Chapter 15 #3
How long would the divorce process take?
Did he still want to proceed with it? He was acting erratic, giving her all kinds of mixed signals.
Accusing her of adultery and then making love to her as if he never wanted to let her go.
He had continued to release his seed inside her.
Was he purposely trying to get her with child?
And what did she want anyway? Had she considered her own feelings in this matter?
Yes. She had not objected, because in truth, something inside her rejoiced at it.
At the possibility. No matter what, she would love to have Nathaniel’s child.
It soothed a restlessness she had been feeling of late.
For a family, for somewhere to belong. For someone to love who would love her in return.
There was a time when Nathaniel had been all of those things for her. But not anymore.
He stirred, turned sideways, and slung his arm casually over her, as if even in sleep he sought her out.
Another clink of china could be heard coming from downstairs. Must be the servants preparing breakfast.
Her breath caught, and her eyes opened wide as the implications of that sank it.
Good God, the servants had returned. Of course they had.
She thought with shame how her discarded clothing was left strewn all over the library.
Not very subtle. Everyone must know what they had been doing.
And they were bound to find her here. She buried her face in the pillow, dying of mortification.
“Nathaniel, wake up. The servants are here and up and about.”
“Uh?” Nathaniel opened one eye, smiled contentedly when he saw her and dragged her into his arms, settling back into a comfortable position to presumably continue sleeping.
It was tempting, but they needed to get up, retrieve her clothing, and find a way to get her out of the house without being seen.
“Nathaniel, we need to get up. The servants are making breakfast.”
He actually smelled the air, as if he were a bloodhound after a scent. “Oh, yes. Breakfast. Smells good. We’ll go down in a minute. First, I want to have another sort of breakfast.”
He slid down on the bed, his head was now at the level of her breasts, and he took one in his mouth, pulling deeply, swirling his tongue around the turgid peak until she was squirming and half forgot her purpose.
She pushed at his shoulders. “Nathaniel, wait. No, don’t do that.” Her protest dissolved into a moan as he licked and sucked at her breast.
He looked up with eyes heavy lidded after sleep. “Why not? Don’t you enjoy it?”
“Too much. But we don’t have time for that. We need to get going.”
He frowned. His confused expression would be comical if she weren’t in such a predicament.
“Why? Do we have any early appointments with Dalton? Has he summoned us?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s because of your servants. I want to leave before they see me.”
“Why?” He repeated the question, if anything more baffled than before.
“Because…they will know what we have been doing. That I spent the night here.”
“So? We are married. None of what we did is a sin. In fact, it’s expected that we have sex,” he said suggestively, wiggling his brows.
“No. I’ll die of mortification. We left our clothes in the library, for God’s sake. What must they think…”
“They probably rightly surmised I have a woman with me and are perishing of curiosity to find out the identity of my lady-friend.” He grinned. “Imagine their disappointment when they discover the lady in question is my own wife. Everything is right and proper. No scandal or gossip to spread.”
“Oh? Are your servants so used to such escapades that they don’t even bat an eye at finding ladies’ clothes in the library and a woman in your bed? Their only concern is learning the identity of the lady?”
He sobered instantly, sitting up and leaning over her with a hand braced next to her head. “Of course not. I’ve never brought a woman to this house, Alice. Hell, I’ve never bedded any other woman since we married. Only you.”
There was anger and hurt in his words. And an edge of accusation.
Oh, yes, because he still thought she had bedded other men.
The wrongheaded fool. But he was being sincere.
She could tell. It lifted a weight off her chest that she didn’t even know she carried until this moment.
She wished she could lift that weight off his chest as well.
Wished she could reassure him the same way he had done to her.
Except she already had. Multiple times. And he didn’t believe her. Still, she had to try again.
“Neither have I,” she said, looking straight into his eyes. Letting him see her sincerity.
He looked at her for long moments. Broody and conflicted. He nodded once, a jerky movement that meant nothing. He wanted to believe her, but he was not convinced. What on earth…?
They had fallen back into bed without really resolving any issues in their marriage.
He still didn’t trust her, and she still didn’t believe she could be the wife of an aristocrat.
Hell, she didn’t even know if she wanted to try again.
The last time it had brought her only misery.
Given those circumstances, it was better if they were not discovered together.
“We are in the process of getting a divorce,” she explained after an uncomfortable silence. “Under those circumstances, being found together might be even more scandalous than a regular affair.”
“The divorce may not proceed,” he said quietly, watching her, as if to gauge her response.
Her heart somersaulted in her chest, But…it was too early—both literally and metaphorically—for this type of conversation.
At her continued silence, he insisted, an edge to his voice this time. “Tell me, Alice. Do you wish to remain married to me?”
Did she? In the end, her heart wouldn’t let her lie. “I love you, Nathaniel. That has never changed. But many things separate us. You don’t even trust me, and I don’t know if I am cut out for the aristocratic lifestyle.”
“But if you want to give it a try, that is all that matters, Alice. We will find a way. As long as we are united.”
“But we still haven’t—”
“If you are willing to give our marriage a chance, you will come downstairs with me with your head held high. As my wife. As the lady of this house. I won’t have you acting as if you’re some mistress skulking away at dawn.
You will sit proudly at the table next to me and occupy your rightful place not only in my bed but also in my house. Are you up to the challenge, Alice?”