Chapter Twenty-Six
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
AUDREY
I’m not sure what to expect when we return to the office on January 2, but I didn’t expect everything to be so normal. My world had shifted, seismically, but all anyone could talk about was their holidays, their families, their presents, vacations, food, desserts, and work.
That is, Greta was all about work.
“How do you think she’ll be today?” I asked Willa when we were on the way to Greta’s office for our morning meeting.
“All business. She won’t mention a word unless you do, and I suggest you don’t,” Willa said, and pushed through Greta’s office door.
On the other side of the door the quiet, introspective Willa of the last week was gone. My sister was back, full of life and making jokes, bringing her irrepressible energy into every room she walks into.
The car ride back to Denver from Aspen had been silent. I didn’t want to talk and Willa didn’t push. Maybe she didn’t want to talk, either. She was driving and our rule since we got our driver’s licenses when we were sixteen was the driver controls the radio. It had been set to the satellite radio holiday station for weeks. When Perry Como started singing about dreaming of a white Christmas, she turned the radio off completely, and we drove the remaining hours in complete silence.
I’m not an idiot. I know something happened between Willa and Greta that weekend, but they are doing a stellar job pretending otherwise.
At the office, a few weeks into the new year, Willa and Greta are back to their old selves: Willa pushing Greta’s boundaries and Greta valiantly holding the professional lines she’s drawn. Greta has an amazing poker face. Willa not so much, but that might be a twin thing. I’ve caught Greta gazing at her with a puzzled expression more than once. Willa, for her part, has returned to rolling her eyes behind Greta’s back. I don’t think she will ever renew the offer to distract Greta for me and Toni. Not that she’s needed to, because Toni hasn’t been back into the office since Christmas.
News swept the office that Toni moved up her trip to South America, and is going to be in the office occasionally and unpredictably. That was not nearly enough information for me. When Greta and I were finished with a meeting, I took a deep breath and asked about Toni for the first time in a month.
“Toni’s in South America?” I asked while putting my meeting notes and computer in my bag, hoping for nonchalance, but my voice went up an octave at the end of my innocent question, ruining my plans.
“Yes.” Greta didn’t take her attention from her computer. Most likely she was typing notes about our meeting that would land in my inbox in five minutes. I consider myself organized, diligent, and responsible, but Greta takes it all to the next level.
“Do you know when she will be back?”
Greta’s hands stilled, but remained on her keyboard. She looked at me. “Audrey, I appreciate the help you gave Toni early on, but she’s not part of your project, and I think it would be best for everyone concerned if you focus on the job you are contracted to do.”
I’ve been dressed down by employers before, with varying responses on my part from indignation to embarrassment and everything in between. I was properly chastised, and deservedly so, but what I saw when I looked closely at Greta Giordani was not the CEO of a company recently tapped by Fortune magazine as the Best Family-Run Business in the US, but a protective sister using all the self-control she possessed to not rip off the face of the woman who broke her little sister’s heart.
“You’re absolutely correct,” I said quickly, to hide the smile that wanted to spread across my face. Toni would be so jazzed to see Greta bowing up on me to protect her. In that moment, I saw Toni’s expression the night she inadvertently pitched to Greta and saw Greta’s genuine interest. I can’t wait to tell Toni , I thought, before reality came crashing down again.
After my initial explanation, Willa hasn’t asked me about what happened again. At first I was thankful, but now I’m hurt. I need my sister, and she’s avoiding me, acting like she doesn’t care.
Weeks pass with still no sign of Toni at the office. Valentine’s Day, a holiday I’ve always secretly loved but have never been with a partner who feels the same, comes and goes. Of course, I don’t expect to hear from Toni; we aren’t a couple. But my mind, traitor that it is, imagines what kind of girlfriend Toni would be on Valentine’s Day. Breakfast in bed, after a very long night of making love and earth-shattering orgasms (because of course she would want to start celebrating at midnight), a homemade card because there wasn’t one that was just right at the drugstore, chocolates and flowers. My present to her would have been a coupon good for one outdoor hike, rated easy to moderate, preferably on a level trail, and less than five miles, spending the day in bed making love and talking. Maybe a weekend trip to Napa. I’ve always wanted to go and never have. Huh. I don’t even know if Toni likes wine.
Our project with Fourteener Sports is half over, and on track to finish on time. Greta, happy with how everything is progressing, calls in a favor and gets Willa and me on the list for the opening night of the next big thing in the Denver restaurant scene, a gin distillery and farm-to-table restaurant called Gin and Bear it. Willa and I are sipping our gin and tonics and munching on the canapés being passed around when I see Toni’s best friend, Max, walk in the door. My heart leaps to my throat, hoping that Toni is going to walk in behind her. Instead, it’s someone I don’t know.
Willa follows my gaze and sees Max notice me and stare daggers in my direction. I refuse to turn away or avert my eyes.
“Someone doesn’t like you,” Willa says.
“No kidding.” When Max finally wanders out of my line of sight I let out a small sigh of relief. “Did I tell you that it was her apartment Toni took me to that first night?”
“No.”
“We slept in Max’s bed, apparently.”
“Huh,” Willa says, checking her phone for the fifth time in five minutes.
“That’s all you have to say? Huh?”
Willa levels her gaze at me. “What do you want me to say, Audrey?”
“I don’t know, show a little interest, at least.”
“In your one-night stand? Or two-night stand, I guess. Why? You broke it off with her before it started. There’s not a lot to talk about. You aren’t ready for a relationship, and you broke Toni’s heart. It’s pretty simple.”
“It sounds so cruel when you say it like that.”
“Well, it was a little cruel,” Willa snaps.
“I was upfront with her about what I wanted,” I say. “And she agreed to it.”
“If you didn’t do anything wrong, then stop moping around like you got your heart broken, Audrey. No one cares or feels sorry for you. Instead, you should feel bad about leading Toni on and then crushing her heart like a bug under your shoe. All Toni wanted, from what I can tell, was a chance with you, and you shut it down before anything could even really start.”
“That is completely unfair,” I say.
Willa looks at her phone again. “Finally.” She puts her phone in her bag, downs her gin and tonic and puts the glass on the bar table with a snap. “I’ve gotta go.”
“What? You can’t say that shit to me and then just leave,” I say.
She stands. “Actually, yes I can.”
“Where are you going?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I have a date.”
Willa hasn’t dated in years, and we’ve been working non-stop since December. “A date? Since when? How did you meet? Who is he?”
“On an app, and her name is Amanda.”
My mouth drops open in shock. Willa is going on a date with a woman?
Willa scoffs. “Yeah, I’ve been going through it, too, but you’ve had your head too far up your ass to care. See you at home. Don’t wait up.”
I watch Willa weave her way through the crowd until she’s lost from sight, too flabbergasted to move.
I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut. Leave it to my twin, my best friend, to give it to me straight, and in the most brutal way possible, about how I’m being self-indulgent on two fronts. I’m not sure “moping around” is the best descriptor of what I’ve been doing, but Willa is right, I handled everything with Toni wrong in Aspen. It’s hard to regret sleeping with her, but we should have slowed down. Waited. But we didn’t, and I’m mostly to blame for that. I’m entirely to blame for my knee-jerk reaction to her kissing me, and her declarations after. How I could be so passive for so long with Shae, who treated me like dirt, and so immediate and cruel with Toni, who treated me like a queen and only wanted to love me, is going to take some deep introspection to work out. Apologizing to Toni as soon as possible is the first step.
And Willa needs me—has needed me for weeks—and I haven’t been there for her. I feel lower than chewing gum on the bottom of a sneaker. If Willa is questioning or exploring her sexuality because of something that happened in Aspen…she has to be feeling very confused. I thought her disinterest was a sign that she was sick of me talking about Toni. Instead, she’s going through something herself, and has been putting her emotional needs before mine for the first time…ever? God, I’m such a heel.
I’ve got to try to catch her, to apologize. I gather my purse and loop it across my body.
“Are you leaving?” I look up and see Greta standing in front of me with a drink in her hand. “Where’s Willa?”
“She, um, left. She had somewhere to be.”
“Oh.” Greta is clearly disappointed. “Sorry I was late. Are you leaving?”
“Um.” I look toward the door. I want to go and get started on my penance now, but Greta went to the trouble to get us into this party, and I should at least share a drink with her. “Not since you’re here.” I sit back down at the table and Greta takes Willa’s seat. “This place is great,” I say.
“It is,” Greta says. “The owner is a friend of mine.”
“Oh,” I say. “How do you know each other?”
“College.”
“Oh.”
We both take sips of our drinks and look around. I don’t know about Greta, but I’m searching desperately for something to say. For the first time since I’ve known her, things are awkward. We’ve never been in a social situation just the two of us, and Willa and Toni’s absence hangs heavily between us. I just want to be alone to think, to figure out what to do, how to make things right with Willa.
“When was the last time you saw Shae?” Greta asks.
“At the Christmas party. Why?”
“Here she comes.”
I turn and there Shae is, making a beeline for our table, all her little minions following in a row. She says something to Lisa, the woman just behind her, and the hangers-on break off and go to the bar.
“Hey, Audrey. Greta, good to see you, too.” She looks between us, a knowing leer on her face.
I don’t know what to say. It’s not good to see her, so I stay silent. Greta does as well.
“I heard about the upcoming Fortune magazine feature, Greta. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” she says.
“That’ll be a nice addition for your CV, Audrey. But those lists are decided a year out, so everyone will know that your consulting didn’t have anything to do with it. I’m sure dating Greta will help you get business in the future, though.”
“We aren’t dating,” Greta and I say at the same time, though out of sync so it sounds garbled.
“This certainly looks like a date,” Shae says. “And Toni’s certainly moved on.”
“What do you mean?” I say, my stomach twisting into a knot of dread.
“I saw her at Dewey’s and you definitely weren’t the woman with her tongue down Toni’s throat.”
My own throat closes up. I can’t swallow, and I can barely breathe. But the last thing I want is for Shae to see that. I look at Greta for confirmation or denial of what Shae said, but she’s looking down at her drink, avoiding my eyes.
Of course Toni’s moved on. Why shouldn’t she? I’m sure my reaction and the things I said made her rethink her feelings for me and rightly so. My brain says this is what I wanted, but my heart has other ideas.
“Oh, shit,” Shae says, covering her mouth and laughing.
Shae always could read me like a book. A children’s book. The board ones that are indestructible and have one word and a big photo on each page so newborns can see it clearly. Shae is loving this and I want to die.
“Don’t tell me your new girlfriend was cheating on you at Dewey’s like your old one. Wow, you really do have a type, don’t you?” Shae says.
“No, I don’t,” I miraculously manage to say in a mostly steady voice. Thank God the music has been turned up in the last thirty minutes. “Toni and I are not seeing each other and we’ve never been girlfriends. What she does and with whom is none of my business, nor do I care.” The lie tastes like chalk in my mouth.
Shae laughs. “Keep telling yourself that. Maybe eventually you’ll believe it. Nice chat,” she says, and winks at me.
When Shae turns her back, I immediately open my phone and go to Instagram. If Toni really is over me, the proof will be there.
“Audrey, don’t.” Greta reaches her hand out to cover my phone.
I pull it away. My finger swipes up through Toni’s feed, my stomach falling further with each new post I see of her, sliding right back into her nomadic lifestyle. The number of posts of her jumping off cliffs, hiking, and reviewing gear are dwarfed by the posts of her with different beautiful women apparently having the time of her life.