Chapter 22
OLIVER
Some things never change. When I’m at home, I fall back into old patterns—stuff I’d never do in my own home. I’m sure psychologists have some terminology for it, but it’s comforting. Knowing a piece of me will always be the same as it was when I lived here all those years ago.
Maybe that’s why I’m awake before dawn on Christmas morning, even though I’m fully aware Santa didn’t come last night. Well, he did. I happen to know that Santa is my mom and dad, filling my stocking with chocolate and socks to keep the magic alive for the young kids.
And maybe a little bit for me. As the baby, my siblings made sure I kept up the ruse for as long as possible, afraid they’d miss out once I was in on it.
I put on my sweats and a pullover before making my way out to the kitchen, leaving Aaron to rest. He needs it with all the time shifting he does for his job.
Plus, as much as I adore having him here with my family, I also want a little bit of alone time with my mom.
I haven’t been avoiding her calls, but with work and everything else, we haven’t had much time to chat.
And maybe I’ve been putting off some of our chats because I don’t know what to say to her about Aaron.
As expected, I find her humming to herself in the kitchen, bent over the counter, making cinnamon rolls. It’s a family tradition around here.
How she continually finds the time for stuff like this, when I know she’s exhausted, continues to amaze me. She did it when there were six of us running around the house, and she does it now.
“Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come and help?”
“Put me to work, Mom.” At least now I’m actually useful. Sneaking down as a kid to be in the kitchen with her during these quiet hours often came with a lot of distractions. Fortunately, she only burned one batch in all those years.
“Could you work on the frosting?” She points toward the big bag of powdered sugar sitting on the counter.
“Of course I—”
“And don’t eat any of it. We don’t need to be eating the remnants of what you couldn’t get up with your fingers.”
“Fine.” I licked the bowl clean one time before all the rolls were frosted, and they never let me forget it. That was twenty years ago. I sigh loudly so she knows she’s inconveniencing me. I wouldn’t eat it all; just enough to keep me going.
I pull the stand mixer out of the cabinet and get to work.
“So,” she says, drawing out the word as she puts the pan in the oven. “I like Aaron. He seems like a good fit for you.”
Shit. I knew this was coming, but didn’t bother to plan any witty response.
“Yeah, he’s a great friend.” Smooth.
“You know I talk to your siblings, right?” Her raised eyebrow sends a chill through my body. Fucking, Daniel. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to him.”
Thank fuck for small favors. Aaron would totally freak out over that one. I’d probably have to catch up with him after he made a run for it. I’m not convinced he wouldn’t make it all the way back to Cardinal Falls on foot. He’s fast and stubborn.
“Why are you two pretending to be friends?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Give me a little credit. I’ll let you know if I have trouble keeping up.”
I sink into one of the chairs at the kitchen table.
How many times did I do this as a kid? Sit here, pouring my heart out while my mom worked at the stove?
“I like him. A lot.” Understatement of the century, but there’s no way I’m using the word love with her before I get the courage to say it to him.
“It’s just… we’re kind of not dating. Or we are, but we’re not telling people. ”
She purses her lips the way she always does when she’s trying to hold back whatever it is that she wants to say.
“The thing is, we didn’t start on the best foot.
I think things have changed, but now we’re stuck in this weird in-between.
” That’s the best description I can come up with.
I work for an author, but I’m certainly not one.
“Plus, he’s had relationship issues in the past. Personally, I think he was dating assholes, but they really got to him.
” If I ever meet one of them in a dark alley…
I’m not really the fighting type, but I’d definitely have a few strong words for them.
“Have you told him that?”
“Sort of?” I look away, not wanting to see her face when she responds to that.
My mom is great at keeping her mouth shut, but not so good at keeping her expression off her face.
It’s why we never told her any secrets. She’d keep them, but a few well-placed questions and she’d give it away without saying a word.
“I know you know this, but if you don’t communicate, people can’t give you what you need. Aaron seems like a wonderful young man who’s clearly infatuated with you. I can’t think of a single reason why he wouldn’t want to date you. For real.”
“Mom…”
“A mother knows these things. I can tell by the way he looks at you. You should tell him. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“He could tell me that I imagined the whole thing and that he never wants to see me again. Then take my car and head back to Cardinal Falls without me.”
She snorts. “I’ve missed you so much. All of that is highly unlikely, but even if it did happen that way, I can assure you that you’d be okay.”
I let my head fall to one side, making sure she sees the way I roll my eyes.
“Ollie, we’d get you through it, just like we always do.
I’d even let you take my car so you could get home.
” That part is a little tempting. She’s got an excellent little BMW 235i that I would love to steal.
It was her splurge gift once she no longer needed to drive a whole bunch of kids to practices and rehearsals.
“I could take the car either way.” It’s worth a shot.
“I don’t think so. Why don’t you talk to Aaron first, and then we can discuss it?”
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way about me?
We’ve been doing whatever this is for months now.
I did everything in my power not to fall for him.
Nothing worked. Now, I’m afraid that I’ve fallen in love with someone who could never love me back.
” Guess I’m telling my mom before I tell him.
Even saying the words out loud, after weeks of having them sitting on the tip of my tongue, is freeing.
“Baby, that’s always a risk.” She reaches across the table and takes my hand.
“I don’t think that’s the case. He’s here, in our home, spending Christmas with the whole Walsh clan.
I might not always admit it, but we’re a lot.
Spending a single hour here is a commitment.
A holiday? That says something about him.
And about what he thinks of you. Call it mother’s intuition if you want, but he’s in love with you, too. ”
The oven timer dings, and she gets up to pull the cinnamon rolls out before they burn. How she always times it perfectly is beyond me. When I try, they either turn black or remain partially doughy. “Now, get over here and help me ice these. The grandchildren will be up soon.”
AARON
“We don’t even get Christmas off?” Oliver’s outrage is downright adorable.
“No days off,” I reply, pulling my beanie over my head.
It’s bitterly cold today, so I’ve resorted to a pair of running tights instead of my shorts.
Oliver stared for a whole minute after I put them on, trying to put together his thoughts.
I have a feeling he’s trying to decide which one he likes more.
The tights are a bit… snug. In my defense, I rarely wear them.
They’re only for days like this, when the temperature dips low enough that I can’t possibly wear shorts.
“Aren’t you always going on about the importance of rest days?”
“Yes, but that’s different. Those are planned days. Plus, I’m still thinking about running.”
It’s true, getting a run in today is a part of my plan, but I’m most excited about the chance to have Oliver to myself for thirty minutes.
We spend the morning gathered around the Christmas tree, watching the kids open presents.
Of course, there were a few for the adults, including me.
I nearly cried when his mom handed me a package, my name written in ink across the top of the tag.
Sure, it’s a silly pair of socks, exactly like the ones everyone else got, but I already know I’ll treasure them forever.
“Fine, but no promises about speed. I’m still digesting cinnamon rolls.”
“Same.” However, I limited myself to one. I lost count after Oliver inhaled three of them.
I have another motive for this run. I’m hoping we can talk about what happens next in our relationship. For that, I desperately don’t want an audience.
We start extra slow, Oliver leading since he’s familiar with the neighborhood.
He always takes a while to settle into a pace, so I have a few minutes to figure out what I’m going to say.
I’m afraid that I’ve fallen in love with someone who could never love me back.
That’s what he said to his mother this morning. I didn’t mean to overhear. I woke up alone and went looking for Oliver. When I was outside the kitchen, I heard them talking about me. He said it before I could leave.
The thing is, I’m in love with Oliver Walsh. That’s the one thing I know for sure. It’s a feeling that snuck up on me so slowly that I wasn’t sure exactly what I felt. Not until I heard him say those words.
As soon as I heard them, heard him admit to his own feelings, I knew. I may not have much experience in love, but there’s no other way for me to describe this sensation.
“So, how do you think the beta test is going?” It’s an easy question, I hope—a nice introduction to the discussion we need to have.
“Uh, pretty good?”
“You sure about that?” I look over at him, trying to read the expression on his face.
“Yeah. It’s good.”
“Any complaints? Concerns? Things we should adjust?” Am I playing fair? Maybe not. I think this is how the conversation would go, even if I didn’t overhear him this morning.
“Uh…” He looks down, like he’s focusing on his footsteps.
“Be honest,” I say. “I’m serious. If things between us are going to continue, we have to be able to talk to each other.”
“I don’t want to be a secret.” The words tumble out of his mouth. I was expecting them, knew it was what he was going to say. It still hits me in the face.
“You want to tell your family?”
“I do.” Oliver slows down a bit, coming to a complete stop at a corner. “But I also want to tell people in Cardinal Falls. Your friends. I don’t want to be dating only behind closed doors.”
I’m a big chicken. It’s been Oliver this whole time, shoving me forward in this relationship. What he’s asking for is such a small thing, something that shouldn’t cause my chest to constrict like I’m being squeezed to death.
“Yeah, okay. When we get back? We can tell them together when we see them again.” I hope to God my voice sounds more sure than I feel right now.
I can do this for him, though. He deserves it.
More importantly, we deserve it. When I left home, knowing my parents wouldn’t want me to come back, part of that was an agreement with myself not to hide.
This might be different circumstances, but it’s still the same. I’m asking Oliver to hide a part of his life from people he cares about. Hell, it’s what I’m doing to myself, too.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured.” Oliver bites his bottom lip, and I can’t help but lean in and kiss him. Right here, in the middle of the neighborhood. Will anyone see us? Unlikely, but it still feels like a small step forward.
“I’m sure. And we can tell your family today if you want. As soon as we get back.”
“About that.” He sighs. “They already know.”
“All of them?” My eyes go wide. I knew they had guesses, but I thought only Jane knew the full extent.
“I mean, probably? Daniel kind of heard us last night.”
Suddenly, I’m a little woozy.
“It’s not a big deal, really.” Oliver puts his hand on my arm and gives it a quick squeeze. “Please don’t freak out.”
“I’m not.” Not really. It’s more embarrassing than anything. “I guess we can skip that part.”
“Yeah, but we’re still going to tell the guys. Right?”
“The next time we see them.” Which I hope is soon, so I don’t have a chance to lose my nerve. “Now come on, we have a run to finish. If we aren’t back soon, I think your niblings will come looking for us. You owe them several rounds of Candy Land.”
“Ugh, I never should’ve agreed to that. Maybe we should try running for a few hours.”
“Hours?” I raise an eyebrow. Oliver’s come a long way, but hours is probably a stretch.
“Fine, but you’re playing, too. It’s part of the boyfriend’s job.”
Boyfriend. I like it.