73. REGRET
VEERANSH'S POV
The car door shuts harder than I intend, the sound echoing sharply through the empty hospital parking lot. But I do not stop, and I do not look back, because if I turn around now, if I see that building again and imagine her lying there alone, I will not be able to leave.
And I already left. My hands grip the steering wheel tightly as I sit inside the car. The engine roars to life, but for a moment I remain still, breathing unevenly. Not calm. Not steady. Just breathing. Her silence still echoes inside my head, louder than any scream she could have given me.
I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes briefly. "Aarohi..." Her name feels heavy in my chest, like something I no longer deserve to say. I open my eyes again and press the accelerator without thinking.
The car shoots forward too fast, but I do not slow down.
Streetlights blur into yellow lines across the windshield while cars and signals pass unnoticed around me.
My mind is somewhere else entirely. Her face keeps appearing in front of me.
Not crying. Not angry. Just turned away from me as if I no longer existed.
My fingers tighten painfully around the steering wheel. "I deserved that..." The words slip out quietly because they are true. Every bit of it. A dry, bitter laugh leaves my lips. "I deserved worse." I remember the very beginning. The fear in her eyes.
The confusion. The pain. And what did I do?
I forced her into a marriage she never wanted.
Forced her into my world when she never asked for it.
My jaw clenches harder as guilt spreads through me like poison.
"And then I thought I could fix it?" I shake my head slowly, mocking myself. "I thought love would fix everything?"
The speed increases again, but I do not care.
I remember Kashmir. The night she came running toward me, crying and shaking, holding onto me like I was the only safe place she had left.
My chest tightens so painfully that breathing becomes difficult.
"She trusted me..." Even after everything I did to her, she trusted me again.
And what did I give her in return? Divorce papers. My grip tightens harder until my knuckles turn white. "I did not even tell her..." That truth destroys me more than anything else. I changed, but I hid the truth instead of giving her honesty.
The road ahead stretches long and empty beneath the darkness.
No traffic. No interruptions. Just speed and silence.
"I told them to cancel it..." I repeat the words aloud like they might somehow undo the damage.
"I told them I did not want the divorce.
I told them to cancel everything." My voice cracks roughly.
"But I never told her." Silence fills the car again. Heavy. Suffocating. Because that is the truth. I expected her to simply believe in my love without giving her honesty first. I expected forgiveness without transparency.
"She forgave me..." I whisper brokenly. She forgave me for things I never deserved forgiveness for. She stayed beside me. She adjusted to my world. She smiled for me. She cared for me. She loved me. And I gave her another reason to shatter completely.
My hand slips slightly on the steering wheel, causing the car to swerve, but I correct it instantly without slowing down. "I do not deserve her." The words feel final now. Solid. Real. "She is too pure for someone like me."
My chest feels crushed beneath invisible weight.
I inhale sharply, but the ache only deepens.
"She said nothing..." That silence is what kills me.
Not her accusations. Not her anger. Her silence.
As if there is nothing left worth fighting for anymore.
"I cannot fix this..." For the first time, the thought feels terrifyingly real.
The speed climbs even higher while the wind outside roars louder around the car. I think about her alone in that hospital room, exhausted and carrying our children. A slow breath leaves me painfully. "She will be okay," I whisper like I am trying to convince myself. "She is stronger than me."
And then the dangerous thought arrives quietly. Slowly. Sharply. "Maybe she would be happier without me." My fingers loosen slightly around the wheel. "No confusion. No pain. No destruction from me."
But the thought immediately tears something inside my chest apart because I cannot imagine a life without her. I cannot imagine waking up without her beside me. I cannot imagine spending even one second away from her. A tear slips silently down my temple into my hair, but I do not wipe it away.
"I will ruin everything again..." My voice sounds hollow inside the speeding car. That is what I have always done. Controlled. Forced. Decided. Broken. And then tried to repair things only after it was too late. Always too late.
The road curves ahead, but I do not slow down.
Her face flashes in my mind again, except this time it is not the broken version from today.
It is the Aarohi who smiled softly at me.
The Aarohi who looked at me shyly like I meant something to her.
My chest tightens violently. "I lost that.
.." And deep down, I know I may never get it back.
Another empty stretch of road passes beneath the speeding car. No one around me. No one to stop me. No one to question where I am going. "I said I would die..." I whisper quietly. The words sound different now. Not dramatic.
Not emotional. Just empty. And for the first time, the thought no longer scares me. Because right now, living without her feels worse than anything else. My grip suddenly tightens again as panic flashes through me. "What am I doing..." The question comes too late.
The car is already too fast. My thoughts are already too broken. But I still do not slow down. Maybe I cannot. Or maybe some part of me simply does not want to anymore. Everything inside me already feels destroyed, and maybe the outside just needs to match it.
My eyes remain fixed ahead, but I am not really seeing the road anymore. I only see her. Hear her silence. Feel the emptiness she left behind inside me even though she is still alive somewhere in this world.
"Aarohi..." Her name leaves my lips again, barely audible beneath the roar of the engine.
"I am sorry... I could not become a good husband.
" My throat burns painfully as another tear falls silently.
"A life without you... I never imagined it.
" And with trembling hands and a shattered heart, I press the accelerator again.