Chapter 19
Tomorrow would be a week since Nathaniel left for his country estate.
He had told her he’d only be gone for two days, but a week had gone by without a word.
On the fourth day, she had caved in and sent him a telegram.
A brief note, just to ask if everything was well and to inquire when he expected to return.
Nothing.
She had worried about him until she learned through Dalton that Nathaniel had been delayed by some estate issues, but he expected to return soon.
Now, she had to face the fact that Nathaniel didn’t consider her deserving of even a brief note to explain his delay.
He had notified Dalton, but not her. It hurt.
More than she cared to admit, but it was precisely what she had expected.
As soon as he was back at his country estate, in the company of his mother, they had poisoned him against her, and he had retreated from her again.
Enough moping. She had already cried too much over Nathaniel. Not only in the past five days, but also in the five years prior. She needed to focus all her energies on breaking the code so they could complete this mission and hopefully move on with their lives.
Except for her, there would be no moving on from Nathaniel.
It hadn’t happened in the five years they were separated, and as soon as they had met again, she had fallen into his arms without even a smidge of resistance.
All the defenses she had built to forge on with her life had crumbled in an hour, and she was still as in love with him as she’d always been.
She had thought he felt the same way. Evidently not.
She almost wished she could abandon this mission.
It hurt too much. But they still needed to learn the identity of Lord A.
She didn’t believe for a second John was the person they were looking for, but until they found the real traitor, suspicion would still hang over him, and she couldn’t allow that to stand.
Nathaniel wouldn’t lift a finger to exonerate John.
On the contrary, he would try to pile on more circumstantial evidence to incriminate him.
So she had taken matters into her own hands.
Adopting a different strategy, she started studying Debretts to discover family names, offshoots from the main family tree, and even known relatives on the wrong side of the blanket with connections to the Foreign, Home and War offices to come up with more possibilities about the identity of the mysterious Lord A.
Of course, they still didn’t know if he was a real lord or that was merely an alias, but instinct told her the man was really connected to the aristocracy.
It took arrogance to use the title of lord to commit treason, and everyone knew the aristocracy had that in spades.
When a knock on the door startled her out of her analysis, her first reaction was apprehension.
Who could be calling this late at night?
But then elation drowned all other emotion as she figured it must be Nathaniel.
She rushed toward the door with a spring in her step.
At last, he had returned! Despite her stern admonishments to act aloof and distant after his absence of almost a week without a word, her heart beat a triumphant march in her chest at the prospect of seeing him again.
With effort, she schooled her expression to a cool mask of indifference before she opened the door.
She would not fall into his arms as soon as he returned.
But her restraint was not necessary. It was proof of how her logic was slipping that she had not even considered that Nathaniel didn’t need to knock, for he had a key.
Her heart twisted with disappointment when she beheld the man at her doorstep.
The last man she expected to see today, despite him being in her thoughts often of late.
“John! I did not know you were in England,” she said, stunned.
“I’ve only just returned,” he replied with a contrite half smile, showing her the portmanteaux he still held in his right hand. “I know it’s late, but may I come in?”
“Yes, yes, of course.” She stood back from the door to allow him to enter, only then noticing she had not immediately invited him in.
Why hadn’t she? Heat flooded her face as she considered her hesitation.
Were Nathaniel’s unfounded suspicions making her wary of John?
Or was it disappointment that had made her hesitate?
Either way, she was ashamed of her reaction.
John looked travel-weary and a bit sad. Had he noticed?
“Thank you,” he said, entering and taking his coat and hat off and hanging them by the door.
“Come join me in the drawing room. I’ll pour you a drink…unless you wish to eat something? I’m afraid I don’t have a proper dinner prepared, but I’m sure we can scrounge up some food from the kitchen.”
He shook his head, entering the drawing room after her. “A drink will be fine. I already ate. I know better than to show up at your house unannounced and unfed,” he added with a halfhearted attempt at humor.
She gave him a wry smile and poured him a glass of cognac, his favorite drink. He took a small sip, studying her over the rim of the glass. “You seemed disappointed to see me. Were you expecting someone else?”
Damn it. He had noticed. She had forgotten that, just as she did, he saw too much.
“Not at all. I was merely surprised.” She poured a drink for herself and took a seat in one of the armchairs. He took the one across from her. “I didn’t think you were due to return for a few more months.”
“I wasn’t. But Father has been ill for a while now, and in the past few weeks he’s taken a turn for the worse.
I received an urgent telegram in Egypt, summoning me home as fast as I could make it.
I would have traveled on to Wilton Towers as soon as I docked, but there are no more trains leaving London tonight.
It will have to wait until tomorrow. I…hope it is not too late by then. ”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I know you don’t have an easy relationship with your father, but it must still hurt.”
John nodded, then eyed her speculatively. “Maybe it’s just as well that I got delayed in London. Would you like to come with me?”
The proposition shocked her to her core, although perhaps it shouldn’t have, given their relationship. But even so…
“No. I couldn’t possibly.”
“I think you should, Alice.” He leaned forward and took her pale hand, holding it within his tanned one. “I think he needs to meet you.”
She stared transfixed at their joined hands.
They used to have similar skin tones, but months in the unrelenting Egyptian sun had darkened John’s skin.
She lifted her gaze to his face. Faint lines fanned from the corners of his eyes.
There was sorrow there. She longed to comfort him.
With a hug, a drink, or a sympathetic ear.
But go to his family estate? Meet his family?
John’s sister was one of the founders of the Ladies’ Lair, the charity to help women and children she collaborated with.
She had become friendly with Lady Hartfield and liked the woman.
If their father was ill, she was bound to be there as well.
Alice couldn’t meet her friend under those circumstances.
“No, he doesn’t. He’s never shown any interest in meeting me. Besides, your sister will be there. She’s bound to wonder why I’m there with you. I would die of embarrassment if she were to find out…”
“Abigail would never condemn you for it.”
“You don’t know that. She might feel betrayed that we didn’t tell her before now. I’ve been acquainted with her for almost a year now. I like her, John. I don’t want her to turn against me.”
“You don’t know her as well as I do. Abigail is the best big sister in the world. Loving and kind. She would never turn against you. On the contrary, she will be elated to meet you. She will become your greatest friend and ally.”
“I don’t know, John…”
“You don’t have to answer now. Think about it. The train leaves at seven in the morning.”
“Are you going to stay here?”
He studied her for a couple of heartbeats. “If I may? I don’t want to impose.”
John had a perfectly good townhouse in London.
In fact, it was a grand aristocratic mansion in the heart of Mayfair.
But he found the place oppressive, and she suspected today he needed the comfort and warmth he found in her home.
She had a moment’s hesitation considering what Nathaniel would think if he found out that she had allowed the man he suspected of treason to stay in their home.
But then, Nathaniel wasn’t here, was he?
He had left days ago and hadn’t even bothered to send her even one message to tell her what he was doing and when he would come back.
In the end, the decision didn’t take her more than a second.
“Don’t be silly, of course you can.”
“Thank you.” He took a sip of cognac, his perceptive gaze still lingered on her. “Is everything well with you, Alice?
“Yes, why do you ask?” Damn it, what had he noticed? She didn’t know what she wanted to share with John yet…or even if she wanted to share anything.
“You seem…a bit tense. Uneasy.”
“Nonsense. Maybe I’m just a bit tired.” She took a sip of cognac to hide behind the glass.
John didn’t look particularly convinced, but he nodded, apparently deciding not to press.
“I won’t detain you for long then. I should get some sleep as well. I have an early start tomorrow.” With one long swallow he emptied his glass and stood, grabbing his portmanteau.
She gestured toward the staircase. “You know where your room is.”
“I’m leaving at six. If I don’t see you tomorrow morning, I will assume you are not coming and will depart without waking you. But I hope you decide to come with me.”
She stood as well. “I won’t make any promises, but I’ll think about it.”
He nodded and walked toward her. With his free arm, he encircled her shoulders in a half hug and deposited a kiss on her forehead. “You do that. Good night, Alice.”
And then he turned and walked out of the drawing room, his footsteps echoing through the house as he ascended the staircase.
Leaving her with a hollow feeling of guilt.
John was usually reserved, a product of his upbringing, no doubt.
But these spontaneous gestures of affection were so natural to him.
He was a kind man. Hadn’t he been nothing but caring and supportive since the moment they met?
Knowing him as well as she did, how could she even have the smallest inkling of doubt that he could be the traitor?
Damn Nathaniel and Dalton for even sowing the smallest seed of doubt in her heart.
Regardless, Alice went back to the library and secured all the paperwork in the safe.
Everything she had been working on, the journal, her notes, and her copies of the original documents.
That didn’t mean she believed John was the traitor.
She refused to believe it. Just thinking about it caused a deep ache in her chest. But the fact he had returned when he did made the circumstantial evidence against him stronger.
She was sure Nathaniel would use the timing as further evidence of John’s culpability.
In either case, she had promised to keep this mission strictly secret, between Dalton, Nathaniel, and herself.
If she felt disloyal for hiding things from her former partner, she suppressed the feeling.
After all, it was the way of the spying business.
One should share information only on a need-to-know basis.
After locking the safe, she trudged up the stairs, seeking her own bed, although she knew sleep would elude her tonight.
She had much to think about. Mulling over John’s invitation to accompany him to his father’s estate for one.
The idea had seemed outlandish at first. Her connection to the family was of the illicit kind.
The kind that was kept secret, hidden away, and covered up with money and lies, not acknowledged in public.
And then there was Nathaniel. Alice entered her room and, after locking the door, she disrobed and prepared for bed as she thought about her husband.
He already suspected she had committed adultery.
What would he think when he found out the truth?
Would he be understanding, or would that finally convince him of how unsuitable she was?
Or, on the contrary, would he think her fears of not belonging were silly?
Regardless of his reaction, she would have to tell him everything when he came back.
Perhaps it was time to accept John’s invitation. There were questions that had haunted her all her life, shadows she needed to face. She couldn’t yet define what she was seeking, only that it still eluded her. Maybe confronting her past was the only way to claim a future.
In the end, the choice came easier than she expected. She would leave with John at first light.