Chapter 24
Alice was tired. It was evident in the set of her shoulders, in the way she sank into the coach squabs, her head tilted back, her eyes half closed.
A part of him wanted to gather her in his arms and bring her to rest against his chest. Cradle her while she slept like the precious being she was to him.
He wouldn’t do it, though. Not in his present state.
He was still angry. Enraged. Furious.
How dare she? How dare she put herself in danger like that? How dare she act as if what she did affected her alone? How dare she ignore his feelings, abandon their marriage, associate with another man, endanger her life…
The list of grievances was extensive, but he wouldn’t act on it now. Partly because she was exhausted. And partly because he didn’t know what he would do if he touched her. He might shake her, or he might kiss her. He was as likely to berate her as he was to demand she stay with him forever.
The coach stopped in front of their townhouse, and he hopped down, reaching in to help Alice down.
“I can alight from a coach by myself, you know,” she quipped, always independent. Always unwilling to compromise. He wouldn’t have any of it tonight.
Ignoring her, he closed his hands around her waist and lifted her down, depositing her on her own two feet in front of him, as close as they could be without actually touching.
He kept an arm around her waist for support as he guided her to the front door and opened the door himself, ushering her in and lighting the entrance lamp with the matches always kept by the door.
Light exploded around them, and he closed and locked the door, taking her coat from her and discarding his own outer garment and hat. She looked at him with a touch of surprise.
“You are staying?”
“Yes.” He paused in the act of removing his gloves and captured her gaze. “Unless I am not welcome here anymore.”
“You are welcome. I just didn’t think you’d want to.”
He tilted his head. “Why would you think that, Alice? I thought we were rebuilding something.”
“I thought so too, but then you left. And you were gone for so much longer than you told me you would be. I received no word from you. No explanation as to why your plans had changed. Nothing to indicate you missed me.”
“I already told you, I did write to you. I explained there was a plague affecting the crops at my estate, and I needed to stay to deal with that personally. I said I missed you and would return as soon as I was able. I even invited you to join me there. Do you think I’m lying about that?”
She stared at him for a heartbeat. “No. I don’t think you are lying. But I didn’t receive your letter. I sent you a message as well and never got a response.”
“I didn’t get your message either.”
“Are you telling me you wrote to me, and I wrote to you, but neither letter reached the other?”
He nodded, holding her gaze. An ugly suspicion formed in his mind. His jaw clenched so hard his molars ached. “That can’t be a coincidence, can it?” he asked.
She shook her head slowly. “Do you have any theories as to what might have happened, Nathaniel?”
She asked the question pleasantly. Too pleasantly. Like she already knew the answer but was trying to spoon-feed it to a simpleton.
“You suspect my mother.”
“Don’t you?”
He raked his hands through his hair, laced his fingers at his nape, facing away from her.
“Unfortunately, I do as well. It’s the only explanation. Someone intercepted our letters, and I can’t think of anyone with as much interest in doing so as she.”
“So do you believe me now when I tell you your mother hates me and doesn’t want me as your wife?
“But it’s not her opinion that counts, Alice. Only what we want matters. So I ask you. What do you want?”
She opened her mouth to answer. He silently begged her to say she wanted him. By her side. As her husband. Forever. He wanted her to say that the deal with Ardmore was not what he thought. That he was mistaken about everything. God, he had never wanted to be wrong more in his life.
But no sound emerged from her mouth. He had never realized before now that silence could hurt so much.
His upper lip tugged to the side in disappointment. “I guess that’s your answer then. If you don’t know what you want by now, you must not love me as you said you did.”
“That’s not fair, Nathaniel! I’m exhausted. We haven’t seen each other in days. There are still secrets and misunderstandings between us, and yet you come here out of the blue, demanding answers and life-altering decisions. What if I turned the tables on you? Do you know what you want?”
He advanced on her, his fury turning into something cold and hard. His hands planted on the wall on either side of her head, and he leaned in, caging her with his body. “I do. My wants haven’t changed since the day I met you. It’s very simple, dear. I want you. In my bed. In my life.”
“But you petitioned for divorce.” Her voice was a wounded whisper, and the thought that he might have caused her hurt with his actions stabbed at his heart. And yet…
“Because you left me. I thought that’s what you wanted. I thought you had moved on. Replaced me.”
She shook her head slowly, her gaze never straying from his. “No. I could never replace you.”
“Then prove it. Let’s forget everything that separates us and be together.
I want a future with you. Let’s build a quiet life, a peaceful life.
I’m tired of the late-night assignments.
The lies, intrigues, and danger. Of the blood in our hands.
I can’t stand for you to continue to endanger yourself. ”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Stop it, Alice.” His anger surged at her continued recklessness.
“That’s not entirely true, and you know it.
Nobody can take care all the time. Especially not in this dangerous business.
One mistake, one miscalculation, could mean the difference between life or death.
My heart nearly stopped tonight when I saw those men advancing on you through the shadows.
I felt panic like I never had before, thinking I wouldn’t be in time to help you.
And still, if I hadn’t arrived at your house when I did, if I hadn’t followed you, if I hadn’t seen them in time…
Do you realize how many ifs? How much luck was involved in tonight’s events? I can’t even think about that.”
“I know. Thank you for saving my life. I’m in your debt.”
His lips pressed together, and his hand curled on the wall. “I don’t want your gratitude, damn you.”
One of her hands came to rest against his chest. Not to push him away. It was a conciliatory gesture, but whenever she touched him, his body reacted. It undid him. Set fire to his blood. He leaned into her touch and was rewarded by the widening of her eyes. Her fingers dug into his chest.
“What I want is your promise that you’ll never put yourself in danger again,” he fairly growled, inches from her lips.
“I can’t promise that. Nobody can. Life is unpredictable. Dangerous.”
But she was stretching towards him. Her mouth seeking. Drawn to him as if by gravity. He held
himself just out of her reach. There was nothing he wanted more than to take her lips: devour her. But this was too important.
“You know what I’m talking about. No more spying. No more unnecessary risks.”
Both of her hands were now on him. One on his chest, right above his heart.
The other by his waist. Bunching the fabric of his shirt, prying it loose from his trousers.
Her eyes were dark. Her pupils dilated. Her nostrils flared, and her breathing became faster.
He knew what she was doing. She was distracting him.
Avoiding giving him a straight answer. Postponing the reckoning.
And damn him, it was working. She was so aroused.
And her need fed his, straining the leash of his barely restrained control.
Her soft hand stole under his shirt, touching him skin to skin, sliding along his flank and around to his back. She pulled him. He resisted for a heartbeat.
“Nathaniel.” His name on her lips was a plea he couldn’t resist. Not when his own need was spurring him. Urging him to act.
“Oh, fuck it.” He closed the scant inches between their bodies, pressing her into the wall with his chest. Rocking his hips into her pelvis, letting her feel the proof of his desire.
Fine, he would give in now. Surrender to what they both needed.
Craved. But this wasn’t over. She could not distract him forever.
Her moan was the sweetest sound of need. Her hand on his back coasted lower, sliding under the waistband of his trousers. Her nails dug into the flesh of his buttocks.
He pressed harder into her. Grinding his length against the apex of her thighs, and her legs opened to better cradle his pelvis.
“Alice…” His voice was a raw whisper. Her name an incantation and a plea.
He would never have enough of this woman.
Her tongue slid into his mouth, seeking, caressing his, and he tangled with her.
Savored her. He needed her by his side. If the way she was devouring him, frantic with need, was any indication, she needed him with the same intensity.
Whatever separated them in the past, it had not destroyed their love.
But Alice was afraid of something. He would just have to get to the bottom of it.
And he would. As soon as they slaked this need simmering in their bodies.
The rip of fabric as she tore the buttons of his shirt brought him back to reality. She pushed it off his shoulders, together with his coat and waistcoat. He yanked his arms from the mass of clothing and grabbed at her skirts, lifting and bunching the fabric at her waist.
Nathaniel took her mouth at the same time he cradled her sex, trailed his fingers through the sleek folds, and drank her moan from her lips. She rocked into his hand, seeking the pleasure, the completion she knew he could deliver.
Damn, she was so wet. So hot. And he needed her too much.
He hadn’t had her in days…which was nothing compared to the five years of loneliness and deprivation he had endured before.
But now that they had found each other again, he couldn’t go without her.
The bedchamber was too far away. He needed her now.
Against the wall. On the floor. Any way he could sink his aching flesh into the sweet solace of her pussy.
She pushed against him, and he resisted. No. She couldn’t stop him now. Not when they were both raging with unfulfilled desire. He released her lips and was bracing himself to step away when she whispered.
“The sofa.”
Oh, thank God. She was not stopping him.
Without another word, he lifted her, supporting her buttocks with his hands, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. The drawing room and the sofa in question were mere steps away.
He stumbled backwards into it and sat, with Alice straddling him.
Her hands worked furiously at his falls, but he brushed them away.
Unbuttoning his trousers himself and letting his erection spring free with a few efficient movements.
Her hands closed immediately around his length. Pumping, caressing. Driving him wild. He leaned back on the backrest and studied her through lowered eyelids. Her fierce concentration, the way she sank her teeth into her lower lip and her nostrils flared.
“Do you want me, Alice?” he taunted, knowing damn well that she did. “Take me, then. I’m all yours. Take what you want, darling.”
Holding his gaze, she rose to her knees, positioned him at her entrance, and sank onto him. Their groans of pleasure harmonized within the silence of their home.