Chapter Nineteen
As dawn crept over us, I wriggled closer to the warmth alongside me.
On cold nights at the House of Industry, we’d slept piled up like a litter of puppies in a fight against the endless draft. It had been the only way to stay warm.
But when I opened my eyes and saw Ezra crouching nearby, smirking, I bolted upright as if he’d splashed water on me.
Julian made a grumpy sound of protest as his arm fell away from me.
He stretched, slow to wake and hopefully even slower to realize we’d been sleeping pressed together like a pair of spoons.
It wasn’t that I’d thought I was snuggling with Ezra. It was that I definitely hadn’t thought I was snuggling with Julian. Scowling at Ezra’s soft laughter, I trudged into the taller grass to make myself ready for the morning.
There was little to do but collect ourselves, share a few gulps of water, and continue on our way.
For a while, I walked ahead of them both, content to pretend that I was on a grand journey on my own, devoid of the company of two irritating boys. They spoke quietly behind me, and it didn’t take long for an itchy kind of loneliness to creep up on me. What were they saying?
I slowed and ran my fingers through the tall grass on the side of the path.
Everything was bathed in golden light. Bugs whirled around me like stardust, and birds fluttered from one scrubby bush to the next, calling out morning songs.
Letting the cool air fill my chest and my belly, I silently told the tightness in my ribs to see itself off.
The day was too young and the sky too wide to concern myself with the goings-on of those two.
And if I let a small honest place in me speak, I was glad Ezra had someone besides me to confide in. He was walking away from his home. From a good and honest calling. From a teacher. From a sense of purpose.
I’d always told myself that bringing Progress to the world was my purpose, but until now I’d never understood what a true purpose felt like.
All my life, I’d been lied to and manipulated and made to hurt countless others.
Now I could tell people the truth about the poisonous march of Progress.
While Julian focused on preparing to debut synthetic radiance at the Continental Exposition, I’d figure out how to convince the other Children of Industry to join us.
We had more than a year to solidify our plans. Surely that was enough time.
Together, we could change everything.
That was worth fighting for.
“Waiting for me?” Ezra asked, laughing gently at my startled yelp.
“No. I’m perfectly fine walking alone,” I said, embarrassed at how relieved I actually was that he’d caught up to me.
“I believe her,” Julian noted, as he passed us both. “She wasn’t too keen on your company this morning.”
I lobbed a stick at Julian’s back, deliberately missing. The truth was that I was overly keen on Ezra’s company. Though I knew I was being unreasonable, I couldn’t imagine not being by his side.
A terrible thought surfaced. Was I taking his companionship for granted?
I grabbed his wrist as if I needed to prevent him from darting away. “What will you do when we get to Cascade?”
“Why does it matter?” Ezra shook his hand out of my grip, eyeing me suspiciously. “It’s a little late to uninvite me.”
“I’m being serious. You weren’t planning to go to with Julian until I messed everything up.”
Julian had stopped walking and watched us silently. “Josephine,” he warned.
“Why were you going to leave Ezra in Frostbrook?” I snapped at him, unwilling to be silenced.
His eyes widened. I didn’t give him a chance to formulate a response.
“And why were you going to let Julian go alone?” I asked, unable to comprehend why Ezra had been willing to stay behind when they so clearly cared for each other in their own baffling, prickly way. “Why weren’t the two of you—”
“Because I was tired!” Ezra shouted, interrupting me. The grass around him rustled. “Tired of Ainsley’s bloodthirst. Tired of Julian’s bloodless theoretical plans. I’m tired of being angry. And different. There’s no place for me, Jo.”
Aching, I shuffled back a step. What could I say to that? How could I make him believe that he had a place in my heart when my heart had been barren for so long?
Julian cleared his throat. “To answer your question, I left … I was leaving Ezra behind because I didn’t want him to get killed for my cause.”
“It’s not your cause,” Ezra muttered. “Stop being so self-important.”
“The fact remains that you have more to lose,” Julian said, raising his voice. “When I travel to Sterling City in the fall to prepare for next year’s exposition, you should stay behind in Cascade.”
“You mean when we travel,” I mumbled.
“And not witness your great debut?” Ezra asked, failing to sound as mocking as I imagined he’d meant to sound.
“The Taylors will shelter you.” Julian went on as if neither of us had spoken. “You can apprentice with a healer in Cascade. You were right all along to want to stay out of this. I never should have pushed you.”
“You don’t get to make decisions for me,” Ezra said, clipped.
Julian stalked up to him furiously. “What if you’re the last of your kind? You’d be a fool to put yourself in the House’s crosshairs.”
This was not where I’d imagined this conversation going. I tried to interject. “Uh.”
“So now you’re telling me to hide when I want to help?” Ezra pressed his hand against the healing wound at his side, as if recalling where helping had gotten him so far.
“What would you do in Sterling City?” Julian said, once more the sneering Senior Conductor who had made me feel impossibly small. “Grow a hedge? Heal the House of Industry?”
It didn’t surprise me, really, when Ezra lunged for him. Julian ducked with surprising agility, dodging the blow. I staggered back, gasping, as Julian grabbed Ezra by the shirt and tackled him to the ground.
“Stop that!” I shouted, wishing I had a pail of water to douse them in. That had worked very well on me and Gertrude once. “Julian Gray! Have you lost your mind?”
Julian’s head popped up, his eyes wide with disbelief over being chastised. It gave Ezra an opening to land a solid punch to his jaw that sent him sprawling onto his back with a grunt. Seemingly satisfied, Ezra flopped onto his back in turn, fresh blood seeping through his shirt.
“I simply wanted to know if Ezra was going to leave us!” I yelled, resisting the urge to kick each of them in the ribs. “Why do you two make everything so stars-forsaken complicated?”
They panted in the grass at my feet.
After a long moment, Ezra let out a weary sigh. “You could have asked in a more straightforward fashion.”
“Yes,” I admitted, feeling as sheepish as the two of them looked.
Ezra rolled onto his uninjured side to face Julian.
He continued as if nothing had happened, though his voice was strained.
“To answer Apprentice Haven’s question, I’m not planning on leaving either of you.
I want to help you make a world where I can live a dull life in a small town where no one is so terribly ill that I can’t help them.
And,” he added hesitantly, “maybe once the House isn’t quite so powerful, I can look for others like me. Without putting them in danger.”
“I would like that for you.” Julian sat up and ran one hand back through his hair, which had slowly devolved into a curly snarl where he’d once kept it fashionably sleek. “I didn’t intend to further injure you,” he added, sounding genuinely remorseful.
“I didn’t intend for you to dodge,” Ezra returned, favoring his side as he rolled up to sit. I gave him a hand, sinking my weight back heavily to wrench him to stand.
He turned to Julian and offered to help him up. Julian hesitated, his gaze on Ezra’s fingers.
“Come on,” Ezra murmured.
Julian took his hand.
I felt I was watching something I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t look away as Ezra pulled Julian to his feet. Breathing heavily, they stood like that for a long time, their fingers intertwined.
There was strange comfort to be found in the mess they’d made of each other. I wasn’t the only one with an unruly heart and a rib cage full of regret.
After that, we walked side by side.
The path widened as we entered the forest. It was cooler and quieter under the canopy.
“Ainsley was acting out of grief, you know,” Ezra was saying. “She wanted to feel like she had power. And I understand that. But I can’t understand setting things right with even more death.” He glanced aside at me, and I wondered if my rage concerned him as much as hers did.
“Surely some resistors have a more strategic approach than simply killing Conductors,” I said. “As much as I loathe to admit it, Ainsley’s plan to disrupt the Mission’s supply chain was brilliant.”
“If only she’d been willing to stop at that, rather than murdering everyone employed at the Mission,” Ezra said wryly. “I might have enjoyed a long career as a train robber.”
“Technically, anyone who opposes the House’s ideologies is a resistor,” Julian pointed out. “Arguably including the three of us. So yes. Some of them are more strategic than others.”
“Then we can find more reasonable people,” I said confidently. “People who want to do more than kill. They can join our cause.”
Julian watched me curiously. I fought the urge to look away, telling myself he had no way to know how badly I wanted to hurt the ones who had made me a tool and stolen the lives of countless innocent people. I wanted them to suffer and know exactly who was bringing that suffering down upon them.
But I couldn’t unleash my rage if I wanted to save the other Children of Industry.
“There are rational people at the House,” I said to him, to remind myself more than anything. “We have to open their eyes.”