Chapter 47
Poppy
I’M WEARING MY PURPLE DRESS, the one I bought for the Blue Moon Ball. It’s soft as butter against my skin, and I actually feel pretty in it. No, beautiful. And that’s something I don’t often feel.
People dance around me, moving to music played by a small orchestra, though I can’t see where the musicians are, can only hear their notes drifting through the candlelit ballroom.
I’m in the center of the dance floor, beneath the giant chandelier, and I feel like I’m waiting for someone, though I’m not sure who.
Until the crowd parts in one seamless movement to allow Aric to cross the floor toward me.
He looks so handsome in his crisp tuxedo, his hair smoothed back into his typical topknot, the hoops in his ears gleaming in the candlelight.
He smiles at me, tusks flashing, then takes me by the hand and twirls me into a waltz.
Somehow, I know the steps, and Aric leads me across the floor with that same confidence he has on the runeball field.
“Aric,” I say softly, blinking up at him. “You came.”
“You didn’t think I would?” he asks.
“I . . . I wasn’t sure.”
Now I’m starting to remember the unease I’ve been feeling: Aric missing our tutoring session together, the way he smiled and laughed so freely with Morgan, then him telling me he doesn’t need my help anymore.
Around me, the ballroom darkens, half of the candles blowing out. The dance floor is empty now apart from the two of us, but Aric doesn’t seem to realize. He keeps dancing, his hands sure and steady as he guides me, but the air is colder now, and something feels wrong.
“Do you actually want this?” I find myself asking.
“Want what, Brains?”
I bite my lip as he twirls me, then catch my breath as he reels me back in. Finally, I find my voice. “This. Us. Me.”
“You think I don’t?” he asks. He’s not looking at me, and the rapidly dimming candlelight causes shadows to cut across his face.
“I . . . I don’t know.” Self-doubt starts to creep into my mind, reminding me of Morgan, of how beautiful and confident and powerful she is, of how natural she looks beside Aric, a true match for him.
And I’m just . . . me. Poppy. A shy dream witch who’s only just now starting to find her voice in this world.
“I don’t know if it makes sense. You and me. ”
The words slip out before I can stop them. But Aric keeps dancing.
“Maybe it doesn’t,” he says. “Maybe we’ve been fooling ourselves all along.” He twirls me yet again, but this time when he pulls me back in, I notice that I can see the candlelight through him, like he’s slowly turning into mist, evaporating before my eyes.
I look down to where his fingers rest along the dip of my waist, noting that I can see my dress through him. His hand in mine feels less tangible with every step we take across the dance floor.
“Maybe this was never meant to be,” he says.
He stops dancing, and I realize now that there’s no more music. The ballroom has descended even deeper into darkness. A strange mist has started to gather around us, clinging to our ankles, cold despite how warm I was in Aric’s arms just a moment ago.
His hazel eyes meet mine. “Maybe we should stop pretending.”
From the mist, Morgan materializes, her red hair hanging long and loose around her shoulders, her lips painted crimson to match. “Aric,” she says, and even her voice is beautiful.
Aric turns away from me, and as he takes a step in her direction, I open my mouth to beg him not to go, to try to tell him how much I care about him, how badly I want this to work out, even if it might not make sense right now.
But no sound comes out. Again, I’m voiceless, trapped in silence no matter how hard I try to speak.
Morgan offers Aric her hand, and he takes it. They look perfect together. Much more perfect than I look beside Aric.
I try again to plead for him not to go, but I’m unable to utter a word. And Aric doesn’t even look back before leading Morgan into the mist, disappearing with her and leaving me in the ballroom all alone.
“POPPY. POPPY!”
I jerk awake, my chest heaving, hair stuck to my cheeks. The curtains are still drawn around my bed. It’s dark, and without my glasses, I can’t immediately tell who’s sitting on the mattress next to me.
“Poppy,” she says again, and I’m awake enough now to place her voice.
Alina.
I reach for the glasses on my nightstand and put them on, only then realizing that my cheeks are slick with tears.
“I think you were having a nightmare,” Alina says. Her cool hand finds mine, and she squeezes softly. “Are you okay? You’re crying.”
I nod quickly, intending to tell her that everything’s fine. But when I open my mouth to lie, only a sob comes out. I quickly smother it with my hand, trying not to wake Maeve and Lyra.
“Oh, Pops.” Alina pulls me in, hugging me to her chest. Her frost magic makes her skin cold, but I’m overheated from the nightmare, and the cool touch feels soothing as she cradles me against her.
“It . . . It was a dream about Aric,” I whisper through the tears.
“What about him?” She strokes a hand down my hair, the rhythm gentle and soothing.
“We were at the ball. Then he said that m-maybe we were never meant to be.” Tears pool in my eyes again. “And then he left with Morgan, and I was all alone.” My shoulders start to shake, and Alina tightens her hold on me, letting me cry and get my tears all over the shoulder of her satin nightgown.
“Your dreams aren’t always straightforward,” she says softly, still holding me and running a hand over my hair, like my mother used to do when I was little.
“And I don’t think this one was.” She shifts, taking me by the shoulders and pulling me away so she can look at my face despite the darkness in the room.
“What do you think it was trying to tell you?”
I lift my shoulders in a shrug, then raise one hand to wipe the tears from my cheeks. “I-I don’t know.” Maybe I’m too tired, or maybe I’m just emotionally exhausted, but all I can see is Aric turning and walking away, and I can’t find it within myself to somehow spin this into something good.
“Well, I think this means you need to talk to him.” Alina moves one of her hands from my shoulder to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
“I’ve known something’s been bothering you, but you’re a tough one to crack, Pops.
” Even in the darkness, I can see a slight smile pulling on her lips.
“I didn’t want to push you to talk about something you didn’t want to talk about.
But you should probably talk to Aric. Because I know all this is about him.
You’ve never woken from a nightmare like this before. ”
She’s right. Before Aric, I used to have regular, boring dreams: What I’d learn in class that day.
Which corridors to take through the castle to avoid being late for class.
Lyra spilling tea on herself in the dining hall.
But ever since Aric came into my life, I’ve been flooded with dreams and emotions that I don’t know what to do with. It’s new and different and . . .
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“Of what?”
“Of him . . . not wanting me anymore. Walking away.”
Alina’s hand finds my knee where it’s still buried in blankets, and she gives it a light squeeze. “I felt that way too. With Raelan.”
I perk up. “Really?”
“Mm-hmm. And he did leave me at one time. Remember how upset I was?”
I do. I remember the three of us finding Alina sobbing on the couch after she’d left us in the dining hall. That night, she was nearly inconsolable. And I remember being scared of love if that was how it felt.
If this is how it feels.
Because this hurts. And I’m not sure I can keep doing this. My heart doesn’t feel suited to all this pain.
“But sometimes you have to go through the rough parts to get to the other side. But you can’t get to the other side if you never talk about it.
So”—she takes my face in her hands, her cool touch soothing my cheeks—“I want you to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. He might be feeling the exact same way. Okay?”
With her hands still on my face, I take a shuddering breath and nod. “Okay.”
“Good.”
She pulls me in for another hug, and I’m reminded yet again of how much I love these women I get to call my friends, of how important they’ve become to me over the past couple years. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
“Now get some sleep,” Alina continues, rising from my bed on quiet feet. “And no more nightmares.”
I get a small glimpse of the smile she’s wearing right before she takes hold of the curtains around my bed and pulls them closed, casting me into my own cocoon of darkness.
But I don’t fall back asleep for a long time.