Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
Maximillian
As I hand the lemonade to Zoe, I take my time to really look at her. Her skin glows, her eyes sparkle, and she looks so beautiful and radiant that it momentarily takes my breath away. It makes me fall in love with her a little more and also wonder what it’s going to take to convince her that I’m here for the long run—forever—because with her, those words don’t scare me.
Zoe Harper makes me want love. We’re talking about real love. The kind of feeling that transcends every fleeting moment and anchors me to something real, something profound and so deep it might be seared in the fabric of history and time.
She makes me yearn for someone to share the highs and lows of life with; the mundane and extraordinary, and even the simple act of growing old together.She’s fearless in the face of my flaws, unhesitant to call me out when I’m wrong, and bold enough to challenge me in ways no one else ever has. Her laughter is a melody my heart seeks, and her willingness to listen to my dreams and even encourage me to reach for them, no matter how ridiculous, is a gift I cherish beyond measure.
I love her with a depth that only my heart and mind can fathom, in a way that demands complete surrender. She’s not afraid to call me on my bullshit, to tell me I’m wrong or to challenge me. Yet, she laughs with me and doesn’t mind listening to whatever I have to say.
I love her in a way only my mind and my heart can accept it—in complete surrender. But will she believe me? Will she ever love me?
I can only hope that one day she’ll understand the magnitude of my love and find it within herself to love me back, even if it’s just a smidgeon of how profoundly I love her.
Hoping that I can make her understand that this one thing—my feelings for her—isn’t just some statement out of desperation, I begin to plead my case.
“Remember the first time we met?” I ask, my voice soft with the memory .
Zoe’s lips curve into a smile, her eyes distant as she recalls. “Yeah, at the bistro when Lily was trying to convince me that a road trip searching for her old flames was safe—and not crazy at all.” She laughs, the sound light and melodic.
I can’t help but chuckle, shaking my head. “It was a little out there,” I concede, but at the end she found herself and my best friend found his happiness—his forever.
I take a sip of my own lemonade and continue, “The first thing I noticed when I arrived at the bistro was you. Beautiful Zoe Harper.” My voice drops lower, more intimate. “There was an instant attraction, and when you said my company was made up instead of looking hazy and in awe you definitely wounded my ego but won my attention in ways no one has done before.
“You were a challenge.” I pause and smile. “You’ve always been challenging and maddening and there’s something about you that was refreshing in ways that I needed. Then, as we helped Lil and Eth, I got to know you. Your dreams, likes, dislikes . . . everything was great up until you mentioned ‘the Tool.’”
“Tom,” she corrects me, her eyebrow arching slightly.
I wave my hand dismissively, feeling a twinge of old jealousy. “Whatever. The point is that for the first time in my life, I was actually building the foundation of a relationship with a woman I found not only beautiful and smart but also witty and kind. Yet, she was already dating and had her life all set. ”
Zoe gives me a skeptical look, her head tilting to one side, but thankfully, doesn’t interrupt. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for honesty.
“That’s when I stepped away because I couldn’t deal with whatever was going on inside me. There were too many emotions to comprehend. Thankfully, we barely crossed paths.”
“But when we did, you acted so juvenile with me and gave Tom a hard time, like a petulant child who didn’t know how to socialize,” Zoe points out, her tone a mix of amusement and exasperation.
I shrug because honestly, I was just trying to cope with my emotions—without knowing what was happening. “I never claimed to be a mature adult, babe,” I say casually. “Now that I’ve had time to process, I know it was jealousy.” My hands clench and unclench at my sides. “He was living the life I wanted, with the woman I was falling in love with but had to forget because she already had the perfect life.”
Zoe’s expression softens, a touch of sadness in her eyes. Not sure if it’s because of what I’m telling her, or if the end of her relationship with Tom still causes her some pain.
“It wasn’t perfect,” she says quietly. “It was mostly an illusion. Probably because when I met him it was cool to be dating this older guy who liked to travel and . . . I didn’t realize he wasn’t planning on having more than just a fun life.”
“We can still travel and have fun,” I offer quickly.
Zoe’s hand rests unconsciously on her stomach. “There are more pressing issues we have to focus on first,” she reminds me gently. “Can we talk about the baby?”
I nod, taking a deep breath. “Right. I need you to understand my perspective first, babe,” I say, my voice earnest. “So, the moment I learned Tommy Boy was out of the picture, I was about to swoop in but realized that you weren’t in the right state of mind. I had no idea if you were heartbroken or not, but I wasn’t planning on being your rebound.”
She snorts, a mix of amusement and disbelief crossing her face. “Yet, you proposed being my friend to . . .”
I smile, my heart racing. “To help you find out what you want in life, and hopefully, make you fall in love with me, Zoe,” I confess, my voice thick with emotion. “Obviously, I couldn’t keep it platonic for long.”
She laughs loud and when she composes herself, she says, “It lasted two seconds—you can never not be inappropriate.”
“Can you blame me? I’ve been wanting to kiss you since the first time we met. Which is why I had to make things happen between us. Like pushing my friend to go on an insane trip. Or helping him coordinate everything they needed—with you,” I confess because the more she knows, the better she’ll understand that my feelings didn’t just appear when she said she’s pregnant.
Zoe’s brows furrow, her eyes narrowing as she processes my words. Confusion and disbelief flash across her face. “Are you telling me that everything you did was so I would fall in love with you?” she asks, her voice filled with both wonder and skepticism.
I shake my head. “Not in the beginning. At first it was so you would notice me. The rest came later.”
“Having your chef friends cook special meals for me?” Zoe’s voice rises slightly, her hands gesturing in the air.
“Yep,” I reply, unable to keep a small smile from tugging at my lips.
“The studio?” She scrunches her nose, a habit I’ve always found endearing. “You didn’t have to do that, you know?”
I shift in my seat, feeling suddenly exposed. “That was a selfish act. You were either with Lily or your mom. I couldn’t get you alone,” I admit shamelessly.
Zoe’s laughter fills the room, her head thrown back, eyes crinkling at the corners. She shakes her head. “You don’t like when people notice you’ve done something nice for them.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say defensively, crossing my arms over my chest.
Her expression softens, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. “San Diego? The restaurant, the groceries . . . the flowers.” She sighs, her eyes searching mine. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me why you were doing it.”
I run a hand through my hair, frustration evident in my voice. “I was going to do it that night at the beach, after the wedding,” I explain. “But I had to leave and since then it’s been hard to get away from assignments. Ethan is a newlywed. Liam is on his honeymoon, and . . . ”
“And?” she asks expectantly, leaning forward slightly.
I take a deep breath, my shoulders sagging as I admit, “Like you, I have control issues when it comes to work. If the right people aren’t there, I take over.” Regret washes over me. I press my lips into a thin line. I meet Zoe’s gaze, determination replacing the regret. “That has to change, though. You and our baby are my priority now.”
Zoe’s eyes dart away, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “I want to believe you, that you’ve done this out of love—or at least out of wanting us to be in a relationship and fall for each other,” she says, her voice soft and uncertain. “I really do because I’ve witnessed everything you’ve done for me.”
“But?” I prompt, leaning forward, my heart racing.
“That was before,” she says as if that explains everything.
“Umm . . . care to elaborate?”
She bites her lower lip. “Before, if it didn’t work, no one would be affected. Now it’s different. We have to be careful because we haven’t seen our uglies yet. What if you don’t like me? What if the haze disappears and you realize that the real me is not someone you want to be with at all?”
I want to hug her, erase the vulnerability etched in her face, but I don’t. We have to come to an agreement before I touch her again—and especially before I try to kiss the fuck out of her. Can anyone blame me? I miss her.
Focus, McCallister .
“Hypothetically, if I don’t like your uglies, what would happen?” I ask, but then add, “Which, let me tell you I like your flaws too, but enlighten me. Why the fear?”
“If we break up, then our relationship would become difficult and raising a child together will be hard,” she concludes.
There’s so much I can tell her about this unfounded theory, but instead, I take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside me. “Okay. So what do you propose? We’re having a child together, Zo. That in itself makes us a family—even if we never end up together. We have a link that binds us for the rest of our lives. I won’t stop loving you just because you’re expecting my baby. Actually, I’ll probably love you more because of that.”
Her lip quivers and I probably said something that melted her heart but she’s fighting it. That gives me some hope. She has feelings for me—hence, how she ended our friends with benefits arrangement. Now I just need to remind her heart that I’m safe—and I love her.
“Zo, I’ll work with you. But keeping me away and friendzoning me didn’t work the first time. You might as well try something different to deal with this,” I propose.
Zoe taps her chin thoughtfully, her eyes distant as she considers. “We date openly. You get to deal with all my moods and my family, and . . . we figure out if we really like each other enough to spend the rest of our lives together. ”
Confusion furrows my brow. “Like, not love?” I ask, my voice betraying my uncertainty.
A soft smile plays on her lips, her eyes sparkling with an idea. “I have the theory that when you like someone, really like the person, you keep falling in love again and again forever.”
Her smile, genuine and warm, sends a surge of hope through me. I can’t help but grin back, feeling lighter than I have in weeks.
“Then we’ll date until I convince you that I like you, I love you, and I plan to do so for the rest of our lives,” I state and then add, “Sorry about my family, but they’re part of the package.”
Zoe chuckles softly. For the first time in what feels like forever, I feel a genuine connection forming between us.
She meets my gaze, her eyes filled with a mixture of hope and trepidation. “Alright, Max. Let’s see where this takes us.”
“Should we seal this with a kiss?”
“A kiss?” She gapes at me, appalled, and somehow this makes me believe that everything is going to be okay. At least I hope we will.