Absorbed

Chapter Nineteen

A t eight, the girls walked through the open side gate of Travis Nielson’s yard. Melissa led their group like they were headed into battle.

At least two hundred teenagers were gathered around the pool. Stacey recognized most from Mesa Valley High, but no one seemed to know who she was at first glance. The anonymity gave her confidence. She pulled her shoulders back, lifted her chin, and matched her stride to Melissa’s.

Chad came running up. He grabbed Desiree around the waist and lifted her. She squealed before letting him take her by the hand to the garage to get a beer. Melissa took Desiree's other hand and followed after them.

“I’m gonna say hi to friends from track,” Melissa announced over her shoulder. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere!”

Tiffany was stopping every few feet to talk to different recent grads, none of whom knew or cared who Stacey was. She felt like a shadow. At the far end of the pool, a group sat around a fire pit where the stereo and large speakers were set up.

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones’ “Impression That I Get” came on. The trumpet bridge blared across the pool. There were only a few people who would play ska music at a party in Mesa Valley, instead of country or alternative rock. Stacey wandered over to see if Gabe or anyone else she knew was in the group by the fire.

In the glow of the flames, she recognized the lead singer of the Juvenile Delinquents, Martin. He wore a newsboy cap and a short-sleeved button-up black shirt with jeans. A few other guys around him were dressed similarly, in long Dickie’s shorts held up by studded belts, and white undershirts under unbuttoned plaid shirts. One wore a black T-shirt with a skeleton drinking a martini, and he had a tall mohawk. They all wore long chains draped down their thighs, connected to their wallets. The group of boys were all seniors, and Stacey knew Martin would be friendly if she tried to talk to them.

Stacey waved to Martin as she approached. He nodded, and lifted his Solo cup in greeting. He stepped out of the circle and took a drag of his cigarette, put it out under his shoe, then tucked it into a pocket. He grinned and leaned his hip against the Adirondack chair he’d been sitting in.

Stacey could tell he was trying to figure out who she was. “Hey, Martin. Gabe and I went to your concert a few weeks ago.” Recognition registered in his expression. The music was loud, so she raised her voice. “It was great! I can’t believe you’re playing such big venues now.”

“Thanks! Stacey, hi. Wow, you look…different.” Martin gave her a side hug. “I totally didn’t recognize you. Yeah, the campus ska-fest was pretty cool, right?” He almost shouted. He motioned with his head to the other side of the speakers where they could talk.

Stacey followed him.

Once the music wasn’t blaring in their ears, he went on. “I saw Gabe skanking around the pit at the show. That guy is kind of hard to miss. Where were you?”

Stacey blushed, remembering her failed outfit and hiding in the shade. “I was just…off to the side.”

“Next time say hello! It calms my nerves up there to be able to focus on friendly faces.”

“What? You never seem nervous on stage.”

“I’m terrified all the way up until the music starts. Even then, between songs I’m afraid I might embarrass myself. Or the band. I’d never forgive myself if we lost out on a gig because I said something stupid.”

“But…you’re so good. Everyone loves the Juvenile Delinquents! No way could you mess that up.”

“We have plenty of haters, too, like most bands. And nothing lasts forever. I really don’t want to be THAT guy who screwed it up for everyone else.”

Stacey nodded. She took the pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket and offered Martin one.

“Nah. I’m good. I really shouldn’t have even had that one. Since when do you smoke?”

Stacey shrugged. She put a cigarette between her lips and lit it. “What’re you drinking?”

“Soda.” Martin took a drink from his cup and cocked his head to the side. “You’ve really changed. So, where’s Gabe anyway?”

“I was looking for him. You haven’t seen him?”

Martin shook his head. “Not yet.”

Stacey took a drag and looked around the firepit. She didn’t recognize anyone else from the band. “I hoped the Juvenile Delinquents might play tonight. Where’s everyone else?”

“Jimmy and Josh are straight-edge. Not really their scene.” He looked around. “Miles and Steve are around here…somewhere….”

Stacey nodded, remembering the first half-dozen times she’d seen the band play in church basements. Jimmy and Josh were also in Christian Club.

The guy in the circle with the mohawk called Martin’s name.

Martin lifted his index finger in the wait-a-second signal. “Hey, I’ll tell Gabe you’re looking for him if I see him. Let’s catch up later, ’kay?”

Stacey nodded, about to walk away.

“And, Stacey.” Martin stopped her, “It’s kinda cheesy to say this, but…well…be true to you.”

The second Juvenile Delinquents song on their album. The lyrics played in Stacey’s mind: Don’t get stuck in a stranger’s life. Authenticity is worth the fight. Be true to you.

Stacey bit her lip and nodded again. Martin waved over his shoulder and went back to his friends. When he wasn’t looking, Stacey put out her cigarette under her shoe. She picked it up and tossed it in a trashcan.

She made her way around the backyard, avoiding eye contact with couples rolling around under the oak trees. Eventually she found Mark by the keg, but Melissa, Desiree, and Chad were nowhere near. Mark was pounding a beer bong, and Stacey watched as the tube emptied down his throat. When he pulled the tube away, foam shot out from between his lips. Everyone shielded their faces.

Mark’s red, glassy eyes looked around hazily, eventually settling on Stacey. He smiled. “Staceeeee…How ya doin’?” He let out a long burp, wiped his mouth, and stumbled over to put an arm over her shoulder. “Guys, you know Staaaaceeey Chapp-munn?” he asked his buddies.

“Hey, Mark.” Stacey put her arm around his waist to steady him, and hoped he wasn’t about to be sick. “Seems like you’re having a little too much fun.”

“Yoouuu neeeeed a drink!” he said.

The guy at the keg handed her a full cup. She sniffed and sipped, then cringed. “Mark, this is the skunkiest beer on Earth! How did you chug this?”

He grunted and leaned harder on Stacey’s shoulder.

“Eeew!”

It was Melissa’s familiar squeal. She was about ten feet away and coming straight at Stacey.

“Gross, Stacey! Pbr is rank.” Melissa took the cup from Stacey’s hand and sloshed it toward one of Mark’s friends. “Come on. We found Goldschl?ger. I want you to talk to someone.” She looped her arm through Stacey’s, pulling her away.

Mark anchored Stacey to her spot. She wriggled her shoulders against his dead weight.

“Hey, Mark?” Stacey snapped her fingers in his face to get his attention. “MARK! I’m gonna go with Melissa. Can you sit down or something, buddy?”

Mark blinked slowly. “I…gonna…lay down.” He burped after every word.

Stacey peeled his arm off her shoulder. Mark slumped into a heap on the ground.

Stacey turned to one of the guys Mark had been drinking with. “Can you make sure he doesn’t drown in the pool? Or choke on his own vomit?”

“Dude!” The guy looked at Stacey, repulsed. “Don’t kill the vibe! Mark’s cool. He’ll be fine.”

“Seriously, Stacey,” Melissa said. “You need to loosen up. Come on. I’ll get you a drink.”

Melissa led Stacey to the far side of the house. A bunch of girls were tightly huddled alongside the home’s air conditioning vent. Stacey took in the supermodel prototypes, their tight golden abs nestled behind rolled-down, half-buttoned, high cut Daisy Dukes. Her chest tightened.

Did Desiree cut these girls from the Abercrombie catalog, too?

Stacey unlinked from Melissa, and crossed her arms in front of her waist, trying to cover the softness of her belly. She was at least a head taller than all the girls in this crew and felt like a zoo animal as they turned to look up at her. She swallowed hard, but forced a smile.

“Oh, THIS is Stacey? I know you,” Heather said. “You were in my physics class, right?”

“Yeah, first period.” Stacey nodded too enthusiastically.

Heather turned to another recent grad near her, explaining, “She’s like, hella smart. A genius or something.”

Several girls scrutinized Stacey, trying to place her. She bit her lip, shaking her head. “Not really.”

“Didn’t you have long hair though?” Heather asked.

Stacey nodded again, but her eyes were glued to two girls behind Heather, one whispering into the other’s ear while they looked her up and down.

Melissa handed Stacey a Solo cup with a small amount of clear, sparkly liquid in it.

Stacey took the cup and downed it. The back of her throat burned. She coughed, surprised. “What the hell is that?” A river of heat ran into her gut.

“You’ve never had Goldschl?ger?” Melissa asked, exasperated. The posse around her giggled. “It’s the shit! It’s got cinnamon in it. A little bit gets you buzzed super fast, so you don’t have to drink all those calories. It tastes like Big Red.”

Stacey nodded dumbly, adjusting to the heat seeping throughout her body.

Melissa took her cup and poured in double the liquor. “Here. Just sip on this. Avoid the beer. You’ll be chill for the rest of the night.”

Stacey accepted the cup and smelled the sugary scent. She took a tiny sip and her mouth was flooded with cinnamon fire.

“Melissa said you went out with Jessie,” said a girl in the shadows beside Heather.

Stacey gave a small nod, squinting to see who was talking to her. Something about the girl seemed familiar.

“That’s Stephanie,” Melissa said. “She asked Jessie to Sadie Hawkins.”

Stacey recognized Stephanie from Christian Club. She had much longer, cuffed shorts. Her collared shirt covered her waist, and no cleavage was visible.

One of these is not like the others… The Sesame Street song played in Stacey’s head. Why is someone like Stephanie even at this party?

“You’re friends with Mary Jo, right?” Stephanie asked Stacey. “And those guys from the Juvenile Delinquents? I’m best friends with Jimmy’s older sister, Natalie.”

Stacey nodded, taking another sip, her eyes traveling around to all the faces watching her. Some of the most popular girls who had just graduated stood in the circle.

“I met Jessie at Christian Club, so I thought he’d be nice,” Stephanie said. “Melissa told me he’s actually, like, a total jerk.”

“We only hung out a few times,” Stacey replied coolly. She sipped the alcohol again, the smell and taste no longer surprising. She lowered her shoulders and she shifted her weight onto her left hip.

Melissa rolled her eyes and made a W with her hands. “Whatever, Stacey! Jessie was super into you. You know it. I could totally tell.” She turned back to the other girls, her chin high. “They went out last week. Then he tried to get with me Saturday. He was playing both of us!”

Stacey’s head started feeling fuzzy.

“Did you have sex with him?” Heather asked Stacey.

Sweat gathered under Stacey’s arms. She tried to look casual. Her whole body felt hot. It’s now or never. She lifted her chin, attempting to imitate Melissa’s confidence. “Yeah. So?” She chugged what was left of the liquid left in her cup.

“See!” Melissa sounded triumphant. “I knew it! The next day the dickhead tried to fuck me in the girl’s bathroom!”

“Oh my god!”

“Gross.”

“What a jerk!”

“I know, right?” Stacey agreed. She blinked slowly, the faces and voices around her coming in and out of focus.

“As if!” Melissa shrieked.

Stacey looked into her empty cup. Maybe Melissa’s plan is working after all.

“Jessie never tried anything like that with me.” Stephanie sounded embarrassed.

“Did you and Jessie go out with a group?” Melissa asked.

Stephanie nodded.

“That was smart,” Melissa said. “He probably didn’t have the chance. If he’d gotten you alone, he wouldn’t have stopped until he got your clothes off.”

The girls around Melissa and Stacey exhaled their disgust and mm-hmm’d in agreement.

“Was he any good?” Stacey heard a voice behind her ask.

The entourage of girls grew silent and pulled apart to allow the new girl in.

As Stacey turned to see who was there, a puff of smoke caught her in the face. The smoke cleared, and a devilish smile appeared behind it. Stacey locked eyes with Kristi Carpenter.

Stacey’s cheeks drained.

Kristi was a senior varsity cheerleader. She’d been with Jason Temple since freshman year. Everyone knew they had sex. All. The. Time. And Kristi wasn’t the least bit shy talking about it. Stacey saw them in the act behind the bleachers during the jaws-of-life drunk-driving presentation. That was the only other time Kristi Carpenter seemed to notice Stacey before Travis Nielson’s party.

Stacey’s eyes circled the group. Melissa and the girls beside her leaned in, their mouths open, awaiting Stacey’s response.

Before she knew what she was doing, Stacey heard herself say the words she’d practiced in the mirror a dozen times. “You mean three-second-Jess and his microscopic prick?” She held up her right hand, her thumb and forefinger pinched.

Melissa appeared victorious as Heather and the other girls around her squealed. All except Stephanie, that is, who looked horrified.

“Let’s just say, he’s lucky he’s cute,” Stacey went on, pulling her packet of cigarettes out of her back pocket. She shook a cigarette out of the pack and stuck it between her lips. Lighting it, she lifted a single eyebrow and sucked the smoke in as she said, “But after his pathetic performance,” she blew the smoke in Kristi’s direction, “I’m not interested in wasting any more time with that puka-shell-poser.”

Bingo.

Stephanie walked away, shaking her head. The remaining girls erupted with laughter. Stacey held her cup in front of Melissa for a refill while watching Kristi.

“Who would’ve guessed Stacey Smartypants was so hard to satisfy?” Kristi said. “Get this girl her drink. Jason knows some guys who might do a better job measuring up for her.” Kristi dropped her cigarette onto the lawn and stepped on it.

Melissa poured in a splash more Goldschl?ger. She held tight to the bottle as Stacey reached for it. “Stace, this stuff is pretty strong.” Melissa’s face was serious.

“I’m good Missy ,” Stacey said, pulling the bottle away.

Melissa crossed her arms. “Don’t expect me to hold your hair later.”

Stacey added several ounces to her cup then handed the bottle to Heather. Stacey downed the liquor in a few gulps then dropped the Solo cup on the lawn. “Lead the way, Kristi.” She put the cigarette back in her mouth and took another puff.

Several girls Stacey didn’t know followed as Kristi guided Stacey toward a group of guys standing near the edge of the pool. Everything around Stacey felt blurry and heavy, like she was walking in sand. Her full attention went to her feet. She could not embarrass herself.

One mistake is all it would take—that’s what Martin said.

“You’ll never guess what Stacey here just told me,” Kristi said, sliding beside Jason.

Jason put his hand in Kristi’s back pocket, and bobbed his head up to look at the girls. “Which one’s Stacey?” He sounded bored.

Just act cool.

Stacey stepped forward, tucking her left hand in her own back pocket, her cigarette pinched between the fingers of her other hand. She pushed her shoulders back and looked Jason in the eyes.

Kristy laughed. “She said Jessie Thomas is a quick-draw with a tiny dick!”

Jason chuckled.

One of Jason’s friends hooted. “Oh, man! That’s low!”

The other guys around the group laughed, covering their mouths and shielding their crotches with their free hand.

Stacey flicked her cigarette into the pool and blinked flirtatiously. “Yeah, you boys seem to know how to…swing your bats.” She pursed her lips and picked up a cup that looked half full of beer and sniffed it . Not beer. Her gaze shifted back to Jason. “But with Jessie’s pencil-prick, he’s best equipped to score keep a game of mini-golf. And the way he fucks is just about as exciting.”

The boys hooted and hollered, half-chortling.

“Oh fuck! Did she say what I think she did?” a boy yelled. Heads swiveled toward the group.

Stacey gulped the contents of the cup like it was water, swallowing back a near upchuck and ignoring the gasoline-like burn in her throat.

“Aren’t you in—like—Model UN or some shit?”

Stacey shook her head in slow motion, her eyelids heavy. “De-bate…team,” she corrected him.

Jason and his friends laughed hard. She wished she hadn’t said anything. Her face flushed.

She noticed the joint in Jason’s hand.

Jason locked eyes with Stacey. “You give a whole new meaning to ‘Easy A,’ Stacey!” He took a hit and passed the joint to Kristi.

Kristi sucked at the joint, passed to someone else, then smirked at Stacey.

Stacey felt her stomach turn. The party was starting to spin around her. Everything felt too big. Too loud. She needed to get away. Quickly. Before she humiliated herself.

Stacey lifted her pinky finger and mock-waved goodbye.

The girls behind Stacey giggled and followed her as she strutted away. They elbowed through the crowd. Stacey's ears were ringing. She was certain she was going to vomit. She needed to sit down.

“Wherz Ma-issa?” Stacey hiccupped. She couldn’t focus and had no idea who she was even talking to.

“Melissa went over there,” one girl said. She pulled Stacey by the arm, easing between groups of people. Stacey bumped them and stumbled. Drinks spilled. Something soaked the left leg of Stacey’s shorts.

“Sor-ree,” Stacey said. “Scuse me.” She did what she could to keep up, despite her desire to lie down. Anywhere.

“Oh. My. God!” One of the girls stopped dead in her tracks.

Stacey ran into her and almost fell backward.

“He’s here!” Another girl said.

“He. Who?” Stacey blinked long and slow, then followed her eyes to where the girl pointed. Jessie was on the opposite side of the glowing pool. Someone was talking into Jessie’s ear as he glared at her.

Stacey steadied herself on the girl’s shoulder. She sucked in her stomach in and stood tall. Stacey grinned at Jessie, then lifted her pinky and waved with it.

The girl beside Stacey lifted her own pinky, and they all laughed as her friends did the same.

Stacey narrowed her eyes and flipped Jessie the middle finger. She tried to step toward him but was wrenched backward.

“Shit! Stacey!”

The girls struggled to keep her upright.

“Stacey! You almost fell in the pool!”

“Let’s find Melissa,” a girl said.

Another voice added, “She’s really trashed.”

“I got go Des-i-rey’s,” Stacey slurred. She put her hand over her mouth.

“What did she say?”

“She’s gonna be sick.”

Stacey saw an open area in the trees and stumbled toward it. No one followed. Her foot caught in a gopher hole, twisted, and she fell to her knees. Scrambling up, she moaned profanities, but managed to get behind a tree before she vomited. A half-dressed couple backed away from her. She threw up three times, then rested her cheek against the trunk of the tree and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

The tree’s bark felt sharp on her face. Her ankle hurt. She reached down to rub it and winced.

She pulled herself up and turned to face the house, bracing herself against the tree. She scanned the blurry scene trying to identify a familiar face. The only people she recognized were Kristi Carpenter and Jason Temple.

Maybe Kristi can help me find Melissa.

The noise of the party was gone. A sharp pain pulsed between her temples. Stacey realized she was sitting low to the ground and leaning against something hard on her right. She blinked and saw bricks. Asphalt. Concrete. Lifting her heavy, throbbing head, she looked around. An unfamiliar street with a few cars. She was sitting on a curb. Her legs and hands were dirty. Her ankle ached.

Feeling warmth on her back, Stacey looked left. Gabe was seated beside her. She raised her hand to her pounding head.

“You done?” he asked, pulling his hand away from between her shoulder blades.

“Done?”

“Puking?” Gabe stood. He was glaring at her. “If you’re done, we should go.”

Stacey looked around. The brick she was leaning on was the edge of a planter. Under ice plants was a foamy puddle. She felt the bile rise in her throat.

“When… did you…get here?” Stacey wished her eyes would focus and her head would stop swaying so the world could stop spinning around it.

“I’ve been at the party for a couple of hours. You were…busy,” he whispered, annoyed.

“Where’s… Ma-lissa?” Stacey was hiccupping. She covered her mouth, afraid more vomit was about to come up.

“How the hell would I know?”

“Tiff-ny?” She propped her elbow on the wall and tried to hold her head still with her hands. Her head kept slipping and bobbing. “We’re staying at Dez-ray’s house.”

“It’s one o’clock in the morning, Stacey. I didn’t see anyone from the pool at the party.”

“It’s… what time?” She squeezed her eyes hard to get the pain to stop.

“ONE. A.M. You were doing shots and smoking pot with Kristi and Jason and a bunch of their friends when I got here at eleven. Martin called me. I don’t see your car. I don’t know where Desiree lives. And I’m not about to take you around to knock on doors.”

Gabe said a lot of words. It took a minute for Stacey to absorb them. She forced her eyes open and looked up. He had a red mark on his cheek and his lip was bleeding. She reached up as if to touch it but it was too difficult. He leaned away and her hand fell to her side.

“What… hap—ned?”

“You seriously have no idea, do you? Trent-fucking-Severson happened. He had his hands all over you. You were clearly out of it. He never should have… You know what? Never mind. Just get in the car.”

Gabe pulled Stacey to her feet, and pain shot through her ankle. Her leg gave out. Gabe caught her like he’d expected it to happen. He wrapped an arm around her waist and held her up, leading her to the passenger side of his car.

“Don’t. Puke!” he said, as he shut the door.

Once behind the wheel, Gabe rolled the windows down, and reached across to attach Stacey’s seatbelt.

He steered the car away from the curb. With every turn, Stacey felt more nauseous. She rested her face on the side of the window frame, grateful for the air blowing in. She kept her eyes closed and tried to sleep.

The next thing she knew, the car was stopped and the dome light was on.

Stacey lifted her head and opened her eyes. The dashboard clock said 1:35.

Porch lights came on to her right and Stacey squinted to look in that direction. Between long blinks Stacey tried to figure out where she was.

Gabe walking back toward the car.

A lawn.

Behind him was the silhouette of a woman. The woman was pulling something on, wrapping it around her. A bathrobe?

Her mom.

NOT HOME! All that escaped her lips was a moan.

Gabe pulled Stacey out of the car. With her mom’s help, they dragged Stacey to the house.

Murphy’s loud bark echoed across the porch.

“ Shhh .” Stacey’s mom pulled open the screen door.

As soon as they were inside, Stacey pulled away, hurling herself into the bathroom. She crawled to the toilet, retching up bitter yellow stomach acid. Each heave made her head explode with pain.

Murphy sniffed at Stacey as she gripped the cold porcelain.

“Thank you, Gabe,” Stacey heard her mom say.

She heard the front door close, then the sound of the lock sliding in the chain.

Stacey pushed away from the toilet and rested her cheek on the ground. Through the slits of her eyelids, Stacey saw Murphy settle by her feet, alongside the tub. Beyond that, her mom stood in the open doorway, biting her bottom lip.

A moment later, Stacey felt her hand being jostled. She opened her right eye a sliver.

“Take these.” Her mom pushed two small pills in her hand. She held a cup of water.

Stacey fumbled the pills onto her tongue. She lifted her face a few inches off the ground. Her mom held the cup to her mouth. Water drooled down Stacey’s cheek, but she got enough in her mouth to swallow the pills.

She laid her head back down. “Belv…deer.”

“What?”

“Bel-va-deer,” she mumbled, her eyes closed.

“Tell me about Belvedere later. I’ll be on the couch so I can hear you if you need me.”

Stacey felt the puddle of drool on her cheek as darkness spun in her head. She curled her knees up and surrendered to the swirling abyss.