Chapter 48 With Every Breath #3
"Why I left the Fallen Isles, why I never came back, and why I pretended none of it was real." He scrubbed a hand over the hair along his jaw. "Sit down," he demanded.
Her feet led her to the rock upon which he sat. The water on the surface dampened her gown and sent a chill through her bottom. Their thighs nearly brushed; their wings did brush. The edges of his touched the edges of hers, and she wanted to feel that spark of nearness and pleasure forever.
She studied the scar on his face.
"Then, tell me. Why?" Luella implored. "So that way I can know whether it was all in vain."
He met her eyes. "What was in vain?"
"My trying to stay away from you." She swallowed. "I feel like I’ve not d-done a very good job of it." She tripped over her words.
Her stutter had gotten better the longer they stayed on the languid haven of the Fallen Isles. It still slipped through every so often. She hated when it did.
"You’ve been more gracious to me than I deserve for what I’ve done—fuck," he cursed. "For what we’ve done to you."
It was the first time she’d heard Graves speak of what they’d done to her with clear anger.
"Would you change anything? No—don’t tell me," she amended quickly when he opened his mouth to speak. "I do not wish to know."
And she never would—scared of what he would say. The past was unchangeable. They had done unspeakable, horrid things to her. Things she would never forget. But after hearing the prophecy, perhaps they were doing the best they could, knowing the Tenebrae was out there, poised to get to her.
She still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. The Tenebrae had gotten to her, but then given her to the King and Queen of Solis. Why hadn’t he kept her then? And—raised her? The thought made her shiver.
He would’ve raised her to wed her.
It was a vile notion.
She doubted the Tenebrae had passed her off out of some fragile mercy of conscience. No, there was another reason. Something else.
"Just when I think I know what you’re thinking, you change." Graves’s bare fingers brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into her eyes. "What goes on in that mind of yours?"
His thumb pressed over her bottom lip, forcing her mouth to open, as if he could see inside her throat and find his way up into her brain to pick her apart.
His hand dropped. "I left my family, my home, because I couldn’t stand to be near them, knowing they detested the sight of me…"
The water echoed Graves’s every word.
He told her everything, gruesome and awful. He didn’t shy away from anything that had happened, and neither did she allow herself to shrink away and block out the blood-soaked words that filled the misty air.
"As the oldest of my siblings, I knew one day I would have to give up the outside world for the crown.
I never wanted it." He shrugged a shoulder.
"I wanted adventure. Silence. No one telling me what to do or how to speak and act. I left more and more often to go to Vale and the others. Then came the prophecy. When we were called to the Fate’s lair, we only grew closer—in some ways, at least. In others, we became further apart.
And as the years passed, and we kept waiting for you, our ideas on what we must do differed.
That drove us further apart. I still left the Isles to go to them.
I was away more often than not. My mother grew angry with me. "
Shocked, Luella listened, holding her breath to hang onto every word. The Queen, angry?
"My father was understanding. The Fallen are a private, traditional group. There was no way for me to abdicate the crown and not risk making our people turn on my parents. Around this time, Caliban started to act strangely. I saw him sometimes, not all the time. But he and Vale were close. I still remember Vale’s face when he came to me, scared for Caliban and what he’d become. We didn’t know."
Graves exhaled sharply. "If I’d known what was brewing…
I never would have left my family vulnerable.
I was gone for weeks, and when I came home, I flew over the sea.
In the distance, smoke filled the air. I flew faster, but it wasn’t fast enough.
The Umbra had attacked my home in retaliation against us.
Against Vale. The Tenebrae tried to get to Vale through me. "
He swallowed. "So many were lost."
"When I showed up, my father was possessed. He raped my mother. I walked in on him looming over her. He was trying to rip off her wings with his bare hands. So, I killed him."
"I ripped him away from my mother, and we fought," he said. "He kept using memories to goad me. At first, I didn’t know what was happening. Talk of possession was slowly growing. But when I saw his eyes—when he tried to bite me—I understood that the male before me was no longer my father. I skewered him on my sword… and killed him. For just one moment, I saw my father break through, and wondered what I’d done. He died in my arms, and my mother’s sobs still haunt me. I can barely look at her."
The raspy tone of his voice became more pronounced. She’d never heard him speak so much at once.
"Soro hates me. He thinks if I had stayed, none of it would’ve happened.
His lover was brutalized that day. Raped repeatedly.
That’s how the Umbra spreads. Fluids. And of course, they’d choose the worst way to infect another, by raping them—some were raped so many times, there wasn’t anything left to possess," he said lowly.
"I burned the blade I used to kill my father. I turned it to ash and scattered it in the sea. Sometimes, I wished I’d turned myself to ash instead.
It wouldn’t be enough for how foolish I’d been.
Naive to think that Caliban’s rot wouldn’t spread.
I know better now. If it comes to that, I’ll raze the mountains into dust to keep you from him. "
Graves reached up to grip Luella’s cheek. Her heart tore in anguish.
"I fear a storm brews." His right hand touched her chest, right over Tharen’s amulet and Vale’s Binding mark. "More than what you hold inside you."