Chapter 34
Ben
“Please!”
I bolted upright, my heart pounding furiously against my rib cage, beads of sweat trickling down my back. I blinked several times against a bright light, the vision lingering in my head as fear crawled through my veins.
Not Tristan. He couldn’t die.
I couldn’t lose him.
The image of him in the hospital bed with the tube down his throat and the machine flatlining floated in front of me, and I jumped to my feet, my knee banging against something. A table. My coffee table in my living room.
Daylight streamed through the new glass doors as I glanced around, making sure I was seeing correctly. The freshly painted walls that Tristan had taken great care over, the hinges drilled into the wall, ready for the new TV to be hung. The scent of the man I loved hanging in the air.
I was home, not in the God-awful shithole.
When my gaze landed on my phone sitting on the table, I grabbed it, a mix of confusion and relief rushing through me.
The display showed it was 10 am on 25th December 2026.
Danielle had said that the vision was my future one year from now.
Which meant Rob hadn’t lost his home, his wife or his daughters, and Tristan wasn’t dead.
Before I could comprehend what I was doing, I stormed to the foyer, grabbing my car keys, and sprinting outside. Danielle might have said that I’d blown my chance at changing my future, but I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.
I would make sure Rob didn’t lose his home, his wife, and his daughters, and I would make sure that I wasn’t going to lose Tristan.
I probably committed a whole bunch of traffic violations on the way to the Crutchens’ house, but I didn’t care. I needed to see Tristan. I needed to make sure he wasn’t hurt, and I needed to tell him how I really felt.
I was done being scared. The thought of losing him terrified me more than anything. More than what people I didn’t even know thought about me.
The car screeched to a halt, and I leaped out of the car, jogging up the garden path and damn relieved to see there was no ‘For Sale’ sign outside.
Pounding my fists against the door, my heart raced.
The door was tugged open by Rob, whose expression changed from confused to surprised, to anger in the space of a few seconds. “Mr. McScroodge-”
“Is Tristan here?” I took a step forward, not waiting to be invited in, my need to see Tristan getting the better of me.
Rob raised a hand, pressing it against my chest as he squared his shoulders.
If I wasn’t so damn out of my mind, I would have been proud of him for finally standing up to me, but he was now stopping me from getting to the one person I needed.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. In fact, I think you should leave. ”
“Rob, please,” I begged, attempting to rein in my frustration and not allow my hands to ball into fists. “I really need to talk to him.”
“And I said no.”
He went to close the door, and I acted without thinking, my hand whipping out to stop the door from shutting.
“Bug, can you hear me?” I called out, looking over Rob’s shoulder into the small hallway, and hoping Tristan was inside somewhere.
“I’m sorry, Bug. I’m so fucking sorry for what I said yesterday.
I didn’t mean a word of it, I was just so fucking scared. ”
My voice broke as tears stabbed my eyes. Rob gaped at me, his eyes filled with sympathy. I took several steps back from the door, looking up at the upstairs window and realizing the commotion had caused several neighbors to open their front doors and peek out.
“Bug, please,” I hollered, raising my voice in hopes that he was upstairs and could hear me.
I had no clue where in the house his bedroom was, but I stared at the only window at the top of the house.
“That’s the truth, I was scared of what people thought, but I don’t care.
I don’t care if people know I’m gay.” I spread my arms wide, opening my chest. “I’m gay!
” I laughed, feeling like a weight had just been lifted from my shoulders.
“And I want the world to know that I’m so fucking in love with Tristan Crutchens that I can’t breathe without him! ”
“You love me, huh?”
I spun around, my heart soaring. Tristan stood at the end of the garden path, wrapped up in a scarf and thick winter jacket, Holly and Ivy flanking him. Both girls were on shiny scooters, and the two of them wore identical grins as they stared at me.
In three long strides, I was in front of Tristan, stopping so there was a small gap between us.
“Bug.” I swallowed, suddenly nervous now that he was there.
When the image of him in the hospital bed flashed in my head, I couldn’t help but cup his cheek.
“I’m so fucking sorry. What I said yesterday, I didn’t mean any of it. ”
Regret flashed in his eyes before they briefly dropped to the ground.
When he lifted his head again, he visibly swallowed.
“Baby, I’m so proud of you for accepting your sexuality.
But I need to be a little bit selfish. I’ve been through this before, being with a guy who wasn’t ready to come out, and it resulted in me getting hurt. I can’t put my heart through it again.”
I closed the gap to rest my forehead against his, determined to prove how damn sorry I was, and how much I loved him.
“I cared too much what people would think of me for being gay, but then I realized that there was something far scarier than people judging me.” A tear slid down his cheek, and I brushed it away with my thumb.
“Losing you, Bug. Losing the man I am so undeniably fucking in love with terrifies the hell out of me.” His hands came up to rest on my hips as more tears slid down his face.
I brushed them away again, unable to bear seeing him cry.
“I’m so sorry for hurting you, Bug,” I whispered, peering deep into his eyes and needing him to know just how sorry I was.
“I know it might take time to repair the damage I’ve caused, but I’m begging you to give me a chance to make it up to you.
I promise, I will spend every day of my life telling you and the world what you mean to me. Please, forgive me.”
He raised a hand, covering mine that still clutched his cheek. “I forgive you, baby.”
My own tears spilled from my eyes, and I lightly brushed my lips over his. “I love you, Tristan Crutchens. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
Euphoria flowed through my veins at hearing those words from his mouth.
Not giving a damn that we had an audience, I pressed my mouth to his, parting his lips with mine so our tongues could meet.
Taking my hand from his cheek, I grabbed the back of his neck, as he grasped my hips, pulling me closer against him.
‘Oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ surrounded us from both Holly and Ivy, and a bunch of neighbors who were watching the show. Reluctantly, I broke the kiss, knowing that if we continued kissing like that, it wouldn’t be long until we were ripping each other’s clothes off.
I kept my forehead against his, and for several seconds we stared at each other, the world around us forgotten until a soft voice said, “You know you have to put about five dollars in the swear jar, right? You used a lot of bad words then.”
Keeping an arm wrapped around Tristan, we pulled apart, the two of us grinning down at Holly. “I think I owe a lot more than five dollars.” She laughed when I winked at her.
“Can we go in now? It’s cold out here, and Mom said I can have chocolate for breakfast,” Ivy whined.
Mom.
Shit.
I may have won Tristan back, but I still needed to face his mom.
Somewhat hesitantly, I released Tristan and spun back to the house, finding Rob and Emma watching us from the front door. I straightened my back as I walked to them, relieved to see the affectionate smile on Rob’s face as he watched his son. To my surprise, Emma had tears in her eyes.
“Mrs. Crutchens, you asked me if I was the man your son deserved, and the answer then was no.” I paused to suck in a breath when her brows lifted expectantly.
“And the answer is still no. But I love your son, and I will spend the rest of my life, or as long as he will have me, proving to him and you that I can be the man he deserves.”
Tristan sidled up beside me, lacing his fingers through mine. “What did you say to him, Mom?”
Hearing the bite in his tone, I glanced at him and brought our joined hands up to my mouth so I could kiss the back of his. “It doesn’t matter, Bug. Your mom loves you and was looking out for you.” A sad smile lifted my lips. “Don’t be mad at her for that. I wish I had that.”
Tristan’s features softened, and his gaze dropped to the floor.
“Bug? Why do you call him that?” Emma asked.
My cheeks heated, but before I could reply, Ivy barged past her parents, answering for me. “‘Cos Tris is annoying, like a bug.”
“I think it’s cute,” Holly added, giving me a shy smile as she followed her sister inside.
“So do I,” Tristan added, grinning at me.
Emma delicately wiped her eye, and when she met my gaze, I braced myself for her to tell me that she refused to accept me in Tristan’s life.
Instead of the snarl I expected, though, she smiled softly.
“Would you like to join us for Christmas dinner, Mr. McScroodge? We have plenty of food, and we’d love to have you. ”
There wasn’t a hint of animosity in her tone, and the last bit of tension I was holding oozed from my body at the olive branch she was offering. “Only if you call me Ben. I would love to join you. Thank you.”
Her smile widened as she reached out and squeezed my arm before turning to head inside. Before Tristan or I could follow, Rob blocked the door, attempting to scowl at me.
“At the risk of losing my job,” he started, the nerves returning to his voice. “My son was very upset by you, and I won’t stand to see him hurt again.”