Chapter Eight #3
I kiss her hard on the mouth again, and then settle back, just content to hold her while she steals my coffee mug, sipping it like it's hers.
"I called your dad this morning."
She freezes with the mug halfway to her lips. "W-what?"
"I told him about Donny."
"Trystan…"
"Wait, please." I place my fingers over her lips, hoping she gives me a chance to explain before she kicks my ass. She grumbles and then jerks her chin in a nod. But she's still tense on my lap, still pissed.
"He needed to know, princess," I say softly. "This isn't something you should have to tackle without his guidance. He loves you. He wants to protect you. I know you don't think you need it, but maybe, just this once, let him have this."
"I don't want him to go to jail."
"You really think he'll risk leaving you, your mom, and your sisters like that?"
"Yes." She scowls as soon as she says it, her shoulders slumping. "No. I just…" She chews on her bottom lip. "Is he mad?"
I understand what she's asking…what she's really so damn afraid of. And that breaks my fucking heart.
"At you? Never," I rasp. "It isn't your fault.
You didn't ask for that prick to treat you like you were there for his pleasure just because you existed in the same office as him, Chloe.
You didn't ask for him to send any of the shit he texted you.
And you don't deserve to feel a single goddamn iota of guilt for protecting yourself and his wife because of his actions.
You have nothing to answer for, nothing to apologize for, and absolutely no responsibility here, okay? "
She chews on her bottom lip before nodding. "I guess I just feel…bad. Like it's my fault Donny ruined his wife's life and his friendship with my dad."
"It isn't your fault."
"I know," she whispers. "Rationally, I know that. I guess it's just going to take a little while to sink in fully."
"Take the time," I murmur, getting it. Guilt isn't always rational. It whispers in the darkest parts of our minds, taking root, and refusing to remain silent. But that doesn't make it ours to carry. "Maybe it'd help if you talk to someone."
"A therapist?"
"If you want." I try not to push, but it isn't the worst idea I've heard. She could probably use a professional to help her work through her feelings and put them in order. You don't even have to know her like I do to know she's all over the place with them right now.
Who could blame her?
Women deal with shit like this all the time.
That doesn't mean it should be normalized or brushed off as just the way the world works.
Fuck that. It isn't the way the world works unless you're a prick like her ex-boss.
And it damn sure won't be the way her world works, with shit like this piling up like wreckage in her psyche, making her doubt herself.
She's allowed to be exactly who she is and take up every inch of space she wants to take up without anyone making her feel like she needs to shrink herself to stay safe. Hell will freeze over before I let that happen.
But I don't push her, either. I just hold her, letting her decide for herself how she wants to move forward.
"Maybe I'll do that," she finally says, softly. And I breathe a sigh of relief.
"That's good, baby. That's real good." I press my lips to her temple.
"What else did you guys talk about?" she asks after a moment, settling against my chest again.
"Nothing much."
"Oh."
"I thought you might kick my ass if I told him that we fucked like rabbits yesterday."
"Trystan!" She smacks me across the shoulder. "You better not."
I smirk down at her, amused. "Didn't plan on it, baby. I like my balls attached, and I know your dad well enough to know he'd rip them off if I said some shit like that to him."
"So what did you guys talk about?" she presses.
"Nothing much," I murmur, teasing. "I told him that I had you tied to my bed and planned to keep you there. He told me no takebacks."
"Trystan!" she growls like a feral cat, making me laugh. And then she carefully sets my mug down and tries to get her hands around my throat to strangle me.
"Easy, Coco." I capture her hands in mine, holding her hostage against my chest with a laugh. "I didn't tell him anything."
"Really?" She stops fighting to get free and looks up at me. "Nothing?"
"Nothing," I confirm.
"Oh."
Well, shit. That's definitely disappointment in her voice.
"I wanted to tell him," I murmur, pulling her fist to my lips to brush a kiss across her knuckles. "But I figured I should wait."
She swallows. "That's probably a good idea."
"Is it what you want?" I ask, point-blank.
"I…" Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, her expression conflicted. And I feel that shit in my soul, threatening to tear it into pieces. "I don't know," she finally whispers. "Once they know, everything changes."
"You don't want it to change."
"I…" Her shoulders bounce in a helpless shrug. "Maybe I just don't want anyone to get hurt."
"You thinking about leaving me, Coco?"
"No. Of course not," she says. "I just…what about Jax and Jade?"
"Shit," I mutter, my brows furrowing. "You think us being together will keep them apart?"
"I don't know. Maybe." She curls up against me with a sigh. "It's obvious that he's in love with her."
"Yeah, he is." I stroke my hand down her back. "But us being together has nothing to do with them. Jax has to figure that shit out on his own."
Will me being with Chloe make shit awkward since she's Jade's sister? Maybe. But at this point, shit is already awkward. It's already complicated. We can't keep carrying it for everyone. That shit clearly hasn't worked for anyone, least of all for us or Jax and Jade.
"They'll figure out their shit when they're ready, baby," I murmur to her.
"I know. I just want to enjoy this before the whole world starts finding reasons to keep us apart."
"You mean your dad and brother."
Her head jerks in a nod, her expression rife with guilt. "I don't want them to be mad at you," she whispers. "I don't want anyone to lose anything here."
"Princess, your brother and dad will love you no matter what," I murmur, threading my hand into her hair to tip her head back. "You think they'd quit if you told them that you're with me now?"
"No. I'm afraid they'll stop loving you," she whispers, her eyes watery. "I don't want them to hate you, Trystan. They've always been your family, too. I don't want to be the reason you and Wyatt stop being friends, or the reason my dad stops liking you. Or the reason you and Jax fall out."
"Hey." I rest my forehead against hers, holding her against me.
"That isn't going to happen, Coco. We're both adults.
We make our own decisions. And your dad and brother aren't going to hate me for…
" I almost say the words, almost tell her that I love her, but I hesitate at the last second.
When I tell her, I don't want it to be in the middle of a conversation about our family situation.
I want it to be solely about her, about us, and what we're building here. "Being with you."
"They might."
"They won't," I say, conviction in my voice.
Unfortunately, that's about the only place I feel it at the moment, because she's not wrong.
My dad may think everything will work out fine, but I know this very well could end with me forced to choose between her and her brother.
It could end with Jax never claiming his girl.
I can't tell the future. All I know is that there is no choice as far as I'm concerned.
It'll always be her. But that doesn't mean making it won't hurt like hell or shake the foundations of both of our families.
The last thing I want to do is tear apart a good thing. But…I'm not willing to give her up, either. Not now, not ever. She's finally where she belongs.
If that isn't worth a little risk, what is?
When Chloe wanders inside to shower an hour later, I'm still thinking about Jax and Jade. It's hard not to consider them in all of this. Jax is my brother. Jade is her sister. It's fucking complicated all the way around.
And Jax and I have carefully avoided discussing it for years, like we could just pretend the problem didn't exist by ignoring it. Except that shit hasn't ever worked, and I'm tired of acting like doing nothing will change a goddamn thing.
I pull my phone out, dialing his number.
"Why the fuck are you up so early?" he growls on the second ring. "Aren't you supposed to be on vacation?"
"I'm dogsitting, you dick. That's not vacation."
"Right. Chilling on the couch in your boxers while Thanos snores sounds like so much work."
"Man, fuck you," I say, laughing quietly. "You're such a dick."
"Whatever. You called me. What do you want? If it's something to do with Bastian, the answer is no. He's not even here right now."
"Where the fuck is he?" I ask, brows furrowed.
"Los Angeles, trying to convince Constance to come back."
"What the fuck?" I sit upright in the chair, clearly missing entire volumes here. Last I heard, he was turning over his part of the winery to her, so he wasn't her boss any longer. How'd he fuck that up already? I haven't even been gone that long. "What happened?"
"It's a long story. He's fixing it, or we'll killing him."
"Agreed," I growl. We need Constance. She's the only person who can handle Bastian's moody ass.
"Why are you calling?"
I rake a hand through my hair, cursing softly. "I wanted to give you a heads up," I start. "Things with Chloe are…well, let's just say she doesn't hate me."
"You're surprised?" Jax snorts. "Motherfucker, that girl has never hated you. You were the only one who thought that shit. So, you two are together now?"
"Yeah." I swallow. "I know you don't ever want to talk about shit with Jade, and I won't pry or whatever. I just thought you should know that we're together."
"Good to know," he says. "It's not like it changes anything."
"It could."
"Jade isn't Chloe, man. She's spent her whole goddamn life ignoring my existence. The girl wants nothing to do with me."
"You're an idiot if you believe that," I mutter.
"Says the idiot who didn't see what was right in front of him," he retorts.
"Maybe I'm speaking from experience. Shit isn't always what you think, brother."
"And sometimes, it's exactly what you think," he says with a sigh. "Jade doesn't want me, man. She never has. I'm the only one hung up on a girl who will never see him as anything but a brother. She actually told me that once, you know. That I'm like a brother to her."
"Fuck."
"Yeah, exactly. She hit me with the kiss of death. So, you don't need to worry about shit on my end. It's good. We're good."
"Jax…"
"Just cool it, man," he growls. "We're done talking about this."
I mutter a curse, staring up at the sky. I know that tone. It's the same fucking one he always gets when he's being a stubborn pain-in-the-ass. There's no talking to him when he's like this, and no changing his mind.
He's wrong about Jade, though. Doesn't matter what she told him about him being like a brother; the girl wants him. I can't make him see it, though. He has to figure that shit out for himself.
"I'll drop it," I mutter.
"Good."
We fall silent for a moment before he growls a curse. "Look, I'm happy for you and Chloe. It's about goddamn time you two worked your shit out. You deserve each other. But we're not talking about Jade again, clear?"
"Yeah, man. I hear you," I sigh, letting it go. What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Until he's ready to see the truth, nothing I say will rip the blinders off. Only Jade can do that.