Chapter 38
Poppy
USING MY HANDS ON ARIC was scary enough, but now that I’m on my knees in front of him, his cock bobbing as he strokes it, I realize that was nothing. But my muscles are still spasming from having his tongue inside me, and I want to do this for him. I just hope I can do it right.
“Tell me what to do,” I tell him, shifting on my knees atop the cool leaf-strewn grass.
“Hold my dick with one hand,” he says, voice soft as he guides me.
I take hold of him in one hand, and he reaches down to adjust my fingers so I’m holding him closer to his base.
“Now start slow. Do what feels right. You don’t have to go fast or hard. Just explore.”
The head of his cock is hot and flushed with color, and he’s hard in my hand.
He’s so big, I have no idea how I’ll ever open my jaw wide enough to take him into my mouth.
So instead, I start by licking him, tentatively at first, my tongue trailing along the underside of his cock, then up and over his head.
He groans immediately and reaches back with one hand to support himself against the old oak, which I think is a good sign.
So I do it again, dragging my tongue along his smooth shaft. And with every pass of my tongue over his cock, he starts to breathe just a bit harder.
I adjust in the leaves again, still wet from how hard he made me cum, and add a second hand so I can wrap my fingers all the way around his cock. Then I try something different: I slowly ease my lips over his glistening head and suck, just a little.
“Fuck,” Aric says on a moan.
He likes it, I think, and with every shuddering breath Aric takes, more of my nervousness starts to fall away.
I start a rhythm of licking him, then sucking on his tip, getting just a bit more of him into my mouth with every pass. I play with how hard I can suck and how deep I can take him—which isn’t very deep, but it is my first time giving head.
I’m giving head, I realize with a jolt. Like the characters in my novels.
While silly, the realization excites me. I’d started to wonder if I would always be alone in life—boys have always liked the girls who aren’t anything like me—but Aric sees me for who I am, for what my truth is, and he wants me not in spite of it, but because of it.
Don’t cry, I tell myself. This is not the time.
My lips encase Aric’s tip again, and I add a stroke of my hands down his length at the same time. The sound he makes is part moan, part choked breath. So I do it again.
In my hands and mouth, his cock gets harder, which I didn’t think possible.
Above me, still using the oak for support, Aric says, “I’m about to cum.”
There’s a brief moment where I consider pulling away—I’ve never tasted cum before—but when I cast my gaze upward at Aric and see how undone he looks, with his topknot loose and his face pinched in what looks like a mixture of pleasure and pain, I decide that I want to do this.
I suck him a bit harder and continue stroking my hands up and down his length.
He catches his breath, his body going still, and then something hot hits my tongue and the back of my throat.
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to keep going, so I just tighten my lips around him, trying to catch it all.
But there’s so much, and soon I have to pull away, and Aric drains what’s left of his cum onto the leaves at his feet.
My eyes flick up to meet his, and he holds my gaze as I swallow.
I’m not sure what I expected it to taste like, but it’s somewhat light, though salty. I reach up to wipe my lips with the back of my hand, and Aric lets out a low rumble of a laugh.
“You are . . .” He shakes his head and slowly reaches for his trousers, knees shaking a bit.
“You are full of surprises. And you’re amazing.
And so fucking hot. And brilliant. And—” He gets his trousers pulled up and fastened, then sinks down against the tree, now at eye level with me, where I’m still on my knees. “And I’d really like to hold you now.”
He pats the leafy spot beside him, and I crawl over to join him, slumping against his warm body—though that fire spell Lyra did on me earlier has done a great job of warding off the cold all night.
Aric loops an arm around my shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of my head, then snags a leaf out of my hair that I didn’t even realize was there.
“So, what’s the verdict on your first blow job?”
A laugh slips out of me at how casually he says it, like he’s asking me to pass him a cinnamon bun or something.
“It was . . . not as scary as I expected. And also, salty.”
Aric rumbles with a laugh. “Sorry. I’ll make sure to drink plenty of fruit juice next time.”
Looking up at him, I arch a brow. “Juice? Why?”
His smile slants upward on one side. “It’ll make me taste sweeter for you.” With one thumb, he dabs the corner of my lips, and my cheeks heat up at the implication. But then he pulls me against him again, and I snuggle my head up under his chin.
For a long time, neither of us speaks. We sit there against the old oak, breathing steadily, watching the enchanted candles float on an autumn breeze.
Then Aric says, “There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you . . .”
My stomach tightens, and a nervous tingle goes through me. I try not to let myself immediately jump to conclusions. “What is it?”
He’s quiet for a moment, his hand absently tracing patterns on my shoulder. “Remember Alden? Aurora’s partner?”
“The carpenter,” I say, remembering how he bounced his child on his knee at the outdoor table, their matching brown curls glowing in the afternoon sun. “Yeah. What about him?”
Aric shifts slightly and draws a breath before he continues.
“He offered me an apprenticeship, starting after I graduate. I’d learn woodworking and combine it with my runesmithing—creating enchanted furniture.
I helped him out with a rune he’d been struggling with, and that’s when he offered me the chance to come work with him. ”
“An apprenticeship?” I say slowly. “In . . . Faunwood?”
Aric nods, the earrings in one of his ears winking in the light from a passing candle.
That means he’d leave. Not now, but soon. After graduation, which is still a whole semester away, but in this context, it feels closer than ever.
And I’ll still have a year left at the academy. A year without him. Like Lyra and Cairn. And I’ve seen how hard that is on her.
My heart sinks even as I smile up at him. “That’s wonderful. That . . . That sounds perfect for you.” The thought makes my chest feel tight, like I can’t quite draw a full breath. But I force myself to sit up, to look at him even though my eyes are burning. “You should take it.”
He blinks. “What?”
“You should take it,” I repeat, more firmly this time, even though the words sting as I say them. “It sounds like a wonderful opportunity.” I give him a small smile. “And I know how hard you’ve worked on your rune magic. You’d be incredible at it.”
“You’d be okay with that? With me being gone?”
“I’d miss you, but . . . I’m not going to be something that holds you back.”
He catches my hand and presses it firmly against his chest, so I can feel his heart beating beneath my palm. “You wouldn’t be holding me back. We’d just have to figure out how to make it work. The distance.”
Distance. The word hangs between us.
A year is a long time. Long enough for him to realize that a long-distance relationship is too much trouble. Long enough for him to meet someone in Faunwood—someone who’s there, present, not just in letters and occasional visits. Long enough for what we have to fade into something that used to be.
I’m reminded of my dream, of Aric’s back as he walked away from me.
Please don’t let that be what’s happening.
“We could write,” Aric says. “And I could visit on weekends sometimes. And it’s only a year. One year, and then you’ll graduate, and then . . .”
“And then what?” My voice is quiet in the autumn night, and it’s almost lost in the sound of the dry leaves rustling along the ground.
“I don’t know what I’m doing after graduation.
I might need to stay in Wysteria to help my mom with the café.
Or I might get an apprenticeship somewhere else. I just . . . I don’t know.”
Aric is quiet for a moment. Then he takes a breath and sits up a bit straighter, his fingers tightening around mine where he still has my hand pressed to his chest.
“We’ll figure it out,” he says finally, and there’s determination in his voice. “Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together. I’m not losing you, Brains. Not over distance, not over anything.”
I want to believe him. I want to believe him so badly.
But knowing he’s going to leave, knowing we’ll be apart for a full year—
“Hey.” He tilts my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes, which are narrowed in the darkness. “Where’d you go just now?”
My eyes start to mist over with tears. “I’m scared,” I whisper.
“Of what?”
“Of . . . Of losing you. Of not being enough. Of—” My voice cracks, and I pull my face away so he can’t see as the first few tears escape my eyes.
Aric pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “You are enough,” he says fiercely against my hair, his breath ticking my ear. “You’re more than enough.”
“You say that now—”
“And I’ll say it again,” he interrupts, pulling back just enough to look at me. “In a month, in six months, in a year. I’m not going anywhere in here.” He presses my hand to his chest again, over his heart. “You’ve got me, Poppy. No matter what.”
My breath catches. “You really mean that?”
“Completely.” His thumb brushes a tear from my cheek. “Remember our first tutoring session? You were so sure of yourself. So confident. You made everything seem possible, like I could actually do this, could save myself from being kicked off the team.”
“That’s because you can,” I whisper, then sniffle quietly. “And you are.”
He smiles faintly. “Not without you. You believed in me before I did.”
I hold his gaze, tears no longer falling. “And you’ve been proving me right ever since.”
For a long moment, we just look at each other, Aric’s arms still wrapped around me. Then he leans in and kisses me, soft and sure, and the world steadies. The panic in my chest doesn’t disappear, but it loosens its icy grip.
“You really think we’ll figure this out? You leaving?” I ask quietly.
“We will,” he promises. “Whatever it takes.”
I nod, then take a shaky breath. “Okay. You’re right. We can do this.”
“That’s my girl,” he says with a small rumble of a laugh. Then he’s quiet for a moment before saying, “Actually, about that . . .”
“About what?”
He looks nervous, his ears darkening. “About calling you my girl. I know we’ve been . . . whatever this is . . . for a while now. But I’ve never actually asked you properly.” He takes a deep breath, holding my gaze. “Poppy Waverly, will you officially be my girlfriend?”
Despite everything—the fear, my dreams, the knowledge that he’s leaving—I smile. And now I’m the one to kiss him, deeper this time, until we’re both breathless and laughing.
“Is that a yes?” he asks against my lips.
“Yes, it’s a yes,” I say with another smile.
“Just checking.” He grins and pulls me close again, tucking me under his chin. “Wanted to make sure, because now you’re stuck with me. Officially. That’s binding.”
“Binding? Really?”
“Absolutely. Didn’t you know that any agreements made in the Whim are binding? Come on, Brains, you should know this.”
I laugh and roll my eyes, feeling lighter.
Girlfriend. I’m his girlfriend. And he’s my first boyfriend.
The thought almost makes me tear up again, but I’m able to hold it at bay.
We stay there under the oak tree, me wrapped in Aric’s strong arms, with the floating candles drifting overhead and the distant sound of drums still thumping through the hedge maze. And even though there’s a fear curling deep inside me, right now, I’m happy.
And for right now, this is enough.
But even as I think it, a small voice in the back of my mind whispers, For how long?
I push it away and cuddle closer against Aric’s chest, trying to memorize this feeling, this moment.
Because deep down, I fear it will change.
Whether our words are binding or not.