Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
D amn, he was stupid. Lana’s family—the ones who weren’t involved in this—were crushed. He didn’t have kids, but the thought of having a child go missing made his stomach churn. He pulled Lana closer to his chest. She wasn’t asleep. Her hand knotted in a fist against his sternum, her breath erratic.
He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. As Ethan had said, they needed to tread carefully. Until they had evidence, it would be a huge risk approaching Tanner. Will’s death complicated things even more.
He’d informed Nate the minute they’d gotten in, and he had called in the murder. Someone had killed Will to keep him quiet. Tanner was the only plausible suspect. Nate had assured him that the FBI was investigating the man, but they hadn’t brought him in for questioning yet. Cal wanted to talk to him first. He trusted Nate more than anyone, but Tanner had avoided conviction before. One thing was for sure, the law couldn’t keep Cal from beating the truth out of him.
Tomorrow, he and Ethan would pay Tanner a visit.
“This feels like it’s never going to end.” She spoke slowly, her voice distant. He tightened his hold on her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her hair, inhaling her scent. Fuck, he hated that she was scared. Hated even more that she was hurting.
“It will. Very soon.”
Her leg slid over his knee and up his bare thigh. Her silky satin skin was chilled.
“I feel so terrible.” Her hand opened and closed on his chest, and a tear hit his shoulder and rolled down. She was crying. His throat constricted. He covered her hand with his.
“Please don’t cry, baby. Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“I’m not crying.” Her voice hardened. Then she sniffled, completely undoing him.
His heart expanded. He rested his cheek against her forehead. “I love that you trust me with your body, babe. But you can trust me with your heart too.”
A delicate shoulder rose and fell. His jaw worked. She was hurting, but she couldn’t let go with him. He loved her strength and her ferocious independence, but why couldn’t she let her guard down with him?
A pit formed in his stomach like a toxic black hole. It wasn’t her fault. It was his. He’d kept her at arm’s length, then turned around and had sex with her against the wall. How confusing was that?
He’d warned her that he couldn’t offer commitment, and he was now affronted that she’d only shared her body and not her heart. He shifted under her, then lifted her to lie across his chest. She pushed up on her arms to look down at him. Big, blue tear-rimmed eyes stared at him. The ends of her damp hair tickled his side. He scooped her hair back and over her shoulder. Her small pink tongue jutted out to wet her lips, still rosy from his kisses.
She shifted on him so her knees straddled either side of his hips. “What are you thinking, babe?”
Her teeth pierced her bottom lip, and her gaze dropped to his chest, giving him an expansive view of her dark eyelashes against her porcelain skin.
“Can I ask you something?” Her voice was soft, tentative, her eyes still downcast.
“Of course.”
Her finger smoothed over the shiny scar on his chest, beneath his shoulder. The one he’d seen her spot at the cabin.
“How did you get this?”
This was the ugly reality of his life. The danger. The shaky fear that rattled her voice was something that she’d always have if she was a part of his life. He couldn’t lie to her.
“It’s a bullet wound.” His finger came up to touch the uneven skin, remembering the day. Had the bullet hit the opposite side of his chest, he’d have died instantly.
Her eyes met his, round and doubtful. “From the military?” He shook his head.
“What happened?”
He tucked her hair behind her ear, then pinned his arm beneath his head so he could see her better. “Nate and I had been on a mission in Mexico. There was this organized ring of sex traffickers—a huge one. We went undercover and busted the operation.”
He took a deep breath, remembering the horrible day. “When the shit hit the fan and the FBI came charging in, the leader of the sex traffic ring and his group started firing. I was undercover, and one of the bastards shot me in the chest when they realized they’d been set up. We didn’t get all the girls out in time, three died.”
Her eyes widened, and her face fell. She covered her mouth with her hand. “That’s terrible.”
He nodded. “It was terrible. That was one of the hardest moments of my career.” He pushed the sordid memory from his mind. “We saved one hundred twenty-four young women and teens that day.”
“That’s incredible.”
“It was. But that’s one of the reasons I continue to do what I do. There are always situations like that, that I could prevent.”
“You’re a hero.”
He smirked. “Hardly.” He wouldn’t tell her about the men he’d shot that night. How his anger had been so hot and violent that Nate had had to pull him back. Maybe another day he would share that with her.
“What else is on your mind?”
Her eyes wandered up to his exposed arm. “Your tattoos.”
His eyes followed her gaze to his arm. He lowered it better so she could see. “These?”
“Yeah. What do they mean?” Her finger trailed the outline of the block lettering.
“It says ‘always vigilant,’ but the lettering is very unique. It’s difficult to read.”
The corner of her mouth tucked in. “‘Always vigilant’? Why do you have that?”
He rested his arm back under his head. “It’s a reminder for me to always be cautious and wary.” He picked up a lock of her wet hair and wrapped it around his finger. “But also to withhold judgment whenever possible. That’s a tough one to do.”
Her eyes sparked with mischief. “I’ll say. You judged me.”
He opened his mouth to protest, then shut it. “You’re right, I did. But mostly because I was stubborn and didn’t want to admit how badly I had it.”
She laughed. Her chin rested on her hands on his chest. Her eyes bore into his. “Do you still have it bad?”
“Hell, I have it worse now.”
Her lips lifted into a gentle smile. “Good.” Her eyes lowered to stare at his throat.
“Besides my scar and tattoos, there’s something else making your wheels turn. C’mon, out with it.”
Her eyes shifted, her lips rolled in. “You read me so well.”
“I hate to break it to you, but you’re an open book.”
She didn’t react to his comment. Her eyes stayed focused on his throat. “While my family was mourning my disappearance, I’ve been here, perfectly fine, having sex against walls and in showers.” Her eyes dragged up to his, fiery orbs that torched him. God help him, all he’d heard in that confession was the part about the sex. Images flashed though his mind—the memory of her tight, warm body around his cock filled his head. He throbbed with the need for release. He would resist if it killed him. No way would he suggest they finish when she was feeling like this.
“Technically, we didn’t have sex in the shower. But I’m not sure that makes you feel any better.”
She didn’t smile as he’d hoped. “I feel guilty,” she continued, “for so blatantly ignoring what they’ve be going through.”
“Lana, you’ve been through—”
“Shhh.” She pressed her finger to his lips. “Aside from that, I don’t regret it. I did all of that with you because I wanted to.” Her eyes dropped again, and her finger left his lips to absently stroke the bristles he still hadn’t had time to shave.
“I wanted to because it feels right with you, Cal. I don’t expect anything. I know we can’t be together, I get that—”
“Shhh.” He silenced her with his index finger, mimicking her gesture. He couldn’t take it anymore. The charade was up. He’d been fooling himself from the moment he’d laid eyes on her.
“I’ve been lying to you, Lana. And to myself.” He stroked his finger over her cupid’s bow, then down to the bottom lip she kept abusing.
“What we have is different. It was wrong of me to tell you we could never have a relationship. Fuck, babe. I don’t want to bring you into the danger of my life”—he cupped her satiny cheek—“but I can’t imagine going back to what life was like without you.” His lungs burned with the words he needed to say. He couldn’t let her think she meant nothing to him and that he could just walk away after this. “We’ll figure this out.”
Her lips parted, and her breath sucked in through her lips. Tears glimmered in her lashes, and a shy smile revealed her even, white teeth. Relief let go like a dam breaking inside him. He cupped the back of her head and brought her lips to his. Her mouth moved over his, her tongue caressing his, mixing with her wetness.
“I can live with that.” She laughed.
He hadn’t planned on this. A relationship, he had thought, would never be in the cards for him. But he would make it work with Lana, or die trying.
That was the difference between her and every other relationship. He had the desire—no, the need—to make it work with her, whatever the cost. The further Lana moved into his heart, the further the devotion to his career moved out. It was time to settle down, to bring some joy into his life…to let someone—her—in. Images of the holidays flashed through his mind. No more lonely days spent drinking or going off on missions while others were at home, gathered with their families. He could have all that now.
He smoothed his thumb over her cheek. She dipped her head and turned her face into his hand, taking his index finger into her mouth.
Every muscle in his body tensed.
Her blue eyes burned with desire. She sucked on him, her tongue moving in gentle strokes over the rough skin of his finger. His dick throbbed, lying only inches away from the cleft between her legs. His skin sizzled with each lazy movement of her mouth, and her teeth nipped him as she settled herself closer to him.
“We never finished.” Her voice was deep and husky. A rosy pink tinted her chest and cheeks. She was so damn beautiful and sexy that he lay paralyzed beneath her.
“You’re upset—”
She nestled her crotch over him, and all words left his mouth. His brain turned to mush as his hands found the luscious curve of her ass. Her fingers closed around him as she guided him to her, sinking her body down. Her wetness surrounded him as she pressed deep. Her hands pressed into his chest, her eyes closed on a moan.
Feeling her, the wet, gentle cushion on his cock, was heaven. She was heaven. He groaned and moved her over him. Her breasts jiggled gently, her nipples pink and tight. He drank in the sight of her, her creamy skin and narrow waist, the soft and slight flare of her hips. Her sex, joined with his.
She moved steadily, her pleasure building with his. She drew him tighter, crushing him inside her as a moan shook her. He throbbed, and his body coiled tightly. A gasp broke in his throat. He held her breasts in his hands, his fingers gliding over her pebble-hard nipples, gently pinching as her orgasm rose. He hung on for the ride as her movements increased, her release frantic against him.
Needing to take over, to bring her over the edge, he grasped her waist and rolled her beneath him. Her legs locked around his hips as she gripped him. He ground deep inside her, holding his release at bay until her orgasm shook her. He pulled out on a slow stroke, and then drove deep, filling her. She cried out, her body jerking hard, begging for more. His release came next, a desperate need pulsating through him as he moved inside her, the friction taking him over the cusp until every muscle was ready to snap. He let go, falling into an oblivion of pleasure as he went limp over the top of her.
Cal woke hours later, stretched out on his side with Lana’s face nestled into his chest. Her breath came out evenly, her lips lightly swollen, her cheeks pink and warm from his body heat.
Sonofabitch.
He’d slept with her without a condom. Being able to feel her softness and drown in her wetness was something he didn’t regret. He hoped to hell she was on birth control or something. He was never careless with sex. But this was Lana, and everything had been different with her from the beginning. He was in it for the long run, whatever that meant.
He tiptoed to the bathroom and cleaned up, then pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt. He grabbed his cell phone off the dresser and looked at the time: 4 a.m.
He’d slept longer than he had in months, and surely Lana needed more rest. His mind was already moving, planning his next step. He would talk to Nate before deciding if he would approach Tanner, but every instinct told him he needed to. Nate would be at his office today, so Cal would wait to call him until later. Ethan, he would call in an hour.
He made coffee, let Rufus out, gave him one of the dog cookies Nate had left him, and filled his dishes with food and water. He hadn’t worked out in almost a week, and the lack of soreness in his muscles annoyed him. The cabin lacked the gym he had at home, but he kept weights and a skipping rope here. He had time for a light workout and then to make breakfast before Lana woke.
Slamming back his coffee, he made his way to the back of the cabin. One of the first things he’d done upon purchasing the place was to put on an addition. The thing that had attracted him most had been the lot size and view. He’d put in floor-to-ceiling windows, which gave the room the feel of a four-season porch. He closed the sliding door tightly, and turned some music on the sound system. It was still pitch-black out. He liked to get up early, and waiting for the sunrise was always a nice way to start the day. But today, for the first time, the bright reflection and inability to see through the window unnerved him.
This shit had to end. Today. He wasn’t afraid, not exactly. But having someone to look after was new to him. That constant threat gnawed at the back of his mind. He hated being away from her at all, and leaving her side knowing someone wanted to kill her made his blood churn. They were safe here. But he wouldn’t be at ease until this was over.
An hour later, drenched in sweat, he dropped the dumbbell. Man, it felt good to tear muscles. A lot of frustration had built up over the last week, some of which he’d released with Lana. The mind-numbing, muscle-burning workout had savaged the rest. He wiped the rivulets of sweat from his brow with the sleeve of his shirt and entered the house.
“Morning,” Lana sang sweetly from the kitchen. Her hair was secured in a high ponytail at the crown of her head, and her dark locks tangled down her back. She wore one of his T-shirts that barely reached mid-thigh, and her legs were bare and her nipples visible through the thin gray material.
The aroma of pancakes and coffee wafted to his nose. His stomach growled. She flitted around the small kitchen and set two glasses of juice at the island. His heart pounded against his chest from the intense workout, and the near-glimpse of Lana’s ass as she leaned forward to scratch Rufus’s head.
He caught her around the waist, drawing her back against his chest. He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, kissing her delicate flesh.
“Morning, sexy. You’re up early.”
She turned in his arms, her eyes shining with delight as she pressed her lips to his. She pulled away sharply and patted his chest. “Mmm-hmm. There wasn’t much food in the fridge, so pancakes will have to do. You’re all sweaty. Did you have a good workout?”
He slid into one of the chairs as she set a plate down in front of him. “This is perfect, thanks. It was great. I was hoping you would have slept longer, though. I didn’t wake you, did I?”
She filled her plate, then took the chair next to him. “Not at all. I slept like a rock.” She dipped her head. A shy smile spread across her face, as she took a bite of her breakfast.
“Glad to hear. Anytime you require assistance, you let me know.”
She laughed and crossed her legs on the chair. He couldn’t resist dropping his hand to feel the smooth skin of her sexy thigh. If she kept this up, he’d have to take her on the kitchen counter. That image danced across his mind. Definitely something to remember for later.
“Likewise.” She winked at him and took a bite of her pancakes. “What’s the plan for today?”
He finished chewing. “I have somewhere I need to go later, but nothing planned for this morning.”
“Where are you going?”
He smiled. “I can’t tell you.”
Her eyes narrowed at him. He didn’t relent. It was something he needed to do, something for her. He couldn’t guarantee everything would end today and that the people behind her planned death would be held accountable, but he could damn well appease for it. The guilt over her family was something he had been stupid to ignore. Lana was sweet and sensitive, and something of that magnitude had surely weighed heavily on her slight shoulders. She’d hidden it well from him. Today, he would make up for the pain he’d seen in her eyes. Ethan would be more than happy to come by while he went out.
“Can I come?”
“Not this time, babe. But I won’t be long, and I think you’ll be pretty happy with what I bring back.”
Her eyebrows rose. “It’s a surprise?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, you get brownie points for that one.” A smile returned to her mouth, easing the frown lines on her forehead. She stood from the island, her plate not yet finished.
Her fingers clasped his, pulling him to his feet. He took a hasty bite of his pancakes before he let her drag him away. “I think I need a shower… and so do you.”
The hunger in his belly died. His body went on alert. Good God, he loved her sexuality. He winked at her, sending her laughing and scampering to the master bedroom. He chased her into the bedroom and swooped her up and into his arms.
He could get used to this.