75.OPERATION
The doors haven't opened yet. They've been closed for so long that I've stopped counting time.
Minutes... hours... it all feels the same now, cold, endless, unforgiving.
I stand there, right in front of the operation theatre doors, staring at the small red light above it as if refusing to blink could somehow keep him alive.
My fingers tremble, and I don't even realize when I press my palms together tightly, as if praying without knowing what words to say. Then the doors open. The sound is too sharp and my heart jumps into my throat. The doctor walks out, and suddenly I'm afraid to hear anything.
"Aarohi..." Maa's voice breaks beside me, but I don't look at her.
My eyes stay fixed on the doctor. "Doctor.
.. he's fine, right?" My voice is weak, barely there.
The doctor's face doesn't change, and that silence terrifies me more than anything.
"We are preparing for the operation," he says carefully. My breath stutters. "Preparing...?"
"He has lost a lot of blood." My legs feel unstable.
"But we are doing everything we can." That word again.
Not will. Not he's safe.
Just can. My fingers curl into my palms. "How long will it take?
" I ask, my voice shaking. The doctor exhales slightly.
"It's a critical case." My heartbeat grows louder too loud.
"Doctor..." I whisper, stepping closer, "he'll be fine.
.. right?" For a moment, he doesn't answer, and in that moment I feel something inside me crack.
"We will try our best." No. No. No. "That's not what I asked.
" My voice rises, breaking. "He will be fine.
.. right?" The doctor looks at me now directly and then says the words that stop everything inside me. "We cannot give any guarantee."
Silence. Complete silence, like the world just disappeared.
I stare at him, but I don't see him anymore.
I only hear that one sentenceno guarantee.
My lips part, but no words come out. My body feels numb, cold, hollow.
"No..." It comes out like a whisper, barely sound.
"No... that's not possible..." My head shakes slowly, as if I can undo his words, as if I can reject reality.
"You have to save him..." My voice trembles. "You have to..." The doctor doesn't say anything more. He just nods slightly and walks away. And just like that, the last thread holding me together breaks.
My knees almost give in, but I somehow manage to stay standing.
I turn toward the OT door, the same door that took him away from me and for the first time, I feel how far he is, how unreachable, how fragile everything is.
I walk toward it slowly, each step heavy, like I'm carrying something I don't understand.
My hand lifts, and gently I place it against the door. Cold. Hard. Unmoving.
Just like everything right now. My fingers press against it slightly, as if I can feel him through it, as if he's just on the other side.
"Veeransh..." My voice breaks completely.
It doesn't come out like a word it comes out like pain, raw and unfiltered.
"I'm here..." My forehead leans against the door, my eyes close, and tears slip out immediately. "I'm here..."
My breathing turns uneven, shaky. "I didn't listen to you.
.." The words fall out one after another.
"I didn't even let you explain... I was so angry, so hurt.
.. I didn't see you... didn't see your eyes, didn't see your truth, didn't see your love.
I thought everything was fake..." A broken laugh escapes me.
"I thought you were lying... but you weren't... you were telling the truth..." My grip tightens. "I know that now... I understand now... you changed... you really changed..." A tear slides down slowly. "You cared..."
Memories flash , him standing in the kitchen, arguing with me over food, forcing me to eat. I let out a shaky breath. "You stayed..." Another flash, him putting his coat over my shoulders, that quiet evening, ice cream melting between us.
A faint, broken smile touches my lips. "You loved me..." Another memory of him sitting beside me while I slept, watching me, not leaving. My hand slowly moves from the door to my stomach, instinctively, protectively. "And I didn't believe you..."
My fingers press gently against my belly our babies, his babies. "You were so happy..." I see his face again when he heard about the pregnancy that soft disbelief, that quiet joy. "You talked to them... you were already their father..." A tear falls onto my hand.
"I took that away from you... I took us away from you..." My body trembles now. "I said things I didn't mean... I hurt you" I see his face that day when I walked away, when I refused to listen that broken, destroyed look. I swallow hard. "I didn't see it... I didn't see how much it hurt you..."
Silence fills the space again, heavier this time. "I'm sorry..." The words come out soft, weak, but real. "So... sorry..." My hand presses harder against my stomach. "You don't get to leave..." My voice shifts still broken, but stronger.
"You hear me? You don't get to leave like this.
.. you haven't met them yet... you haven't held them.
.. you haven't seen them... you haven't even argued with me properly after this.
.." A shaky breath leaves me. "You still have to fight with me.
.. you still have to force me to eat... you still have to annoy me. .. you still have to... love me..."
Silence again, but now it feels different. "I love you..." The words come out quietly, but they don't tremble this time. "I love you, Veeransh... and I'm not saying it late... I'm saying it now... so you come back and hear it properly..." My hand moves back to the door, flat, steady.
"You come back... you come back and I'll listen this time... I'll listen to everything... no anger, no running away, no misunderstandings, I'll stay I promise I won't leave you again..."
Behind me, I can feel Maa and Suhana their presence, their silence but right now, it's just me, him, and this door.
"I'm right here..." I whisper softly. "I'm not going anywhere.
.." Minutes pass, or maybe hours I don't know anymore but I don't move.
I stay right there, hand on the door, eyes fixed, heart waiting.
And slowly, very slowly, something inside me changes.
The panic, the chaos, the helplessness they don't disappear, but they settle into something else, something deeper, stronger.
I wipe my tears with the back of my hand, take a slow breath, and stand straighter. My hand moves again to my stomach, gently. "I'm here..." I whisper, not just to him, but to them. "We're here..." A calm steadiness replaces the trembling.
"I won't break... I can't..." Because now, it's not just about me. It's about him, and them, and us. I look at the OT door again this time not with fear, but with belief. "You're coming back..." My voice is quiet, but certain. "You have to..."
And for the first time since everything happened, I don't feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like I'm holding on for him, for us, for our family.