Chapter Twenty-Two #3
had been subjected to before, when he had mostly despised her presence. Now,
instead, the smell of her unwashed body made him think of the night they’d
shared in the bathhouse. It made him think of her.
He
shouldn’t have crawled into her tent. He didn’t know why he was doing this.
“Z. I’m
not going.”
He felt
her stiffen around him.
“Just
leave me here,” Isaac said. “I’m done. You should—” He swallowed a knot in his
throat. “You should go. Without me.”
“Shut
up. Catch your sleep.”
“You
need to go. Our deal is finished.”
She
snorted. “Oh, this again? That deal? The one I made with a dagger at your
neck?”
“Yes,”
Isaac said. “You’ve got your treasure. Isn’t that enough?”
“Fuck
yourself, squire. I’ll not take that slight from you.”
“Zaria—”
“Like
I’m still some cutpurse sniffin’ for coin. Like I haven’t risked life and
limb—” Her breath came as a growl. “Is that still how you see me?”
“No. I
mean, no, I just—you have the chance to—”
“Isaac,”
she said. “If you’re not going, then I’m not either.”
This
hurt him more than he expected. “No, no, please, I’m just. . . .” He struggled
to speak. “I’m trying to save you.”
“Save
me? How’s that, exactly? Leavin’ me alone, ashamed I left you to die?”
“I—”
“I
still need your magic, ya stupid cunt. If I don’t got it, I’ll have my innards
pulled for show. That were the entire reason I came down here, if you care to
remember.” She huffed, blowing through his hair. “So, if you’re staying, I am
as well. We’ll turn dry here together.”
The
knot in his throat grew sharper. “Please. I’ve lost too much blood. I can’t
make the climb. I’m only going to slow you down.”
“We got
plenty of rope. I’ll help, and you’ll manage. By the time we’re clear, you’ll
be sneezing fire again, same as always.”
“That
is recklessly optimistic.”
“Don’t
use them big words on me.”
“You don’t
understand,” he said. “It’s more than the desert. I don’t know how to live. I
couldn’t sell these gems if my life depended on it. I’ve never been to a city,
never lived off the land. I’m as helpless as a child.” He looked at the brown
spots running along her arm. “I still feel like a child.”
“You’ll
figure it out, Isaac. Everyone has to.”
He did
not answer.
“Good
thing you got me, then,” Zaria added, raising his head with a flex of her
bicep. “I’ll keep your head out your arse. Honestly, you’ll like being an
outlaw. You’ll get so much adventure you’ll be pickin’ it out your teeth.”
“I
can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m. . . .” He rubbed his cheek against
her fur. “I’m scared.”
Her
snout shifted through his hair.
“I’m
scared. I’ve never known anything but this. It’s all I’ve done. All I was meant
for. I—”
“Isaac.”
“I’m
really scared.”
“No, I
know that, love, but—”
“I
can’t,” he said, feeling the blunted pain inside himself suddenly turn to a
spike. “I’m stunted. I’m defective. I’m just a burden. I’ve always been
a burden. I’ve been trying to be brave this entire journey, because I had to,
and there was a purpose, and now I’m . . . just tired of being brave, tired of
bringing cost and ruin to others, of pretending my entire life has not been
useless.” His voice nearly cracked. “It’d be better if I was dead.”
There
was a silence, broken only by a dry breeze of sand.
“Wouldn’t
be better for me,” Zaria said, softly.
He
looked away.
“You
don’t mean that, love. That’s your uncle’s talk, not yours.”
He did
not answer.
Slowly,
she shifted against the roll, lifted her other arm from behind his back,
wrapped it around his side, and tucked him against her chest.
“I was
scared, too,” she said. “I was dashing off toward a tomb that I’d always been
told was full of blackness and evil, and there were bone monsters, my old crew,
an army of magic, a fucking titan rising out the ground, and you know what
else? Whole time, the only thing I had by my side was this young stuffy noble,
who had all the means and motive to want me dead.”
She
trailed a finger down his chest.
“And
you had every chance in the world to leave me behind or kill me off or just do anythin’ sensible about the matter, but you never did.” She
poked him with a claw. “Except for that one time, but we won’t mention that.”
He
stared at the wall of her tent, watching the fabric breathe with the wind.
“Point
being,” Zaria said, “I was feeling lost in a place I could never hope to
understand, and the only reason I still got my breath about me is ‘cause you
decided to help. And don’t you think I’ll forget that.”
Outside,
the air had rapidly cooled. The three moons were gone, and the night was dark.
“That favor’ll be returned. One debt to another. And if one good
thing’s gonna happen out of all this mess, it’s that you are gonna live a long
life, far away from this place.”
Her
snout pressed against his ear.
“I’m
not letting this tomb be the end of you. Count on that.”
He
blinked through the tears. Slowly, taking care not to rip any wounds, he
grabbed the hand she had pressed to his chest, giving a firm squeeze. She
squeezed back.
“So
you’re comin’, then? You’ll head out the pit?”
“Yes,”
he said, thickly.
“Alright.”
She squeezed his hand again, returning her muzzle to the bush of his hair.
“Alright, love. Just one more thing.”
He
tilted his head.
“If you
need something, I’m right here. You just gotta ask.”
He
nodded.
“Alright?”
“Alright,”
he said.
“Good.”
Her chin burrowed through his hair. “Night.”
He
tried to answer, but his voice began to break.
He lay
there for a time, watching the stars grow bright. Despite his exhaustion, he
found himself unable to sleep, replaying the events of the day over and over in
his mind, reliving the voices, the shouting, the pain. Each moment seemed to
cut worse than the knives in his flesh.
His
thoughts were interrupted when Zaria began to snore, which sounded like a saw
chewing through wood. He listened to the echoes it made, feeling her breath as
it rose and fell at his back. Every night since their meeting, he had fallen
asleep to the sound of her snores. The first night, it had made him angry. The
second, he had hardly noticed. In the comfort of the bathhouse, he had managed
to find it relaxing.
Now, as
the air grew cold, and the ossein canopy glimmered a pale white beneath the
stars, he found it comforting, the same way one might find comfort in the
crackle of a torch, holding it aloft as it burned through the dark.
He fell
into a dreamless sleep, still holding to her hand.