away from Luella, turning dark and angry as she spat, "Why the fuck did you bring her here, Tharen?"
Luella turned, too, watching as Tharen stepped closer. "To get answers, Emarelia," he said.
Emarelia shook her head, her hair brushing her chin. "You should know better than coming to find me, Prima. I don’t have any answers for you. How did you find me here?"
"That’s a lie. You do have answers for us," Vale announced. "Merath told us where to find you."
Emarelia’s lips curled, eyes darting back to Luella as she cursed, "Shit."
Somehow, they found themselves sitting around in a strange circle amongst the lounges.
Luella sat with Vale on her right and Tharen on her left.
There was a small, low table before her, and that was where Az knelt, on the ground before it, his fingers hooking around her ankle.
Bastian had reclaimed the plush bed-like lounge, resting on his back.
He seemed entirely at ease, but Luella spied the tension in his shoulders, the way he did not relax fully.
Graves was alone. His dark wings draped over the back of the lounge as he perched on the edge of the seat.