10. Rainor
10
RAINOR
M y mind was running a million miles a minute, and I wasn’t sure what thought string to follow first. Although the beast raged about letting Lila go, he didn’t push. It was as if he was there with me, alongside me, but he hadn’t taken over. She had commanded him not to take over. She didn’t just command it; she used persuasion over me.
This was something Weylin and I had to report to Kage, though I could tell parting from Lila was difficult for him. This was big, and a piece to the puzzle that didn’t fit. It had me questioning all over again just who Lila was.
I was completely consumed by my thoughts, staring at the ground, until we got into the elevator. In the small, confined space, Weylin’s voice was all I heard as he sang under his breath. I raised my eyebrow at him.
“What?”
“What are you singing?” I had never, in all my years, teenage life, young adult, ever heard Weylin sing.
He shrugged. “Grunge.”
Love songs. He was singing fucking love songs. “Knock that shit off.” I reached up and straightened my tie, smoothing out my shirt.
Weylin grinned from ear to ear.
The doors opened, and I walked into Kage’s penthouse, going straight for where I knew he would be. Weylin detoured and grabbed a beer from the fridge.
Kage stood as he normally did, looking down at the world. Brooding was a talent of his. “You need to check your guard,” I informed him. He took a deep breath before turning to me.
Weylin walked in just then. “I feel fucking fantastic. Maybe if you took out the anal plug, you’d feel better too.”
I choked on air. “Guy is deluded. The silver in his veins went right to his head.”
“Is this a problem I have to deal with, or will the two of you idiots sort it out yourself?” Leave it to Kage to kill any kind of mood and level things out. Weylin took a sip of his beer. I put my hands in my pockets. Kage nodded. “I want a report,” he said.
“She’s sexy as fuck,” Weylin retorted.
Kage flattened his lips, so I quickly stepped in before Weylin could piss him off any further. “From the short amount of time I spent with her, she’s smart. She’s very intuitive and she takes her job seriously.”
“Intuitive?” Kage asked.
I took one hand out and tapped it lightly on the desk. “When we were communicating through the pack link, she looked between Weylin and me. I don’t believe she heard us, but she knew something was up.”
Weylin spoke up. “And she can use persuasion.”
I shot him a glare. I was getting to that.
Kage frowned. “Persuasion? Technically, I guess she is an alpha. Not common among lower ranks. Who did she use it on? A human?”
I could feel my cheeks flame. Persuasion was a trained gift from the energy and powers within. Only someone of higher power could use it on another person. It was equivalent to an alpha pushing a command on a lower pack member.
“Well?” Kage asked.
“Me,” I finally admitted.
“What?” He stepped forward, his frown deepening, laced with anger.
“No, not just him,” Weylin said. “She fucking put the beast in his place. He was about to come out and play, and she told him not to.”
“And he listened?” Kage asked.
I slowly shook my head. “He didn’t have a chance. She silenced him, and he didn’t even attempt to retaliate.”
“This is exactly why she mustn’t be claimed.” Again, he paced the length of the window. “She’s hiding something. This is not something the pack needs right now. We have three dead alphas! The groups are shaken. They are coming to me for guidance, and while I’m collecting fees, I am not one step closer. This female is exactly—”
“That female is my mate!” Weylin growled. “She is clueless in all of this. I don’t even think she knows her boss is half shifter! I don’t blame her; he reeks of human. She is powerful, I can feel it, but her mind-set is simple. She knows absolutely nothing of this world we live in. She is filled with innocence and, frankly—”
“Frankly?” Kage squared off. “My orders are given for the good of the pack. She is not the good of the pack. If she’s not an informant, then her innocence alone is a weakness.”
“Call her weak again, Kage.” Weylin dropped his drink, the glass bottle tumbling to the carpeted floor, spilling without a sound as the carpet soaked up the liquid. “Call her fucking weak, Kage.”
“She will weaken the pack!”
I stared at the glass bottle, the tension in the air, the anger and hatred swirling around. Where are you? I asked within. Still, the beast was silent.
Weylin ripped his shirt open. “She is my pack!”
“Then, leave!” Kage pointed his finger at Weylin, “Lot of good you did the pack while you were here. I told my father then, and I will say it now—diluting the blood will weaken the stream.”
Shit. My eyes swung up to Weylin, who appeared too hurt to shift. That hit an old wound. Kage knew it, too, because when my gaze shifted to him, I could see the regret on his face, an expression he rarely showed.
Weylin stepped forward, Kage’s finger now pointing towards Weylin’s scarred chest. “I gave everything for this pack. Everything. If you spent one day with her, you would know what I feel. She is meant to be here. I feel it in my bones, Kage. And I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.” Weylin turned around, scooped up the beer bottle, and walked out of the room.
Kage dropped his hand and returned to his brooding spot by the window. I searched the link for Weylin, but he had shut himself off.
“Ensure he gets an exit ceremony,” Kage said quietly.
“He won't.” I finally moved from my spot and walked over to the man I had grown up with. The one I was trained my whole life to be second to. “Because he won’t leave. And even if he did, you wouldn’t let him.”
“Was I wrong?”
“No…and yes. Logically speaking, your points are valid. What does your wolf say?”
“I fight daily not to look at her, since you put cameras up in her residence.” He glanced over at me. “I cannot allow myself to slip. My pack needs me. If we claim her—a female with three fated mates—not only will she be a target for all our enemies, our pack will be challenged daily.”
“Do you not think we can rise to those challenges?”
“A beast that has no control, a guard that is smitten over a female who tried to kill him, and a leader consumed with a need for power. Sometimes I wonder how this pack is still thriving.”
“You earned your place. As did Weylin, as did I. Our pack thrives because we keep it strong.”
“And yet I can’t help but feel a sliver of fear that the end is near, lurking in the darkness.”
“Then, maybe Weylin is right.” He glanced back out the window, avoiding my stare. “Maybe she is the mate we need. She hasn’t discovered her full potential, and she is powerful all the same.”
Silence fell on us, and sometimes that was all Kage needed. Quiet companionship while he took on the heavy weight of the pack. “Did she really tell the beast no?”
“Yes. I haven’t heard from him since. He’s there, just…content.” It had the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end.
“I want you to look into her bloodline, get a DNA sample.” He walked over to the sprawling map that took up almost an entire wall of his office. This map was different than the others; it was old, handed down through the generations. The edges were frayed and the material stained with time.
Every pack that had existed in our area was listed and marked on this map, past and present. Cridhe Pack worked differently than most other packs. Wealthy and powerful in finances, numbers, and skills, Cridhe was often sought after for alliances. We were good at creating alliances and exploiting weaknesses. We didn’t play the game to survive; we played the game to thrive.
When packs conformed and fell into line, they joined in our riches, but when they declined… I stared at the sheer number of burned-out names on the map. We weren’t the largest run territory for nothing. A pack built off the blood of the weak.
That was what Kage took care of. That was what he controlled, managed, and ensured ran smoothly. It was a position I didn’t envy.
So, when he had fears Lila would cause issues, yes, they were valid. “I’ll see if she will give a DNA sample. If not, I will take one.” I moved to leave the room when he cleared his throat. I turned around, waiting for him to say what was on the tip of his tongue.
“When is her heat?”
A growl vibrated far inside of me. Ah, there you are.
I never left.
“She hasn’t disclosed her heat cycle with us. She was raised human, and I assume it’s not a conversation humans have upon the first meeting.”
“See that you find out.”
I frowned. “You would breed her without claiming? Perhaps you need to be clear—are you rejecting your fated mate or claiming her?”
“If I can get an heir before I reject her, I intend to. If she has as much potential as you and Weylin seem to think, perhaps we will be a good match for offspring. After that, you and Weylin can do what you want with her.”
I will spill his blood , the beast snarled.
I left before he could say another word, telltale shivers running up and down my back showing me how close the beast was. I made it to the elevator without incident, but it was getting hard to breathe, so I gripped the railing.
“Rain!” I heard Kage call out. My head whipped back, but the door was already closing. It was in the reflection of the stainless-steel doors that I saw what Kage did. My eyes were now glowing red.
Shit.
Go to her , the beast demanded.
No. It had been a miracle he didn’t rip her limb from limb during their first interaction. I refused to take that risk again.
Go to her! My insides shook with his force. The elevator door binged and opened, and as I attempted to get off on mine and Weylin’s floor, it was as if I was walking through water, my legs weighed down as the beast fought each step taken in the direction he didn’t want to go. I grabbed the frame of the elevator door and used it to force myself out into the hall.
He promised her chained to my bed for me . Let me out.
“No!” Weylin obviously wasn’t in his condo, since he would've heard my struggle by now. I pushed on, closing my eyes against memories, the flashbacks. I felt the pull, and he tried to drive me under, forcing his way to the top, so he could take control.
Let me take over. Let me take the pain. Let me be the wolf .
“Gahhhh…” I yelled, the transition always more painful when I fought it, but no matter how hard I fought, black hairs began pushing through my human skin. I fought the transition so hard that every time a bone broke to shift into wolf position, it broke slowly with my resistance. The pain was excruciating.
Large arms wrapped around my body, and I swung to dig my claws in, catching whoever it was in the ribs. Kage grunted. “I have you,” he said, manhandling me into my condo.
I couldn’t relax yet. I continued to fight the beast for control as Kage pulled me through the foyer and into a room with no lights, no furniture, and no windows. This room was bare walls and floors. The little light from the foyer spilled in and lit up the claw marks and savage etchings in the stainless-steel reinforced walls.
The beast lashed out even harder, knowing where we were headed. Kage cursed and grunted in the struggle before throwing me away from him and slamming the door shut behind him.
I was plunged into darkness, the thump of the door locking and sealing echoing through the room. “Are you okay?” Kage asked from the other side of the thick door.
I screamed out a release, knowing that it was now finally okay to let go, and then I was falling. Down. Down. Down.
The moment I had let go, the transition happened fast, and the beast was furious. Running in the dark, plowing into the walls. His howls were savage, claws breaking and bones fracturing as he went ballistic. Inside, I pulled back further, ashamed of this beast within me.
It had become an argument that was all too common around me. Why hasn’t he shifted yet?
I stood in the arena, a scrawny prepubescent boy, as I was scrutinized by a group of adults. One of which was our alpha, Kage’s father. The other was the second-in-command, my father.
For years, my mother pleaded with them that I just needed time. That I was an intellectual, that eventually my wolf instincts would click in and I would shift. But now, at the age of ten, the feeling of failure was flung at me with every glare my father sent my way.
I wanted to please him. I wanted to be who he expected me to be, who I was destined to be—didn’t he see that?
“Your bloodline will have to step down,” Alpha said. “My son needs a second to train with him now. He is already attending the hunts. Rainor has no business on the battlefield.”
My father pursed his lips in utter disappointment as they talked over me. “I will not fail you one day more, Alpha.” Up until this point, we had tried everything in the books to make me shift. A friend being in danger and me needing to save them, being chased by a group of wolves through the woods, different diets, regiments, exercises, and nothing worked.
In my innocence, I believed my father would have a good idea. That I could trust him. That he would fix this…fix me…
The arena was cleared out, except for me, my father, and two teenage shifters in their wolf form. This didn’t scare me, I knew to hold my chin high and follow the orders, but when the orders did come, I was confused.
“Shift,” my father said.
I tried. I imagined the hair sprouting. I tried to picture what my wolf form might look like. I played visions of others shifting in my mind over and over again. I glanced up at my father with worried eyes.
He walked back to a bench and picked up a whip…that’s when my stomach sank. Still, I said nothing. The wolves stood diligently, waiting for their orders, so I figured I had to do the same, but my father was quick, his hand wrapping around my throat and lifting me.
“Father?” I tried to gasp, clawing at his hands, desperate for some air.
“I have never been so disgusted in something as I am with you right now. You are the reason the pack will fall.” He threw me to the ground and released the whip, snapping it beside my ear and causing me to jump. “Now, shift!”
I scrambled to all fours. Please, please, please… I begged my body to do what it was born to do, but nothing happened. I stared down at my hands, the sweaty humanoid imprints they made on the floor. Change!
“Attack him.” They were the words my father spoke before I realized what this was. He didn’t care if I could shift or not, not anymore. This was an execution.
The wolves snarled and lunged. I scrambled to my feet and ran, but with a crack of the whip, the leather wrapped around my ankle, causing me to fall to the ground. I screamed at the first bite from the wolf, their fangs like searing hot needles ripping through my flesh.
My father called them off and rushed up to me, claws out and ready. “Shift!” he yelled, raising his hand and smacking me in the face. “Disgrace. Disgusting. How unfortunate to have a sickly son like you.” There was no end to the assault. Over and over, his claws ripped open my skin. Now and then, he would make the wolves chase me. At times, he took pleasure in whipping me. It wasn’t until I lay in the middle of the arena floor, gasping for life, that he stopped.
Shifters were amazing healers—my bloodline, in particular—though possessed an ability to permanently harm other shifters. It’s why Weylin was scarred;, it’s why I lay on the floor, bleeding out, dying, unable to heal to save my life.
My mother’s cries filled the arena as my father cleaned his hands of me. There was nothing for me to say. I should’ve known this was about to happen. I should’ve known this would be my end. What good is a shifter that can’t shift? A human without his wolf was just a human.
My mother fell to her knees at my side, taking me in her arms. I gasped at the pain and then cried.
“Shhh, Rain. Mama’s got you, baby. Mama has you.” She rocked my limp body back and forth, and all I could think was… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did this to us. I’m sorry I failed us. They deserved better, she deserved better.
“This is your fault. I should’ve been more selective with my mates.” My father said to my mother. Her body froze for a moment, and then she gently laid me down.
“You’re sick,” she said, getting to her feet.
My father’s hand came down against my mother’s cheek with a crack.
Let me out , a voice growled from within me. It was demonic, it was possessed, it was frightening.
“I hated you from the moment we met!” she screamed at him. His hand gripped her throat.
Let.
“Then, I’ll get rid of the burden you carry from having to be with me,” he spat.
Me.
“I’d rather die with my son than live another day with you,” she growled, her body instinctively trying to shift.
SAVE HER! I cried out within.
My mother looked down at me, the fear and pain in her eyes hitting me somewhere deep inside with a snap .
Out.
I cried out in shock. Instead of being in my body during the first transition of my life, I was sucked back.
Sensing the danger he was in, my father shifted into his black wolf form , and then I attacked. But it wasn’t me; I had no control.
The beast went for the neck, teeth sinking in like butter, and then he shook the body until my father fell limp. That’s when the feast began. I watched in shock and horror as the man that raised me had his flesh torn and ripped. Within a matter of seconds, the beast had my father’s chest cavity opened and devoured his heart.
I could feel it. The power. The high. The hot coppery liquid hit our taste buds, and an electric current coursed through us. We were at the top. We were indestructible. We were…not done.
No! I screamed at the beast. I tried to run forward, pushing my way to the top to stop him, but I couldn’t. He laughed as he launched himself at the only pack member that ever cared about me, while I remained powerless. Mom. He shredded her, with no regard for the person she was, for the mother she was.
This time, as the heart hit our tongue, it was only the beast that felt the high. I felt sick to my stomach. He didn’t stop there, going after his next fix. The two wolves that had been in the arena ran for their lives, but he merely howled with ecstasy.
My mother and father already dead from the destruction of the beast, I pulled back, giving up, and letting him have complete control. He ran through the town, killing men, women, and children. Anyone in his path was fair game. The beast was a starved monster set loose at a buffet.
Until Kage’s father stepped forward. With one look of those blue eyes, I felt every bone in my body snap back into place, and there I knelt before him. A scrawny boy covered with the blood of those I had murdered. Shaking uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him.
“You’ll do just fine.” His eyes shone as he stared at me. It was as if he had just won a prize.
The buzzing of a phone caught my attention, the screen lighting up the scraps of clothing on the ground. The beast was panting and limping, injuries from his violent outburst with the wall.
“Beast,” Kage called from the other side of the door. “If you wish to see Lila, allow Rainor to answer the phone.”
Lila?
I tried to push the beast out of the way, but still, he wasn’t letting me have control back. He did, however, move towards the phone. With a large paw, he swiped the clothes away until the phone lay on the ground. One more swipe, and the beast had answered the video call.
It was a three-way call between Weylin, Kage, and me.
“Hey.” Weylin’s voice came through, his face filling the screen. “Thought maybe this would help you calm down.”
The camera flipped, and we were now peering into Lila’s open living room window.
The beast tilted his head to the side, ears perked up in an attempt to hear her better. Max sat on the sofa, staring at his wild owner as she danced around a whiteboard. On the whiteboard, I recognized pictures of the victims, dates they went missing, dates they showed up dead. She had her laptop on a stand and a video playing.
“Did you see that?” She jumped from one foot to the other as she talked to Max. Her was hair up in a messy bun, with strands falling down here and there. She wore a pink oversized shirt, a pair of underwear shorts, and big fluffy socks. She nearly slipped on the socks in her innocent excitement but caught herself. The beast huffed out a breath…or was it me?
It was almost as if I was sharing the light with the beast in this moment, side by side.
“Okay, when they questioned the alpha’s luna on this, you see how she reacted? The woman is heartbroken! That kind of pain, you can’t fake that. They had no idea what had happened to their alpha. Don’t you see, Max? After reviewing these interrogation tapes, I don’t think anyone in their pack took their own alpha. Look how they mourn him!” She brought up footage of a vigil held in honor of the Nadair Pack alpha.
I reached out for the phone. I hadn’t even registered that I’d shifted back to my human form.
“She’s pretty amazing,” Weylin whispered.
“Yeah. She is.” My voice remained a hushed tone. I curled up on the scraps of clothes and just stared at Lila, listening to all the points she made on the case.
“Why is her window open?” Kage asked. From the view on the screen, I could see he was sitting just on the other side of my door.
“She burned her dinner, and smoke was pouring out of the house, but all is good. Took her forever to silence the alarms. I don’t think my ears will ever recover.”
“Perhaps hers are damaged, if she cannot hear you,” Kage said.
“Nah, she’s just too into this. It’s so cute how murder excites her.”
I smiled. “I think it excites her in a completely different way than it does us.”
We stayed like that, the three of us, in our own places. Locked behind the door. Guarding the door. Far from the door. Yet each of us connected…by her.