Chapter 20 The Call-Off Call
Chapter20 The Call-Off Call
The Mother of the Bride
Alexa excused herself from the others and found a quiet spot in the library. She positioned the phone so she could sit at
the desk and focus on her daughter. Penny’s face was a mess, streaked and wet, like she was eleven years old and hadn’t been
invited to Mallory Marquart’s birthday party because she lived in the “poor section” of town. Alexa used the same tone of
voice now that she used then, gentle but firm. “Penny, Penny. What do you mean the wedding’s off?”
“We got into a huge fight. I had to work, he had to work. I felt terrible bailing on the trip home this weekend and I took it out on Chase. And he tried to calm me down, but I... I don’t know, Mom. I don’t know what happened. We’re both under so much pressure with my work and his campaign and the future of democracy. If I hear that stump speech one more time! So then I said terrible things about being dragged around to all these stupid fundraising events, about having no shared goals and that he was more interested in his campaign than our wedding. And then he said that he was, in fact, more interested in fundraising because I could handle the wedding. How hard could planning a wedding be? You’ve already been to so many and you always come home with a list of complaints, he said. That made me mad because he was right. I do not need another cheap bathrobe with the word ‘bridesmaid’ on the back. And then I questioned his commitment to me and he said I was the one with the commitment problem. And you know what? He’s right about that, too. I don’t know how to be in a marriage. How would I know that? Who would I have learned that from? Not you. What does a lifetime commitment even look like if we can’t do the simple task of planning a wedding together? It’s too much. I can’t do this.” She ended the monologue with a sob.
Alexa waited a second before answering. Hiding in Penny’s explanation were some hard truths about Alexa’s life, at least her
life with her daughter. She hoped Penny didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but Alexa had to allow for the possibility that
she did. When Alexa decided to have a baby and be a mother on her own, she spent nine months trying to anticipate every hard
question her daughter might have and every negative comment that people might toss at her. And she’d spent the last thirty
years fending off the naysayers and surrounding Penny with love, positive role models, and extended family. She thought she’d
done everything right, but apparently not. Now, it seemed, her decision to stay single and be a permanent party of one had
consequences. She couldn’t decide whether to lash out or apologize, so she did neither. Better not to make this about her
at the moment. Better angels, right? “Did you truly call the engagement off? Or is this exaggerated language? I’m not sure I understand.”
“I guess we did. He said we should take a pause and reassess. That’s what he said, Mom, like I was some strategy for how to
get more voters on board with a policy issue. Pause and reassess. I lost it and fired back that I don’t need a pause. I don’t
think this is going to work.”
“And then what happened?”
“Then the fucking mayor called. Like always.” Penny shouted this so loudly, she was sure Mignette, who Alexa assumed was positioned outside the door taking notes, could hear it clear as a bell.
With the background conversation about commitment running through her brain and the mayor on her mind, Alexa blurted out,
“This isn’t about not having a father, is it?”
“Oh my god, Mom. No. I’m thirty years old. I’ve made peace with my daddy issues. Online therapy was invented for me.”
The resentment in Penny’s voice indicated that maybe the Zooms hadn’t been entirely successful, but Alexa moved on. “I’m sorry
you’re going through all this. But do you really want Chase out of your life for good? You two seemed so happy a few weeks
ago. Maybe it’s stress.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Penny snapped, answering her own question.
“Because you don’t seem like yourself,” Alexa offered gently.
“I am one hundredpercent myself. This is me. I have high expectations for myself and other people,” Penny said in what sounded
like a quote from an online personality test. “I don’t know if I can accommodate another person’s needs into my life. You
didn’t.”
Alexa was taken aback. The therapy was not working. Tread lightly, tread lightly. “I accommodated your needs. Always.”
Now it was Penny’s turn for self-reflection. There was a long pause and some deep breaths. “Of course. I meant a romantic
partner. I think everything will be easier if I’m only in charge of myself.”
“Penny, I can’t tell you what to do with your life. This is a huge decision and it’s yours to make. I made the decision a long time ago to remain independent in terms of my romantic relationships. It’s what worked for me and what I wanted. But there are times when I wish I had a partner. Like when I see a good relationship between two people who understand and respect each other. Like you and Chase. Let me say this: If you think a future with Chase means too much compromise, then you are doing the right thing for you. But if you see this as a job versus a partner question, remember there are a million jobs out there. But only one Chase.”
That may have been the most romantic statement Alexa had ever made. She didn’t want to let Penny in on the fact that this
was the rationale she’d used when deciding to become a mother. A job was a job was a job. But a baby would be hers, only hers.
That’s why it was easy to let Hollywood go and stay rooted in Montecito and be a mom. She guessed that Penny could feel the
same way about a man like Chase, if she’d let herself off the hook in terms of work.
“You think I did the wrong thing?” Penny’s voice was sharp again.
“I think it’s worth taking a deep breath. And asking yourself some hard questions.”
“So, pausing and reassessing. Like Chase said.”
“I am speaking to you as your mother and as a woman who has made some tough decisions over the years, the decades. And I have
a few regrets,” Alexa said quietly. “Not many. But a few. But never about my decision to become a mother.”
There was silence from Penny, then a question. “What was the exciting news? Before I told you about the breakup. What were
you going to say?”
Alexa rolled the dice. “We have a wonderful option for the wedding. Toots has offered her house. La Mariposa. Mitsy will provide
the flowers for your floral designer. Frannie can get a deal on the wine. Ming can address the envelopes and Roxanne can house
overflow guests. Everybody wants to be a part of your wedding, Penny. What do you think of that?”
A fresh round of sobs broke out. “I think it’s too late.”