34. Hudson
HUDSON
Stella pops open the expensive bottle of champagne, and I’m reminded of the last time I was at Carl’s Catch when a certain waitress in her too-short, hip-hugging black skirt over thighs I’d dreamed about sinking my face in between for days after, opened the same bottle and landed herself firmly in my path.
In my lap, rather.
And while that was an occasion I was celebrating with my friend Dev for his part in his company’s recent acquisition, today I’m celebrating something else—my brother joining Case Geo as our COO.
The formalities have been ironed out, the board’s nod secured. Now it’s just a matter of announcing his new position to the company—that Jett will now be managing the San Francisco office while I open up and head our new offices in Portland.
Though the plan went into motion right after Maddy’s wedding almost a month ago, it’s been a long time coming. It was a matter of . . . a lot of things, actually, that held me back from this expansion. My pride being at the top of that list.
My ego, my distrust for anyone but myself, and . . . an actual impetus.
A reason that would make me give up everything I have here—my daughter, home, company, and ranch—and move somewhere else.
And that impetus, that spark, that freaking lightning bolt that lit this whole inferno is her.
I’ve seen what her job means to her, the way those kids look at her and the warmth and courage she instills into their lives. Selfishly, I tried using my connections to find her an art therapy job nearby. I figured it would be something she wanted, too, given her mom and her brother live here. But none were open for working with children, and I know how much she wanted that.
Hell, I even considered opening an art therapy studio for her so she could run her own company, but given how resistant she’s been about taking things from me in the past, and the fact that the experience of working at the children’s hospital would go a long way for her, I decided on this compromise.
To follow her.
At this point, I’d chase her across every continent, if that’s what it took to be with her.
So, over the past few weeks, I’ve been making extra trips to Portland to secure a lease on some office space, along with purchasing a new home. It’s right near Kavi’s work, so she won’t have to commute far to get there. In fact, I’m leaving again tomorrow to get a few last-minute things squared away for the house.
It hasn’t been easy to do all of this right under her nose, given she literally has access to both my calendar and work mail, but somehow, I’ve managed to keep things under the radar.
Maddy is now settled in her new life, and I plan to ask her and Brie to look after the ranch for me as soon as they’re back from their honeymoon. Hell, they could move into it if that’s what they want.
My company has never been as financially stable, and giving the employees a chance to work with their favorite exec again—the one who lavished them with bonuses and company parties, and who’d do anything for employee morale—would only be the cherry on top.
I’ve gotten better over the past few weeks—snapping a lot less at meetings and really digging inside myself for the nice guy I’m usually not—but I can’t hold a candle to Jett. He has a way with people that I’ve never had and never will. I don’t begrudge him for that; I see the benefits of both our ways of working. But I also know my employees won’t be shedding any long tears at my departure.
It’s not like we’ll be that far away, anyway. With both mine and Kavi’s families living here, we’ll visit often, and if she ever wants to move back, she’d just need to say the word. I’m sure Jett and I can work out a plan to swap offices.
“What are you smirking at?” Jett asks me as Stella pours the champagne into our flutes.
Stella’s demeanor has noticeably brightened since we hired more servers and another supervisor. I’ve also loosened up on my standards for excellence. There’s no doubt I still expect nothing but the best, but I’m giving more leeway when it comes to servers in training. Kavi cemented that decision for me.
In some ways, her being a terrible server—though I’d never tell her that, lest I want to lose my fucking balls—was the best thing that could have happened to me.
“Just wondering if there will be an early company shut down the day I announce my Portland move because, let’s face it, our staff will be too devastated to focus,” I quip with a wry smile.
Jett guffaws, throwing his head back. “Oh, the company will close early, alright. But it’ll be because we’ll be celebrating the dictator finding other pastures to rule.”
I squint at him while Stella giggles, pushing our flutes toward us, and gives me a look like she agrees with him. I might be a broody asshole boss, but I get the feeling none of my staff is really scared of me. I’m not sure what that says about me; I’ll have to contemplate that another time.
I pick up my glass, clinking it with my brother’s. “Welcome back, little brother, and before you ask, no, you can’t have my office. I’ve asked maintenance to open your old one back up; mine will remain mine for the times I come back to visit.”
Jett reels back animatedly. “Dammit! I knew I should have negotiated getting your office as part of the deal before the board signed off.” He chuckles before the teasing in his tone softens, giving way to sincerity. “But seriously, though, I’m glad to be back.”
We both take sips of our champagne as Stella leaves to place our lunch orders.
Jett clears his throat. “So, have you told your . . .” he makes a confused face as if contemplating the words, “girlfriend? Admin? The woman responsible for thawing the glacial grump that you are?”
I lift a brow. “She won’t be my admin for long. I’m planning to tell her tonight now that all the details are finalized. I’m surprising her with a new set of house keys for our place in Portland.”
My brother’s brows lift. “Our? As in, yours and hers?”
“I plan to make everything mine and hers,” I say resolutely. There’s no question she’s the only one I want for the rest of my life.
My brother gives me a long stare, letting my words sink in. “You really love this woman.”
I watch a few bubbles rise to the top inside my champagne flute, reflecting on my feelings for Kavi, my amber-eyed ray of sunshine and sass. “I’ve taken forty-six years to find her, and I won’t waste another second without her. Yeah, I fucking love her.”
Though I haven’t said those three words to her yet.
I plan to—there’s no doubt about it—but they’re just words, aren’t they? Hopefully my actions, especially the surprise I have planned, will speak for themselves.
I have it all mapped out, too. We’ll eat dinner, and when we’re lying in bed, I’ll casually dangle the new set of keys in front of her. The ones for my current apartment have that metal orange attached to it. I got her a cherry keyring for this one. It’s silly and simple, but it’s her.
It’s us.
Jett’s grin widens, his teeth gleaming with happiness that matches my own. “I’m happy for you, big bro. She seems like a great girl.” His smile wavers a little. “Does Madison know yet? About any of this?”
I shake my head, running a hand over my face and feeling the weight of the impending conversation with my daughter pressing down on me. “Not yet.”
While I’ve spoken to Maddy over the past few weeks, I’ve held back dropping such monumental news over the phone. My plan is to first surprise Kavi with it tonight, and then inform Maddy next week when she’s back in town.
To be honest, I’m not sure how she’ll react. She’s always been level-headed, but telling your daughter you’re in love with her twenty-five-year-old friend and you’re moving to another state to be with her isn’t your run-of-the-mill conversation.
As Stella sets down our lunches, Jett reaches for his fork, casting a concerned glance my way, no doubt noting my apprehension. “Maddy’s a reasonable person. Maybe she won’t be thrilled, but I’m sure she’ll come around to it. She’s always wanted you to find someone.” He digs into his shrimp pasta. “And now that you have, it’s all upwards from here. What could go wrong?”
Indeed, what could go wrong?
Except, perhaps, the nightmare scenario of the woman I love vanishing overnight because my grand gesture came too late.
My dad used to say,“When you find the woman meant for you, you’ll notice every little thing about her. And you’ll collect those little things like a magpie hoarding shiny trinkets, each one more precious than the last. From her throaty laugh to the animated way she speaks with her hands, to the way she plays with the ends of her hair when she’s lost in thought.” I knew he was admiring my mother, who was standing somewhere in the distance. “You’ll notice her because every detail about her will be as significant as a brushstroke on a masterpiece.”
He was right.
There’s not a single thing I don’t notice when it comes to this woman sitting next to me. From her deep sun-kissed thighs tempting me from under my button-down to the ribbons of her dark hair framing her face as she plays with her ring.
She’s compelling.
Captivating.
She’s never divulged the importance of that ring, but given that I’ve seen the inscription inside, I’m assuming it has something to do with her childhood best friend.
Each turn of that ring tugs at something deep inside me, an ache I struggle to put into words. An ache for a friend I’ll never meet, who knew her in ways I never will. But an ache for her loss, too.
“You do that a lot,” I say, pulling her attention to me.
I know she has something on her mind—aside from the work glaring back at her from her computer screen—and I’m willing to bet it’s something to do with us.
I have us on my mind, too. She may not know it, but it’s all I’ve had on my mind for weeks now—how to find a long-term between us.
I’ve never been good at divulging plans until they’ve solidified. It’s another one of the many lessons Dad taught me—not to count your chickens before they hatch—but now that everything is set, I’m dying to tell her.
I just want to do it a certain way . . . something that’ll have her gasping next to me in our bed.
“Fiddling with my ring, you mean?” She laughs like a chorus of tinkling bells, bashful and unsure. “Yeah, I guess I do. Just a habit at this point.”
I cherish her habits, her tells, like the shiny trinkets I find more precious than all the riches in the world.
Bringing her hand to me, I brush my lips over her knuckles and savor the scent of her lemony fragrance.
“It was Nathan’s,” she explains, a tremble meeting her chin as she wades through memories. “We’d both gotten ones and had them engraved in high school, but I lost mine. His mom gave his to me after . . .”
I nod, gliding my thumb over her silver band. This is one ache I’ll never be able to diminish for her. “You turn it whenever you’re nervous. Are you?”
Her eyes widen as if she hadn’t realized it herself. “Am I what?”
“Nervous?” I ask.
She regards our linked fingers and I squeeze tighter, letting her know I’m right here. “Yeah, I suppose I am a little.”
“About what?”
Maybe I should just give her the key now. Maybe this whole plan to wait was blown out of proportion. It’s not like a proposal or a surprise birthday party. It’s just a key to tell her that I can’t stand the idea of being apart from her any more than I know she can without me.
That I can’t live without her. That I only want to live with her.
A strange urgency springs up inside me, and I’m about to ruin the surprise I had planned when she answers, her face a mix of concern and resoluteness, like she’s battling her decision to speak. “I wanted to know what you wanted—”
Knock, knock!
We’re both interrupted at the sound coming from the front door when Kavi rushes toward it, announcing it’s likely our food.
I take the time to saunter into my bedroom where I have the key resting in my nightstand. I’ll give it to her during dinner.
Key in my pocket, I’m on my way out of my room when I hear a familiar voice at the door, other than Kavi’s. My mind whirs as I shuffle into the foyer. “Kav, what’s going—” My surprised gaze meets identical eyes over the threshold and my heart thunders inside my chest, like I’m about to take an exam I’m ill-prepared for. “Maddy? What are you doing back so early?”
Maddy assesses me and Kavi as if she’s trying to trace the lines of an unfinished story. “Brie’s mom was admitted to the hospital for a minor heart issue—”
Both Kavi and I jump at once to ask if Brie’s mother is alright, to which Maddy confirms that she is before turning hurt and astonished eyes back toward me. “I thought I’d surprise you. But, clearly, it’s the other way around. Care to tell me what’s going on between you two?”
I’m not sure what overtakes me—my nerves when I’m working without a plan or my anxiety at having been caught in this way. It also doesn’t help that Maddy looks like she’s been stabbed in the back, and for whatever reason, I speak at the same time Kavi does.
My words, “It’s not what it looks like,” collide with hers, “We were going to tell you when you got back,” and for a moment, time stands still.
For a moment, I wonder why or how I even said what I said.
Of course we were going to tell her when she got back. Of course it is exactly the way it looks. So why did I fumble the way I did? Why was my brain not aligned with my mouth?
I’m about to retract my words, noting the horror on Kavi’s face, when Maddy speaks, her hard eyes betraying her bruised heart. “I’m pretty sure this looks exactly as it is. But can you just tell me one thing? How long has it been going on? Since before or after my wedding?”
“Since before,” Kavi answers, while a part of me wants to hit pause or rewind or something, just to give myself a moment to figure out how to navigate this entire situation.
“Wow,” Maddy says with a strangled laugh. “I-I don’t know what to say.”
I want to go to her, to hold her by the shoulders and tell her everything. That I’ve found the person she’s been begging me to find for God knows how long. That I’m madly in love and so goddamn happy. But with the way she looks, both disappointed and shocked at having found her father with her good friend, I first need to tend to her wounds.
I suppose the father in me will always put her first in that regard.
“Maddy, why don’t you come in?” I ask tentatively, as if I’m dealing with a wild animal, unsure how it’ll react to my attempts at gentleness. “Let’s talk about this inside.”
Kavi mumbles something about changing her clothes, and I reach out a hand to grasp hers, but she hastily skirts by me, not noticing my crestfallen face.
Looking back, I know there was a better way to have handled this, but it’s as if my brain was in slow-motion while everything else was whizzing by. If I’ve ever thought I was good at thinking on my feet—and I seem to be when it comes to work-related situations—life is giving me a look at myself from another angle, and it’s fucking pathetic.
The door to Kavi’s room shuts with an inaudible click, almost as if she’s trying to stay as unnoticed as possible, and Maddy turns to me inside my living room. “Wait. She lives here?” she blurts, large saucer eyes directed at me. “How long?”
I grimace. “Practically all summer.”
Her shoulders slump, like all the fight inside her is fleeing. “Wow,” she whispers, almost to herself. “All summer, and you didn’t think to tell me? Neither of you?”
Rubbing my temples, I explain, “It was supposed to be temporary while she worked on the RCS account. She lived across the bay and was having to take the subway . . .” I explain, knowing I’m not telling her everything—that there was an inexplicable connection I felt with her friend, one I couldn’t get myself to break. A connection I wanted to cultivate, despite not realizing that at the time. “I had extra rooms in my condo, so I asked her to stay here to save her time.”
Another knock interrupts our conversation and I amble over to bring in our Thai takeout, hunger forgotten amidst all the tension.
Placing it on the kitchen counter, I return to sit by Maddy.
“I just wish either of you had said something to me,” Maddy says, turning to me. Her expression softens, typical of her forgiving nature. “But you know what, Dad? This isn’t about me. This is about you and Kavi.” She lifts a brow, giving me one of her serious looks. “Please tell me it’s not just sex.”
I reel back. “Maddy, not that I’ve shared much about my sex life with you—”
“Thank God for small mercies,” she interrupts, trying to lighten the moment.
“But I wouldn’t have asked someone to move in with me, spent every stolen moment with them, if it was just about sex. I could get that without any strings attached if I needed.”
She crosses her arms, her nose scrunched. “Firstly, gross. And secondly, you said it wasn’t what it looked like not even five minutes ago.”
I exhale heavily, feeling like the biggest piece of shit. “Yeah, I mishandled that—”
“I’m going to step out for a little bit and give you guys some time to chat.” Kavi’s voice has both Maddy and me turning toward her. With her purse in hand, clad in her trademark strawberry-print T-shirt and ripped jeans, she looks both hesitant and resolute.
Madison rises to meet her. “Kavi, I didn’t mean to come off so . . . harsh—”
“No,” Kavi interjects. “Your reaction was completely valid. I just really need some air.”
Maddy’s face gentles toward her friend, her hands brushing her biceps. “I get it, but can we talk later?”
Kavi nods before rushing out.
I want to stop her, to have her sit beside me and Maddy so we can sort this out together, but I sense both women need a moment apart to process. I’m not a mind-reader, nor do I claim to understand women or humans in general, but I do what I think is right at that moment.
I listen to Kavi’s plea to get some air.
Though, now that she’s gone, was that a sniffle I heard as she shut the door?
Fuck, am I doing anything right today?
“God, Dad.” Maddy’s voice and her rounded eyes have me coming out of my haze. She shakes her head, a smile blooming over her lips, like she’s been watching me longer than I noticed. “You really like her.”
I gulp in some air, reciting the words I’ve rehearsed countless times since realizing I was falling for Kavi and needed to tell my daughter. “She moved in with me, and I thought that would be that. We’d work and live together but stay out of each other’s ways, otherwise. But no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t resist her pull. And from there, everything just got out of hand. You know me. I can barely manage a relationship in the same city; it was crazy of me to think I could manage something long-distance.”
I pause, sliding my hands down my face and feeling surprisingly choked up. Like all the emotions of the day—finalizing everything with Jett, having the keys to our new life in my hand to give to Kavi—are bubbling over, and I can’t contain the relief and excitement about taking this next step toward her. With her.
“The terms were clear. It was never meant to be more than a fling . . .”
“But?” Maddy prompts me to continue, knowing I have more to say.
“But . . .” I press my hands together, lips against them for grounding. “She came out of nowhere. She stole every thought, every fucking heartbeat.” I look at my daughter, unblinkingly. “No, Maddy, I don’t just like her; I’m fucking crazy about her.”
Maddy’s hands fly to her mouth, a teary smile peeking through. “And all that talk about not handling long-distance?”
“It’s all true. I can’t do long-distance with her,” I state plainly. “And I’m going to have to be honest with her when she comes back. She deserves that.”
Her smile falters. “Wh-what do you mean? How else would you guys make it work if Kavi’s moving? It’ll have to be long-distance with you working here.”
And that’s when I lay out the rest of my plan.
Little do I know then that I’ll never get to see it through.