27. Lila
27
LILA
I stayed in Kage’s arms, sitting on his lap, while we waited for the doctor in the medical center. The room was as barren as the rest of the underground floor of the facility. Cold and desolate. The only chairs available to sit on were cheap metal fold-up chairs that groaned under the weight of the guys.
When the doors opened from the back, I jumped up as quickly as I could, wiping the tears from my face.
It wasn’t the doctor, though. It was Clark.
“You!” I spoke through clenched teeth. “You did this!” I moved towards him, ready to throw a punch, knowing it was useless but needing to release some of this anxiety within me.
“It wasn’t him,” Rainor said.
I turned and took a few steps back, so I could see Clark and the others were all in front of me. “Why else would he be there?” I asked. “He was exiled.”
“He wasn’t, not exactly,” Kage said.
“He was given a new assignment.” Rainor stood and started to walk towards me but stopped when I took another step back. “We needed the extra security on you. The alpha murders are happening in your backyard. Clark, as well as three others, make up your guards. Their only directive is to keep eyes on you and ensure there is no threat when we aren’t around.”
“Why were you in my house?” I asked Clark.
“Max. He alerted us to an intruder in the backyard. We chased the intruder into the house, where a black smoke was released.”
Clark seemed slightly embarrassed as he glanced at Kage. It was only for a second, and then his attention was back on me.
“I had never seen anything like it before, it blinded us. By the time we noticed the house was on fire, it was too late. The flames were more than I could handle.” Clark went down on one knee before me, bowing his head. “I came out of that house uninjured for the most part because of Max. When the smoke inhalation overpowered me, he threw his body on top of mine. The injuries he sustained were due to him protecting me. I owe Max my life. As you are his next of kin, I promise to you to fight harder, never find myself in the same situation, so his act of saving me wasn't in vain. My allegiance is with you.”
I stared at Clark, not quite sure what to make of him. I glanced at Kage, who, despite pressing his lips into a thin line, seemed happy with Clark’s declaration.
“As it is accepted,” Kage said. “Check back in with Weylin.”
Clark stood up, gave one nod, and then left the room at the same time one of the doctors came out. I spun around, waiting to hear news about Max. The doctor was a short male, with black hair and brown eyes. He wore blue scrubs under his white coat.
“Alpha, a moment,” he said.
Kage turned and followed him through the door, me trailing behind, however the doctor put his hand up, touching my shoulder to hold me back.
“Only the alpha.”
Kage spun around and stepped up close to the doctor, using his body to tower over him, causing the doctor to cower. “Do not touch her.” Kage’s voice sent a tendril of fear down my spine.
“Apologies, Alpha.” Immediately, the doctor lowered his eyes. “I don’t recommend anyone else at this time. This will require your approval first.”
After a few moments, Kage took one step back. “I will return,” he promised me before disappearing behind the door.
I turned around and froze. “Where’s Weylin?” I asked Rainor, who was now the only other person in the room, and now he was standing two steps from me. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had come closer when the doctor had pushed me as well.
“He stayed behind to speak with the firefighters.”
“Can you look into Kage’s mind? With the link? Tell me what’s happening.” I was practically begging.
Rainor took a breath before he glanced off beyond me, concentrating. Then he shook his head. “He’s blocking us out.”
“I’m not leaving without seeing him. I can’t.”
“I understand. Kage understands. But you need to know, whatever happens, we are doing it for your best interest.”
My eye twitched as I watched him. Something in his expression told me he had, in fact, seen something in Kage’s mind.
“Rainor, something you, Kage, and Weylin need to understand is that I’m a grown-ass woman, and the only one who can determine what’s best for me is me. I’m not naive, don’t treat me like I am. How about you shout that through your link?” I moved back to the chairs, sitting down and burying my face in my hands.
Slowly, I listened as Rainor walked back to me, sitting in the chair next to mine. Silence filled the room for a few beats before it was my turn to apologize, my voice barely coming out a whisper.
Rainor leaned towards me, pressing the side of his arm against mine. “He did not live… Lila. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you. Max didn’t live.” I leaned fully into him now. My heart was already broken, now it was shattered, but I appreciated the truth. “I don’t think you are na?ve. On the contrary, you are very intuitive, and you lead with your mind. The combination is admirable. However, I’ve never seen a shifter grieve the way you have. I only meant to lessen the grief.”
I wondered what grief looked like among them. Was I too emotional? Was my response too human? It didn’t matter to me. Right or wrong, this was how I would mourn Max. “Telling someone everything is going to be all right isn’t lessening the grief, it’s prolonging it. If you keep that up, eventually, you’ll explode. You can’t hide from what’s inside of you. No matter how much you try to cover it, it’s still there. Festering.”
I glanced up into Rainor’s pale face, and he looked as if he had seen a ghost. He gave me a tight little smile.
The door opened again and Kage stepped out.
“I want to see him.” I jumped to my feet. “I know he’s gone, but I need to say goodbye.”
“No.” Kage stood straight, using his commanding voice on me. I glared at him. “His flesh continued to burn. It’s not just fur missing, it’s skin, meat that was cooked. The smell aside, he doesn’t look like your dog any longer. They were ordered to cremate him. You will get his ashes back shortly.”
“What? That wasn’t your decision to make!”
“But it is the one I have made. You don’t want the image of Max as he is now to be the last thing ingrained in your mind.” Kage walked towards the exit. “Come, let’s go home.”
I flinched. Home?
“Smooth, asshole,” Rainor said, placing his arm around my shoulders and guiding me away.
It felt wrong, coming here with Max and leaving without him. My arms were empty, there was no presence of him brushing up against my leg, as he often did when he was with me. Something was missing; he was missing.
I vaguely remember the car ride, my eyes taking in the late-night city lights, yet my mind comprehended none of it. I was on autopilot. At some point, I was standing in Kage’s bathroom as the massive tub filled with hot, fragrant water. Kage poured salts and bubbles into it while Rain undressed me. The red dress fell to the ground at my feet.
Rainor helped me into the tub, and I sank into the heat, curling onto my side.
It wasn’t how I had envisioned getting out of that dress after my first date with them. It wasn’t how I had pictured sinking into this massive tub would feel. I was floating and sinking at the same time. As lost as I was without my best buddy, the most random thought came to mind. Within this tub, my knees, breasts, and feet remained under the water all at once, like I had always hoped for in the perfect bath, yet I had never felt so cold and exposed in my entire life.