Chapter 9
Tripp POV
Z stands like an angry goddess. One that I’m all too ready to worship. Her arms cross across her breast tightly and I know I’m going to have to work hard to get her to open up. I still can’t help but to get lost in her eyes. That always keeps me under her spell.
It’s time, time that she knew how far gone I am. Z leads me backstage to a quieter part of the venue. I miss her. Ever since I let myself shatter her into a million pieces like an idiot, I could never get her off my mind.
“Z.” I breathe in her scent. It’s sweet like vanilla and soft. Like her. “I want to say I’m sorry.”
Z continues to hold my gaze, not betraying any sign of emotion.
“I fucked up, because I was terrified. Terrified that you mean more to me than I can imagine.”
The confession is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. However, the more words that spill out of me, the heaviness I’ve felt for too long starts melting. When she brought my birthday present, the realization crashed into me. She had been the only one to give me something. Everyone assumed I already had everything I wanted. The little gift made me realize how far gone I am for her. So naturally, I ran away. Scared that she was going to be like my ex. It didn’t help that my closest friends saw what I felt for her before I even could acknowledge it.
“Then why did you say those things?” Z asks, gently. I fight the urge to bring her into my arms, to feel her and let me whisper all my confessions into her skin. When I had finally gotten the guts to open the present, it was a Polaroid camera. Vintage, with packages of film ready to make memories. It really hit home how much I fucked up.
“Because I was this person for such a long time. It was the first time I realized I can change. That I need to stop being afraid. That I have feelings for you.” I fucking tried, tried so hard to move on. Life went downhill like it was angry with me, as if it wouldn’t allow me to move on without her.
“Why? Why are you so scared? I accept you for who you are and what you want to be. Why are you telling me this?” I know the hurt in her voice is all my fault.
“Because I’m tired of being that person. I see you embracing who you are and not afraid to go after what you want despite how terrifying. I’m not you, I’m a coward.” He frowns.
“What do you want, Tripp?” Her voice is quiet like a flutter in the wind. “What do you really want?”
“To be with you, to be by your side through all the craziness life offers until one day we are sick of each other,” he says.
Her lips twitch, just barely. “You think you’ll get sick of me?”
“I won’t, but you might,” I reply. My chest suddenly freezes up and my throat feels tight. Remembering that the last time I confessed my feelings to someone, they laughed. Laughed in my face and reminded me it would be too hard. Too hard to make us worth it. That I would be the one to fail us.
Z sighs and I brace myself for the worst. “Tripp, I want to, but so far, the first reaction I got when things got real was you running away.”
I swallow hard, seeing the hurt reflecting in her eyes. “How do I know you won’t do this again?”
My heart thuds and I hate seeing the broken trust for the first time. All because I took the easy way once again.
“Because I plan to spend the rest of my life proving it to you,” Tripp says. “I want to be there for everything. You kicking ass in grad school, seeing your satellites or spaceships that you build discover aliens.”
Z’s brow furrows. She is fighting the emotion. It makes her eyes glassy, and I know how much she hates to cry.
“I know it will take time, but I’m ready now. Ready to show you,” I say, and it’s true. I will not let her slip through my fingers again.
Ever since I met Z, she didn’t take the bullshit I fed her, didn’t let me slack off at my job at the Tutor Center. When I antagonized her, she gave it as good as she got. Those are only some things that make me wild for her. She makes me want to be better, to reconsider things I thought didn’t deserve.
“I don’t know, Tripp.” Z’s voice is apprehensive, but she has every right to be. I’m the one that actually fucked up my chance with her. “Are you sure about this?”
Z invaded my heart before I even realized it. Before I could even push her out, she had already become part of me and when she was gone; it was like the lights in the entire world went out.
“I don’t know what the future is going to be like.” Taking a step forward, I have already memorized every feature on her face. “I know with certainty that I will always belong to you.”
Z sniffs, her nose turning red, and I can see the hesitancy finally collapse under the weight of what she feels. It’s the same ones that I have, that I always had for her. It’s intense, bright, and full of her like she belonged.
“Well, darling?” I press my forehead on hers, finally feeling her on my skin.
“Okay.” She looks up, her cheeks glistening with stray tears. When I finally get to kiss her, I know I’ll never tire of it. I’ll never tire of her softness, her sweet moans, and the taste of her. Because she is all the names I’ve given her. Z, my viper, my goddess, my darling, my little rain cloud, my princess, my sweetheart and my love.
The End