Chapter 14
Hank
“What the hell are you doing?”Conway asks me.
He’s helping me wash dishes after the girls and Josiah have left.
“Washing dishes. That seems pretty obvious.”
“No. With Chastity. What’s going on between you two?”
I pause in scrubbing my grilling tongs and shrug. “I’m being Chastity’s friend. She needs friends here.”
He’s drying glasses and putting them in the cupboard. “That all? You got awfully protective of her when we were joking around.”
“So?” I ask. “You were making her uncomfortable. But yes, that’s all. She’s on a dating app. She wants to find her happily-ever-after.”
With a man who is not me. Some man. Any man. As long as he is not fucking me. Damn it.
“What about your happily-ever-after?” he asks casually, like we’re discussing the damn weather.
“What about it? I’m living the dream here. Opening up my own restaurant. Spending time with your dumb ass.” Until a certain nurse popped up by Pops’ bedside that had me pretty damn happy. Even now, I’m happy. I am enjoying being friends with Chastity, even if I wish it could be more. I wouldn’t undo this time spent with her.
Conway gives a sound of frustration. “Man, getting you to open up is like pulling fucking teeth.”
“Is that what we’re doing? Opening up? Sharing our feelings? Should I pour myself a drink while you tell me about Rachel then?”
Conway pauses. I knew that would shut him up. “Rachel who?”
“‘Rachel who’ my ass. The Rachel you’ve been carrying a torch for, for years.” Rachel was married to Conway’s best friend, Tyrell, and everyone with a pair of eyes in their head knew Conway wished that ring was on his finger, not Tyrell’s. “I hear she’s separated. Her marriage is done.”
“If I’ve been carrying a torch for Rachel, then I guess we could say you’ve been doing the same for Chastity.”
That actually takes me aback a little. “What are you talking about? Since five years ago? I don’t think so. Do I think she’s an amazing woman and a great mom? Yes.”
Carrying a torch? That seems dramatic. I’ve dated since then.
“So you never thought about her at all?”
A little. “Well, sure, in passing from time to time. But she wants something different, and I’m cool with letting her have that.”
We all know I’m lying. I don’t think I am cool with it. Like at all. I’m fucking frustrated.
And I’m not talking about sex.
I want something else with Chastity. Something more. Much more.
But she needs me to not be a selfish asshole. “It’s possible to be friends with a woman. That’s what you always said about Rachel. She was one of your best friends.”
“I was wrong,” Conway says flatly with a shrug. “Casual friends, sure. But hanging out all the time and it not getting messy? I don’t know, man. It seems impossible.”
“I can be her friend without it getting messy.”
“Just a refresher on friendship. You don’t feed your friends oysters. I have never once fed Buck Walker anything, and I never will, and we’ve been friends since kindergarten.”
That makes me wince. He’s not wrong. When Chastity’s tongue made contact with my finger, I had felt like anything but her friend. But I’m nothing if not good at deflecting. “It helps that I’ve already seen her naked.”
That makes Conway laugh out loud. “How do you figure that?”
“I’m not trying to get her naked. I already have.” That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Even if I lie in bed every night, picturing running my tongue down over all those glorious curves until I reach her pussy and she gives that little gasp of pure delight…I shift a sauté pan to the sink and turn the water on it. “It’s all good.”
“You’re such a liar.”
“Maybe,” I agree easily. “But I can’t be selfish. Chastity wants some guy in a button up shirt who has a stable job.”
“How do you know that?”
“She asked me to help her date. I’ve seen who she’s swiping on in her dating app.”
“You’ve seen her dating app?”
“Yes.” And it’s giving me all kinds of jealousy, but that’s for me to deal with. “She likes guys who are twenty-five, working office jobs, with no facial hair or tattoos.”
“Guess you could shave. You’re fucked on the rest, though.”
That makes me laugh. “And replace my entire wardrobe with sweaters and khakis. Still wouldn’t change anything, though.”
I reach behind me and pull the whiskey down from its place over the fridge. I need to feel the burn going down my throat.
“Never took you for a quitter.”
That pisses me off. “Again, it’s not about me. It’s about Chastity. I’m being selfless here, motherfucker.”
“Okay, okay. Just let me leave you with this thought. Think about how you’re going to feel if Chastity winds up walking down the aisle with some other guy.”
Like I want to burn down the world.
“I’ll send her a wedding gift,” I say, right before I knock back a finger of whiskey. I shake my head a little at the burn.
Conway shakes his head. “Okay, then, big brother.” He picks up the bottle and reaches for his own glass. “Guess it’s you and me living the single life forever.”
“Works for me.” It’s going to have to. Conviction is my project. Not working on being with a woman who deserves a man who is all-in, ready for marriage and being a stepdaddy.
Not that I couldn’t be ready. I could be ready. I am ready.
Damn it. This is all fucking messing with my head.
“She’s not going to want to hang out with you anymore once she starts dating some other dude,” Conway says as he pours his own whiskey.
I yank the bottle away from him. “I thought you were dropping this topic. And why can’t I still be friends with her after she finds some guy if what me and her have is platonic?”
Conway snorts. “Oh, right, that will fly. Here’s my friend, Hank, who I’ve fucked. You stay home with my son and babysit, sweetheart, while I go hang out with him. No man on the planet will be down with that.”
He’s right, of course. I wouldn’t be okay with that.
“I hate that you’re right, but you are right. But what the hell am I going to do about it? My whole life I’ve been impulsive and careless, just doing whatever the hell feels right in the moment. It’s time to grow out of that shit, you know? I’m trying to do the right thing, so don’t try to talk me out of it.”
“I’m not trying to talk you out of doing the right thing. But if you like Chastity, I don’t see why you can’t make a play for her yourself.”
“You’re not listening to me at all. All I can offer Chastity is friendship,” I say, frustrated with my brother. “And orgasms.”
My brother pauses with his glass halfway to his mouth. “That seems like a good foundation for a relationship to me.”
But she doesn’t want it. I don’t think. No, she doesn’t. I’m positive. She told me that. She didn’t want to have sex with me, and she went on a dating app. What more do I need to know than that?
“Yeah, I’ll take the single guy’s advice, thanks.”
Conway takes my ribbing well.
“It’s not advice. We’re just talking.”
“Talk less. Wash more.” I gesture to the pile of dishes still stacked in my sink.
“You’re turning into our mother.”
I laugh. “Oh, that’s cold, brother.”
“That’s because you’re the most like her out of all of us. Even more than Patsy or Faith. So I want you to think to yourself, WWMD? What would Mama do?”
“Are you drunk?” I ask him in astonishment, throwing an arm around my brother and giving him a shake. “I think you’re drunk.”
Conway lets me rock him back and forth. “I think getting struck by lightning was the best thing that ever happened to me. I see things more clearly now. You be you, man. I think you’re pretty fucking awesome, that’s all.”
Whether my brother is drunk or enlightened, I have to admit I’m touched. “Thanks, brother. You’re awesome too. I love you.”
“Now you’re going too far.” He shakes me off with a grin.
Or maybe we’re not going far enough. I’m not really sure.
“Let’s do a shot and drunk text Chastity and Rachel.”
I’m kidding, of course. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have been.
Conway snorts.
“Not even you are that stupid.”
“I’m not. Trust me. I’m not going to mess this up.”