Chapter 16
OLIVER
If there is one good thing I’m getting out of today, it’s that I’m finally in Aaron’s condo. It’s precisely as I expected. Minimalist doesn’t even begin to describe it.
Stuff tends to accumulate in my apartment. Some of it needs to be there, but a lot of impulse purchases could go. That requires a lot of focus, though. And a concentrated amount of willpower. Instead, I’m content to have a mishmash of stuff covering my shelves and walls.
And sometimes the floor.
It’s a small thing compared to the fact that our date is cancelled. Again. It’s a real struggle not to let all my insecurity shine through, especially as his friends started to show up.
The moment Nathan and Colt arrive, I retreat to the kitchen.
I know. I shouldn’t be self-conscious around them.
It’s not like Colt is my ex-boyfriend or anything.
I think a date has to last more than twenty minutes for that title to go into effect.
However, Aaron and I are dating and haven’t even reached that threshold, at least by his definition.
Personally, I’m counting all the time we’ve spent together.
Just because it wasn’t official doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.
I won’t tell him that. I have a feeling that using the word boyfriend would scare him off. We’ll work up to it.
It’s not hiding. It’s selective socializing.
A term I’m officially putting in my personal dictionary.
In an attempt to look busy, I dump the tortilla chips I brought into a serving bowl I find in one of Aaron’s cupboards.
What I can’t see is a small dish for the salsa.
Since Aaron refused to assign me anything to bring, he’s stuck with my usual offering.
It’s not exactly thrilling, but I’m hoping people will like it. Or politely ignore it.
“Hey.” Tyler comes around the corner, his body loaded down with two cases of beer.
“Let me help you.” I grab one of the boxes, checking the design to see what he’s brought. At least this one is relatively normal. A Porter with only a slightly higher than usual amount of alcohol. “Where do you want these?”
“Fridge would be great. They’re already cold, but I’d prefer to keep them that way.”
I let Tyler get his organized first before I add mine to the shelf. Of all Aaron’s friends, Tyler has the best taste in beer. Some of it might be a bit much for me, but it’s better than the crap Matthias buys.
“Here.” He hands me one of the tamer options in the mixed pack and leans against the corner. “So, what’s new?”
It’s exactly this kind of situation that makes me freeze up. Usually, it’s only because I don’t do small talk. Now it’s both that and my desire not to lie. I can’t tell him that I’m dating Aaron, but that takes a lot of things off the table.
Can I tell him that he’s helping me train for a 5k? Mention my newest crochet project without bringing up Aaron’s?
“The usual,” I say. “I had to deal with a crisis at work yesterday, so hopefully things will settle down.” They won’t. They never do. It’s more that I hope the time between storms is long enough for me to get organized again.
At least I found fifty extra books for Haskell to take with him last night. They still sold out, but it went better than expected.
“How about you?”
“Well—” Tyler’s cut off by Matthias barreling into the kitchen, a more petite guy trailing behind him.
“You made it,” Tyler says. “Grab a drink. The good stuff is on the bottom shelf.” He gestures toward the fridge. “This must be Frank. I’m Tyler.”
Tyler sticks out his hand to the man I don’t know. He looks about as uncomfortable as I feel right now. I feel for Frank. This is a rough group to break into. They’re all nice, but they can be a bit… much.
“Sorry. Frank, that’s Tyler, and over there is Oliver.” When Matthias introduces me, I give Frank a quick wave. Maybe I should’ve shaken his hand like Tyler did? I’m not really the handshake type, but it is good manners. At least that’s what my parents always said. “You hiding out in here?”
“Ugh. They won’t shut up about whatever the new city thing is going on for non-profits. I’ve heard about it all week. I’m happy to take a break and let Graham nerd-out over it with Nathan and Colt.” Tyler groans as he takes another drink of his beer.
There’s a long pause while Matthias rifles through the fridge, Tyler, Frank, and I all staring at one another. Saying nothing. It can’t be long, but I swear minutes have gone by. I can’t take it, so I clear my throat and come up with something to say. “So, Frank, you work in landscaping?”
“Um, sort of. The company does a lot of yard renovations that include some landscaping, but not so much planting. We largely do home construction projects. Like remodels and finishing basements.”
“Frank’s also going to school at Cardinal Falls Community College.” Matthias puts his arm protectively around Frank. “He’s working on a degree in data science.”
“Ugh.” The sound is out of my mouth before I can stop it—shit, not a great first impression.
I’m sure Matthias will tell Aaron how I insulted Frank the minute I’m gone.
“Sorry, ignore me. I’m one of the few in the group who aren’t good with numbers.
I thought maybe I was getting someone on my side for once.
” It’s not that I can’t do math. I can when I want to.
And, if there’s a nice calculator available.
“Don’t worry about that.” Frank waves me off, giving me a reassuring smile. It’s almost enough to make me feel better. “Numbers and I aren’t good friends, but they happen to come with the territory.”
“Don’t let him fool you,” Matthias butts in. “Frank’s doing great in his math classes. Even got an A on his last exam.”
“Better than I ever did.” Bitter? Me? Nope, not at all. I have siblings who do all the math and science. By the time I came around, I’m pretty sure my parents had used up all the genetic material that allows people to think logically.
Not that I’m bitter. Or jealous.
“Okay, why are we all in the kitchen?” I jump as Aaron comes up behind me. “I know it’s not Matthias’s house, but my living room is plenty big enough for everyone.”
“Really? Did you not notice the crazy discussion going on in there? None of us has any interest in discussing the intricacies of tax statuses.” Tyler rolls his eyes dramatically. I’m not going to say anything, but I agree.
“This is what I get for agreeing to host.”
Aaron looks dejected as he puts his head down on the counter. He worked hard on setting up today. A fact he would never admit to his friends. I get the impression that having people over is a rare occurrence for him.
Before I can think better of it, I put my hand on his back and rub it a few times.
It’s a small move, one that I would do for any of my friends or family members, but maybe too intimate for whatever it is we’re pretending to be.
I pull my hand away and hope no one noticed. Or perhaps they don’t care.
“It’s not that bad. We’re having plenty of fun in here,” I announce to the room, hoping everyone else will back me up.
“Plus, we’re closer to the beer.” Leave it to Tyler to care about the essential things.
“Fine. That backyard of yours better be done soon. This is the last time I’m hosting.” Aaron stands up, giving me a half smile before turning back to his friends.
“Frank was telling us about how he’s a math whiz.” At least if I say something, it’ll override the silence that keeps settling over the group. Anything is better than quiet.
“Oh, that’s not… no. I barely got through my calculus course,” Frank says, stuttering as he tries to backpedal the previous conversation.
“Well, if you need any help, let me know,” Aaron offers.
Does he help everyone? First, he volunteers to get me in shape to run a 5k. Now he’s offering math tutoring?
It shouldn’t matter. He’s being kind, which is one of the reasons I like him so much. But I thought I was special. His willingness to take time out of his already busy schedule to help me stemmed from our connection.
How many other people is he spending a night a week with?
I try to shake off those thoughts. Afterall, I’ve seen his work calendar and his training schedule. There’s no way he has five or six other guys on the side he’s tutoring.
Without a word, I manage to slip out of the room, leaving them to argue over calculus and whatever else. The living room conversation about tax statuses is suddenly fascinating.
AARON
“Remind me why I like my friends?” They’re respectful, but my kitchen is still a mess. Bits of food and drink are scattered across the counter, making everything sticky. How does Matthias do this? My friends aren’t even that messy. They’re respectful and clean up after themselves—most of the time.
After years of living alone, I’m not used to dealing with messes I didn’t make. It’s one of the things that worries me about getting into a relationship with Oliver. I know I can handle his mess, but can he handle my neatness?
“They’re all great.” Oliver’s voice is flat.
It’s been that way since early this afternoon.
I’d wanted to pull him aside a hundred times to check in, but it was hard to pull off with everyone here.
My condo’s not big enough for any privacy, as noted by the fact that I caught Matthias and Frank practically undressing each other.
“Did someone say something to you?” I can’t imagine any of my friends being downright mean. Completely oblivious, on the other hand, fits perfectly.
“No.” He stops his cursory wiping down of the counter. I’ll end up doing it myself anyway. There’s nothing wrong with his approach, but I prefer to do it myself so I know it’s clean. “Maybe? I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
That’s the word I’ve been using, too. I’m starting to hate it. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I want to be able to touch you and not worry about what people say.”
“I get that.” I do, really and truly. “There were a hundred times today that I almost reached over and put my hand on your knee.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“I—” Fuck it. “You know how I told you I’m a terrible boyfriend?”
He raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t argue with me. Looks like I might be on my way to earning that title from someone else.
“Look, it’s an ongoing theme.” I don’t want to do this in my kitchen with the island between us. “Can we?” I motion toward the living room.
It takes a few moments for us to get settled on my sofa.
The one I have is much smaller than Oliver’s.
Normally, I hate it. It’s too short for me to stretch out fully for an afternoon nap.
It doesn’t stop me from sleeping there, but it does make it infinitely less comfortable.
Tonight, the space between us feels immense.
“So the thing is,” I start. It’s better to jump right in. “Everyone I’ve ever dated has broken up with me. And every time, they tell me how I’m a great person, but a terrible boyfriend. They’re not wrong either. Part of it is the lack of free time for dating, but it’s more than that.”
“Aaron—” I cut him off before he could go any further.
“Please? Let me get through this.” If I stop now, I’m pretty sure I won’t start again.
“Okay.” He reaches over and places his hand over mine. I can’t stop staring at where the two of us are connected.
“They’re right. I make a terrible boyfriend. It’s not just work and running, it’s everything. I’m boring.” That’s been high on the list of complaints.
“I’m sorry, but those women are full of shit. You’re incredibly interesting.”
“Only if you want someone to talk for hours about marathon training philosophy or the inner workings of escalators.”
“Okay, neither of those is terribly interesting to me, but that’s not the point.
I have fun with you. I thought we were having fun together.
” I can see in his eyes that this conversation is hurting him.
I hate it. All I want is to make him smile again, the way he did earlier.
The kind where his whole face is involved, those little lines forming at the crease of his eyes.
“We are. For now, but you’ll get tired of it.” They all do.
“Okay, I’m going to say this today, and then as often as you need to hear it.
You are not a bad boyfriend. Now, I know I’m maybe not the best judge, considering we haven’t gone on a date yet, but I can say, without a doubt, that those statements are completely false.
You’re an incredible friend. If you weren’t, your place wouldn’t have been full of people today.
A big part of being a good boyfriend is being a friend. ”
“But—”
“I’m not done.” He puts his finger up to my lips. “And the bedroom stuff? You’ve hinted that they had complaints there? Well, I know absolutely nothing about pleasuring a woman. But I can tell you, without a doubt, that we don’t have any problems in that area.”
Okay, he’s making sense, which is a little bit scary. I still think my past partners haven’t been totally off base, but he might have a point.
“I want to try,” I say finally. “With you. To be better. Not to screw it up.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” He laughs as he leans in and plants a kiss on my cheek. “We’re definitely going to screw it up. Repeatedly. But as long as we can communicate, I think we can fix it.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah, I do. Now, about this date you’re taking me on…”
“Nope. It’s a surprise.” A good one, I hope.
I’ve put a lot of thought into it. We’ve spent a lot of time screwing around, just hanging out.
Our first official date has to be good. Not something boring or overdone.
Something memorable. Something worth all the schedule problems and cancellations.
I’m pretty sure I’ve figured it out. Guess we’ll both have to wait to find out.